[html] The week had been increasingly confusing, from the moment on the beach all the way to his conversation with Lucifer. Unfortunately for Jasper, things weighed easily on his mind and it took quite some time for them to go away. The most specific one, though, had been the moments that he had spent with the white female on the borders of her pack lands. The things that happened there, the sequence of event, he couldn't get them out of his head no matter how hard he tried. He'd been stressing over it for so long that it was beginning to affect him physically, giving the young male a case of the shakes. He hadn't slept well in weeks and had started eating less and less. Frankly, he looked like shit.
That was part of the reason that he had returned to the Dampwoods, the place that he and his father had somewhat settled down. It had been some time since he had been there, having taken up shelter wherever he could manage just to be alone. He was a shame and felt worthless, not wanting his father or anyone else to even lay eyes on him. He was desperate now though, for some kind of comfort or advice, and had come slinking back home.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Most of his days followed a simple pattern. Ahren would hunt, smoke, and work with his weapon and his leather. He was in the middle of detailing a new strap for the crossbow, and seated on a large stone near a small stream that cut through the area. No area had been permanently settled, and most nights he slept alone, under the stars. Some nights he thought of her, and other nights he thought of other faces, but most of the time he was left in the vast emptiness he had come to accept. Ahren was lonely, this was true, but he did not brood on it. There was no reason to do so.
_____ The knife in his hands worked easily, working holes into the strap. After so long, he took the buckle he had attached earlier this day and tried it. Finding this adequate, he took the time to roll a cigarette and light up. Inhaling and holding his breath for a moment, he considered looking for his companions and decided against it. At his exhale, however, he heard something nearby and his right hand went instinctively for the crossbow, resting on it just-in-case.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] Bi-colored eyes swept the length of the area as Jasper moved, going one way and then another, peering behind trees and whatever else had been blocking the way. Hopefully, no matter how selfish Jasper considered it to be, he would be able to snag something to eat that his father might have left over, but that wouldn't be until after he spoke to him, he promised himself. In all reality, Jasper wasn't entirely certain what he was going to say or how he would bring it up, all that he knew was that he needed some sort of guidance or, at the very least, just someone to tell it all to, and Ahren was really the only one he had now.
He rounded another set of trees and could see something slightly off in the distance, working diligently on something or another. "Dad?" He called out then, sure to announce his presence before continuing farther on. It didn't take the younger male long to close the gap between them, confirming by sight that it was indeed his father. As he neared his steps slowed, horribly so, actually. He barely even got close to his father before the tears started to well up in his eyes, lips already quivering at the threat of an outbreak. "Dad.." He practically croaked, coming to a dead stop in front of the rock.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ The voice belonged to his son—the only son, aside from Gabriel, in the area—and Ahren relaxed slightly. It was not until the boy crossed into his line of vision that the blonde realized something was wrong. Shifting his weight and pulling his legs out from under him, Ahren cocked his head doggishly. He had not cut his hair since removing the dreadlocks, and it fell beyond his shoulders. Sliding from the rock and standing, cigarette still in his hand, he regarded the boy. “What’s wrong?” It seemed peculiar to him, not knowing much of his son’s current patterns, that the boy was so close to tears. His tone was remarkably even; all things considered, he was ready to begin a manhunt.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] Jasper was ready to spill his guts even before his father questioned him. The tears were already well on their way down his face, teeth chewing at his lip in frustration at his own hesitation to speak. Then, all at once, he just let it all go. The intake of breath was a sharp one, both to ready himself to speak and to fight off the shaky feeling that he already knew was coming. "I did some stupid stuff.." It came out as more of a pathetic whine than anything else, followed by another sharp breath. "And now I don't know what to do.." He lifted idle hands then, bringing them up to his face to rub furiously at his own tears.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Ahren’s jaw tightened. It unnerved him to see his son like this. As a boy, Ahren had been taught not to show weakness, by both parents. Damian had always struck him, and made it so feeling anything became difficult. He had not cried until he was an adult, and only after he had lost everything. The first time had been in a military base, locked away and scared to death. The most recent had been months ago, when the heroine withdrawal became so bad he imagined he might die. Thus he was perplexed, and unsure of how to react to such a thing.
