i'm exposed

Jefferson Soul · 07-09-2010, 08:49 PM

[html]

Had he forgotten how to smile? Perhaps. Jefferson had never truly known in the first place; he had shaped himself from misery, formed himself from the scars in which this identity had been born. Perhaps Maluki had been friendlier before his insanity struck, but with the loss of his memory that innocence was taken away as well. Jefferson had not known the crimes he committed when he first woke, weak and emaciated and drenched in his own blood. The first glance at his own reflection—a torn, ripped monster crying what seemed like an endless supply of blood from a worthless blind eye—had disgusted and marked him forever, and the image that came to mind since when he pictured himself was no different than that first stare into his own face. He was a monster, he had always been a monster; even before he learned of the crimes he committed from his own children he knew himself to be a sinner. The identity of Jefferson, the nameless creature born out of Maluki's insanity and that pool of blood, had been a demon even from the beginning.

There had been a kindness in his life for some time. He'd known love against all odds, he'd found pleasure in the company of others, he led a pack of idiots that depended on a worthless soul like he. In his first days as Jefferson, he had declared himself a loner for life, a sinner unfit to dwell in the meddlings of the innocent, like a splatter of black against a canvas of brilliant hues. Somewhere along the way he had strayed from that path, allowing himself to pretend he was one of them, capable of friendship and love. Even now, there were still few he could have called his closer companions—through his apprenticeship, Ty had forged a special place in the scarred one's heart—but the woman he loved, the one he thought to have changed him forever, had removed something from him in turn as well. His heart hadn't been ripped out, the beast did not experience heartbreak—he knew only loneliness, and he dwelt in it willingly. That was where he had come from, and where he now expected to linger again.

Phoenix Valley had not gone abandoned in his impromptu absences. Jefferson had dawdled in and out of the territory, wandering borders with half the attention he usually paid them, and avoiding those he called his friends and members. He avoided the ranch, where he knew many sought to find him, not to mention where his once-lover may or may not have still idled. Jefferson avoided the risk of seeing her, the risk of facing his emotions. He preferred the solitary life he claimed to now have, though Phoenix Valley's welfare still fully lay in his care. How could a pack leader still call himself a loner? For now Jefferson chose to find out.

He sat at the edge of the northern Mirror Lake, the starry night hanging above him. The stars twinkled and winked at him in a cloudless sky, the water rippled around his scarred toes that dipped at the lake's edge, and outstretched on his back he stared into the dark abyss of the night. The breeze, cool and serene, pushed at the grass around him and brushed the dark hair over his eyes; he breathed in its essence, relishing the smell and taste of the evening, and released the air to the wind once more. If nothing else, the land of Phoenix Valley still provided him a peace he found nowhere else. At times he lost himself to his thoughts, at others he simply listened to the crickets and stirrings of the night. Peace.

Ember Phoenix · 07-15-2010, 09:30 PM

[html]

She had held this image in her head for the longest time, the image of herself and Dawali together and happy, but now it was beginning to fade and tear at the edges. She had dreamed of her happiness with him for so long that it didn’t feel right to not be constantly thinking about him. Now, however, she was slowly beginning to realize that the dream was just that. A dream, and nothing more. Her night with Haku had brought a whirlwind of emotions; she had been somewhat afraid at times when she had been with him, but at the same time she’d felt a sense of freedom that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Ember had been waiting a very long time for Dawali to see her and realize that he felt the same way that she felt about him, but that night she had let all of it go and had tried to simply enjoy herself.

But today she felt nothing but sick. She had been losing her breakfast in the mornings and even now, as she walked, she could feel it coming on again. She’d eaten fish for supper, maybe that was it. Ember threw up just as she was passing the border of the Phoenix Valley pack, fish tails and scales making their way back up. She found her way to a small pond and lapped at the water gratefully, using it to clear her mouth out a bit.

She had come to speak to Geneva, to ask the woman’s advice. She was considering giving up on Dawali and trying to focus more on herself. She hadn’t been well lately. Ember didn’t feel that she was wrong by crossing the borders, as she had received permission before to do so, and she passed through the territory rather quickly, heading for the middle of it. From there she would try and pick up on Geneva's most recent scent. Ember was glad to see another small lake coming up in the distance and she crept slowly around it once she reached it, looking for a good place to get nice and close to the slowly rippling water.

