It Slips Through Your Fingers

Selene D'Angelo · 01-12-2011, 04:28 PM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Noelle; 512 words

Sele had slipped out of Anathema's pack lands, of course it wasn't by much. She wanted to remain near home back had gotten away enough to hopefully not be found by those in the pack. She had her issues and she didn't want to share them with everyone else. But she couldn't get too far away in case her pup needed her. Still she had to get away from him too. She left him to play with his cousin to keep him entertained. So with that taken care of she was free to do as she pleased. She didn't have to check in with anyone or have a certain job to complete within the pack lands so she didn't have to stick around. Because of that she went not so far away to a small little village that she had found in the woods.

She had been to this place before. Because of that she had bypassed the sawmill, already having found that the blade in there were too large for her to handle. She didn't need to go to the other end where the rocks and the farmlands were either. Her path was straight. She went right to where the lazy river those. Hidden in the open roots of a tree nearby she pulled out her sharp rock from the hole, with her having had to sit on the ground to get to it, then crawled over to the river that moved so slowly that the water had frozen. Not that such hardly mattered because the ice could be easily broken since the water wasn't even that deep to begin with.

Staring at the frozen surface of the river where the ice had blurred her reflection she picked up the rock into her hand and held onto it firmly. She brought the sharp, jagged edge down upon her leg and cut through the fur on her thigh. She made sure to dig in deep enough and hard enough to split the skin to allow for blood to slip out and stain her fur. She couldn't mark up her arms since she depended on her hands for transportation but the legs didn't matter so much. And it was because of this secret that she had to leave the pack lands. She didn't want the others finding out what she did in her free time and stopping her.

Gaze was moved away from her distorted reflection to look upon the line of red that had formed on her leg and started to stain the fur around the area. Since the blood remaining on the fur would make it harder to hide she used her rock to break the ice. She picked up the piece of broken ice and rubbed it against her leg to quickly get the blood out of the fur. She then picked up the rock and cut another area to clean away from the blood from the fur. To her this way was therapeutic procedure. This helped her to deal with all of her inner demons and the darkness inside.

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Saluce Tremblay · 01-13-2011, 10:10 PM

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“I got my head, but my head is unraveling, can’t get control, can get track of where it’s traveling, I got my heart but it’s no good. You’re the only one that’s understood I come along but I don't know where you're taking me, I shouldn't go but you reaching back and shaking me,Turn off the sun pull the stars fom the sky,The more I give to you the more I die ,And I want you”NIN-The Perfect Drug

The heart raced, pitching turning upside down crazy in a tranquil madness encompassing his being. Why was the grey faced male here, seeking things he shouldn’t be wanting, was it for want of things he could never have? Yawning and stumbled upon the earth, the coat of winter printing a depressing scene on some studio campus clearly meant for some rich lot enjoying their nice cozy fire. Lover or destroyer, to take and give and yet never receive was his journey, what did he hope to find here up north. Had he truthfully walked out of Dahlia to scout out this new pack, or was he out on some personal journey for tail, all he knew was he had to get out, and look. None of the females in Dahlia had caught his eye since he broke things off with Layla and now he had those familiar self destructive urges swirling around his head that no amount of zealous praying and self deprecation could give him the cure he sought.<

Heart pure and head full of un pure, contradictions arise to slowly unveil a gavel of worth that would melt just as easily as it was looked upon. Could this mess be described with simple words? Could the boredom that he faced easily be overcome by religion or by some divine god that wished to heal him of his weaknesses? Steps could easily turn into a run, could turn into a fall from grace, could easily replace light with black and the thought itself didn’t bother him, almost made him grin at the prospect of reverting to old ways. Of having a little fun out here in this virgin wasteland of do gooders and boring lots. A binge of Alcohol sounded like a damn fine idea as well, to waste his brain cells and accomplish nothing other than making an ass out of himself.

As time went on and the disturbed male scoped out the new pack from a distance he contemplated why he felt so fucked up now. He wasn’t normally this self destructive, a strong sense of self preservation usually drove his mind and body toward further adventures but now though it seemed as if it was all lost. Even his usual feelings of protection where just shadows now, he didn’t even think he knew himself anymore. This brief glimpse of clarity was short lived as the fire that reached his nose brought along with it visions of battle, a taste of death and a bad addiction bringing itself to the surface.

