Forever I'll be me

Alder · 11-26-2010, 06:39 PM

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Cypress

He had tried to change, but it wouldn’t happen. Alder looked up at the leafless branches, blue eyes watching the small birds dance from twig to twig. He had wanted to shift but nothing had happened. Alder figured that it wasn’t time yet, even though his mother said it would be soon. He even thought that maybe he wouldn’t be able to, and then he could stay on four paws forever. That was a comforting idea, then things would never change and he wouldn’t have to worry about it ever. He knew that there would be pain, and the masked male was hoping to always avoid such a situation. And so he sat beneath a tower, one that his red tinted brother had been named after and watched the clouds and sky and birds and wished for life to never change.

Despite his hope to stay stagnant the body still grew, and the mind still wandered. He was taller then them all, bigger then most and about the size of his mother and still not done growing. His mask had not changed, ink swiped across his face but a genetic brush and each paws dipped in the same hue. He whistled, mimicking the call of the song bird. He was good at that, having practiced often on days like this; alone. His mother was being the second in command. Holding a new title and yet the same rank. She hadn’t changed of course, still the same mother he had always loved. She worried he would have changed after meeting the sire he had never known, but Alder was no different. He found the male interesting, a mystery still no matter if he had seen his face or not. But what he had given Alder had ended at conception; the tower-named boy was devoted to his dam entirely. There was no need to be any different, no need change that now.

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Cypress · 12-07-2010, 12:38 AM

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Cypress had been spending more and more time on his own. Time away from his brothers and by consequence, his mother. He got so frustrated with his brothers anymore; would get mad at them for no reason at all. It was worst with Alder, the other pup towered over him so. It just wasn't fair that Alder, the one so timid and shy, should get to be the one that was also the biggest, strongest of them all. Everything that Cypress wished he could be. He felt so dim in the shadows of his brothers.

Away from prying eyes the boy had been practicing a secret. Something he knew his brothers would achieve in time, if they had not already. He had gained the confidence with new legs that soon he hoped to surprise his momma, and hopefully before either Oak or Alder had a chance to beat him to it. Though for now he only used the new body in his secret place of practice.

On four legs the boy headed back towards the manor. Chasing the occasional leaf that caught in the cool autumn wind. The silly youth did not even realize the speed that his slightly smaller frame gave him nor its advantage to that of his larger brothers. His last query having been caught, its brittle body having been shattered in his jaws, the youth walked at brisk trot. Upon spotting his masked brother laying up ahead he came to a halt. Watching from afar as he seemed to stare up into the tree.

Alder whistled a call that sounded familiar to his ears but nothing that would typically come from the mouth of a wolf. How did he do that? He wondered how long it would take Alder to notice him setting a few yards away and decided to sit around and find out. Besides, he like watching Alder when he thought no one was looking. He seemed so different then.

Alder · 12-08-2010, 10:51 AM

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He breathed deeply, a long call that sounded like a jay escaped his lips. It was a good one, and he paused to hear if there would be a response. The seconds ticked and then it did, speaking to him like he had wished for as a small puppy. The boy still considered himself a pup, though his body no longer spoke of it. He wasn’t ready to grow up, or ready for the stress of responsibility. When he looked at other he knew that he was big enough to do as they did, but still he didn’t think he could. It brought the timid male a great stress, and days like this was what he needed to ease his nerves.

Alder smiled, laughing at the noises that his call had provoked, his shoulders heaved up and down slightly and eyes closed. When they reopened they looked off into the distance to find his tawny and molted colored brother sitting and observing. The masked male’s chest tightened, a flush feeling coming to his face, the symptoms of a great embarrassment.

Hey Cypress. He spoke, his tone shaking ever so slightly. He straightened his back, hoping that his brother didn't notice.

