~Cruel Eyes~

Rurik Russo · 06-28-2010, 11:17 PM

I'm going to separate out my comments on your post so they're easier for you to refer to. ^^;
Your descriptive skills are very strong. I had a good image of Belle herself as well as the river as you were describing them throughout the post. Big Grin

First off, I'd use a spell-check. Your post is not riddled with spelling errors (not at all!), but there are a few here and there. Firefox has a spell-check built into the browser; Spellcheck.net can also be used, and most office products (Microsoft Office or OpenOffice type products) have one built in. Big Grin

Spelling mistakes certainly do happen, but it's easy to run your post through something and get rid of errors like that. ^^; There are some words I seriously still cannot spell right, even after seeing them zillions of times (especially words with double letters, like embarrassed and exaggerated [and I had to correct exaggerated with a spellcheck there, btw!]).

Secondly, dashes! I love dashes and I probably abuse the crap out of them. >___>; In most cases you're using them I would say it's correct. Big Grin

Just be careful with them. I know I also love to use dashes, and I sometimes do abuse them (and it's one of the faults I know I have and am actively trying to fix, but I still can't get over dashes, haha). Like, this sentence here:

Quote:Purple-Grey and Turqoise pebbles lined the banks of the river- they glistened with both the droplets of cold water that covered them- and the strong sunlight that shone downwards to reach the open space.

I'd probably do this to it, just split the first sentence off and let it stand independently, and just use the "and" rather than the dash to connect the next two:

Quote:Purple-grey and turquoise pebbles lined the banks of the river. They glistened with both the droplets of cold water that covered them and the strong sunlight that shone downwards to reach the open space.

Generally when people use them and they don't want to mess with the the mdash character itself ([html]—[/html]) they use -- rather than a single - to indicate the presence of a dash. :3 It makes for slightly easier reading. If you use HTML in your posts, you can use — or itself. Big Grin

Quote:The smaller-than-most fem lightly padded her way through a large- and beautiful forest of some sort.

The one after "large" isn't necessary, and generally when you use a dash, you don't need spaces on either side. Some style guides and people will tell you you do need spaces before and after your dashes, but I am pretty sure that's an outdated thing.

You could stand to slightly improve your word choices through the post. I'm not saying to use a thesaurus constantly, not at all--for the most part, your word choices and vocabulary are great. There are just one or two instances I think you might have stood for some variation--e.g., you referred to Belle as a "teen" twice in the post in the first or second sentences of the first and second to last paragraph. In the second instance, maybe you could have used adolescent or young adult even instead? :3 Your color words (onyx, albino, turquoise, etc) are all great.

And, you don't have to do this, not at all--but it makes for easier reading on others if you use bold tags

Code:
[b] and [/b]

to bold your speech. Big Grin

I enjoyed your post and I think you're doing great thus far--your writing is very good, it just needs a few polishing touches here and there. ^__^

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It had been some time since Rurik had been in this area. He had a vague idea of what he was doing. The silvery werewolf was drawing closer to Inferni by the moment, and as it had been some weeks since his last visit with Silas, he figured he might as well drop by. The Miracles wolf wasn't too familiar with this part of the territory, but he was enjoying it nonetheless—summer was coming into full swing, and the silver-shaded wolf was enjoying the weather. True, he was born and raised in the cold weather, but this did not mean he was unable to appreciate this gorgeous weather.

The sound of a scream drew the werewolf's immediate attention, and his silver-shaded head snapped to attention, his bright blue eyes scanning the trees for the source of it. The sounds of someone running spurred Rurik into action, and he ran, too—toward the sound of the other wolf's footsteps. The vague sounds of a voice and words he could not quite make out drew him along further, and the silver-shaded werewolf frowned, peering around. Several yards away from him, he saw her—a pale white wolf with a dirtied coat, seeming quite upset. Rurik stopped, and began walking forward more slowly, a concerned frown on his face. “Excuse me, meess. Are you okay?” the werewolf asked, not wanting to simply walk on by.

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