_____ He brought the cigarette to his mouth, inhaled deeply, and then spoke again. “Tell me what happened,” he said calmly, careful of his tone.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] "Before the fire I found some bottles and I was looking through them, they looked like that stuff you always drink and then a guy came in and asked if I minded if he drank with me. I told him I didn't mind and he started looking through the bottles and he said we could play a game so we were tossing a cork into a cup but if we missed we had to take a drink." Pause, inhale. "And we were playing and I was having fun but then I felt funny and then we were on the floor and we had sex but I couldn't remember much. When I woke up I tried to go home and find you and I was scared but this coyote found me and he said he could help me but he didn't help me he had me on the ground and he had sex with me tooooo.." And oh, Jasper wasn't anywhere near done, only paused for another breath. "And then the fire happened and I was looking around here for that guy that I drank with and this woman found. She said she knew what happened and she was really angry at me because she was his mate. I didn't mean to make her hurt. I didn't know, but she said I could make it better if I listened to her and then she kissed me and touched me and I was confused and I didn't wanna do it. And she got on top of me and did it all and then she wanted me on top of her and I couldn't do it cause it went away and then she laughed at me and picked on me and it wasn't okay after that and I didn't even want to do that.." All in a few, very large breaths and, of course, he had been crying the whole time. "And I think I'm gay..." Just icing on the cake.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Everything rushed together and it took all of Ahren’s mental prowess to try and understand exactly what his son was saying. Jasper had been drinking and had sex with a man. Then he was…raped? Maybe. He couldn’t tell for certain. Then another person, a woman this time, said the man was her mate. She had raped him. That much was clear. Oh, and Jasper was gay. Ahren’s head was spinning and he had to sit down, leaning against the rock. He smoked for several minutes in silence, his hands shaking. He was furious. Not with Jasper—no, but with those strangers, who had come like thieves in the night and taken the innocence of his boy. All along his spine his fur stood on end and his eyes were blazing. This was not just an attack on Jasper; this was an attack on Ahren by proxy and thus meant he had to respond.
_____ “It’s not your fault,” he said, voice thick. “Nothing that happened is your fault,” he repeated, drawing deeply on the smoke. He could feel the heat nearing his fingers. “Where are they?” He intended to seek these strangers out and lay them to ruin.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] Jasper was, in the very back of his mind, expecting his father to yell at him and tell him exactly how stupid he had been. Instead, all he got was silence, and that in itself was almost frightening. Eventually, as the silence continued, Jasper abandoned trying to fight away the tears and instead allowed his hands to go limp at his sides, staring down at his father through blurred vision. Finally he moved, standing, and Jasper followed him up with his eyes. The words that came were not words that he was expecting and it took a moment for them to register in his brain. Finally, after just standing there a moment, he lifted a hand to point in the direction of Twilight Vale. "Twilight Vale." He answered finally, though his voice picked back up quickly. "Lucifer is okay though-I mean, we're friends. His mate is there though and I don't know about the coyote." He sniffled again, returning his hand to one eye to resume rubbing at the tears.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Twilight Vale. Lucifer. His mate. Ahren marked these things down in his mind, all the while planning, knowing what he would do. One of his sons had gone to war all ready—Ahren was now preparing to wage his own. Inhaling on the cigarette and flicking the ash from the tip, he exhaled heavily, looking down. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you,” he said quietly, knowing it would not change anything. “I’ve been a pretty lousy father.”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] Jasper honestly didn't know what to say. To hear his own father say something like that seemed unspeakable and he could only stand there and stare at him. His hands held each other against his stomach, fingers idly prodding at each other in an awkward sort of fashion. Finally he spoke, his voice quiet and his eyes cast away from the man in front of him. "You didn't do nothin' " He couldn't say much more than that though, but it really hadn't been Ahren's fault that any of it had happened. "And I think Gabriel wanted to eat me.." He added in quietly, hoping that the mention of it and the image it might give his father would at least cheer him up a little bit.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ That was the problem. He hadn’t done anything. He had been so caught up in his happy ending that he had lost his mind when that came crashing down. After that he had abandoned them all, intending to never return. That much he had succeeded in. Ahren barely heard the second sentence, and when it did register, he let out a cough of a laugh, imaging his very angry, doggish son going after his half-brother. “He’s a character,” the blonde admitted, feeling a degree of pride for Gabriel. “You know, he has kids now. You’re an uncle.”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] Jasper smiled then, even if only a little bit, through the tears that slowed down. "Does that mean you're old now?" The smile continued after his comment even, knowing that it might stir some type of a less unhappy feeling. Jasper being Jasper though, he simply couldn't let the good things stay on his mind. That was just another way that he would eventually fail his father, not giving him little grandchildren like he should have. He didn't hint at it though, he'd already told his father enough already, and instead held it in to himself. "Maybe I can see them one day." On a cold day in hell, maybe. Jasper was certainly not brave enough to go there and ask his half-brother if he could meet them.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Ahren snorted, flicking the cigarette away with his fingers. Reaching out with his left hand, Ahren ruffled his son’s hair. “Listen here, kid,” he grunted. “I’m not that old.” Pushing his son away, the blonde grabbed his crossbow and began attaching the leather strips together. “Just for that, you have to make the fire while I hunt.” As he continued with the leather, and slung it over his shoulder, he continued. “I’ll talk to Gabriel sometime. Whatever else he is, he’s family.” Their blood would never change. Tightening the strap over his chest and testing the reach of the crossbow, he nodded smartly and pulled his hair back with a strip of rawhide. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] The reaction that he got was astounding, if not just a little surprising, but it was something that he could live with. He'd pretty much stopped crying completely by then, lifting his arm to straighten out his fair as soon as his father moved away from him. Curious, Jasper watched his father prepare himself, nodding his head at the words spoken. "Ok.." Immediately he turned, ready to go off and gather some wood to start their fire. Before that though, he spun back around to the direction his father was heading, only long enough to speak once more. "Bye Gramps!"
