.: OOC :. You just got a 1000+ post. I love you xD.
So. She’d made it through nearly another spring. Her second one…she was impressed with her stamina. Honest to the gods, she hadn’t believed she’d live past the age of a year and a half. And here she was....two years old. Two years, spent in this world, wandering, learning, discovering. Two years…it all seemed like an eternity. With such boundless emotion ruling her entity, each day, each passed moment seemed twice as long as it was. It had been painful to endure…but so much had changed since then, hadn’t it? Insomnia let her thoughts on her past two years unravel in her mind. When she was born, from the moment she could learn words, she learned the word ‘runt’. It was not used in scorn or disdain, at first, but she took it as an insult. She tried as a pup…she really did. She tried to keep up, and play, and fit in. And that she did. What was an raging fire to live soon died down into a faltering ember that almost snuffed out. Apathy claimed her, and she began to hate everything around her. Why should everyone else be so privileged? Why did she have to bear such burdens? Life wasn’t fair. That was her first lesson.
But even with her apathy on life, she still found a strange desire to live. A desire to prove everyone wrong…she wanted to be powerful. She wanted to be a Queen, respected and feared, and talked kindly about. She desired knowledge. Knowledge is power, after all, is it not? And power is dangerous. As she grew, bitterness laid claim over her soul. Everyone was fickle, she realized. Her own mother was the biggest liar. And her father? The thought of him made her fur stand on end. She had thought her mother was awful…but her father. Insomnia clenched her teeth, tail flicking swiftly behind her. She’d been wrong, then. He was the biggest liar of them all—such deception, he actually fooled her into thinking that he prized her. That he thought she was special. That he loved her. Such cunning, her dear father had. It only added proof to her ever growing theory, that all wolves lied, and all wolves had an alternate motive.
But then Shadow and Ceri came along. They challenged all her theories, and contradicted them. How…? It baffled her to no end. To think…they wanted to spend time with her…and why? They called her a light. His light. How, she could never understand…when she was certain the world hated her, and she hated them right back, Shadow and Cerberus came along and spoke of love. Insomnia believed. Love was an excuse to have companionship forever, to have someone there for you forever. Never to leave you, for that would be the worse curse of all. Being alone. Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing.
The young wolf paused on the threshold of the beach. It was a particularly cold morning. The sun’s weak rays had yet to reach the sand (they were still working on filling the sky with golden warmth), and as she stepped her paws onto the shifting earth it was cool. She trailed along the beach, stepping closer to the ocean to gaze out. It was gray. Not blue, not clear, but gray. There was a touch of yellow to it…but not enough to influence the morning color of the water. She inhaled and closed her eyes. She was dizzy, so she stopped. Opening her blue and green gaze it was watery as she stared. She was solemn this morning. “How much longer do I have?” she wanted to know, murmuring quietly to herself. It did not look like the usual Insomnia. Her eyes were cold with sadness, tearful with remorse. She didn’t have long for this world…and remembering all she’d been through…
She wasted it.
But with those thoughts, she gained a new determination. She knew she couldn’t live for a long time, she’d given up with that false hope. But she didn’t want it to end there. She didn’t want her legacy to go with bitterness and disgrace. She wanted a second chance…another chance to live a peaceful life, find true happiness, find the good in the world, for she was sure that there was some. A child. She could find that opportunity with a child. No, it would not be her living out whatever secret dreams lay in her heart, but it would be a piece of her. Nerrek would teach it to love and to play, to see only the bright side. To not see the truth, more like. It’s better that way; the truth hurts. She hadn’t talked to anyone about this plan of her yet…she had a feeling they would call her insane or crazy. She needed something though. Someone..
