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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Get up.
_____ Ahren’s eyes snapped open the moment he heard her voice in his head. The smoke and the fire were all around and he was very suddenly drawn back to Europe. He saw Jasper, saw Matinee, saw the flames. Then all too suddenly he was back in his own body and another voice was whispering in his ear. You’ve done it before, did you do it again? Ahren pushed that voice away and scrambled to his feet. He hadn’t done this. Instinct told him to move and experience told him to cover his mouth and nose from the soot, but there was nothing left, everything was burning and there was no stopping it.
_____ Laruku’s cry reached his ears and he spun, understanding without knowing how what was being said. That was not simply a warning, it was a suicide note. With a snarl, Ahren was off and running, well aware of the danger to his own safety. Soon, he saw the man he was looking for—laying on the grave, eyes closed. Above him, a branch let out a furious moan and Ahren acted on impulse. He rushed forward and yanked the hybrid out of the way. Unfortunately, his timing was off. The branch fell and caught him on the side of the face and on his arm, neatly burning off half of his hair and making him yowl as something hot got in his eye. Shaking his head frantically and stumbling, he hit the ground, no longer capable of thinking coherently.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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Maybe he should have expected it in a way. They were all better people than that, better than he thought most people should be and were made to be. How could he react? He was a half-suffocating rag doll, tattered and torn, just waiting to burn. There was anger somewhere in the pit of his stomach, but something kept it from reaching the rest of him. He was simply ungrateful; he had no right to be angry. Idiot, slipped from his lips before he could think of other words. Get the hell out of here while you still have the chance! Instinctive, obligatory. They had both waited for this apocalypse. There was no reason for both of them to die here though, the princes of another time, a dying land.
He was a hypocrite. He knew that too. The hybrid was on all fours, snarling something his face couldn't feel in the smoke and the heat. He could hardly see Ahren; his throat was dry and his eyes were watering. The fire felt too close and the laughter was cackling that they were already in hell. It was probably true. Get the fuck out, Ahren. It was more emotion than he'd had in a long time and he wasn't even feeling it; he just sounded like it was there. Get away from here.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Ahren’s coughed, tried to open his eye but found it wasn’t working. He forced himself to his hands and knees and with one eye open saw Laruku screaming at him. He couldn’t hear initially. Finally, though, he managed to make sense of the words. Deep in his chest the growl started, rising as he kept his head low breathing the smoke in and very aware of the heat all around them. This was no hell. This was a dangerous place to be and this was not how it was going to end. He wasn’t going to let Laruku throw himself away like this. It was too easy. You mean for him to suffer, don’t you?
_____ Maybe. If that’s what it meant to be alive. Ahren reached forward and grabbed Laruku by the throat. “Shut up,” he hissed. Another tree fell in a heap and Ahren looked away, startled. Only then did Laruku’s body give way and fall, landing on his own. Ahren swore and coughed, getting to his feet. He began to drag Laruku away from the edges of the forest, knowing that he would have to carry him. All ready, though, his head was throbbing and his arms were shaking. He coughed again, this time with enough force to bend him over, and wondered vaguely if this was really how it was going to end.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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It was the burning smoke that he sucked in through his nostrils that woke him. He coughed, harsh and hard, and lifted himself from his pile of blankets to see what was happening. When eyes were finally able to focus, at least as much as they could through the smoke, he knew exactly what was going on. Not again. Suddenly panicked, hands grabbed for the blankets around him as he scrambled through the tree house, holding tightly to them. In his sudden rush of panic, one of the blanket twisted it's way around his legs, sending him flying forward as he moved for the exit. He missed the ladder, tumbling down to the ground and landing with a harsh thud. He couldn't let it stop him though, not with the fire around. Skittering forward, Jasper stuffed the blankets into his wagon and grabbed hold of it, racing through the lands.
