of childhood and paper cranes

Shandom Qi'Vaex · 01-17-2012, 08:24 PM

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Sorry for the delay D: I am all sorts of not on the ball. / +1,526

She was gentle, and nuzzled him in greeting. Shandom felt a sort of comfort arount Titania, one he had not yet built with Zalen - he supposed it was likely due to his lack of conversation with the other man. It was something he desperately sought to have, as the white man craved a greater understanding of what brought his Alpha to his decision - where had he been raised, what had it been like? Was it like his own upbringing, or more like the strange ones he'd seen in Cour des Miracles? Regardless, Shandom knew it impolite to outright question a leader about his past, and would not do so unless the two got to conversation. When Titania mentioned that she would, of course, tell Zalen about the story he was about to share, the white man nodded his head, the shadow of an understanding smile on his ruined face. Of course, my Lady, he responded, now in a slightly more comfortable and less overtly submissive stance. The male's tale was curled around his legs as he sat comfortably, ears flicked back and eyes carefully lowered most of the time.

He inhaled deeply, eyes casting around the horizion as the man searched his memories for an appropriate place to begin. Shandom supposed perhaps a forwarning would be best, as the story was bloody and would cast great shame upon the man. Lifting his chocolate eyes and focusing on Titania, he began his story. I will warn you, this is not a pretty tale. I carry years of shame for my actions, and though I was a much younger, and much more inexperienced wolf at the time, there is still no excuse for what happened. What I will tell you will hold nothing back - I will explain the entire story, and I will do my best to include all parts. What I cannot promise you, however, is an adequate explanation as to why. Certainly, I can try - I have tried for years to search myself for a valid reason as to why I committed these horrible, horrible crimes. But, my Alphess, I hope you can look at me in a positive light after I tell you the rest of my sordid tale. I would greatly appreciate your discretion - my pack family has a right to know, and, if and when the time is right, I will finish my story. Of course, I would not dream of trying to conceal this from the Alpha, Zalen, either. If he has the time, though, I would like to share my story with him on my own. It is not that I do not think you will adequately relay it - I am sure you would, in fact - but it would come best from my own lips.

Here, Shandom paused momentarily, closing his chocolate eyes for the briefest of moments. When they opened, a deep sadness permeated them, one that consistently lurked in their depths but only now was brought to the forefront. My sister, Linquilea, was a beautiful and turbulent girl. After my parents were killed, and her family brought my brother and I into their fold, she and I became the best of friends, and I developed feelings that were less than platonic. I have told you this. My feelings were such that it compromised almost every one of my actions - I could not lift a paw without considering how it would affect my Lea-Belle. In my selfishness and immaturity, I often did not recognize how my actions could be hurting my sister. I was terribly possessive of her, and was not one to encourage her social interactions with other wolves, especially not males. I thought her to be my own, and my birth right - as the heir to the Alpha throne (it is done by family in Etienne, as is the custom in that region), I would have my choice of mate - or so I thought. Lea... Lea loved me, very much. I knew that. I wish I could have recognized it for its value, and been satisfied.

I wasn't. When Lea took a mate... Shandom trailed off for a moment, his expression contorted into an expression of emotional pain and vulnerability that he had not revealed in many seasons' turns. I have never experienced a pain equal to that. Jax and I were rivals from the moment he crossed my borders, and the only reason I ever allowed him harbor in my lands was because Lea begged me. She quickly became pregnant with her first litter, and though I had the right to demand their destruction, I could not deny her. I could never deny her... But the children she bore were hated to me. They were the embodiment of what I could not have, what I would never have, and the only thing I wanted. A family, with the woman I loved, to carry on the Qi'Vaex name. Lea was so happy with her children and handsome mate, and I became... less of a priority. Oh, she assured me that she loved me! Time and time again, she assured me that I was still her best friend and her closest confidant, but she had a family now, she kept reminding me... They had to take priority...

There was a moment of silence, in which Shandom made the final decision. He had babbled for long enough, avoided the crimes... Shaking his white head, the male exhaled a long breath of air and brought his eyes to Titania's. I killed them, Alphess. In a fit of jealousy, consumed by my greatest sin, I took two innocent, young lives. Their names were Xyvi and Kora Dy'Nix, and they loved me. When their Uncle Shandom came to their parents' den, they thought nothing of following me into the early morning. Lea woke to find them missing, and followed their scent to where we were, not five hundred paces from the den area. My muzzle was stained with their blood, and I fled as she screamed and screamed and screamed.... I remember what it was like to see her beautiful head bent over their bodies as her own muzzle was stained... I was not there, but Linquilea was blamed for the crime and run off the lands. As the leader, as the exalted Qi'Vaex Alpha, not one of my packmembers believed it was me.

She was ruined that day. The madness that had always lurked in the back of her mind, checked by the love of those around her, consumed my beloved sister. Linquilea returned several moons later under the cover of night, and I did not recognize her initially. Her dark fur, which had once been so lovely and shining, was coarse and unkempt. Her teeth, once beautiful and pristine, were grossly colored, a horrible combination of reds and yellows. But her eyes.... Her eyes were the worst. Where there was once fire, spirit, love, and pride there was now death and cold hatred. I knew I had ruined her from the moment I saw her that night, but I was... lost in my happiness of seeing her again. She told me, in a voice I barely recognized, that to gain her love again I had to commit another crime. Two, really. I had to murder again, and this time I had to murder my adoptive parents, her biological parents.

I am remiss to say I did this without question. Love, Alphess, is the only explanation I can give, and it is not good enough. It led me to crazy things, things I regret more than anything in the entire world. Linquilea, of course, had calculated it so I would be revealed for the sinner I am. She cried "Murderer!" loud enough to rise the rest of the pack, so as they saw me bent over the broken and bleeding bodies of the former Alphas, the wolves of Etienne saw me for what I was. Lea attacked me, and while I fought back - rather feebly - I was no match for her, as few are. She is... uncharacteristically large. That night she tore out my eye, and Etienne stripped me of my surname and cursed me Nightslayer. I fled, and have not returned.

Shandom was quiet for several moments, perhaps to give Titania time to digest the horrible information he'd just provided. After all, the white man had just admitted to four counts of premeditated murder, regardless of poetic reasoning. That is my story, Alphess. I have told you everything, and I apologize for its length. I... I would like you to know that I am not the wolf I was. There is no excuse for what I did, and you cannot erase clean the sins of the past, but I would never act in such a manner in these lands. I would never act in such a manner, ever again. With that, the man reclined to the ground and rolled to his back, exposing his most vulnerable neck. I hope you can forgive me for my sins, Alphess, and know I am not a danger to you or New Dawn.

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