06-16-2009, 10:23 PM
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It's no problem! Because now I can blame you for this rambling nonsense. Blargggh wall-of-text'd! XD; Oh my god ~1150 words, I'm so sorry. >.<
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Eliza winced a little when he laughed softly at her faux pas. He didn't seem unfriendly, however she knew she had embarrassed herself, which could wind up being to her detriment later. She wasn't one to bend in the face of her own mistakes, though, so she let it lie and tried to move past the awkwardness she felt she had caused with minimal comment.
When he introduced himself, her eyes widened slightly before she could control her expression back into blank politeness. So, this battle-scarred wolf was a leader of Dahlia de Mai. She had been greeted by someone in charge, someone with real power, and not just a Soldier-type underling as she had supposed. This was unexpected, though upon reflection it made sense and she wondered why she hadn't anticipated it. Dahlia de Mai, to her knowledge, was much smaller than the pack she had left behind, whose leaders could never be bothered with accepting or rejecting mere newcomers. But in a pack this small, each new wolf admitted could make a huge difference to the pack as a whole, and so of course the leaders would want a say in who was allowed to pass into their circle. It also meant that a wolf mistakenly let into the pack could potentially cause a proportionally large amount of damage; upon consideration, this caution seemed very wise to her, and it raised her estimation of the leaders of the pack, Haku included.
"I am honored that one so highly ranked would come to greet a loner like myself. I don't presume to understand the reasons behind your personal attention," she continued formally, though of course she had done just that not moments before, "but I appreciate it, and it makes me even more determined to find a place here," she finished with another polite bow of her head. Eliza was never very circumspect about her opinions about people, nor did she shy away from stating these opinions baldly and usually with the highest expressed sincerity. She had never been in a situation where this worked to her detriment, and so she treated even her superiors this way. She treated Haku as she had treated all others she had recognized as her superiors, and hoped that her esteem did not come across as cheap flattery.
"I am glad to hear that your borders are still open. I know Dahlia de Mai seems to be the largest of the packs I have come across thus far, and I am glad that there may yet be a place for me to prove useful here," she replied, tacitly acknowledging that she had seen the other packs on her way up North. "I did not personally visit all of the others on my way up here," she answered honestly, though declined to state the reason why. She didn't feel the need to admit to her own cowardice about the pack near the troubling scent just before making a case for herself to join this pack.
"I chose to end my journey at your borders because I have heard that the leaders of Dahlia de Mai have integrity, and truly care for the good of their pack and the wolves therein. That this care is not just about blindly following laws, but pursuing what is right. And that is something I would like to be a part of." It sounded childishly idealistic, even to her ears. But she had a feeling that lying to Haku would be worse than admitting to childish fantasies about "the greater good" and "good triumphing over evil." Having seen his piercing, thorough gaze, she felt that somehow, if she lied, he would know.
Eliza lowered her head further and sat down softly, considering how to answer his second question. Her eyes closed briefly. She did not want to answer this question. She had known she would have to, but she still didn't want to explain the terms under which she had left her old pack. The pain of Ava's death was recent; it wrapped itself around her throat, tightening, choking her briefly. She tried not to show her pain outwardly, but she had never been efficient at concealing her stronger emotions. The female had never been in a position before where she felt she might be judged for having them, and so hiding them was not a skill she had cultivated. It was a weakness, but on the scale of possible weakness she could have had, she had hopes that it was not the worst.
She answered the implicit question he had posed first in order to put off describing the specifics of her departure a little longer. "There is no need to worry about someone coming after me. I left them of my free will, with no detriment to my reputation and without having outstanding conflicts with anyone else. To be quite frank, the let down was on their shoulders, if anything -- not mine," she added, with a bitter smile, and struggled to explain.
"There was an incident involving someone I was close to, which resulted in a conflict which I was not directly involved in," she began, being purposefully vague. If she stated the facts coldly and objectively, she naively believed that maybe, just maybe, the retelling would hurt less. "It eventually resulted in an outcome which I felt was grossly unjust, and which hurt me deeply. I did not trust the leaders of the pack, afterward, to look after my well-being, or to act in accordance with the greater good instead of just to appease their pride. I was unable to change the... " she struggled to find a word, a phrase, to politely explain what she had seen as the undeserved, leader-sanctioned murder of her closest friend, "...final result of the conflict, and so I left. There was no reason to stay, and they had lost my trust," she finished plainly, her poor opinion of her old pack easily recognizable in the tone of her voice.
She hoped that would be enough. She hoped she wouldn't have to further dredge up those painful, recent memories. That she wouldn't have to explain the pain of having fought so hard for her adopted sister's life, the pain of having failed, the pain of having to return to her family and explain, No, I tried, but I could not save your daughter. I could not save her from the foolish decision of her own leaders, who should have loved and protected her, instead of killing her over a matter of pride. The pain of having failed because of an archaic law which should have been immediately disregarded due to the special nature of her case. The pain of knowing Ava's life had been worth less to her pack's leaders than the perceived pain of losing face. A never-ending lake of stinging-hot pain. She didn't wish to wade in any farther.
