Staring down the barrel

Panda Behr · 05-20-2012, 03:48 PM

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Word Count → 1013 :: YOU BETTER HAVE GOTTEN THIS UP FOR ME >:o hahaha ilu <3, you get a long post because you started for me <33

Because Days come and go,
but my feelings for you are forever.

She was awake. Why? Her mind was rushing through thoughts and even within the arms of her soul mate, she was uncomfortable. For once in ever, she was actually uncomfortable with his arms around her. It was probably just because she was thinking too hard about things. She was thinking about her feelings, and why she was still in Anathema after all of this time. Why hadn't she left when she found out that she was pregnant with Lillith? Why hadn't she left after Zera'im died? Was it for the memories now? Panda knew she lingered in places just to remember the things that happened there, so was this what was happening now?

She snuggled into Venom's chest and breathed in his glorious scent. She questioned not her own feelings for Venom, but Venom's feelings for her tonight as well. It was one of those plaguing thoughts that she never really got over. It was insecurity. Insecure about his feelings towards her (even though he had come so far with her) and insecure about her place in the pack. Sure, she was a Corson, sure, she was the only healer in the pack. This meant nothing to her though. She was not needed like the Atheed, Rakeeb, Angelo, Angela. She wasn't even an Empusa. She needed to feel like she was needed, for it as a deep rooted fear for the woman. That, and being alone. These were her ultimate fears. No matter how silly they were, they were legit for the female. It obviously even made her lose sleep over it too.

She closed her eyes, and sighed lightly into his chest. Even in his sleep he could sense that she was awake and her mind was in turmoil. His grasp tightened around her naturally, as if he was trying to smother her aura into being something more peaceful and happy. Panda did not try to move away from him, but her aura did not change in the slightest. Venom could almost feel her negative thoughts filtering into his head they were so "loud" to him. Hazel eyes slowly pushed open, and they looked down at the woman who snuggled against his chest. He raised a hand to her face and pushed the bangs out of her eyes. Why are you so loud tonight, Panda? he asked, the question seemingly not making much sense to others looking in, but to Panda, it made perfect sense of why he would ask this question.

I dunno Venom...There's just a lot of things that confuse me.. she spoke to him, sighing again as she finally looked up at him and she pet his cheek. And what's confusing you to where you cannot sleep with me? the man asked, his voice drowsy, and his eyes begging for her to actually go to bed with him rather than laying there as stiff as a wooden plank. Do you love me as much as I love you? asked the woman, even though she should have known the answer, and she should not have doubted it, she did. and she couldn't help it in a way. With everything that I've been through with you, and I haven't left, what makes you think that I don't love you more than you love me? the male answered her question with one of his own. Sometimes you don't act like it. Sometimes you're distant. she spoke and then he put his hand on her mouth and shook his head. Don't let those thoughts consume you. I'm only distant because you are distancing me, not because I'm distancing you. I'm staying right here, Panda. Don't push me away. he told her and she looked at him. He let his hand go from her maw to her cheek and he let his fingers play with the fur there.

I promise, okay Panda? You're my soul mate, and that means I'll never leave you. he reassured the female. Panda looked at the man and then hugged him and nodded her head. I won't doubt you again. I won't push you away anymore. I promise. she promised to the male. But I do need to get up, and think about things. You should stay here and sleep, and I'll be back later, okay? she spoke to him and she lifted her head. Venom released her and nodded his head. He probably wouldn't sleep while she was gone, just in case she called him, but he let the woman go do what she needed to.

When Panda was released she gave him a kiss before she got up and got dressed in her black studded shorts and Venom's plaid button-up shirt. She grabbed her tote-bag and then she left her den. She took a path that was recently taken by another, but she did not mean to follow it, for she simply was making her way through the caves, and towards the stables. She got to the stables and she took out Korosk, since Vitani was still heavily pregnant (Panda suspected that Vitani was having twins because of how big she was around) and mounted the stallion and rode him around. She started off with patrolling the borders, but quickly lost interest and started to head towards the village. This was a place she barely visited because it was so out of her way, but tonight seemed a good enough night to check the place out.

She was letting Korosk lead her through the village until she had come up towards another Paint Mare and a woman sitting under a fallen statue with a paper and pen in her hand. Panda had seen the woman maybe once before, but she never spoke with the other dread-head that was actually very attractive. Panda's ears perked at the woman and she cocked her head as they approached. The name's Panda. whatcha' writing there? she asked the woman.

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