Her howl rose to the early skies; it sounded more like wind through trees than a wolf's voice. But Cerberus would recognize it...and she knew he would come. Her paws shifted nervously, eyes falling to the ground to blink at them. Today, she would tell him that she would be leaving for a week. She didn't want to leave him alone. Well, that was part of the reason...she was sure Cerberus could easily find another willing femme to be his 'nurse'-- who wouldn't want him? It was a surprise he hadn't been taken before he even met her as such a young pup. Characteristic of Insomnia, jealousy consumed her thoughts, and she could hardly stand thinking if any other femme wanted to be with him. Selfish? Well of course, Insomnia had always been selfish in a disguised way. She blinked again and swiped her dainty paw across the sand, forming a line before glancing up and blinking toward the grasslands than back down at the sand, drawing her stuff animal that the two had found in the sand.
He was having another dream. At least he was certain of it before he began questioning what reality really was. But it hadn’t been since his dream about the human that he’d had one this strange, and so his heart beat frantically in his drowsily-heaving chest.
He was standing before the barn back home in this one, watching his father’s horse eat what appeared to be the bones of another animal. Claws, teeth, cone-shaped skulls; they were all part of the beast’s meal. Geoff stood beside him, twirling between his fingers the knife Ceri had found and traded with Amy as he whistled some obscure tune to himself. And Ceri continued to watch, staring wordlessly as his father’s horse dined away.
Outside of his dream, the sun peeked through a canopy of trees, warming the coywolf’s fur to a degree of waking him, and his head shot up and released a flurry of ragged pants. The dream had left him feeling disgusted and horrified, and while it hadn’t been as detailed as his other dream, it had been just as confusing. He swiped a careful paw over his face, trying to force the sounds of cracking bones from his ears. His stomach rolled and churned, threatening to expel the remains of his last meal if he didn’t find something to distract him soon. Rising to his feet, Cerberus padded through the hills and past the trees, nearly breaking into a sprint once that sinus-clearing scent of saltwater wafted his way. He had grown to love spending time at the bay more and more, and slowly it became his place to seek refuge from daily stresses. The decent from this hill would take him there…
Ceri’s mangled ears pricked at the sudden howl of another, the somber song echoing through the valley and closing its plump fingers over the coywolf’s chest. The song was for him, and that fact alone sent a chill skittering down his tawny spine. Picking up his pace, he slid down the hill and emerged from the thicket of trees, skidding to a stop when the ebony figure that was Insomnia came into view. He hadn’t seen her since their morning of scavenging, and he found himself wondering time and time again how she was doing and what she might be up to. From the few hours they’d spent together, it was clear that this she-wolf was either one of two things: Unhappy with her mate, or starved for any sort of positive male attention. It was quite possible that she could be both, but the former option would cause quite a bit of trouble if said mate were to get involved.
With great hesitation, Cerberus padded up behind the melancholy wolfess, taking a moment to let his eyes dance over her before tucking his large head beneath her chin. His heavy paws sunk into the sand upon which they stood, and the shushing waters kissed his toes with each stretch across the beach. It wasn’t long before the humidity began to kink and piece apart Ceri’s messy fur, toughening his features to make him look even more exotic than he already did with the feathers in his mane. Insomnia, he said, finally stepping back to look into her eyes, is something wrong?
It was like they were both dreaming, but different dreams. Locked in a place where neither time nor place seemed important. Lost in the possibility of being in each other's presence. He stepped closer to her, and her nerves seemed to flinch back, away form him. Her body felt like it was on fire, waves of electricity rolling through her every time he moved, everytime he did something. And it had been so long. She wanted to do so many things, she was feeling so many emotions. There was frustration with the time it had taken, anger even, and there was sorrow. Heart wrenching sorrow that she had been away from her friend for so long. Her closest friend. Sure, he was her 'best friend', but also she wished he was somethnig else.. something more. He had saved her in more than one way, and he had been her only friend there... even when she couldn't be friends with Shadow, her own mate.
