Word Count → 809 :: I loved reading your post... Mine doesn't do yours justice.
It was hard to watch her friend, knowing how dearly X’yrin cared for her and seeing the worry sharp in her face. It was hard to know that someone was worried for her—loner by heart, used to no one caring. She might have considered whining about her past as disgusting and attention-seeking, though suppressing the problems that she shoved aside for her health was wearing down on her, especially now when her mind was vulnerable as it was. Each word she spoke brought her back a few more months in time to when all of this was all so true, and memories that she’d even forgotten rose like monsters. But throughout it all, her stance remained strong and her eyes devoid of weakness and pain.
X’yrin pointed out her use of words, telling her that she did kill, and after her questioning the pale tawny woman lowered her large ears, though this time it was out of frustration rather than unease. Her tone soft, she replied, “I kill rabbits and mice and fawns. It is not the same.” Some might say so, but those wolves were light-hearted and had no concept of survival. “The difference is that when I have prey clamped in my jaws, I can’t understand its last cries.” Her quiet voice cracked then grew raw with the memory she was admitting to her friend. “I can understand a coyote screaming for his mother.”
Taking the life of a canine was a sin that even she would stray from unless it was absolutely necessary to survive. Seeing the light go out in Oliver’s eyes had changed something inside of her, and she didn’t want to go back to that ever again. Others were jaded, could kill without batting an eye. They might not enjoy it, but they had become hardened against it—and Vesper didn’t want to be like them, like the darker characters of Inferni who had contributed to the skull sentries posted around the territory boundary.
“And I didn’t need to call for help,” Vesper added, shooting the woman a look before she could assume this was a statement of arrogance. “Helotes was there, the dark dust-colored coyote. He would have killed that wolf.” For her, perhaps not, but for Inferni, she had no doubt. However, the russet lady before her didn’t need to know that detail or any other detail concerning the man. Her blue eyes hardened slightly as she explained, “I just didn’t want you to think that I was a murderer. I didn’t change into a monster by defending my territory.”
And yet the small coywolf was ignorant to the desperation coursing through her and the reason for her mentor’s concern. She only fought bitterly against the label of a killer, assuming that X’yrin thought she had transformed into one since her time with the clan.
The umber hand was extended again, and Vesper stared at it for a couple of silent seconds before glancing up into her friend’s face. “I understand,” she muttered, her lighter, smaller paw resting on the other. “I want you to understand, too.” Her brow creased.
And yet she didn’t like her words being read into. Her forehead continued to wrinkle until the other was done speaking, and Vesper’s jaw slackened slightly as X’y pointed out her concern for being seen with the outsider. Frustration burned before she looked at their touching paws, and she had to fight away the sudden pressure gathering in her throat.
“As my friend, as my Shepard, I love and trust you,” Vesper murmured, and her paw lightly stroked the other before withdrawing to set on the earth. “I just—” Was becoming as xenophobic as her mother, it seemed, a lone coyote distancing herself and her children from the luperci world. She inhaled deeply then took a seat on the ground, weary.
“I’m—I’m afraid,” Vesper confessed, and admitting even that faint weakness was enough to make her quiver with anger. “I respect my leader, the strength of the warriors, the wits of the other scouts. But respect is all there is. My heart’s too caught up in the outside world, in the lands I traveled, to let me get to know my pack mates. I’m afraid I’m going to live the rest of my life alone while I have dozens of comrades standing around me. I’m afraid they won’t understand everything that I’m telling you. But I don’t want to leave—don’t want to walk alone again.” She had become domesticated, even though she could still wander for miles and survive. She was capable of it, but her heart remained anchored in her clan.
She lowered her head, admitting her last fear. “And I’m afraid that leaving would be the right thing to do.” Her eyes closed, and she exhaled shakily. “I feel like I’m being torn in half.”
<style type="text/css">
.vesnorth .space {width:335px; height:386px; float:left;}
.vesnorth b {font-weight:bold; color:#5a6f7b; letter-spacing:1px; text-shadow:#000000 1px 1px 1px;}
.vesnorth p.ooc {font-style:italic; text-indent:0px; padding:0px 5px;}
.vesnorth p.ooc + p {padding:0px 5px;}
.vesnorth .wc {text-transform: uppercase; font-weight:bold; color:#5a6f7b; text-shadow:#000000 1px 1px 1px;}
.vesnorth p {text-indent:25px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;}
.vesnorth {margin:0px auto; width:98%; min-width:500px; max-width:749px; background-color:#1c151e; background-image:url(http://i.imgur.com/a7K60.png); background-position:top left; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #000000; padding:0px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: georgia, sans-serif; font-size:12px; color:#b5acaf; line-height:16px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;}
.vesnorth .name {color:#5a6f7b; font-size:30px; font-style:italic; text-align:center; text-indent:25px; text-shadow:#000000 1px 1px 1px; line-height:30px;}
.credit {font-family:georgia; font-size:10px; font-style:italic; text-align:center; line-height:10px;}
</style>
[/html]