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Cypress · 12-19-2010, 08:26 PM

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<3 sorry for the wait

Cypress couldn't help but smile as he watched Alder. His brother mimicked the tones of another bird. Tilting his head as Alder seemed to be waiting for something to happen. Then he heard it, a returning call from a bird in a near by tree. Cypress' smile widened and his tail wagged behind him. He was not laughing at his brother. Though he was marveling a bit at the strange ability his brother seemed to have at making the birds talk back to him. He had never quite seen him do this. Though he had caught him a few times playing his games of pretend and watching the birds in the gardens and orchard.

Alder look so happy, but as soon as he spotted his dark hued brother his face changed causing Cypress' own smile to fade. He suddenly felt as if he had been caught doing something that he shouldn't. As if he had been spying on Alder. Though he hadn't been really, had he? "Hi Alder," he said as he climbed to feet and gave himself a shake before trotting up to his brother. Looking to the blue eyes of his brother, a hue they all had taken from their mother. Though Cypress felt he couldn't hold his gaze there as long as he ought; it fell away finding something else to look at. "What are you doing today?" He finally asked when the silence seemed to stretch too long.

Alder · 12-20-2010, 01:05 PM

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His neck and back hurt he was so ridged in the company of his brother. Alder let a breath go, the tension lifting as he thought perhaps he had not been seen being so foolish.

But his brother asked him a question, and there was a defined comfort that the masked male felt in the presence of his blood. It was like being close to his mother, and nothing made Alder feel more at ease then her calming presence. Blue eyes looked at the black and tan wolf, remembering how much he looked like their father compared to he and Oak. Alder would feel odd if he had Cypress' pelt, to be close to their father would be like being far from Anu and Alder would never have that. The timid youth was observant, and could see the differences in the two parents.

Looking at the birds. He spoke, honesty always coming from his lips. There was a pause, but then his blue eyes looked in wonderment Cypress, Alder began, do you think about shifting? He didn't know that his brother had gained the new legs that Alder had been panicking over for the past weeks. If he had, then his anxiety would have been doubled. But they had yet to discuss such things, though Alder was curious to know .

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Cypress · 12-24-2010, 09:23 PM

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Cypress had never given much thought to their sire and the colors of his pelt so unlike that of his mother's. At least, not until he had met the leader of the Inferni alpha. Now his mind buzzed with questions about his father and the lands he lived in. There was no doubt that all three of the brothers loved their mother dearly. And yet, Cypress could help but dream of this other world and with all the frustrations he had been feeling with his brothers if perhaps it was a place more meant for him than Crimson Dreams. There was no way at all for him to know just how wrong that thought was.

The boy only smiled as Alder's admitted only to watching the birds. He considered asking his masked brother about the whistling calls he had made. Wondering if he only mimicked them or if he had unraveled what the chirps and tweets meant. Before he could form the question though, Alder beat him to it with a question that caused the black and brown youth to freeze. Did Alder know his secret? Had he seen him? Watching him as he practiced far from prying eyes. He stared at the blue eyes of his brother that mirrored his own, trying to decide just how much he knew.

After a bit of delay and a more than slightly awkward stare down the mottled boy shuffled his front feet as his eyes dropped from his brother's to stare at his paws. "Kinda, I guess." He wanted to he first and so he had not called to his brothers about it. He did not want to make it a contest and yet so badly he wanted to win. If he could not be the biggest or the best, at least he could be first at something. "Why?" Still sceptical of whether or not Alder knew his secret.

Alder · 12-27-2010, 02:36 PM

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If Alder never saw his father again he wouldn't be happier. To him there was no reason in knowing the Inferni alpha. They had Anu, and that was all they needed, and he knew that she was enough. No, he did not understand how the two adults had come together to create him and his brothers but he didn't need to know those answers. Alder didn't have to question everything, and could live with the mystery. Never did he wish to venture to the Inferni lands, and know those creatures there. He never wanted to be anywhere else but here.

Cypress looked away, and that made him think that he was feeling the same way about the transition as Alder did. There was a small bit of hope in his chest. He didn't shift either? Alder could only hope that Cypress was as slow as he was to gaining the ability. He didn't want to be the only one left without it. I donno. He said, only as a placer for the words that had yet to come to him. Momma said that we should soon, and I haven't yet. The masked boy offered, reaching out to his brother with that hope that he hadn't been able to either.