Insomnia..is something wrong? his voice sent a slight shiver down her spine, and a broad smile to her face. And as he spoke he moved closer to her. It had been so long, so long since she had seen him. Since his scent had drifted through her nostrils and since his body had been painted so alive in her vision. Her tail flicked ever so slightly, her body pressing up against his. The moment was so delicate to her, so precious. Something she intended to keep close to her heart for a long time to come. And there was a respone from him, as he pressed against her in return. She felt so small, so delicate in comparison to him. He was so much larger, so much stronger. She herself was so tiny. She had only enough muscle to be able to move and to run. At this point in time, she was a creature that was dependant upon other wolves in order to live. She needed someone else to protect her, to hunt for her. She was lucky to be in a pack, but that wasn't somethnig that crossed her midn frequently. She was beginning to dislike New dawn, beginning to realize that there would be violence no matter where she turned her sight to. But now? Now there was no violence... there was only peace and emotions. Many emotions. In response to his words, she buried her face even deeper into the fur of his neck, inhaling deeply. Trying to commit his scent to memory, because she knew he couldn't stay like this with her forever. "I.....I'm a omega..." She stopped nuzzling into him and scooted away to face him. Her mix-matched eyes confused. "We.....are the same..."
She sighed and shook her head, her feathers falling into her eyes. She tried to blow them away, and failed helplessly.
Insomnia’s words hit him like a smack on the muzzle. Was this his fault? Had the alphas disapproved of the time they’d spent together and demoted her as a result of their seeming equality? Had Insomnia asked for it in order to be with him? Ceri’s eyes widened in shock, and then he hung his head. I’m so sorry Insomnia, he said. If I’ve done this to you…I’m so sorry.
What’s wrong with me? he thought in silence to himself. Why can I only seem to cause trouble wherever I go? Why is it so impossible for me to make someone smile instead of hurt? I AM a monster… Cerberus stared blankly out at the rolling waters as they frolicked and played, appearing to almost mock the coywolf and the permanent grey cloud that hung over his head. All his life he’d tried to make things easier for others; to show them the bright side of things and that the world was not meant to be taken seriously. All his life he’d tried to help others, to be kind, and to care. Now it was clear that he’d failed at what he’d tried to do all his life, and that he was capable of nothing more than causing chaos. It was a miserable feeling. It was disappointing and shameful to him. Why then, deep down, did it cause him the tiniest bit of pleasure?
Shaking his head free of his thoughts, Cerberus nuzzled Insomnia’s cheek and then nudged her offending feathers out of her eyes with his black snout. Finally, his gaze returned to the rolling waters before them, and this time he seemed to delight in the way they tumbled and crashed, stirring up debris in their wake. Perhaps he was like the ocean: beautiful and loved by some, while hated and accused of treachery by others. Stepping toward the glittering waters, he poked his toes into it and let the coolness soothe the limbs that ached with remorse. Then he peered over his shoulder at the ebony wolfess and grinned coyly. Then that’s the way it was meant to be.
I’m so sorry Insomnia. If I’ve done this to you…I’m so sorry. She was shocked by that. Why would he think that he had do something to cause this? He hadn't caused this. Not the she knew of. "No no no! You did nothing and I mean nothing wrong Ceripoo. Please do not blame yourself for this, I guess it was meant to be." She smiled as he nuzzled her and moved the annoying feathers out of her view. She nuzzled his cheek and looked out at the water. It was endless, the thoughts and scenery.
"I guess things happen for a reason." She looked at him and grinned a bit. Being a omega couldn't be as bad as he had made it out to be. They were the funny people of the pack, they help keep control. They are gracious, foregoing themselves and putting the needs of other before theirs. And that is what she did. She never thought about her own feelings, always putting her other friends and strangers before her own needs. She always had, and always will do that. She was just that kind of caring wolf. "Ceri, don't be upset about this. It is my fault and will never be yours, okay?" Her tail wagged slowly behind her and she rested her head on his shoulder.
Ceri's smile softened as he turned to look back at Insomnia. She had always been so nice to him, and she continued to amaze him with her incessant kindness. She seemed to be the one wolf that looked at him as a misunderstood creature, and not a malicious monster. The only wolf, that is, besides Shadow. It was amusing to him that he and Insomnia were mates.
