This wasn’t happening.
It was a dream, she knew it had to be. Anu could not possibly be looking at Colibri Haki, she was someone of the past. She was someone that Anu had given up on; Anu had stopped believing that she would come back to her long-long ago. They all had to give up on some hopes, for they were debilitating. Anu hadn’t been able to move on unless she had told herself that Colibri wasn’t coming back. It had been after the night with Gabriel, while she was pregnant and wondering if she could raise a litter without a mate. For it was the truth, Colibri had never come back to her. Everything would be different if Anu had known of her presence. Everything.
Her words were not that of a dream though. They bordered on nightmarish, stinging with new found guilt and with blame. Anu couldn’t believe that Coli was speaking them, that the chocolate and cream hued woman was even saying the words. If Anu hadn’t felt the true pain in her chest and the gut piercing jab that came with remembering the hurt of long ago she would have tried to wake herself from a disturbed sleep. But it was all very real.
She watched as the younger woman sat, it was easy to see that she was not well. A voice spoke to Anu, telling her to end this now for Colibri’s sake. If she were weak, the stress would not do her well… But no, Anu could not be her savior; she hadn’t been able to save her then… For all her efforts Colibri had only left her. What fate had given the other female had never been fair, but how she had treated Anu had not been fair or right either. It had been cowardly at best.
Anu shook her head, I didn’t move on, I only coped. If I wronged you then it was without knowing. Her tone was harder now, what she and Gabriel had at that time would never compare to the self sacrifice and the effort that she had put forth in the hopes of making Coli happy. The fact that puppies had been the result of the coupling was a blessing that Anu would never deny, but she had never been grateful for Coli’s disappearance. My love was not enough, and I came to terms with that. she added, voice more stable and even. What did Colibri want?
There was nothing that they could do now to right the wrongs, whomever the owner. Anu had lived beyond those days, she had been through another war, she had raised sons and she had lead a pack and she had then set them free. Regardless of the trials life gave, there was peace to be had. Behind the pain, if they drug deep enough and fought for it, there was peace and happiness. They needed to be strong enough to get there, and Anu hoped Colbri had gained that power. Though it did not look as if she had. But they all had scars, Anu wore the line of the noose around her neck and she could not forget how it came to be written on her skin.
She made no move to settle near her, and remained standing. Anu wanted to walk away, she wanted to return to Tayui and bury her face into the arctic's scruff and forget that she had seen this ghost. But this was their home and with it came revisited baggage, and she could not let it be ignored and fester. The once-leader knew that it would only create further tension. Instead she waited for her next thoughts, standing against the discomfort. It would never be as painful as the past.