In his mad rush through the lands, Jasper had managed to pull just one of blankets from the wagon, holding it against his muzzle as he charged forward. The sound of cracking branches sent him off in various directions, eyes watering from both smoke and fear, crying into the blanket as he went. He couldn't see or smell very much, which was why he practically barreled over his father. Upon realizing Ahren was just in front of him, dragging Laruku, Jasper stopped, hesitated a moment, and shouted. "Dad! It wasn't me!" Sure, it might have been funny, but the worry that he would take the blame and events from the past would replay themselves was the first thing that popped into his head. Moving forward a few more steps, Jasper eyed the two, and jerked the wagon closer. "Put him in there and we can get out of here!"
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Someone ran into his back and Ahren looked up with a start. Jasper. The boy spoke, shouting through a blanket, but Ahren’s face twisted in confusion at his words. It was not until his son brought the wagon forward that the blonde understood. Grabbing Laruku under the arms and pulling him up, the three year old got the hybrid’s body into the wagon. He grabbed a blanket from the mass, throwing it over his head and quickly contorting the smaller male’s body into the wagon as best he could. Once that was done, he ripped the cloth in two, throwing half of it over Laruku’s muzzle and holding the other against his own.
_____ Motioning with his hand, Ahren directed his son towards the stream. They followed this, the smoothest path for the wagon, until crossing outside of what had once been Chimera’s territory. Here, Ahren again directed them, this time west. Just outside of the territory was an old road, and it was this which they would follow. The farmland out here had burnt up quickly, and was now just smoldering ash. They had avoided the worst of the fire, and would as long as they followed the road west.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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All of the odd looks, the snickers that no one wanted him to hear, they were now all for naught. Jasper had always known having something with wheels was a good thing, even if it was just a little red wagon. Waiting while his father situated Laruku into the wagon, Jasper coughed harshly, pressing the blanket closer in to his muzzle. At the motion of his father he followed, trudging forward and pulling the newly weighted down wagon behind them. The tears had dried up by now, leaving no threat of returning. The panic was gone from him because, even if they didn't have the best relationship in the world, he felt more secure with his father.
The boy was able to pull the wagon with more ease once they reached the road, following the direction of his father as he motioned for them to continue along. The smoke and flame was thinning out the nearer to the mountain that they got and, finally, they reached it. He glanced to Ahren once, then back to the burning lands, before continuing on into a dark tunnel, slowing some to be sure he could keep the wagon steady.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ The tunnel was going to be harder for Ahren then anything yet. With his one eye still closed, and the other dry from the smoke, he could barely make out anything. Once he ran into an abandoned car, which left a resounding metal thud ricocheting through the area. From here on out, Ahren kept one hand in front of him. The tunnel felt like it must have gone on for miles—it was nearly completely dark, and silent except for their feet and the wagon’s wheels. The roar of the fire behind them continued, though it offered very little light.
_____ There were no other cars in here, which struck Ahren as peculiar. Still, the place they had left behind did not belong to men anymore. Their automobiles had served them little good. After what felt like eternity, there was the faintest glimmer of light from the other side. Ahren kept walking towards it, coughing to clear his lungs, and when they reached the end he walked out, looking up to the dark sky. It would be dawn soon, but the fire to the east was still bright. One hand went to his son’s shoulder and pulled him close. This was to be a brave new world.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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The thought of questioning whether his father was alright or not had come to mind, but it wasn't something that he wanted to bring up and cause any anger. Instead, Jasper continued to pull the wagon through the darkness, only the sound of the wagon wheels to give him any sort of comfort. Honestly, he hated the dark, but at least he wasn't alone. At least he was being sort of helpful, for once in his life. His eyes were slow to adjust once the light began to shine in, even if it was only the faint light of the early morning, squinting as they drew near to what seemed to be an exit. He took a deep breath as they stepped out of the darkness, slowing his steps until he finally stopped.
The boy coughed faintly, clearing the remnants of smoke and ash from his lungs, and turned his head to the sky. It was beautiful, really, and the fire hadn't touched this side of the mountain. His attention was pulled away by the hand on his shoulder, he drew his head around, looking at his father as if to ask "Now what?".