Peering down at his paws, Ceri wiggled his toes in the sand before returning his gaze to Insomnia. You're incredible, you know that? he said. He wanted to change the subject; to say something completely unrelated and chase away the confusing thoughts in his mind. He liked her, and he liked Shadow...but he knew it wasn't to the extent that Insomnia and Shadow liked each other, so it was difficult for him to understand what he was actually feeling for the two. He'd never had a friend before, so he supposed that that was what he could be feeling. But Insomnia clearly liked him as more than a friend, or she wouldn't be risking everything she had to spend time with him. His ears perked forward then, and he looked at Insomnia with pinched brows. Insomnia, he said, is Shadow going to be upset that we've been hanging out together?
The black girl sat motionlessly, rapt with the turmoil of the sea, an unsuspecting target for anyone who possessed even just a single stealthy bone in their body. And unsuspecting she was, as a coldness pierced her chilled skin near the base of her spine. She shivered and licked at her legs, trying to stay warm
Tantalizing, the hot breath weaved upwards, slowing towards the downy plumes of alabaster that copiously lined her vulnerable nape. His aroma alluring, the sensation of his compelling contact coupled with the perfume of his mere presence sent electricity through her veins, amplifying the thrumming of her heart as it’s rhythm rose to her ears. The scenic brawl performed by the ocean was cast aside – his word’s rendered the ocean without majesty or power. No longer did the crest of the waves provide any magnetism, no more did it contain a morsel of uncanny strength – it no longer existed. The only creature, the only enticing serpent that swallowed the sustenance of the earth.
You're incredible, you know that? She blinked. She was never called incredible before. How am I incredible? I have only been nice.. She slowly pinned her eyes down on her head and sighed. Than Cerberus said something about Shadow and she looked at him slowly. She had no idea what he thought about this whole thing. Frankly she didn't care though, but Ceri sure looked like he did. I don't know. Shadow doesn't talk to me about those things.. She looked out at the sea again and scooted over away from the brute. She hoped that he wouldn't mind- Shadow that is about this.
Insomnia seemed gravely out of sorts, and it was beginning to worry Cerberus. There was something on her mind, it seemed; something that she wasn't telling him. He watched as she stared in silence out at the rolling waves, only to mutter something about Shadow not discussing things with her before sitting down on the beach. Ceri's brows pinch together as the worry on his face became more apparent, and then he sat down beside her.
A moment or two of silence passed before he finally spoke to her: Sweetheart, what's going on? Is there something on your mind? She scooted away from him, but he leaned toward her, pushing his snout into her dark fur. Come on, he pressed, you can tell me anything. What has gotten you so quiet?
Cerberus nuzzled her fur one last time before turning his intense gaze on her. She was beautiful, really, and he couldn't understand why someone as sweet as Shadow wouldn't treasure such a wolfess. He knew he'd be plenty lucky to have a mate like her. Heck, he'd be lucky to have HER. But she wasn't happy, and that could only mean something was wrong. Ceri shifted his weight uncomfortably as he awaited her answer, his muscles tensing from the pain it brought him to see HER in pain.
Insomnia let him nuzzle into him. She moved back to him and nuzzled his neck down to his shoulder blade, inhaling his scent. Her mind and heart was racing all at the same time. She barely heard him speak, all of it was a whisper in her mind. Sweetheart, what's going on? Is there something on your mind. Come on, you can tell me anything. What has gotten you so quiet? She smiled slowly and licked his ears. He had called her sweetheart. "I.. I just want someone who will be there for me whenever I need them... Shadow hasn't... Her voice trailed off slowly and she looked down again at her paws. She felt so alone now a days. But Ceri, he had changed that. Even if he did not feel the same way, he was still there for her when she needed him, or anybody. He was just amazing these days. He must have someone that he was completely infatuated about. She put her paw over his for a moment and looked up at him.