His form walked on auto pilot, so close to their borders any trouble would likely mean battle and for the moment he cared not what consequences would lay at Conor’s feet because of his actions. Slowly his formed moved, like a snake coiling wanting to hear that brief hike of anger in a growl, to give him a reason to blindly attack and kill. Those blue eyes burned with a passion that hadn’t been seen for some time, and the slight smile across his lips only helped to add further proof to just how much he wanted something.

But he was disappointed, just as he rounded a bend toward a hidden away creek. The little form of a female and her own demons filled his vision as he studied her, wondering just what the hell she was doing. For a brief few moments he stood there silently observing, wondering if she had noticed him already or if she was off in her own little world without knowledge that the devil himself had answered her call. The blood only further complicated matters, that it drove the male more than anything, moth to flame, fly to bug zapper he stared utterly mesmerized for a few moments. And he would stay that way, as if fulfilling some sick twisted little urge he had that he shared with no one, no he wouldn’t interrupt this heavenly scene for now.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-16-2011, 10:06 PM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Noelle; 346 words

"Useless Sele, useless." She muttered the words out to herself as she made another mark upon her own flesh and immediately washed it away. This sparse moments by herself seemed to be the only time that she didn't have to pretend that everything was okay. She didn't have to put on that smile and act like all was right in the world when it wasn't. Her older son was gone and she couldn't imagine that her daughter would stay around too much longer. Her younger son had started to drift away too as he didn't always want his mother around for his games. She was losing everyone that she had clung to. Even Nani, her sister had her own litter mate back and didn't really need her around anymore. She hadn't even seen the wolves that she had met that wished to seek acceptance to the pack around. Had she scared them off?

"Stupid Sele, so stupid." Tears slipped onto her cheeks as she made another mark on her body. It wasn't the pain from the created wound that had caused it but from the pain that she was feeling inside. No, the cuts were a release. A way that she could finally deal with what it was that she was feeling inside. A way to cope with all of the negative feelings that she had. It was only when she was by herself that she could finally admit that everything wasn't really okay.

So no, she didn't realize anyone was around and watching. If she did then she wouldn't be able to do this. She wouldn't be able to continue with her mutilation. No, she would have to act as if she wasn't doing anything and that everything really was okay when it clearly wasn't. But she couldn't let anyone know that. They would try to stop her and her self destructive ways if they were to know. That was why she had to make sure she had some time to be alone in order ot be able to confront herself and her personal demons.

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Saluce Tremblay · 01-19-2011, 09:43 PM

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For a reason, if in the end of it all it mattered, he stayed and observed the women. Cutting herself in some terrible loathing self hating act that reminded him of how he currently felt about himself. But it was all to interfusing. The scene before him stirred familiar feelings in him, to help to stop, to intervene but he didn’t he just watched with some sick twisted sort of satisfaction. Was he getting off on this little display, was he that depraved that blood and the vision of a beauty such as her together seemed to bring his obsessions to another height?

Finally he decided that he just needed to speak up, least she grew angered at his presence for such a long time. She had obviously come out here by herself for a private act. He could have just left, would have been easier but it wouldn’t have cured his curiosity for this white beauty. It might have been the better choice but fuck, he wasn’t in the mood to make the right choice.

He cleared his throat before speaking to alert her to him. “Are you alright miss” he played it off as he had just walked up, smelled her injuries and decided to assist.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-20-2011, 06:03 PM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Noelle; 328 words

The sound of the voice had her quickly dropping the rock to hide between her thighs. She wasn't certain how to explain what she had been doing. She hadn't ever expected to get caught in the act. But maybe he hadn't seen that she had done it to herself? It was a feeble hope but the only one that she had to go on for now. The only thing that she could cling to since his voice had been concerned rather than accusatory. Maybe she had lucked out. After all she came all the way out here to be alone as she performed this private ritual. It meant that she wanted to be alone during it. That she didn't want to be stopped from what she was doing. It was why it was kept a secret. So that no one could prevent it from happening.