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Cypress · 12-29-2010, 04:50 PM

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As bad as Cypress had wanted to be first, the process had never seemed to work for him when he had to try and force it. Instead it happened completely unexpected and luckily (in his opinion) it had while he was alone. It had been slightly startling and he had no control at the time. But he had wanted it and embraced it. Though now he knew not what to do with the new body. He still felt far more at home on his four legs than two. "It will happen eventually, don't worry." He said trying to encourage his brother without giving away what he already knew. He wasn't ready for Alder to know. He wanted momma to be the first to know.

Absentmindedly he bit his lip. Wondering if she should run off and try to find her now since Alder obviously wasn't attached to her at the moment. But that probably meant she was busy anyway. He sighed, the boy was anxious. Wanting to share the news before either of his brothers had the chance. Alder obviously hadn't developed the skill yet, though Cypress had to admit that was hardly a surprised. But what about Oak?

No longer suspecting that Alder knew his secret. The boy was starting to see the conversation and what Alder's point really was. "You're not scared, are you?" The question was rather accusing. A grin pulled at the corners of his mouth, though Cypress had no idea his lips were beginning to curl a bit of cruel smile. The change was inevitable and Cypress saw no point in worry about anything he could not do anything about. Just put your head down and shoulder it. Alder needed to learn to accept the truths of the world.

Alder · 12-30-2010, 05:14 PM

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Alder was content on waiting, but it seemed like such a big deal. This was important, everyone used their many different forms (or so he was led to believe). He needed it, needed to hands just as his mother did to till soil and to reach up and touch tree branches as his brothers had when they were little. His patience was non existent here, and it was fear that had chased it away.

His brother's words were easy for Alder to accept, their mother had been saying the same thing. It would come, the day would come and he should start trying and it wouldn't be hard at all. Alder believed her, of course. But there was still a small voice in his mind that said that there would be troubles and that he would feel a pain he had not ever felt before. As he looked on he could see that there was something that Cypress held back.

Alder wondered what it was, and with the expulsion of new words he figured that this was what that was. His ears fell flat, to be afraid was not something to be proud of but Alder was not a liar. there was a long pause before he admitted A little, I think. He didn't want to be, but how was he able to convince himself to not be when even mother couldn't convince him.

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Cypress · 01-03-2011, 06:41 PM

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The more he watched the face of his masked brother, how his ears fell back and the apprehension in his eyes, it became evident that Alder was not looking forward to the change. It was silly thing to fear. Cypress had been excited, and nervous, the first time it had happened. It was something that everyone went through and Cypress had known that. So what was there to fear? How bad could it be if everyone had to go through and continued to do it on a near daily bases.

Had it not been for his upbringing and the importance his mother had put on telling the truth Cypress would have been tempted to fill his brother's mind with horrors that had never happened. Only to see if he would believe it. A tale of some poor fool whose first attempt at shifting had left them stuck in neither one form nor the other, but some deformed mix of both. Such a tale would only send Alder crying to Anu and Cypress was sure he would catch hell for telling any such tale. Besides, at seeing the fear in his brothers eyes that such a story would bring Cypress would feel horribly guilty, even if he did find the idea amusing to begin with.

"But why? Everyone does it eventually. So, what is there to be afraid of, you big baby?" His tone was critical as he stared at his brother. His words were harsh as he nearly spat them at the other, far more timid youth as he came to the end of his words. If he was as big as Alder he wouldn't be afraid of anything. Not even the dark!

Alder · 01-04-2011, 12:44 PM

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Alder just didn't know. He didn't know what it would feel like and the mystery was just as painful as the shock of it would be. He didn't know what allowing it to come smoothly would be better then being so tense at the idea and that he should try to provoke it before it came over him with a fury. No one could give him those answers, not to questions he was too embarrassed to ask. The other's knew what to expect, they were anticipating the joy of having a brand new form to play in. He, it felt, was in the dark and cast to the side.

