Shiloh had finally got Sarian to relax in her arms. She had found out after she had cleaned Sarian, that the pup was actually a soft shade of silverish grey, a little darker then her own grey and white fur. She was surprised how much energy Sarian would have after she got some sleep and some food in her little tummy. Shiloh had found out that she was old enough to be weened from milk, about a month old. Sarian was still thin but was already showing signs of filling out. Shiloh found herself completely caught up in taking care of Sarian and showing the still skittish pup that she wouldn't leave her alone.
On this partular day Shiloh had taken Sarian out of the apartments and taken the pup down to the river. Shiloh wore her human clothes and the cross she found along with a few other things that she thought would be useful. She had let Sarian go in the grass and Stet out a blanket for the two of them. She ws surprised that Kiara wasn't there with them but she knew the woman needed a break from them. "Don't go fa...far Sarian" she said as the pup ran in the small field they were in, always running back to Shiloh when she strayed to far. It was cute.
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ooc: 473 words.
The dark veil of depression still shrouded the female, though with some lessening weight. Her encounter with Rendall had gradually pulled her from the abysmal depths of her own self-pity, but still her heart was burdened with longing. Had it not been for her companion's screeching, his relentless coaxing her from her enclosure, she would have again slept the day away with an iota of guilt.
She followed her responsibility as an Envoy and remarked the borders of Ichika to show it was guarded. She wandered along the borders of the Pheonix Forest then slipped around to the Wentworth, marking her scent along the way in routine. The woman found herself lingering along the Valley line, though. Her eyes peering blindly beyond the wild wood for what she was certain would not be there. It was futile to keep tormenting herself like this, especially for a reason she did not fully understand.
"Water!" The cry of her nameless owl jerked her head away from the Valley and to its gliding form. He swept down suddenly, catching the Optime woman gently by the ear before returning to his marvelous height, crying again for water. "Alright," she uttered quietly, sparing another glance beyond the borders before following his impatiently lead toward the river. Most likely the beckon was for her, rather than to convince the female that this was his need. She had become wild in her lazy state and embarrassingly unkempt. She hadn't bothered to bathe, let alone groom herself of the dead leaves and fur that clung to her pelt. In her defense she would have argued it didn't matter. She had gone days, months before without so much as a rasp to her own hide while she traveled. Why now did she need to make herself presentable? For whom did she need to fulfill those show of vanity. "Water!" Obviously for her vain avian, who apparently did not like to be in the companion of such a grungy beast.
As the pair neared the river, the gentle winds carried a soft voice to her ears. The faint octave reminded her of the girl Shiloh, but the name she uttered was not recognized. Perhaps another member had fallen prey to the wiles of Ichika. A small field bordering the river came into view occupied by Shiloh's lithe grey form and to her surprise, a tiny pup roaming freely under the girl's watchful eye. X'yrin's gaze shot up to her owl making sure he hadn't skewered the tiny thing with his predatory gaze. From his height he could see all, but he hovered along, disinterested in the earthbound creatures below. She released a breath of relief and returned to gentle gaze to her familiar companion. "Hello again Shiloh," she said softly, standing near but not on the girl's blanket. "Who is your friend?"
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Shiloh had been so wrapped up in watching Sarian run and jump though the tall grass that she hadn't noticed X'yrin and her owl appear out of nowhere. Shiloh watched as Sarian went up to the woman and pawed at her foot softly before running to Shiloh, who picked the young pup up and nuzzled her softly. "Ma! Who? yipped Sarian softly as she wiggled out of Shiloh's hands and went to X'yrin again before running back. Shiloh smiled softly before answering X'yrin.
" Sarian is my adopted daughter I found two days ago. She has a...a lot of sp...spirit. Kiara an.....and I have been nur....nursing her back to health" she said as she watched Sarian run and roll in the grass. She would need a bath again and Shiloh's eyes glowed with the love she had for the pup. She looked at X'yrin and finally noticed the woman's messy, kinda grunge look. Something was wrong with her, Shiloh could tell by her demenor. "What's wr....wrong X'yrin? You... se...seem di...distant Shiloh asked, offering the woman a seat on her blanket
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ooc: 337 words.
The pup was a curious little thing, meandering up to the taller woman to paw at her feet the fled to be with her surrogate. X'yrin noticed with some discomfort that the little one was rather thin, near malnourished. She looked to Shiloh quizzically anticipating some evidence as to why this was so. Shiloh explained as she coddled the child that it was found and was now in the care of both herself and Kiara. This was something new, to say the least, a change to an otherwise uneventful day. Still, it was strange that the two females would be tending to the pup when they were still much like children themselves. Independent and able, yes. But did they have the knowledge to become this little one's Shepard?
