TL;DR: she is lounging in the spare bedroom. :V Poke me to change anything!
WC: 757
Coli never left the house. She had been so happy to see Eclipse and her new mate from the Cercatori pack, to meet Niernan's love and recognize the scent of another expecting mother, it had been a wonderful surprise. After the hurricane passed, though, she did not have the heart to move her pups out again. Something was broken within her, and not just the lingering weakness from the birth. The only peace she felt was when her daughters were nursing, but it was artificial and left as quickly as it came. Perhaps the gloom could be blamed on the hormonal depression some mothers faced after their children came into the world. There was more to it than that, though, and Coli did not know how to voice it to Saul or Lilin. She was so sick of herself.
Coli lay curled on the floor of the spare bedroom, listlessly watching her pups wake up and move about. She wanted to focus on loving and caring for them, but all her tired mind could do was replay the encounter over and over... Anu. Why could she never forget that woman? Years had passed, and she never moved on. How could she? How did anyone stop loving their first? Seeing her again so unexpectedly had been jarring to say the least. It was... shameful. It hurt to realize Coli was still the same wolf she had been back then, and that wolf was worthless, cowardly, a traitor. She truly meant what she said to Anu -- she did not want her pups to be anything like her. They would have many upstanding role models here in Vinátta, but their mother was not one of them.
Her daughters had grown rapidly those first three weeks. Their eyes were open now, displaying that warm blue color that all babies began life with. Perhaps they would never change. All three of them wanted to explore, trundling along the floor of the house and pawing at things, making their little grunts and squeaks and occasionally something that sounded closer to babbling. It was probably too soon for first words, but they were listening to the adults around them, absorbing the sounds they would eventually repeat.
Farina seemed particularly pushy already, a dominant streak showing earlier than her sisters -- or was Coli simply paranoid, since that puppy looked the most like their father? She couldn't deny the nervous twinge in her stomach when she watched the little black-furred wolfdog nudge Fiora and Florina with a triumphant growl, causing her smaller littermates to topple over. Colibri had already vowed not to tell them anything about their father, but she dreaded the day when they were old enough to ask. She had been meaning to seek out Miskunn at some point -- perhaps there was a story in mythology she could appropriate, of children being born to one parent. Anything was better than telling them a truth that could haunt them. For that matter, the less they knew about their grandfather Haku, the better.
Coli groaned, and rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She was such a disappointment. Saul and Lilin both spoke so fondly of her, and why? What had she ever done but leech off their kindness, and take advantage of the security they provided? Even now she was living under their roof and accepting their food, too afraid to step outdoors lest she run into Anu again. She couldn't hide forever, but old habits die hard. Soon frost and then snow would claim their land, and they would have no use for a gardener. She could look after all the little Stormbringers while their parents were off doing important things, but she might not even be qualified for that. All she did was watch her little girls -- was she supposed to be parenting them yet? They wandered where they wanted, tussled or fell down with no consequence, ambled back to their mother whenever they wanted to nurse and she obliged them... She didn't even know when she was supposed to wean them. Was it soon?
Chocolate ears flicked, as she realized their sounds had grown fainter. She rolled back onto her belly, noticing the last little tail disappearing around the doorway. Maybe they were looking for their cousins, although she doubted they were that cognitive yet. Coli sighed, settling her chin on her paws. They were safe here, and she would go round them up in a moment. She just didn't feel like doing anything anymore.