Cypress' words were a shock to the boy, and he couldn't look at his face as he processed them. It was not the first time that Alder had felt Cypress had an ill feeling towards him, but it was the harshest thing he had ever spoken. Indeed the masked boy was big, bigger then his brothers, but it didn't mean that his personality was to be as large. But should it? It wasn't fair, for either of them, for Cypress to be without the stature he desired and for Alder to be without the courage to match his height.

He kept his gaze down, a horrible feeling a guilt and sadness over coming him. He tried to steel himself, but could only shove so much of the insult back to into his brother's face. I am not. But it felt like he was about to cry, just like the baby his brother called him. Alder just wasn't a fighter.

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Cypress · 01-11-2011, 12:22 AM

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written in bed, so if its not coherent or doesn't flow plz tell me!

His word were mean. He hadn't meant them to be, but they were. What was worse was that he didn't feel sorry for them at all. Well, he did feel a little sorry as he saw the hurt in Alder's eyes, but that emotion was cast aside by the hot, glowing embers of anger and jealousy that had taken seed in his chest. Cypress felt that the words he had spoken rang true as much as they were an act of name calling. Name calling was wrong, as momma had taught them, but she had also taught them to tell the truth and so Cypress was happy with his little loop hole that left him feeling far less guilty than he ought. For the now, at least.

It wasn't as if he did not love his brother. For he did, it was just so frustrating that Alder couldn't seem to see the potential of what he had been given at birth. What Cypress lacked. Though the darkest boy was guilty of the same crimes he charged his brother with. For Cypress also was not as small as he felt. He was smaller than his brothers yes, but his height was nearing the high end of average. But with hulking masses like his brothers or even Jazper to compare himself with it was no wonder the boy thought himself a little on the small side.

"Are too! You cling to mother like you still suckel at her teet like a whelp!" He spat back, convincing himself that is best that Alder come to realize this truth. His ears flat back and the hair on his neck started to stiffen as he felt the anger grow in his chest. He better not cry! He better not. Shifting was not so bad. This was not so bad. Cypress knew what fear was. He had felt it to the core of his bones one dark, dreadful night. The boy had feared for his very life that night. But Alder was scared of everything. Everything! At least that's how it seemed. It was foolish and no way for his brother to live. He needed to learn to push past his uncertainty and fear or he would never experience life. Cypress just didn't know how to get that message out there.

Alder · 01-11-2011, 10:12 AM

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i thought it was good!

There was no doubt that honesty was preached by the three tree-pup's mother. She spoke of it constantly, and if that was the defense for Cypress' harsh words then Alder wouldn't have been able to say anything against it. Anu had taught then that speaking the truth was to give light to those that searched in the dark, that to be honest was one of the more honorable things a beast could do and thus made them honorable themselves. But Alder did not see his words as simply shedding light on a disclosed truth. He saw them as hurtful and though they did hold truth their mother had also taught them that if they didn't have anything nice to say it was best to not say anything at all.

To counter his two little words Cypress brought forth a insult that made Alder wish he could simply disappear. No one had ever said such a thing to him, no one had ever been so mean. His blue eyes couldn't even look up from the ground, and his heart was so low in his chest that it seemed to poison his stomach and twist it up and make him want to wretch. If he could had been smaller, Alder would have. There was little that the boy could do, for it wasn't anger that came to him. It was sadness. Sadness in that he was beginning to believe that what Cypress said was right, and that he wasn't worth his own skin.

Am not He said, the only defense that he could come with. It was weak and he couldn't even match it with a glare. He looked at the ground, brows tight and his face set in a deep frown. He was such a baby, he was. Alder couldn't help it. He needed his mother and she needed him too. Cypress left her, all by herself every day and Alder was the only one to keep her company. His attempt to rationalize his attachment was even too weak for the boy to believe himself.

Alder felt the sting of tears in his eyes, but couldn't control them from freeing themselves from his slightly closed lids...

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