She rubbed the ice on her thigh to get rid of the evidence of blood as she lifted her head and turned it to look towards the male. "I'm fine. I uh... I just ran into something and got scratched up." It was a feeble lie but the only thing that she could think of without being forced to tell the truth. She was almost certain that there was some sort of sharp or jagged object for her to have passed by and injured herself on out here. At least she hoped there was. Or that he wouldn't end up asking too many questions.

"So uh, do you stay out around here?" She was trying to distract from what she had been doing. Sele really couldn't think on her toes. She couldn't figure out what to ask or say to keep from questions being asked. She had no idea how to distract. It was just another thing that she failed at. Just something else that she couldn't do. Something else that would plague her and she would have to punish herself for later.

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Saluce Tremblay · 01-23-2011, 03:16 PM

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The smile spread slightly across his lips as that angelic voice crossed his ears. So soft and innocent sounding for someone who just moments ago were cutting themselves. But he had to dial back the predatory nature of his current state, the fire burning in him now for this woman even if he didn’t know her. It seemed they both where lying to each other, and he found the act quite amusing. But he kept his head about him, knowing he had to play his cards right so to speak.

“I hope your okay now?” he asked quietly ignoring her request for information about him for the time being. His tall form knelt down beside her taking an interest in the cuts she had sustained, blue eyes taking in the flawed women’s beauty.

“I’m not from here, farther south and to the west. Out here investigating the new pack.” His eyes finally moved towards hers for the moment as he looked at her face. Somewhere in the rotten core of his being he felt sorry for her, the pain that caused her to do such an act clearly meant she suffered from something in her past. Maybe they weren’t so different, each taking out their own self doubt in different ways but still they suffered. Maybe that thought itself made him feel a slight endearing nature to this white female. If he could shake his current foul thoughts maybe he could keep from bringing harm to her in the future. That thought alone was his best quality, his nature to protect and serve.

“I do hope you aren’t scared, it would be a shame for such a beauty like you to be scarred.” It was a double comment, maybe she would understand that he had been watching her, or maybe she would just take it at face value. But his eyes drifted back down to her legs, noticing their slender nature, it added an air of beauty to her even though he didn’t understand the reason for her handicap.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-30-2011, 09:22 PM

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None would think that someone such as Sele was capable of doing what she did. Not when she always put on a happy little smile for everyone else. Not when she proved to be kind and caring to all that she met. She worried about others. She felt bad when they were injured. Such a thing extended to everyone but herself. She just was unable to feel the same way about herself. To care about herself as she did for others. No, she ended up blaming herself for all that went wrong. She took the blame for every little thing upon herself, even the things that she could absolutely have no part in she still blamed on herself. After all she had to have affected it somehow. That was the only way that it could ever make sense. At least in her own mind that was the only possible and plausible way.

So that smile was in place as he spoke to her, wishing her well. She nodded her head before speaking up in response to his words. "I am fine." She assured him even though she wasn't really. She hadn't actually been okay in quite a long time. But this was a pain that she could deal with at least. It was better than suffering quietly with everything trapped away inside of her head. When it was marked away on her flesh it could easily heal. It was in a place where she could watch it heal. The ugliness was taken from the inside and placed on the outside.

"You are still a little bit away from the new pack." She lifted a hand so that she could point in the general direction of where the pack was at. "It is still a bit further that way. Do you know Naniko and are going to see her?" After all her sister seemed to know quite a number of others. She had met some that had come just to see Nani. It seemed her sister was popular no matter where she went. That was something Sele could certainly never say for herself. She couldn't think of any single being that would want to see her. That would care enough to come looking for her should anything happen. After all she was sitting out in the woods all by herself and no one was even looking for her. She bet no one had even though to even begin to do so.

His next words confused her though. She was already scarred up so she didn't understand what it was that he meant. "Already have scars." She said as she shifted to show off the scars that were on her hip. She had gotten those when she was still little. Not to mention the ones forming on her legs as she continued to cut herself. There were some that were near healing. And of course there were plenty more throughout all stages of the healing process. Then again she was also cutting at different intervals.

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