[/html]

Jefferson Soul · 07-24-2010, 11:41 PM

[html]

He had fallen asleep, perhaps, though he didn't know how long. Jefferson became aware that he drifted in and out, the peace and soundlessness of the world around him easing away the nagging thoughts and pain in his chest. The crickets chirped and sang around him, and at least once a firefly drifted past, and his mind was emptied of all thought and for some time, Jefferson chose simply to exist, to breathe, and nothing more.

It only worked in his consciousness, for when he unwillingly drifted to sleep he dreamt of her face, recounted the many things that had led to point was now at. She'd fallen, she'd miscarried, she'd waited to tell him. He rescued her, she ignored him, she shunned him. They fought. They stopped speaking, they drifted apart, he stopped coming home. He was angry. She found him, she showed him his son. In his mind was a torrent of accusing thoughts that contradicted each other. He didn't deserve to be happy, he knew; the fates had stolen from him his children, then toyed with him and returned one. Jefferson didn't understand&mash;he couldn't. Pripyat should not even be alive. Geneva shouldn't be forgiving him.

His ear flicked to attention even before it registered a sound; his eye opened though his body lay stiff. Movement, somewhere at the lakeside. Jefferson pushed himself up with a groan, rubbing at his bad shoulder. Ember stood not far away, he recognized her instantly, though it startled him to see her and he momentarily questioned where he was. "Ember?" the brute said, the grass tickling his sides when he forgot to get up. "What are you doing here?" It was only then that he saw the lines under her eyes and a sickness in her movements; his gaze widened and he straightened, only then pushing himself to his feet, with concern clear even in the scars of his face.

Ember Phoenix · 07-27-2010, 01:47 PM

[html]

Fainting XD

She was walking instead of riding Bayard, hoping to clear her head. Exercise usually helped her to think more clearly...once she worked through all of the frustration and emotions....but she'd been so sick lately that she hadn't felt up to doing much. A walk was about all that she could manage right now.

Ember was leaning down toward the lake to get another drink and wash some more of the nasty taste out of her mouth when she heard a voice. It made her jump; she did have her weapons on her today, but hadn't expected to run into anyone right at this moment. She backed away from the water a little bit, rubbing her wrist a little and standing awkwardly.

"Ah..I hope it's ok that I'm here. I was wonderin' bout seein' Geneva..I was lookin' for some advice. Ain't been feelin' too good lately..I keep gettin' sick every morning. Sometimes at night, too" She said. Ember took a few steps forward toward him through the grass. She really didn't feel good now...even worse. The world spun before her for a moment before she lurched forward toward Jefferson, going limp.

[/html]

Jefferson Soul · 07-31-2010, 12:08 AM

[html]

This post is crap. ;-;

He knew Ember to be a warrior, though he had never seen her fight; if she was any good, she would have the instincts and reflexes to suit a fighter, and yet she jumped so easily at the sound of his voice. Jefferson eyed her, his scowl lengthening beneath his suspicious—though concerned—stare. He had not once seen her troubled, though she had been the comforter for he in his worst of times; it was unusual to reverse the situation, especially for the woman he did not know in any mood other than a good one.

Jefferson straightened his back. Even if Phoenix Valley and AniWaya were allianced, Ember was treading in foreign territory. Why was she so off her guard? At the mention of Geneva, however, the wolf's tattered ears flicked back and his eye thinned. "Geneva's not here," he barked, perhaps a little too gruffly. He flumped back onto his spine again in seconds, glaring at the night sky with a newborn unappreciativeness for its lights and glory. When she said she was sick, however, a pause spanned and he pushed himself back up.

"Sick," he muttered, his tone suspicious. Something wasn't right with her, he had sensed it almost immediately. "Something's on your mind," he said simply, his eye thinned, his voice grim. Before he could speak further, however, she toppled over—and in one quick movement, the cyclops caught her in his arms, wide-eyed, and lowered her down the ground.

