[/html]
Her body told her to leave. The feeling in her gut was growing worse, and the discomfort was becoming painful. She did not want to know any more, she did not want bring back those thoughts of guilt and wondering and all the questions that had plagued her the last time Colibri had stepped out of her life. Anu had hated herself, just as when the love she and Naniko had died, just when Geneva had left her for another pack. All of those things had caused her to hate herself, all of them had made her question herself and who she was. Colibri’s presence, and more so her words had brought her back to that place. Even though Anu had become so sure of the answers. She had been through too much and lived too many years to wonder any more.
Colibri denied Anu her shortcomings, now placing the blame on her own. She did not get to do that, and Anu looked away in anger. Colibri did not get to shine the light on Anu, and her apparent “betrayals”. To say that it was the pregnancy that had caused her to leave and then breath those words. But at least now Colibri was right. She was not enough, she never had been.
It had never stopped Anu from loving her, and Anu had never cared nor faulted her for her weakness. She found it a beautiful thing, and with each lacking she saw kindness and compassion to replace it. She had seen fragility and she had seen forgiveness and those were the things that Anu had loved about her.
For so long Anu had prayed the Coli would reappear into her life, for months and for years she had wished that she would simply come home. She would have begged for her to understand that she had not betrayed her love by sleeping with Gab, and having her three boys. She would have praised her to returning and then Anu would have shared the passion that had burned deep down for her. Passion that Anu had never shared with the father of her children. But, the world does not stop turning and life does not pause for them to wait for a single soul to reappear.
Anu had love, but it was no longer for Colibri.
No. We both live here, and we should be able to live peacefully. The elder and leader in her spoke those words, but the creature of emotion and heart screamed for her to run away and hope to simply avoid Colbri. It would get better, Anu needed to trust in that. Lets try to do that. Anu spoke before she walked passed the other woman, her body tense but with her head and tail even with her back. She had done all she could, then and now. And she couldn’t stand it any longer, Anu had to get away.
| Messages In This Thread |