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What was witnessed those days before haunted the Shepard long after she had left the matter be. Yes… the woman had proclaimed herself as Shepard having prevailed over the trials spoken of by her beloved mentor. She hadn’t thought such experiences would make her to be like the man that lead her through the ways of their culture, but they had bettered her and changed the childish mentality that plagued her. And it was this enlightened mind that looked upon the events of the past days with understanding but also hope for an explanation.
Obligations kept her in her own lands til she was awarded a moment of free time. Between looking after her Jiryu and the life growing inside and the little bundles Jace had only recently brought into this world, she had her paws literally full in caring for (or at times watching) them and keeping the boundaries marked, as well as the occasional hunt. She was fortunate in the regard that not all these tasks need be done by herself. She had her loving Ompre to help her and the able hands of the other Envoy. At last placing her trust in them to fulfill their tasks in her absence she was able to address the matter than had burdened her heart; what had happened to her cherished friend?
The golden Shepard walked alone with certainty toward the skulled borders of Inferni. After the initial shock of the mounted skulls the woman looked upon them at nothing more than grotesque art meant to scare the feeble away. How fortunate that her resolve was much stronger than to be swayed away by some empty heads. Indifferently she rounded her furred shoulder causing the adorned tails of her kills to quiver from the ripple of muscle. A cascade of lengthening bangs concealed her eyes, better left in place to conceal the smoldering disappointment still very much alive and well. For once her mane was loose to its wild mess, tossed and twirled under the playful breath of chilling winter gust. At least Nature had made itself into a pleasant mood… She called out then, bidding the spirit carry her message to the watcher of Inferni.
‘Where are you my friend? Please… make haste and come to your Shepard…’
ooc: 379 words. Dated. 13th No owl to annoy them this time.
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[html] you know life should be beautiful,so come on out of your shadows for a while
Word Count → 435 :: I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this! I wanted to see how the actual attack thread would progress then realized that it would be better for me to just get on this one instead. I'll be more prompt from here on out. :3
Licking the scrapes on her legs, Vesper had taken a break from her usual patrolling duties since the fight. She had not been nearly as badly hurt as the poor fool wolf that had posed a threat to the clan, but her emotional state had been too shaky lately for her to trust herself with her duties. She hunted and gathered grass for the ugly horses and lay around feeling sorry for herself when there was nothing physical to distract her from her whirling thoughts—procellous thoughts plagued by dark canines of all shapes and sizes and sexes.
That short, curly-haired fool at the border was probably off nursing wounds and hatred for the reserved coyote clan. Helotes had come to her aid unquestioningly, a brute who had attacked and nearly done far worse things to her upon their first meeting and who she was confused about seeing as a comrade. And less recently, the moon to the tides that had made her so agitated, Blind was missing again. The dear girl was gone and Vesper had nothing to break her chains from the clan. All she could do was adapt, and rather than shirking her duties to visit the woman as she’d planned to after their reunion, she fell headlong into them to numb herself.
She sighed and gave her scarred skin one last lick before a too-familiar howl rose up from the borders. Her slender head jerked up, ears swiveling to pinpoint the direction, blue eyes scanning the immediate area for comrades. Then, without hesitating another second, the Vigiles leaped upward and bolted toward the sound. She knew who the voice belonged to, and she knew the bravery of the Nomad and the consequences if someone else found her first. As much as she didn’t want to go meet with her Shepard, she had to.
The coywolf shifted into her secui-form as she ran, small changes that slowed her pace but made up for it in the end. The superior wolf-sized shape broke through brittle shrub branches and finally slowed to a trot as the borders were neared. She stepped around from the sparse foliage to lay eyes on her mentor, briefly in awe of the tails hanging from her shoulder and the wild mane of her auburn hair. But awe gave way to unease and defensive anger, and she halted with fur slightly bristling and snout wrinkled.
“What are you doing here, X’yrin?” Vesper demanded. It was an aggressive statement alone, but only the sharp remnants of fear in her sky blue gaze showed that she was worried for her companion too.
