wc: 453He knew she was watching him, and he wondered if it was because she didn't trust him, didn't know if it was really him. He sighed when she asked what he was thinking. Was he strong enough to tell her without showing just how weak he was? "I'm thinking about how I don't get why you are here, laying with me like this when I almost let you get killed. I'm wondering why you aren't trying to gut me, or you aren't afraid of me. Those things I'm use to seeing, I get the reason why people feel that way or do those things. What I don't get is why you aren't doing any of those things. I almost let Eztli out, and I was going to. I was going to let him out, and he was going to kill you, and I would have had to sit back and watch, knowing it was my fault. It is my fault that he is even there. You don't just interest him I guess. You are unpredictable to me, which is weird, cause I'm use to predicting how people will react to me." He tried to explain to her why this was so confusing to him. He tried not to ramble on, but that is what ended up happening. He closed his eyes and sighed, his head was pounding. When he opened them she was looking away, and he wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.
He was reassured when she came to his defense against himself. She thought he was just misunderstood? He chuckled at that, smiling at the thought. If only people understanding him could make it all better. But it couldn't, nothing could. He looked at her as she said the next part, his mouth turning down at the corners as he frowned. "You might not want to tell me, but just what did that wolf do?" He knew she had said it wasn't a secret sharing day, but maybe this wasn't a secret, maybe Itzal was just clueless. "And the thing is, I wasn't born with the voices. They didn't influence me all the time. I created Eztli, I was the one that killed first, I was the one that loved the thrill of taking a life. I just loved it so much, it became its own creature. Eztli. So the voices are my fault, he is my fault. Every life he has ever taken, was because I loved to kill." He closed his eyes at the end, feeling weak and pathetic. He opened his eyes slowly, looking at her, waiting to see if she would look back at him. Could she? Maybe she could and just wouldn't.
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