05-03-2011, 11:48 PM
OOC:
Not a problem, Ana! I'm glad to get your reply
However, there are a few little details that you could probably work on in your next one, if that's alright.
I loved reading your post, but there are a few spelling errors in it - words like "felling" which I know you meant to be feeling, and "hopping" which I know you meant to be hoping. These are just tiny little errors, that unfortunately spell checkers will skip over because they are correct words, just used incorrectly. The best way to prevent these is by reading over your post a final time once you've written it, to check for these kinds of mistakes The "Preview" window makes reading a bit easier on your eyes, as well.
Another small thing that I noticed is you have a tendency to incorrectly carry on a sentence. While you have a really lovely writing style, this grammatical error tends to break it up, and doesn't do you justice. A sentence such as:
This sentence requires either an and added in after the comma:
Or it needs to be broken into two sentences:
The same goes for this lovely, but incorrect sentence:
Run-on sentences can be a bit difficult to avoid if you have a lot to say. Remember that you can also use dashes to break up sentences to some extent -- it works best if the sentences are somewhat relevant, however! Semi-colons can also be used in this manner; they're excellent for breaking up your sentences a bit more and adding variance to your sentence structure.
I hope all this is making sense. These are just some minor problems for you to work on with your writing, which over-all is really rather lovely
IC:
Enlil had been resting for a while now, curled at the back of the small cave with his head resting on his paws. The loud cacophony of thunder from the storm outside prevented him from sleeping, and so the young male waited warily in the darkness. His furred form was occasionally highlighted by a quick flash of lightning, but the Eastern Timberwolf was dry and secure in the shelter he had found.
However, the youth's solitude was not to last for long. A sudden rumble of thunder covered the sounds of paws sloshing in mud outside the cave, and so the she wolf's appearance was enough to startle Enlil. She was as white as the lightning outside, and for a moment the young male figured he must be dreaming. Another sharp Crack! of lightning pulled him out of his shock, however, and with a meek grimace the wolf lowered his head in a kindly and submissive manner. As a loner to this area, he was unsure if the cave was perhaps a part of the white lady's territory, and he did not wish to anger her if so.
"Hello, miss?" Enlil smiled, but his eyes watched her warily. The storm outside had thickened, and it must have been raining hard, for water dripped from the lady's white fur, and her paws looked to be stained with mud. She looked tired, also - Perhaps she had shifted very recently. Curious, but still a little anxious about her sudden appearance, the reddish-brown male took a hesitant step towards her. "My name is Enlil Kaveh. Are you okay?" It was difficult to tell in the darkness of the rock crevasse whether the stranger was injured or not. He had no skills in healing, and hoped she was not.
Not a problem, Ana! I'm glad to get your reply
However, there are a few little details that you could probably work on in your next one, if that's alright.I loved reading your post, but there are a few spelling errors in it - words like "felling" which I know you meant to be feeling, and "hopping" which I know you meant to be hoping. These are just tiny little errors, that unfortunately spell checkers will skip over because they are correct words, just used incorrectly. The best way to prevent these is by reading over your post a final time once you've written it, to check for these kinds of mistakes
The "Preview" window makes reading a bit easier on your eyes, as well.Another small thing that I noticed is you have a tendency to incorrectly carry on a sentence. While you have a really lovely writing style, this grammatical error tends to break it up, and doesn't do you justice. A sentence such as:
Quote:She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky, its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm.
This sentence requires either an and added in after the comma:
Quote:She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky, and its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm.
Or it needs to be broken into two sentences:
Quote:She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky. Its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm.
The same goes for this lovely, but incorrect sentence:
Quote:The low rumble of thunder's voice sounded through near by valleys and distant lightning left bright streaks in the sky, Aurora had to find shelter.
Run-on sentences can be a bit difficult to avoid if you have a lot to say. Remember that you can also use dashes to break up sentences to some extent -- it works best if the sentences are somewhat relevant, however! Semi-colons can also be used in this manner; they're excellent for breaking up your sentences a bit more and adding variance to your sentence structure.
I hope all this is making sense. These are just some minor problems for you to work on with your writing, which over-all is really rather lovely
IC:
Enlil had been resting for a while now, curled at the back of the small cave with his head resting on his paws. The loud cacophony of thunder from the storm outside prevented him from sleeping, and so the young male waited warily in the darkness. His furred form was occasionally highlighted by a quick flash of lightning, but the Eastern Timberwolf was dry and secure in the shelter he had found.
However, the youth's solitude was not to last for long. A sudden rumble of thunder covered the sounds of paws sloshing in mud outside the cave, and so the she wolf's appearance was enough to startle Enlil. She was as white as the lightning outside, and for a moment the young male figured he must be dreaming. Another sharp Crack! of lightning pulled him out of his shock, however, and with a meek grimace the wolf lowered his head in a kindly and submissive manner. As a loner to this area, he was unsure if the cave was perhaps a part of the white lady's territory, and he did not wish to anger her if so.
"Hello, miss?" Enlil smiled, but his eyes watched her warily. The storm outside had thickened, and it must have been raining hard, for water dripped from the lady's white fur, and her paws looked to be stained with mud. She looked tired, also - Perhaps she had shifted very recently. Curious, but still a little anxious about her sudden appearance, the reddish-brown male took a hesitant step towards her. "My name is Enlil Kaveh. Are you okay?" It was difficult to tell in the darkness of the rock crevasse whether the stranger was injured or not. He had no skills in healing, and hoped she was not.