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Standing before her pupil, her friend, the Nomad bore a mask of disappointment laden with worry for what had become of the coywolf before her. One had the capacity to reap hostility and vengeance upon another, but it had pained her to see and know that the smaller form before was capable of the like… especially when it hadn’t been called for so hastily.
The demand of her voice was met with a deepening scowl, the face of a master spoken down to by an apprentice. Such intolerance was not becoming of the she-wolf nor the hostile tones of her companion. What had happened to bring them to this point, she wondered. What swayed the like as what she had seen days before to take over her cherished friend? They were the remnants of a nightmare and yet she could not awaken from it, but rather was kept in this illusion hoping, prying for a way to return to the reality she knew and held dear.
When at last her lips parted and her hardened gazed softened to one seeking understanding, she lowered herself to be level with the scout and expended a paw in the hopes it would be taken, a familiar gesture of beaconing she knew her friend would understand. “Why do you think I am here?” she asked softly, allowing the young female to arrive at the obvious conclusion for herself. But still, she spoke the words that need to said showed the spell that bound her friend to these lands not allow her to come to reason. “I am worried for you, Vesper. I did not recognize that person I saw that day… but I recall very clearly the look in your eyes and was deeply ashamed. My friend… that is not you.” Softly the golden she-wolf sighed then brought herself further down to her knees to kneel before her friend. “I came in the hopes of understanding what has happened; what has made you into the person I saw…”
ooc: 334 words.
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The disappointment and disapproval in the other’s amber eyes struck Vesper hard, but she had never given a damn what others thought of her. She sought no one’s approval; she was her own beast to do whatever she wanted. It had begun as defiance and evolved into deep-rooted pride, and in the back of her mind she assured herself that she didn’t have to listen to any of what her friend had to say.
But because it was her friend, she would listen. While she might have turned away from anyone else wishing, no doubt, to admonish her for her actions, she would grant X’yrin a listening ear out of respect.
The hardened lines of the Nomad’s face softened after a while, and crouching she extended a hand. Tentatively, Vesper reached out with her own paw, though hers rested a few inches from the other on the ground—not full acceptance of the offer, but her blue eyes remained questioning and expectant. These were still coyote grounds, and they could still be seen; the meeting and the branding of Sage as a traitor had made Vesper slightly more wary in her interpack friendships, though she told herself that friendship alone didn’t mean her loyalty to Inferni was any different. She still didn’t want to think of what might happen should her loyalty be tested ultimately when it came to the Ichikans she cared about.
The Exultare woman’s prompting question caused her eyes to cut away and her large ears to lower; of course she knew. She returned her gaze as X’yrin continued, speaking of shame and change that Ves herself hadn’t been aware of. She scowled, ears still pinned close to her skull.
“I was defending my borders. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, but—I must think like everyone is out to kill me unless proven otherwise.” Her tone sharpened as she recited both the lessons from her Aquila and from her own life as a gangrel wandering the northern wilderness. “I’ve been hurt too many times to change my way of thinking, X’yrin. If things had happened differently that day, I would have been happier. But I’m not going to bow and scrape my chin along the ground in apology when I was only being cautious.”
Vesper knew that everything that came from her jaws sounded like excuses—which was probably not too far off the mark, but right now she knew them to be logic enough and let her ears slowly lift. There was a pause, and then she drove home the point that she had clutched to her breast since joining the clan and experiencing the violence some of her comrades possessed.
“I wasn’t going to kill that poor fool. I do not kill.”
And of that, she was adamant. She was not a murderer. Not since Oliver was sobbing in her jaws. Not since the first girl she’d loved had looked upon her like she was a monster. As much blood as she’d spilled, she would never kill unless she absolutely had to; and that was what made her different from the genocidal coyotes that crept through the dark corners of Inferni.