Ember Phoenix · 08-11-2010, 06:28 AM

[html]

This one is late. Tit for tat?

He managed to catch her for the most part but one of her arms flopped to the side as he did so, smacking the surface of the water with a loud slapping sound. It woke her from her exhausted state and she flailed for a moment, trying to regain her feet. The ground was fairly marshy, and she did so after a few seconds. She stood trembling, unsure of what exactly had happened, staring back down at the water, liquid dripping from her fur. "Maybe that was a wakeup call" She said.

"I jus' really don't feel right. I thought maybe Nani would have told her a few things..or she might know a few things. I just wanna make the sickness stop" She groaned, holding her stomach. "I think..I need somewhere to stay for the night. Can I stay here somewhere? Maybe.." her voice drifted out as she looked out over the water. The breeze was making ripples across the surface, the water going up and down ever so slightly...but even that was enough to set her off. She leaned away from the water into the reeds to throw up this time.

[/html]

Jefferson Soul · 08-11-2010, 11:23 PM

[html]

She spoke in riddles when she stood, as if her head was not spun on tight; Jefferson could only stare emptily, devoid of any reason why she would act so strangely. Ember had always struck him as a free spirit, one that bothered with troubles and problems only when it was necessary for her to, such as when she needed to be a leader for her clan. What was it that taxed her so, that pushed her beyond what appeared to be her mental boundaries? His scars frowned, body poised to dive again should she lose her balance once more, but the AniWayan seemed to awaken with the touch of water at her fingertips.

She mentioned Nani, whom Jefferson could only assume to be Naniko. He and the white wolfess had not gotten along, and it was no particular surprise that the woman had not stuck around. "Naniko is long gone, Ember," he tried in the midst of her babbling, though he questioned whether his words went unheard. She did not seem at all herself, completely composed, but recognized her need to stay. Jefferson breathed relief at that—sending her all the way back to AniWaya at such an obnoxious hour of night in her state was beyond logic.

"That's fine, there's room in the ranch," the Patriarch said, straightening up beside her. As he did, however, she turned and retched into the reeds; in the meantime the cyclops sighed a great sigh and rubbed at his eyes. He took her arm and guided it over his shoulders, his scarred fingers reaching around her side to hold her up straight as the brute directed her to safety. "Ember," he said finally, frustration mild in his quiet voice, "what the hell happened to you? What's going on here?"

Ember Phoenix · 08-12-2010, 05:36 AM

[html]

ooc

Ember had been stopping for drinks as often as she could, but it didn't seem to be enough. She was dehydrated at the very least, from all of the vomiting. Perhaps that was part of the fainting problem. She knew that Naniko wasn't there and nodded when Jefferson reminded her of the fact. She had been told when the white wolf had left...how many months ago was it? She couldn't remember. She didn't really feel one way or another about it; everyone seemed to be moving on and moving away from these lands...why should Naniko be any different.

The support that the scarred leader gave to her helped a lot, and she leaned on him a little as she walked. With each step that she took the world spun, the path ahead of them beginning to twist and turn before her eyes. His question stabbed into her mind, filling it up for a moment. She calculated an answer as best she could. "I..I needed advice. I think I'm going to be a mother. But..I want to be the leader and be a warrior. But also..no, it's not safe for them. If there are pups inside of me, then being a warrior is not...the best thing. They could get hurt."

[/html]

Jefferson Soul · 08-16-2010, 09:54 AM

[html]

I think I'm going to be a mother. Even for Jefferson, who knew so little about parenting, found that parenthood put a great stopper on his life as a whole. Raising Addison had been fairly easy although she was adopted; he had raised her alone though Geneva had been nearby, and the little D'Angelo had admired him enough to stick with him without a streak of rebellion he had somewhat expected out of her. Heath and his siblings had appeared much after their adolescent days, but nevertheless disallowed him any part of their upbringing thereafter but the knowledge of their existence had just as greatly affected the cyclops's mood and thought patterns for several months. With Pripyat came the opportunity for he to be in the pup's life, to be in the life of a child he actually helped create, and if nothing else the idiot had the intention to at least make some memories out of it even if he did turn out to be a relatively bad father.