It's no problem! Because now I can blame you for this rambling nonsense. Blargggh wall-of-text'd! XD; Oh my god ~1150 words, I'm so sorry. >.<
Eliza winced a little when he laughed softly at her faux pas. He didn't seem unfriendly, however she knew she had embarrassed herself, which could wind up being to her detriment later. She wasn't one to bend in the face of her own mistakes, though, so she let it lie and tried to move past the awkwardness she felt she had caused with minimal comment.
When he introduced himself, her eyes widened slightly before she could control her expression back into blank politeness. So, this battle-scarred wolf was a leader of Dahlia de Mai. She had been greeted by someone in charge, someone with real power, and not just a Soldier-type underling as she had supposed. This was unexpected, though upon reflection it made sense and she wondered why she hadn't anticipated it. Dahlia de Mai, to her knowledge, was much smaller than the pack she had left behind, whose leaders could never be bothered with accepting or rejecting mere newcomers. But in a pack this small, each new wolf admitted could make a huge difference to the pack as a whole, and so of course the leaders would want a say in who was allowed to pass into their circle. It also meant that a wolf mistakenly let into the pack could potentially cause a proportionally large amount of damage; upon consideration, this caution seemed very wise to her, and it raised her estimation of the leaders of the pack, Haku included.
"I am honored that one so highly ranked would come to greet a loner like myself. I don't presume to understand the reasons behind your personal attention," she continued formally, though of course she had done just that not moments before, "but I appreciate it, and it makes me even more determined to find a place here," she finished with another polite bow of her head. Eliza was never very circumspect about her opinions about people, nor did she shy away from stating these opinions baldly and usually with the highest expressed sincerity. She had never been in a situation where this worked to her detriment, and so she treated even her superiors this way. She treated Haku as she had treated all others she had recognized as her superiors, and hoped that her esteem did not come across as cheap flattery.
"I am glad to hear that your borders are still open. I know Dahlia de Mai seems to be the largest of the packs I have come across thus far, and I am glad that there may yet be a place for me to prove useful here," she replied, tacitly acknowledging that she had seen the other packs on her way up North. "I did not personally visit all of the others on my way up here," she answered honestly, though declined to state the reason why. She didn't feel the need to admit to her own cowardice about the pack near the troubling scent just before making a case for herself to join this pack.
"I chose to end my journey at your borders because I have heard that the leaders of Dahlia de Mai have integrity, and truly care for the good of their pack and the wolves therein. That this care is not just about blindly following laws, but pursuing what is right. And that is something I would like to be a part of." It sounded childishly idealistic, even to her ears. But she had a feeling that lying to Haku would be worse than admitting to childish fantasies about "the greater good" and "good triumphing over evil." Having seen his piercing, thorough gaze, she felt that somehow, if she lied, he would know.
Eliza lowered her head further and sat down softly, considering how to answer his second question. Her eyes closed briefly. She did not want to answer this question. She had known she would have to, but she still didn't want to explain the terms under which she had left her old pack. The pain of Ava's death was recent; it wrapped itself around her throat, tightening, choking her briefly. She tried not to show her pain outwardly, but she had never been efficient at concealing her stronger emotions. The female had never been in a position before where she felt she might be judged for having them, and so hiding them was not a skill she had cultivated. It was a weakness, but on the scale of possible weakness she could have had, she had hopes that it was not the worst.
She answered the implicit question he had posed first in order to put off describing the specifics of her departure a little longer. "There is no need to worry about someone coming after me. I left them of my free will, with no detriment to my reputation and without having outstanding conflicts with anyone else. To be quite frank, the let down was on their shoulders, if anything -- not mine," she added, with a bitter smile, and struggled to explain.
"There was an incident involving someone I was close to, which resulted in a conflict which I was not directly involved in," she began, being purposefully vague. If she stated the facts coldly and objectively, she naively believed that maybe, just maybe, the retelling would hurt less. "It eventually resulted in an outcome which I felt was grossly unjust, and which hurt me deeply. I did not trust the leaders of the pack, afterward, to look after my well-being, or to act in accordance with the greater good instead of just to appease their pride. I was unable to change the... " she struggled to find a word, a phrase, to politely explain what she had seen as the undeserved, leader-sanctioned murder of her closest friend, "...final result of the conflict, and so I left. There was no reason to stay, and they had lost my trust," she finished plainly, her poor opinion of her old pack easily recognizable in the tone of her voice.
She hoped that would be enough. She hoped she wouldn't have to further dredge up those painful, recent memories. That she wouldn't have to explain the pain of having fought so hard for her adopted sister's life, the pain of having failed, the pain of having to return to her family and explain, No, I tried, but I could not save your daughter. I could not save her from the foolish decision of her own leaders, who should have loved and protected her, instead of killing her over a matter of pride. The pain of having failed because of an archaic law which should have been immediately disregarded due to the special nature of her case. The pain of knowing Ava's life had been worth less to her pack's leaders than the perceived pain of losing face. A never-ending lake of stinging-hot pain. She didn't wish to wade in any farther.
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