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The Nomad hadn’t come to preach, but to understand not as a Shepard but as a friend. And so when Vesper spoke with noticeable reserve in her voice, against the grating sensation it posed, the she-wolf listened with unbiased ears and did not let her mind stray away with thought. An umber glove was left empty without the other’s paw, yet it hung there inviting her familiar touch in the air between them, a continuous offer of support, aid, and tether to the reality the two had created their bond within. The complicated implications housed beyond the Inferni borders were unknown and uncared for by a mind plagued with worry and considerable doubt for the well-being of her cherished friend. What mattered was only the two of them in here and now, undisturbed; a golden presence trying to make sense of what drove a mind born of two worlds.
Living in fear was not a state of mind X’yrin could grasp, having felt the protection of the Nomads until she ventured from them of her own volition. Perhaps it was by the blessing of her ancestors or luck itself that her run ins with both packs and strays had been minimally uneventful til she came to these Northern lands. The diversity of life that claimed and scoured the lands was vast each harboring an experience that made them what and who they were. It reminded the woman that this was not the first time she had heard of a mind tormented by the scars of the past either, and still it disturbed her to hear of it from the companion’s paled, scarred maw. Carrying this mindset tended to drive loved ones away and even pushed the mind toward dark depths one would not have thought possible. She had listened to the sorrows suffered by minds like this and was compelled to save her friend from a miserable fate like that. She looked to the young woman and became worried that she would become lost to the shadows of paranoia and all whom she held dear and loved would be lost to memory, unable to keep by her side as they too were inevitably pushed away. Her ears drew back as her own mind became antagonized by fear. The Nomad opened her mouth immediately hoping to dispel this fear of hidden assailants, but kept her maw shut, reminding herself she was to listen and not act. Not until the young woman had had her say.
Silence again became the she-wolf’s companion as a pause settled between her and the coywolf. Still she was left with a vacant hand in the hopes of being filled by warmth and familiarity. But it felt now like a fool’s hope, though she couldn’t lower it in defeat. Rather it retracted when paws lips parted to speak again. “You do not kill?” No longer could she keep her words to herself. Accusation was far from her intent but she could not ignore that even the notion had crossed the girl’s mind that day. “If you do not kill, then you do not eat. We kill to survive and yet your life was never in danger my friend. Within your home you should not have to feel that killing is even an option. Are you not encouraged to call for help? Are these people you house with not your family?”
Truly she had hoped to understand, but this all sounded backward to her. When last they spoke Inferni had become a home to her in her time of need, a place where she felt she belonged. And yet here she was harboring these spiteful feelings, perhaps not for herself but to the world that lied outside the skulled borders. What sort of bonds were forged here if she still needed to look at the world as wanting to kill her? What reason did she need to tell herself she wouldn’t kill? X’yrin felt herself grow tense in the passing seconds and knew her brows were knitted to a scowl. Quickly she swept a paw atop her head to convey her lack of understanding, trusting that such gestures where not lost to her pupil. “I am disturbed by this, Vesper,” she admitted firmly. “My intention was to understand, but I have only more questions and my worries have grown. Be it my place or not, I can’t look at this and walk from it. You have become my responsibility… and you are my friend above all else.”
Again she extended her hand nearly thrusting it into her companion’s chest in the hopes it would be taken. “I do not ask for you to bow, or even apologize, but listen to what you have said to me. You would treat the world as your ready enemy because of the experiences you have had in the past? You shouldn’t feel this way when in the company of your family. It should be a place for you to properly open those wounds then allow yourself and your brethren to let them properly close and heal. You should feel safe enough in doing so. You should feel that you are not in danger to even speak with one outside your pack.” Oh yes, she had noticed. The tentative nature that took hold of her confidence, the subtle wary that lined the contours of her muzzle. X’yrin had felt the sense of not belonging since she had come to the place but hadn’t anticipated it would show on her friends face as well. “The world is not out to get you, surely you know this,” her voice had become stressed as she fought to find the words to bring comfort to her friend, nearly wearing away as the tightness of her throat lessened the intensity of what had once been a sure tone. Uncertainty had whittled it down to barely above a whisper laden with an unspoken pain and an apparent fear of loss. “Do you think I, as part of this world outside Inferni, am out to get you Vesper?”
ooc: 1008 words. o.o I couldn't stop writing. I was near crying while writing this out.