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
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_____ Frowning and shooting Jasper a dirty glare over his shoulder, Ahren muttered in German under his breath, heading off into the forest. He followed vague trails for fifteen minutes until settling on a well used one. Eventually, he came across a fresh scent. All that happened next was a matter of waiting—he settled near a patch of bramble, keeping still. Another fifteen minutes passed in silence before there was movement. A young buck was cavorting down the way, pausing now and again to inspect the scents in the area. Ahren shifted his weight, and rose the crossbow. This part took skill, especially when his depth perception was so thrown off. Of course, having enough time to learn to adapt, Ahren had become an expert.
_____ A pound of pressure and the arrow was flying. It struck the deer in the chest, making him bellow and wheel wildly, and then fall in a heap. The blonde rose and slung the bow onto his back. He grabbed the buck and hurled him up, adjusting to get the animal on his shoulders. Being young, the deer was light. It would be enough for the two of them to have a full meal, at least for this night. Ahren hadn’t eaten much in the past few days, though it barely showed. Making his way back to the campsite, he dropped the buck near the water and pulled out his knife, beginning the dirty work.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] It took the young male a good little while to find logs that were fit enough to make a fire. The previous storms had left most of everything soak or in ruins but, after some time, he had gathered a fitting enough amount and started on actually getting the blaze going. It took him a bit to get going, seeing as how he didn't often have matches of any kind with him and, frankly, he just wasn't that skilled at it. It did start though, and Jasper continued to feed the flames until it looked something like his own father would have started.
He'd been sitting there by the fire for a short while before their was any sign of Ahren's, the very first sign being the sound of him coming. Turning his head, Jasper peered off through the trees to spy his father carry what was, at least to him a grand prize. He said nothing until his father came near and settled in, looking at him and giving a slow shake of his head. "You shoulda called." He said with a faint nod. "You'll hurt your back carrying stuff around like that, old man."
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
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THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ The knife cut the deer’s throat quickly, and it began to bleed out into the creek. He looked up at his son’s comment, and pointed the bloody knife towards him. “Listen,” he said, tone a warning. “You’re pushing it.” Even though Ahren would not hurt his son, his appearance was somewhat frightening. One blind eye, ragged, long hair, and a bloody knife—he could have been Charles Manson in another life. Perhaps he was. Pushing the buck onto its side, Ahren made another expert slice and began to pull out the intestines, throwing them into the creek. From there, he cut out the liver.
_____ “Come here,” he said, waiting until Jasper was close to hand him the organ. “That’s a liver,” he explained, continuing to cut up the deer’s chest. “It’s one of the best things for you to eat.” He dug in and after a terrible wrenching noise, pulled out the heart. “The same goes for the heart. For this, grab something we can put it in. I have some small pots over there,” he gestured towards the rock. He had brought them to hold the materials he had used on the leather contraption. “The rest of the meat,” he explained further. “You can either cook or turn it into jerky. The tougher parts are best for stew.”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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[html] Jasper lifted his brows as his father spoke, eyes widening just a bit as the knife suddenly turned toward him, pointing. Grinning haphazardly, the young male lifted a hand to scratch idly at one ear, a nervous habit that he had picked up somewhere along the line. He knew when to stop though, so there was little worry there, and only responded when he was called over. "Ok.." He mumbled, shuffling quickly to his fathers side. At the feeling of the organ in his hand his nose wrinkled, staring at it a moment before turning back. "Really?" He wasn't all that accustom to eating raw meat and it wasn't particularly his favorite thought. "Just like this?"
He had little time to dwell on the question though, moving off quickly to gather a few of the pots, dropping the liver in to one of them so that he could carry them all. Making his way back, he thumped to the ground, pots clattering as he set them out, holding a particular one up for his father to drop the heart in to. "Could you teach me to make the stew?" He asked then, perhaps a little louder than he would have liked. The stew was a fond memory, the smell often filled their home back in Europe, a sign that they would be eating well. It was, by far, Jasper's favorite out of anything he'd ever had.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
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THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
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_____ “You can eat it raw,” he said, starting to work the skin off the deer. It would be a long process, but needed done. “Otherwise, you slice the liver. I’ve seen people coat it in flower when they cook it.” He shrugged, moving his knife down the deer’s inner leg. “Stew isn’t that hard to make,” he continued, working with practiced ease. “Once I get skin off, I’ll cut the meat up for you. We’re going to need more to make a proper stew, so you might have to do some work.” Sitting up, Ahren rubbed the side of his knife against the deer’s short fur. He looked up to the cloudy sky, listing things off. “A few potatoes, carrots, two onions…salt, rice. If you find cooking wine we can use that too. A bigger pot. Think you can manage all that?”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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