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Ahren looked down at his sun, left eye finally open. It hurt like hell and his vision was foggy from that side, but he didn’t care. They were alive. He looked around the area and spotted a small stream not far off. It wasn’t much, but they needed water and they needed shelter. “Let’s get some sleep,” he said, voice gruff from the amount of ash he had swallowed. The blonde and his son moved from the road, and Ahren lifted Laruku from the wagon, setting him on the ground. From there, he moved to the stream and drank greedily, as if he might never get the chance again.
_____ Moving back to the side of the road, he walked down a few yards and craned his head up. The height of the mountains was greater then he had imagined. Distantly, someone was howling, calling for others. Ahren did not—and he motioned for his son to follow suit. In time they would find others, if that was how it was to be. For now though, they were on their own.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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He wasn't sure what to do or say now. Had it not been for running in to his father and Laruku, it was safe to say that he would probably still be trying to find a way out of the lands. What made it even worse was the sudden feeling of shame in his gut. He hadn't even tried to look for his father, just got lucky that he'd run in to him. He wanted to speak, to tell him that they needed to take care of his eye, but the boy couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he gave a slow nod of his head at the words spoken and followed along behind.
When they reached the stream, Jasper held the wagon steady while his father removed the body of their former Alpha. He seemed to be breathing, perhaps just out of it from the smoke, but still it concerned him. Releasing the handle, he followed suit, making his way to the stream for a long drink. Afterward, he merely followed the direction of his father, keeping close to him, all the while examining the new lands as much as he could.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Ahren thought of a dozen things that night, staring up at the mountain. He thought of Chimera, of all the things he had done, of how he had burnt the church (and the cabin, and the car), of fighting his father, meeting Matinee, watching his children grow up, and eventually leaving. For it all he remained stoic, quiet and contemplating all that could have been. Perhaps one day he would have come to terms with things there. Perhaps he would have died quietly, an old man, or violently like his father. Instead he had been chased from a fire his own son had started (though he did not know this), and was now going to have to reinvent his world.
_____ Quite suddenly, Ahren began to laugh. He laughed boyishly, nearly hysterically, laughed until he had to sit on the road and then he laughed some more. Finally, he regained his composure. Still grinning, with his burnt hair sticking up wildly, he must have looked mad. “It wasn’t me…oh shit…you’re a fucking card, Jasper.”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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It was to hard for him to sleep but not only because of everything that had just happened. Perhaps he was spoiled in a way, but he just couldn't get over the concept of sleeping outside. It was uncomfortable and, piled together with the fire and panic, it made it so the boy couldn't sleep. He'd laid the blanket out as soon as they had stopped and settled himself on it, simply staring out across the unknown lands. He wasn't sure where they were going or what they would do when they finally got enough energy to continue on, and it bothered him a little. Who else made it? Who else might they come across?
The thoughts were quickly lifted from his mind when the laughter started. Startled and confused, Jasper turned to his father with wide eyes, simply watching. He spoke then and the boy's ears fell back against his head for only a second before perking right back up. He chuckled a little, quietly, and nodded his head. "Yeah.." It was all he could manage though because, honestly, he was almost expecting to be blame for the fire.
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They were dreams, he knew, real memories and falsified memories that ran and ran before melting together at the end of the tunnel and screaming like a banshee. The laughter never stopped and his throat was throbbing. It felt like fire, was fire, burning blood and the hands of a lover. Shadows stood over his head and he coughed, a vain attempt to spew all of the black carbon from his aching lungs. The head between his shoulders was heavy and felt unbalanced; picking it up was the hardest thing he could ever remember doing, but he couldn't remember much, as usual. It was black all around him and the air was different, foreign and unfamiliar in a way he had never known it to be.
Laruku had not been away from home for almost three years. It terrified him to a degree that even he didn't understand and he shuddered in the empty night. His eyes opened automatically, prompted by something, perhaps a noise, that he immediately forgot. What... He coughed again, feeling dizzier and weaker the more he held on to consciousness. Where t'hell r'we. There were silhouettes around him, but they were just silhouettes. He coughed again and tried to squeeze the dust from his eyes. He already missed the fog.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ The night could have ended then, with the two de le Poer’s in the darkness, but a third party woke. Ahren nearly jumped, but he was seated and therefore unable to. Pushing himself up he moved over towards the hybrid, dropping to a squat and eyeing Laruku curiously. He wasn’t dead, but he wasn’t all right. His eyes were cloudy. It wasn’t until exactly that moment that he remembered his own eye, but right now he had to be the adult. He had to be the leader. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “Once your vision clears, go to the stream, drink, and clean yourself up.”