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Word Count → 809 :: I loved reading your post... Mine doesn't do yours justice.
It was hard to watch her friend, knowing how dearly X’yrin cared for her and seeing the worry sharp in her face. It was hard to know that someone was worried for her—loner by heart, used to no one caring. She might have considered whining about her past as disgusting and attention-seeking, though suppressing the problems that she shoved aside for her health was wearing down on her, especially now when her mind was vulnerable as it was. Each word she spoke brought her back a few more months in time to when all of this was all so true, and memories that she’d even forgotten rose like monsters. But throughout it all, her stance remained strong and her eyes devoid of weakness and pain.
X’yrin pointed out her use of words, telling her that she did kill, and after her questioning the pale tawny woman lowered her large ears, though this time it was out of frustration rather than unease. Her tone soft, she replied, “I kill rabbits and mice and fawns. It is not the same.” Some might say so, but those wolves were light-hearted and had no concept of survival. “The difference is that when I have prey clamped in my jaws, I can’t understand its last cries.” Her quiet voice cracked then grew raw with the memory she was admitting to her friend. “I can understand a coyote screaming for his mother.”
Taking the life of a canine was a sin that even she would stray from unless it was absolutely necessary to survive. Seeing the light go out in Oliver’s eyes had changed something inside of her, and she didn’t want to go back to that ever again. Others were jaded, could kill without batting an eye. They might not enjoy it, but they had become hardened against it—and Vesper didn’t want to be like them, like the darker characters of Inferni who had contributed to the skull sentries posted around the territory boundary.
“And I didn’t need to call for help,” Vesper added, shooting the woman a look before she could assume this was a statement of arrogance. “Helotes was there, the dark dust-colored coyote. He would have killed that wolf.” For her, perhaps not, but for Inferni, she had no doubt. However, the russet lady before her didn’t need to know that detail or any other detail concerning the man. Her blue eyes hardened slightly as she explained, “I just didn’t want you to think that I was a murderer. I didn’t change into a monster by defending my territory.”
And yet the small coywolf was ignorant to the desperation coursing through her and the reason for her mentor’s concern. She only fought bitterly against the label of a killer, assuming that X’yrin thought she had transformed into one since her time with the clan.
The umber hand was extended again, and Vesper stared at it for a couple of silent seconds before glancing up into her friend’s face. “I understand,” she muttered, her lighter, smaller paw resting on the other. “I want you to understand, too.” Her brow creased.
And yet she didn’t like her words being read into. Her forehead continued to wrinkle until the other was done speaking, and Vesper’s jaw slackened slightly as X’y pointed out her concern for being seen with the outsider. Frustration burned before she looked at their touching paws, and she had to fight away the sudden pressure gathering in her throat.
“As my friend, as my Shepard, I love and trust you,” Vesper murmured, and her paw lightly stroked the other before withdrawing to set on the earth. “I just—” Was becoming as xenophobic as her mother, it seemed, a lone coyote distancing herself and her children from the luperci world. She inhaled deeply then took a seat on the ground, weary.
“I’m—I’m afraid,” Vesper confessed, and admitting even that faint weakness was enough to make her quiver with anger. “I respect my leader, the strength of the warriors, the wits of the other scouts. But respect is all there is. My heart’s too caught up in the outside world, in the lands I traveled, to let me get to know my pack mates. I’m afraid I’m going to live the rest of my life alone while I have dozens of comrades standing around me. I’m afraid they won’t understand everything that I’m telling you. But I don’t want to leave—don’t want to walk alone again.” She had become domesticated, even though she could still wander for miles and survive. She was capable of it, but her heart remained anchored in her clan.
She lowered her head, admitting her last fear. “And I’m afraid that leaving would be the right thing to do.” Her eyes closed, and she exhaled shakily. “I feel like I’m being torn in half.”
