ever know each other [ooc]
Hm... This should be interesting.
Amber and I talked, so... as discussed, dear.
[bic] such a softer sin
Anya was so close to making it through all this.
'Of course.' Jasper's voice. She was welcome in these lands now. Good, she was free to find her father. Not that she would have the first idea of where to look. Where would someone like her father even live? Probably an old, desecrated church. A flash of an image overtook her, the image her mother had given her, described to her. A church. She was conceived in a church. Her stomach lurched. The voice her mind had created to mimic her father's likeness was quickly fading, and her legs were turning to pond slime... squishy and unstable. She fought to stay upright, but everything was spinning. Then he spoke, and her stomach twisted, pain taking her hostage.
'I can take you to his shack if you want.' The false voice of Ahren in her head was but a whisp of nothingness, dust after a tornado, radiation after a bombing, dampness after a flood. She wasn't sure whether to go with her brother or stay where she was. She needed to rest... oh, fuck, she needed to rest.
Obviously, her subconscious knew the truth because, just as she was going to accept the offer, her legs gave out, and she landed on the ground with a sickening thud.
"Gnghnh!" It wasn't a word, it wasn't even an attempt at speech, but a reaction to the shock of pain that broke loose in her shoulder and spread. She gasped, not even beginning to speak, the pain rendering her voice useless. Her mind raced, thoughts running rampant, ideas circling so fast that the thought of puking crossed her mind, and nearly became a reality..
'Fuckfuckfuck. This can't be happening. After everything, this can't be happening. I walked here, I trekked here through rain and snow and sleet and winds, I didn't sleep for days at a time, and when I did, only an hour, maybe two, and then back on my way here. I've been without a home or any companion for what seems like an eternity and then some, and it's finally coming to a close, and now what, now what?' She knew now what, and it hurt, more than anything.
Her mother had given her everything she had: life, and love. The experience to survive. Surely, her younger years had been less than stable, but even in her mother's darkest hours, Anya knew Aiji loved her. Always. She couldn't say that for Ahren, couldn't even begin to. She was a traitor. All her mother worked for, all the protection, all the warnings, even her going insane because of what Ahren did, because of Anya's very existence... and she fucked it up. Because she was selfish. That was all. And now she was getting what she deserved.
'This is what I get for being foolish, I'm rendered completely immobile, and for what, only because I can't hold my own emotions and stay stable, because I let his memory and my mother's death break me down, because I can't think things through. I shouldn't have bothered. The road ends here. My brother, he'll leave me here, I'm useless now, or if he doesn't, he'll call to our father and he'll kill me on sight, just like Mama said, and I shouldn't have come here! Oh, fuck, I shouldn't have come here! I thought I was strong, I thought I could make it, and now if he wants me dead, he'll have me as such, and I don't have a prayer of a chance, oh fuck...' Her mind wouldn't stop, it wouldn't quiet, it wouldn't calm...
She looked to her brother, the brother she hadn't even known she had, and whimpered in pain and frustration and, ultimately, utter helplessness.
"Jasper... nnh... pl... please. My li... my little br-brother..." She wasn't sure if it was her shoulder or her head that was making it hard to speak, because both hurt, although differently for each. The word 'brother' tasted strange in her mouth, the lingering sensation making her dizzy. She had been Aiji's only child... but not her father's. Not Ahren's. Still, she needed him.
"Find... find our... fa... father." Those words had a different taste, a bitter one, a little like pennies, only red. Not her father... theirs. And also hers. She was forced to share now, forced to accept that she was not the only one, not her father's princess as she was, in a sense, her mother's. But then... when had she ever been a princess?
She didn't feel royal. Just filthy and wrong. Bitter. Cold.
Meeting her brother's eyes once more, she winced, then spoke a last word.
"Please."