"Who will be the Shepard of your Sarian?" she inquired, the concept of a mother-daughter relationship having little to no meaning. She had heard of pack wolves adopting lost pups like this, but hadn't understood the bond that seemed to develop. In a short while, the young Shiloh came to look upon the face of her 'child' with adoration, something the Nomad understood, but had not felt for herself. The bonds of the Nomads were not like the bonds of a pack. They did not keep to their sires and dames, but made familiar bonds with those that were like them in craft. A mother.... a father were irrelevant. They were cared for by all and trained in life by a single mentor. Had Ichika adopted a similar aspect, she wondered.
The inevitable attention to her state came to play warranting a sort of strung from her matted shoulder. Rather than dirty the girl's blanket, she chose to seat herself beside the cloth, curling her legs modestly beneath her. "I'm afraid I don't know what is wrong with me," she sighed softly. "Only that there is... and I do not know the cause. Or rather, a part of me does not want to admit to what it is."
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Shiloh watched X'yrin close. Something was botheringthe golden woman and it bothered Shiloh to see her that way. Shiloh stood and went over to X'yrin, pulling feathers and leaves from her normally beautiful fur. Shiloh touched her face softly and looked her in the eyes. "What e...ever both....bothers you let it go. Someone l...like you is stronger than...then what plagues you. You... remind me of my mate. Sh...she was li...like you. Strong and free willed...oh how I miss her." she whispered before licking X'yrins face softly before turning and scooping up Sarian, who squealed as she was spun so fly. Shiloh cuddled Sarian to her, licking the pup softly. Sarian pawed at Shilohs face before yawning and snuggling against the woman, who laid down with the pup on the blanket.
"Shepard? I do not understand you meaning. I will be her mother I...if that is what you mean," said Shiloh softly as Sarian stretched out against her and snuggled down against Shiloh for warmth. Shiloh ran a soothing hand over the pup as she quickly fell asleep. Shiloh licked her softly before looking up at X'yrin a question poping into her head. "Have you ev...ever loved someone X'yrin. Do you know....what love is?" Shiloh questioned softly looking at the woman with longing and need.
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ooc: 407 words.
If only actions were as easy as spoken words, the Nomad would have let this ailment go the moment she told herself to do so. But words did little to move her. Try as she may to reclaimed that fulfillment that drove her, she was left with nothing but exerted energy and no progress. Her eyes and mind had gone distant, she hadn't noticed the girl's closeness til she felt the tender lick upon her muzzle. This was the second time now the girl had compared her to her mate, and again her eyes were filled with longing for her. Strong and free-willed... those attributes seemed so far from how she was now; lifeless...defeated.
But her gaze was not completely lost to the self-induced darkness. There still sparked the light of curiosity as she witnessed the bond between the two... of mother and child. Her tail twitched uncomfortably, her face mirroring the uneasy sensation. X'yrin shook her head. "No... not mother. A Shepard is a mentor that guides the young toward their purpose. In my culture, there is no 'mother', only the Shepard. Their selected family is tasked with raising them while the Shepard prepares the child for the world." Parents meant nothing... though the Nomad would be damned to state her beliefs so strongly in the face of these delicate beings. Her friends. It was an unforgiving outlook, but it was the one that nurtured her and made her into the excellent warrior she was.
As she little one drifted to sleep, its energy expelled from romping through the grasses, X'yrin quietly watched her in wonder. She hadn't encountered many pups to have her own puppyhood brought to light. It hadn't bothered her that she was not coddled as this pup was by Shiloh, and still it did not upset her. However jealousy crept in the longer she peered at the little one, envying the attention she received despite her weak and vulnerable state. She had known something like that once... she had felt that contentment.
"Love?" The female jerked her head away from the child, not even noticing she was drawn towards its sleeping form. Casually she sat back, letting her arms rest behind her to keep her propped. "I'm afraid I don't," she sighed, lifting her muzzle skyward. She let her ears rest against her skull as if to deafen the internal, feral voice's scream that such words were a lie.
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pp of X'yrin holding Sarian. Tell me if you want it changed.
Shiloh was shocked by X'yrins softly spoken words. She didn't know love? How did she know know love? Shiloh noticed the look of envy on X'yrins face as Shiloh cudded Sarian close, running small circles over the pups body. She had noticed X'yrin had moved closer to them and Shiloh smiled at her. She picked Sarian up, the pup whining softly as Shiloh placed her in X'yrins arms. Shiloh didn't know how the woman would react to Sarian but she hoped she didn't reject the child. What ever was plaguing her friends mind she knew if she had any marturnal instinct that she would cuddle Sarian close. Shiloh sensed unease and hoped X'yrin cheered up.
