Laying there, the only warning thing was the fire. There was that knife that was digging deeper and deeper between the two of them, his eyes narrowed down at her. A question, a dis-belief, a doubt. Did she really feel like he was that stupid to believe she would up and leave a second pack just for him. After she just got her son back, and she finally was gaining the trust of the leader in the pack. The black male rolled his eyes at her, as he slowly and painfully shifted his weight around and rolled his back to her, feeling the fresh womb that had started healing, rip right back open. He dug his claws into the ground and pulling back in pain, he couldn't take it.
No words where needed once again for her to know what his thoughts where, as he again risked hurting him-self more and curled up, wrapping his tail under him. Why did she have to lie to him? Did she just love seeing the pain that se brought with it?
He turned his back to her, and she felt her heart break again. She wanted to reach out and comfort him; but she was afraid she'd pushed him too far as he curled up, possibly opening to wound up again. She closed her eyes as hot tears rushed to the front. She felt like such a fool. He wanted her to stay, but wouldn't believe it when she promised she would return. She snifled as the tears began to roll dwn her cheeks.
She rolled over onto her belly, cradling her head in her crossed arms, her face away from him. in a pile, a few scant foot distant was the white blonde mane she'd removed from her head. It had been a grand gesture, one which probably went misunderstood. By cropping her hair short and uneven, she was declaring to the world that she was in mourning. She was a fool. She used her arm to muffle the sniffling as she tried not to cry again.
She whispered Rhiannon's name softly, a fervent plea. The golden goddess wouldn't help those who were incapable of helping themselves; but what else could she do? She could return to Lucifer, or she could never leave. but she owed it to her pack leader to let him know she was leaving. And she owed it to Lucifer to stay.
Should he feel bad? Why should he believe her? She had never made a promise to him that she hadn't been able to keep, though he knew that with his life that a promise was so empty. The black male shifted his head back looking at her, with a heavy sigh as he un-coiled his tail letting it brush against her thigh. He wanted to work though this, but she had shifted around the lands more then any other member, they both started out in the one pack, he was exiled, and she was forced to find a new pack once they disbanded. She went to Storm, and took a home there, he stayed as a loner. With a cough, he wanted to talk, finding it hard and painful the male wouldn't let them win.
He didn't want to let her see that he was looking at her, he was going to be alone...if she left. She would find her-self a nice new rank, and she would stay, and then he would be with out the female that he was made for. He wanted to be the male that his father wanted him to be, he wanted to be strong for his family, but the male with the softest touch.
"G..go. it's not like I'll be moving any time soon"
The male coughed again, clutching his stomach, as he grunted back tears, he was strong...he wouldn't cry.
She responded to his gentlt touch subtly, no more than a fraction of an inch of her body yearning towards him. His statement, made her voice sharper that she'd intendied when she responded. I said i would stay and i'm staying, lucifer. It's my fault your hurt, i'm staying with you tonight. She didn't move her head to look at him; she didn't want him to see her cry again. She was tired of crying, but that seemed to be all she could do.
She spoke again, and this time her voice was softer. Go to sleep, mo chroi, I'm not leaving you tonight. I'll be right here, watching over you as you did me, once upon a time. it seemed so long ago, that night in the church, when Shadow had been just a pup.
He couldn't help but his ear flicked back at her harsh tones. She sounded so bitter, that he didn't want her to leave him. She had saved his life, so why shouldn't he forgive her. The male rolled over looking at her her, with his blue eyes looking at her he was troubled. What was there back in the old pack land for her? The black male looked at her, with a shake of his head.
"No...I shouldn't have jumped onto you. I just wanted to make sure you didn't die. You have a daugther that would love for you to join her, and a son that needs his mother. I never had to watch over you, your to bullheaded to let any one watch over you."
The black male hadn't sent any time with his "child" he could only wonder if the boy still knew about him, and loved him like he use to in start.
She whined softly, her ears folding back. She rolled over to look him in the face, uncaring if he saw the tears or not. They glittered in her white pelt like diamonds scattered on white velvet. She reached out, touched his cheek gently. She studided his face as if she could never forget it, as if she were afraid she'd forget it. Lucifer...oh, Lucifer... her voice was sad as she looked at him. I don't deserve you, lucifer...you're too good for me.
She closed her eyes, nuzzling her face under his chin, careful not to touch his fresh bandage in any way. She breathed deeply, trying to control the emtions that were running rampant. her trembling had never fully subsided, except when she was intent on bandaging him and taking care of him. Now she didn't have to worry about that, the quaking began anew.
The male laid there, like he had much of a chioce, he knew with out any words being said that if he was to move around, she would give him an ear ful, though he wasn't ready to take her back just yet, After what she did to him, she was going to have to jump though a few set of hoops, till he was more then postive that she wasn't going to throw up the accusation of cheating on her. It was fair wasn't it? After all she was so free to use her words to hurt him, so wouldn't it be fair to push around his mis-trust in her, till she had proven time after time that she was sorry. Healing him after jumping onto the knife, was something that he had done, to save her. She would need to be at the top of her game in a new lands.
Lucifer pulled away a bit, and shook his head. "Not yet" no way she was going to be able to sungle into him and think every thing is all better, she had hurt him, and hurt him bad. Why should he just close his eyes and think that every thing was better, and she wouldn't do any thing like that again.
She flinched as he pulled away, her bi-colored eyes filling with hurt and understanding. She nodded, rolling to her side again, her back to him. She didn't want to see the mistrust in his eyes, the rejection. His rejection was the only thing she feared...and when he pushed her away -albiet, emotionally-, it was all she had from him. She trembled slightly, as if chilled, though it was emotional exhaustion that made her quiver.
Lucifer knew it would bring pain to her, and in a way that's what he wanted. He wanted to look over at her, shadow over her, and ask her how it felt. How it felt to be pushed away, the male had only offered her more then all the love that he knew how to offer her. It was true that maybe he wasn't able to show the love that he had been shown by both mother figures, had tried to show him. Yes, maybe the male was one that would rather wait till they where alone to show her any public affection to his mate. Really was that so bad? In way he hated that she was so smarter then he was about the humans, and there ways. For Christ sake she knew how to read those stupid "books" maybe his father would have made a better mate then he was, or Summer for that matter.
"Stop your blubbering"
The male whined as he tried to roll over, it hurt...it hurt like hell. His clot shifted, slowly coming apart, maybe if he wouldn't be such a stick in the mud, every thing would have been better.
OOC: I have no clue where to go...he's in a pissed off mood, and in pain, and refuses to take "sorry" as an answer
((Then Deuce will finish it. LOL))
Staring at the clumps of white blonde mane, she suddenly jerked to her feet. She didn't look at Lucifer as she spoke. Obviously, you don't want me here. I'll go. But I'll come home to you, when your in a better mood. She picked up her pack, dropping the small jar of poppy seeds next to him, along with her own bottle of whiskey. I trust you know how to use these. She didn't speak again, just strode off, her back stiff, her fur bristling. She'd hurt the male enough; she'd come back when she felt she wouldn't hurt him anymore.
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