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WARNING: This thread contains material exceeding the general board rating of PG-13. It may contain very strong language, drug usage, graphic violence, or graphic sexual content. Reader discretion is advised. |
ooc: Dated; the 5th- late night
The journey began upon four limbs but ended in two heavily weighed down by thought and a solemn heart. Each step sank her further into the remnant of snow to the chilled grasses beneath to cool her worn pads, but she sure ache and cold underpaw had yet to register yet her mind knew that this was what she was to feel. She was meant to feel something other than this burden. Yet she couldn’t… it was only that.
She crossed onto familiar lands with great hesitance in stride, forsaking the teachings of her Shepard as she combated with her own selfishness. She felt for a moment, that this was not the land she wished to walk on. She wished to follow the warmed paths of her brethren, her brother, her father, her sister and feel at home again. She would have taken another day among the Cavalieri if only to grasp a semblance of home; to feel like she belonged and was cared for.
The emotions she felt could not be placed into her words, but a sensation was all she had to go by. A compilation of a multitude of angry and sorrowful thoughts that condensed into a single, nameless emotional pain. Perhaps if there was a name for it, she could have asked the ancestors for deliverance from it, but even that thought did not give her comfort, for then she was reminded that they would not heed her voice. She was forgotten by them, their merciful eye had drifted from her.
The autumn wolf was new to wallowing, yet it felt so natural to wade through its dense misery. It was harder to find happiness when it appeared to not want to be found. What elation she found in the embrace of the southern pack was all but overwhelmed by the news of her dear friend’s pregnancy. Oh, she was glad for the young she-wolf, glad for all life that came into this world. Yet she could not deny that she was bitter by this news… her heart still clenched each time she thought of the snowy female being blessed by the miracle of life… of her being a mother. It felt unfair that she had tried so hard for a brood of her own only to be kept from it time and again. Was her body not strong enough? Did the ancestors favor the young female more than the autumn woman? She could not claim to know what was behind their madness, what compelled their thoughts. The only thoughts that were certain to her was that she was unhappy… she felt forgotten…betrayed… hurt. And she could only move on as she may… trudge along and endure what more the powers that be had in store.