Shiloh knew of the lonelyness and cravings of something other then the damnable pain that Saxif left in her wake. Sarian let her feel love, let her love her and Shiloh was slowly healing from everything that had happened to her. She was still very self conscious of her scars but something deeper was bothering X'yrin. Shiloh wanted to fix her. Let her know love and how it felt
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ooc: 320 words. Shiloh gave her a lot to think about.
The silence of the other female was what drew the Nomad to sit upright and once she had, a whimpering bundle was placed in her arms. The woman visibly tensed, her eyes spanning comically as her gaze darted from mother to child in alarm. What was she supposed to do with this child? It was already resting, why disturb it? X'yrin looked down at the tiny pup, her little chest rising and falling as she returned to peaceful slumber. But obviously she was not the child's caretaker, for it still wriggled a bit trying to find comfort in the older woman's rigid hold. Gradually, she became used to the vulnerable body literally in her hands, and the child soon sensed the alien tension was gone.
Still, X'yrin was put off by the act. She couldn't fathom what it was supposed to do or invoke. She looked to Shiloh silently grasping for some sort of line of instruction. Was she supposed to just... hold it? She suppressed the whine of distress on her lips and turned her confused eyes to the sleeping child.
She was so... so small. X'yrin had to bring the child closer just to better see her. Her nose but a hair's width from the girl was suddenly struck by a soft, aimless paw. The tiny digits coming to rest upon the wet nose. The woman's ears fell back, the look of surprise on her face slowly receding. Aware even in sleep, already the girl had instinct. But her little paw found nothing harmful, just an utterly confused beast without a sliver of sense of parental care and love. Still... she smiled at the little one's sleeping face, marveling at the spectacle of life within her overwhelming hands. She must have been this small at one point, so weak and vulnerable, at the mercy of her caregivers. It seemed almost unfair that she was never held like this.
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Shiloh watched X'yrin tense as Sarian was placed in her arms. The woman didn't know what to do with Sarian, who wigfled and whined in her arms till she relaxed. She watched X'yrin panic and gasp, trying to figure out what to do with Sarian now that she had relaxed against her. In X'yrins arms Sarian looked no bigger the the huntresses for arm and Shiloh watched as the woman visably calmed, slowly at first but then after a few more moments calm enough to bring Sarian closer to her muzzle.
As if sensing she was being watched Sarian sleepily smacked X'yrins nose, bringing shock to the older woman and a soft smile to Shiloh's face. When X'yrin shared the smile Shiloh had on her face, she knew that Sarian was already worming her way into the older womans heart. Shiloh almost felt bad for X'yrin for not being held more as a child, not being told she was loved by someone all the time like Shiloh had been as a child. X'yrin had grown into a stoic type woman who seemed fearful of feeling anything that was remotely love related. Shiloh moved forward and gave X'yrin blanket to cover the pup if she got cold before sitting down next to her. "She li...likes you X'yrin. Loosen up she d...doesn't bite a...and if sh...she does it won't hurt. See you can love. Its w...what your feeling r....right now towards Sarian" she said watching X'yrin closely. Shiloh looked up and saw X'y 's owl flying lower before landing on her shoulder. Shiloh rubbed its chest softly while watching the golden woman.
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ooc: 388 words.
The child's tenderness was warming. Though she did not know the emotions she stirred within her cradle, X'yrin felt there was a part of her instinct that knew her touch was needed. The Nomad was left to simply wonder about the child... about her own childhood so reserved from this kind of affection. She hadn't hated her upbringing, but seeing how the kindness one could give to an infant, she felt robbed. She did not want the little Sarian devoid of her affections as she had been.
Shiloh called this love, as if it were the cure-all answer to her emotions. The Nomad could not contest it, for there was nothing for her to put up as an argument. This... what she was feeling, could have very well been love and she still wouldn't have known it fully. All she wanted for the tiny being was what she had not had... what she wanted and still craved.
But she had had that touch of affection, hadn't she? Was that not what the voice was screaming to her? She had been touched by something as profound as this then was suddenly robbed of it in the dead of night. Days without felt like an eternity when it was the likes of this that she craved dearly. The woman felt herself shake, a subdued rage building within her. In a swift motion she curled the blanket around the pup then gently passed her to her mother, ignoring the soft cries of protest from being deprived of a warm body. "I am sorry," she said hastily, her voice trembling with yet to be seen rage. "I must go."
She clicked her tongue for the resting bird to take flight again as her overseer. A bath in the river could wait. Right now she needed desperately to be alone before her actions got away from her. She stood suddenly, her lengthy limbs taking swift stride from the pair back toward her enclosure within the forest. Before there was much distance between them, the woman did stop, tilting her head slightly back to address both mother and child. "Thank you." She didn't even know for certain what she was thanking them for, but it mattered that she knew they heard her words.
Following her companion, she left without another word.
[X'yrin Exit]
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