Leading a pack and raising Addison had been quite the task, but the cyclops had done it. Ember's position—subleading AniWaya and defending its territory as its lead warrior while carrying soft and squishy things in her stomach—struck him as much more to worry about. Pregnancy would explain the illness, but the deliriousness? Unless it was sheer dehydrating running her mind so ragged, perhaps there was still something going on she had yet to admit to him.

"You don't have a choice anymore," the brute said flatly, hoisting her a little higher on his shoulders before she could collapse again. "Balancing pack and kids is what's best, you know that. You can't run around swinging swords and bumping bad guys with a bulging stomach. Who knows what the stress could do to to the things. I watched Geneva go through a miscarriage, Ember. You do not want to make that an option for yourself." She was already aware of what was best, of course, but it was perhaps a need for acknowledgment and agreement in that knowledge she needed to hear first before a decision could be made and her mind put to rest.

Ember Phoenix · 08-20-2010, 04:48 PM

[html]

ooc

"I adopted a pup that needed a mother a few months ago...I don't remember if you ever got ta meet him. He's Lotus Phoenix. He's left on his spiritual journey and I haven't seen him since..but I'm trying not to worry about it too much. I know how to balance things, between pack and family life. It's just..I don't know what to do while they're inside of me. I have to protect 'em, like you said." She said breathlessly. Even with his support she found walking difficult, her feet stumbling every couple of steps. She really needed to rest.

She hoped that they would be coming up to someplace to rest soon. Phoenix Valley looked less familiar under the blanket of darkness, and she focused on each separate thing as they passed it. Tree, tree, big rock..."I didn't know that stress could cause...something like that. And I didn't know about Geneva's miscarriage..I'm sorry. I don't want that to happen to me. And..thank you for helping me."

[/html]

Jefferson Soul · 09-02-2010, 06:35 PM

[html]

fading out!

He thought instantly of Addison, as might be expected of him. Jefferson had never heard of nor met this child named Lotus, though he assumed the mystery boy to be as pleasant as his adoptive mother, but the cyclops knew the situation to be identical to what he had gone through as well. "My daughter, Addison..." he started, but hesitated and trailed off. "She had parents in California, I still don't know how she ended up here, but nobody came for her. I raised her myself... she was in Dahlia for some time, but disappeared after the war. I don't know where the hell she is right now." Such words were spoken with mild animosity, the brute clearly impatient with himself for losing track of the girl. She was not exactly the most innocent of children, and Jefferson could only wonder if she'd decided to wander back to her homeland now that she was of age and capable. Would he even see her again? His stomach twisted at the thought.

The ranch house came into view shortly thereafter. He did not answer her immediately, as he instead wondered what answers were even appropriate. The cyclops knew quite well he would never endure pregnancy or fully come to understanding it—he had never known Pripyat to be alive, nor did he know of Geneva's pregnancy until after she'd miscarried most of the litter—and thus not even he truly knew the trials of childbearing from the eyes of a lover. "Geneva's miscarriage was not due to stress," he said flatly, glowing eye held forward. "She tipped off a cliff. She endangered them, being up there in the first place. You're not stupid, Ember. You're a warrior; what's even mildly dangerous for you is lethal for the little shits. You need to take it easy. Dawali will understand."

He led her inside, down the dark hallway, over the creaking floorboards and into a quiet room in the corner of the house. It would make for a safe, temporary reprieve for the woman until the morning. "We'll worry about him and AniWaya and the anklebiters in the morning. For now, you need to rest. Got it?" He helped her onto the bed, then straightened up. His eye flashed. "You'll be fine here. Get some rest."

The cyclops closed the door behind him solemnly and paused there, releasing a long and heaving breath. Where was Addison? Pripyat was safe, but he was the only child Jefferson knew to be—Heath forged a life for himself in a neighboring pack while the other two morte dre Soul siblings, like Addison, wandered the wilderness somewhere. As he moved down the creaking hallway, his head pounded and muscles ached. Perhaps he needed just needed to rest as well.

Login




Remember me Lost Password?