Cerberus enjoyed the fact that Insomnia felt she could be close to him. But he remained ever-careful, not willing to be TOO affectionate with someone who was a mate to another...the mate to his FRIEND, no less. But he couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed in dear Shadow, no matter how much he cared for him. To Ceri, it seemed only natural that one's mate would come first. The ebony wolf had hardly been around even when Insomnia was in heat, an event that Ceri would've thought he CERTAINLY would have made sure to stick around for. Then again, perhaps Shadow was so dedicated to his pack that he didn't dare stick around Insomnia for fear of losing self-control and causing trouble. All these thoughts Cerberus shook from his head with a snort, his ears finally twitching when Insomnia placed her paw on his.
Warm, mismatched eyes fell on the chilly hues of the wolfess, and he smiled sweetly at her. Insomnia, he said, his face becoming serious, it is not my business what you and Shadow do. I hold the brute in very high regards and consider him a dear friend. But, because I care about both of you, I want you to be happy. Right now...you don't seem happy.
The last thing Cerberus wanted was to break up his friends; that wasn't his intention. But it was true - Insomnia seemed miserable, and Cerberus had never actually seen the two together in all the time that he'd been a part of New Dawn. Perhaps that was just because he wasn't a particularly social wolf, but all the same, he couldn't stand to see Insomnia hurt like this. He didn't doubt, either, that Shadow felt a similar pain. He also didn't doubt that they loved each other, but IF they did, something had to be done.
"I'm not....I do not think I will ever be." The puzzlement echoed in her lifted brows, eyes staring down at him as she turned her attention to the sky. She hesitated, lingered, shuffled her paws. "He needs to show me..... anyone needs to show me now that they do care. If not.... I don't know what i'll do.. A frown passed on her black face and water stained her face. She was crying now. Since when did the "big, happy Insomnia" cry? This was strange for her. She never cried over something so silly. She got up and shook her head. "I'm sorry Ceri.. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have feelings for you... She kept shaking her head now, tears running down her face faster.
OOC: It's okay dear. I'll make this my exit and then they can thread again after she knows what's going on c: Luff yew!
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Cerberus frowned deeply when Insomnia said she wasn't happy and probably never would be - that wasn't what he wanted to hear. Then she mentioned needing someone to show her they cared, and that made matters worse. Had Shadow not shown her he cared? Had he gotten the ebony male all wrong? Ceri gave his tail a perturbed flick and then swatted at each wave that rolled in as if it were a fly. He cared about her; of course he did. But he couldn't tell her that, especially when he didn't know if it was to the extent that she cared for him. He was already of the lowest standing in the pack, he couldn't risk going lower...if it was even possible.
Insomnia, he said, turning his fiery gaze on her once again, I think you should talk to Shadow and sort things out. There's no reason for you to be so upset like this, and once you speak, he'll listen. Very gently, he nudged his face into her side and nuzzled her affectionately, his tail lifting in a lame wag. Then he drew back just enough to smile at her, and she said something that made his jaw nearly come unhinged: "I'm sorry Ceri... I shouldn't... I shouldn't have feelings for you..."
He had guessed she did, sure, but actually hearing it made the poor boy panic. He'd never meant for anything to amount from the time he and Insomnia had spent together, and he definitely didn't want Shadow to come down on him thinking that he had stolen his mate from him. Ceri's ears swiveled back to lie against his head - a motion that was becoming quite common for him - and he whined softly. Insomnia...I...well we...um... he stammered, failing to grasp the right words. Finally he swallowed the lump in his throat and bowed his head. I care about you, he said, really I do. But I'm not going to jeopardize your mateship, and you shouldn't either. Sort things out with Shadow, and then we'll talk. But for now, know that I'm here for you, okay? Cerberus rose to his feet then, dusting his ankles with his thick tail before swiping his tongue over Insomnia's ears and turning to leave.
