Quote:Light brown is his predominant color, which covers his tail, his tights, his waists
Thighs, perhaps? Unless you mean to say "tights" like the thin, transparent girl-clothes that go over one's legs! C:
Quote:His eyes shine under a bright violet shade, the trademark of his pack.
Just a bit of awkward wording. This sentence is grammatically correct, but it's a little weird to say they shine "under" something unless it's a particular light -- e.g., character who appears to have gray eyes has light, pale blue eyes under direct sunlight. I think "His eyes shine a bright violet shade" works better.
Quote:His complexion is heavy, strong, thanks to his extensive training during his youth days.
"heavy and strong" as well as "young days." Youth days is again just a bit of odd wording -- technically correct, but just sounds a little off. Young days works better, or just say "youth" and that works fine!
Quote:He is very strong, agile and has a high stamia. However, his speed is lower, yet high enough to hunt by himself.
Stamina -- you also don't need the "a" before it. Stamina is fine on its lonesome! ^^;
"Lower" is also somewhat awkward to use -- lower than what, exactly? The sentence doesn't really tell you (although it's easy enough to infer "lower than average") so I would either go with "low" or "lower than average" rather than just "lower."
I also think this is a GREAT sentence to throw a semi-colon into. In the first sentence, you state a fact, and then the next sentence adds a bit of a caveat. Maybe turn it into:
Quote:He is very strong, agile and has high stamina; however, his speed is low, yet high enough to hunt by himself.
Quote:Not very far away from the parting point, the patrol found themselves before a small group of loners, who wanted to claim that area as theirs'.
You don't need the posessive apostrophe after theirs.
Link for more info!
Quote:The carnage remained among the pack's memory for several days, but, eventually, everybody left that day behind and moved one.
Moved on - minor mistake, spellcheckers won't catch these since "one" is a real word. |: Silly spellcheck.
Quote:provoqued the pack's wrath.
Provoked. c:
Quote:Even though loyalty was their most preciated value and that they were extremely close knit, Numa could not put back the atrocities committed by his packmates.
Preciated = appreciated. Also, "put back" is technically correct, but an odd turn of phrase. Maybe "forget" or "move past" or something like that?
Quote:allegating that the resources of the territory ...
Alleging. :3 I think you were thinking of
Allegation!
There are a few other minor spelling errors and the like lower on in the profile, but nothing serious. <3 I'd run it through a
spell checker and make sure you've caught them all.
I don't see issues of realism or anything in his biography or personality, though, so you're great on that front! Hope it helps. <3
