=)
WC: 607
Tore bay blue... those beautiful eyes were always so calm, even now. Placid lakes of color she could lose herself in, but they were no longer friendly toward her. The light of adoration that once shone for her and her alone was gone, cold and empty. What if that light could never shine for her again? Damaged beyond repair... Coli drew a shuddering breath and averted her gaze, listening intently as the older female spoke at last.
"What was I supposed to say?" she replied softly, staring hard at the ground between her paws. If she had come to say goodbye in person, she would have been forced to meet them -- the sons Anu bore to another lover. They both wanted to be mothers, and she knew at some point that was how it had to be, there had to be some male involved to grant them what nature denied, but... it just wasn't fair to happen like that. And as much as that would have hurt her to see, Coli knew if Anu asked her to stay, she would have. She could not say no. Why else would she have left without a word?
She spoke again, and it stung because it was true; they had problems before Anu's pregnancy, and those were due to Coli's unshakeable anxiety. She had uprooted herself from the flower pack, abandoning all the family she knew to follow Anu... she never regretted that choice, even when she paid for it with her tail. Anu had saved her life, after all. But the pressure of meeting those expectations, living up to the standards of a leader's mate, winning over the strangers that had known Anu for so many seasons longer than Coli... it made her long for the simpler times when the Dreamer would simply show up at the garden, or the lake, or wherever else they would meet in secret. They had been so happy just to see each other. No obligations, just spontaneity. Was it so wrong of her to want that back? She never meant to throw it all away... never even thought it could come to that. They were supposed to last forever.
The weight of Anu's words settled over her. Coli sank into a seated position, unable to remain standing any longer. Everything ached, and there was a pounding in her skull, but she dared not show it. If she let down her guard for even a moment, she would fall to pieces in front of the one soul she cared enough to appear strong for. She was still trembling, but she could not discern if it was from her weakened condition or from the emotional shock. Didn't matter.
"That... I... I was having trouble adjusting. Th-the new pack, moving in with you, the war... I... just needed time," she stammered weakly, a slightly defensive edge to her tone. Just an excuse, she should never have left the manor to sleep outdoors. She thought of the teakettle with a pang of loneliness. "I... didn't expect you to move on so quickly," she added, cringing even as the words left her. This wasn't how she wanted this reunion to play out. She didn't want to delve into all the blame, and hurt, and negativity... it seemed like that was all Colibri ever brought. She could remember why it took her so long to defect from Dahlia de Mai in the first place: she knew someone like her would only bring Anu pain, and she had been right. Everything was ruined, but she wanted to fix it -- somehow. She had to believe this could be mended.
.coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; }
.coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;}
.coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;}
.coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;}
</style>