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The killing referenced to, the she-wolf did not want to know. She deafened her ears to it and placed the statement in the recesses of her mind never to surface again. She had not heard those words… and would not be haunted by the imagined scenelet. However her face portrayed the shock her mind would not, brows raising beneath her bangs then just as quickly lowered with a rough, clearing shake of her head. Now wasn’t the time for that… not now. But she had heard the distress in her beloved friend’s voice and that was enough to leave that silent conversation be.
Maintaining the course of the present, she pulled her ears forward intuitively capture ever word and syllable by starved ears greedily grasping for the truth to ease their appetite. Gradually before her eyes the hardened front forced by past transgressions and the house that exacerbated them ebbed away and beneath crept vulnerability and truth. Her friend disrobed of hostility, of stubbornness and a sense of ease was at last felt by the Nomad. She couldn’t think of her as a monster. A gentle smile touched her lips as defined digits enclosed around the paw resting lightly on her palm. Though it waned as a scowl marred the tawny visage and the paw withdrew from her grasp; the subtle pressure of the stroke of the smaller paw left in its wake.
Within the cold blue of her gaze surfaced both anger and fear melding into a stormy torrent that shook the amber-eyed female to the core. Her tail had gone still in waiting, ears forward as they absorbed what they were offered to better understand what tormented this soul that none could see. She hadn’t the mind to feel humbled by this, but terrified that a fear of this magnitude was withheld without so much as an iota of a tell, even to her. Her hands trembled in her lap as she quietly seethed, holding fast to naught by the air rapidly expelling as her hands clenched tighter into fists and claws grazed calloused palms.
X’yrin said nothing even though words brimmed at her muzzle threatening to burst the dam if for a moment she relinquished control of herself. It was not until she heard the soft exhale that her own frustrations followed suit in a sound breath, and with it her tension receded. She took another breath while looking at the vulnerable female, her fist unclenching and arms becoming loose again. Instead of raising them to encircle the girl before her, only a hand extended above the head of her pupil… then came down in a swift, albeit light, rap across her head. “Vesper,” the woman sighed wearing the face of an exhausted mentor whose student had forgotten an important lesson. “You should know you will not walk this life alone.” Softly her head came to rest a top the lightly struck skull. “We may come into it and part from it alone, but while we are alive the bonds we make keep us from being alone. If this is the company in which you want to make those bonds with, then you must feel within your heart that that is what you want. Do not do it to please any other but yourself for you are the one that must live with the decision.”
Who better to know this truth than the golden woman herself? She who left both family and friends for the sake of achieving her own means. But she was fortunate in that regard, that she had a master and a family that understood her wish and gave her the grace and means to make it so. Looking to Vesper, she didn’t see that blessing but found a chain that kept her to the borders though with all her heart she wanted to return to the wanderer’s path. Torn indeed by her desires and sense of obligation. X’yrin saw in the girl herself not a few months ago, craving the freedom of the vast and unknown though she was bound to Ichika by duty. Eventually she had found a balance and in time, she would help her dear friend to do the same. She continued, her voice descending to a whisper for the coywolf’s ears alone. “I cannot tell you what is right for you. That is something you yourself must figure out, but know this; whatever your decision may be, stay within this home or return to the unknown, know that you do not walk alone.”
Carefully the she-wolf withdrew her hand and let it rest gentle against a soft tawny cheek. She brought her muzzle close to the scarred muzzle and placed an endearing kiss upon her cheek conveying the sincerity and truth of her words. “You have one that walks with you in heart and loves you dearly...” Too soon for the moment to linger, the Nomad withdrew altogether and uncrossed her legs as she pushed herself to stand. “You and I are Nomads without name Vesper,” the woman smiled. “We do not walk alone… nor do we bare the weights of our burdens alone. Please remember this.”
ooc: 857 words. In Memoriam My gosh all these long posts o.o and shush you. I've been trying to catch up to the depths of your posts this whole time!
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