_____ He wouldn’t push him. Standing, hearing his knees pop, the wolf grimaced and made his way back towards his son. Ahren sat, almost dejectedly, and sighed. He didn’t have anything except the belt on his waist, the knife on his hip, and the cigarettes and matches in his bag. After considering the impact, Ahren exclaimed ‘fuck it’ in German and drew a cigarette, lighting it and sucking down a drag. He coughed again, but the nicotine coursed through his system and let his nerves settle.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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Sudden impulses ran through his head as he tried to shake away the heaviness of his skull and the aching in his lungs. He wanted to run, to bolt away without looking back; he wanted to dive into the soft sound of trickling water, and he wanted to screaming back at the screaming that always echoed in the background. A voice from the night gave him orders, but he didn't immediately recognize it or understand the words. His vision remained hazy but he dragged himself to his feet in a haphazardly robotic attempt to do what he was told. All of his limbs ached. Why? What the hell had happened? Why did everything seem so dream-like and unfamiliar?
Maybe he really was dead.
The water was cold and vaguely, he remembered that winter really hadn't ended that long ago. But the breeze was warm and the ground was softer than it had been a few weeks prior. Liquid soothed his aching throat but with each swallow still came the urge to cough. His coat was covered in soot and ash; he had already begun to block it out, the events of the immediate past that he had come to instinctively push away. Had there been a fire? His eyes, redder than usual, wandered towards lit cigarette and blonde hair. Familiarity was hammering him in the skull, but his mind was too hazy to know. Despite this, his mouth knew and so words came. What... happened to your eye? Deja vu. Deja vu. Everything only happens again.
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Imaloser!
There was a very faint sound of movement suddenly, quickly followed by coughing, and Jasper turned his head quickly. His eyes were immediately met with the sight of Laruku moving around, meaning that the other male was alright. Jasper was just about to turn his head back toward his father, only to find that Ahren was suddenly passing him, making his way to the other hybrid. Quiet, the younger male watched a moment as his father started to get Laruku situated. He couldn't be sure if Laruku remembered the fire, or if he was even awake for it, and that was what the boy had been listening for. The conversation didn't seem to be going that way though and Jasper turned away from them, staring off into the night.
And just like before he was invisible again. Maybe it was selfishness that led him to believe those sorts of things, but somehow he didn't think, with Laruku now alert, he would be getting that much attention from his father anymore. Shifting himself atop the blanket, Jasper laid down, curling up into a ball in an attempt to sleep, despite the fact that he was already certain he'd just lay there awake the whole time.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Ahren remained silent for a long time. He could have explained everything, but Laruku knew. Laruku had been there. He had been there. So he stared at the darkness blankly, never once looking back to his companions. “It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly, inhaling on the cigarette. He sat there until the cigarette had burnt down to the point it nearly burnt his fingers. Then he rubbed it out in the dirt and put his hands to his face. Ahren did not speak again that night, and only moved to sleep away from his companions. He didn’t remember falling asleep, or if he did sleep, but he did not move from that spot.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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He didn't receive a reply, but it was just as well. He probably wouldn't have been able to comprehend it anyway. Laruku didn't bother moving again to a more comfortable location; he just lay down where he was on the riverbank so all he could hear was the rushing of water. It was the only familiar thing he could extract from his surroundings; even his companions seemed strange and unfamiliar, smelling of soot and ash, of a burning dead place that no longer existed. Maybe he had really died and this was hell. Maybe he would wake up tomorrow morning and his entire life would fade away like a bad dream. He closed his eyes and thought of fire. He didn't know what was real, but like many other things, it just... didn't matter.
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