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Asanotohl strolled slowly along the gloomy beachfront, having just descended from one of the bike paths beyond the cold, dry sand below. The land was dark and shadowed, a flurry of heavy clouds shifting precariously above. The rain had stopped nearly an hour ago, but threatened to fall again; as if the shifted girl minded. She kicked a few rocks absently, daintily hopping over a couple pieces of driftwood before pausing in her mindless adventures to turn and stare out into the wildly dancing waves of the sea. It crashed and yawned greatly, rising and falling with no timed rhythm, matching that of the storm which blew overhead. A strong wind blew past her, causing Asa to falter slightly and turn her back to the pushy gust.
Frowning, she tilted her muzzle down, mis-matched eyes befalling something glassy and glimmering, half-covered with sand. The small girl bent down, brushing away the sand and pulling out a large conch. Asa tilted her head curiously from side to side, her unmarked ear giving a few awkward flicks in a habitual stance. She stood up again, cradling the seashell in both her hand as if it would shatter due to any stressful movements. The wind swept at her dark hair again, which was uncharacteristically down today, whipping in every which direction since it had no aid of a ribbon, or ponytail holder.
She moved towards a boulder set by a cliff, and moved to the side where the wind would not buffet her every move. She slid down against the rockface, crossing her legs and playing with her new “toy” on her lap; all the while making these curiously strange facial expression that were usually seen on children studying the magic of science for the first time.
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[html] Bloodshot eyes drifted across the angry ocean, absorbing the movements of the waves from the point that he stood. It had been days since he had eaten, days since he had gotten anything close to resembling sleep. Instead, the young hybrid had been lingering on the beach, just beyond the cliffs of jagged rocks, pondering the ocean and everything that it stood for. He knew that if he just stepped in to the waves, stepped in and kept walking until there was nothing left for his feet to hold on to, that the ocean would take him away. He'd considered it on numerous occasions, though each time he finally decided to go through with it, the little laughing voice came back in a vicious rage, snarling and screaming incoherent words.
Sliding against the very sides of the cliff, an area that he had chosen in hopes to avoid the wind and rain, Conri inched his way toward the waves once more. They would drown away his sorrows and remove the potential danger that he was to the rest of them. Conri didn't make it to the edge of the water though. The quiet sounds of breathing hit his ears and, for a short moment, he thought that it just might be the voice again, but his thoughts were proven wrong by the sight of the individual sitting just beyond the looming cliffs. She was only a short distance away, fiddling with something in her hands, and the expressions that came across her face in that time caused Conri to stop and watch.
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She may have continued to play around with her pretty, little conch, had not that familiar feeling of eyes upon you dawned on her. She looked up swiftly, her separately colored eyes immediately meeting the soft, deep verdant of another’s. She stared for a long moment, mouth slightly ajar from the surprise of being “caught” fiddling with something she perhaps shouldn’t have been. With her memory all fuzzed, it wasn’t hard for her to take something totally innocent and think it was bad.
I was… well, I… There was no use explaining she figured, so she hastily stuffed the hard object behind her back, grimacing as the tines poked uncomfortably through the fur and onto her tender skin. She fiddled with her hands, glancing up occasionally towards the rather gaunt-looking male with the ruffled, red fur. Uhm, I’m Asa, she said absently, hardly loud enough over a blare of wind that swept around the boulder.
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[html] He didn't know if it was just his mind playing tricks on him or if it was really true. Every time someone saw him, watching him, it was almost as if they were horrified. It was like they knew. They all knew that there was a monster inside of him doing deeds that were hard for even the strongest of wolves to speak of. Jade eyes watched her a moment, sad and miserable, and his ears fell back in a limp droop against his head as she spoke. "It's a conch.." He said finally, trying to find some way to assure her that he indeed wasn't a monster, even if he knew that he was.
"Ocean snails live in them, but when they wash up to shore it usually means they're empty.." He explained, silly little bits of information that he had picked up from reading. He moved slowly, his single arm taking hold of a nearby rock to help him to the ground, seating himself there in the sand. Conri was a social creature by nature and it pained him to feel as if he needed to keep himself away from others for their safety. This one, she was innocent and quiet and, in a way, it reminded him of Naniko. At least if he was seated at a distance she might have time to run if things turned bad. "I'm Conri.."
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She looked up as he spoke, his voice kind enough which slightly paralleled his current appearance. She smiled absently, reaching behind her back again and pulling out the smooth seashell. That’s cool, she mused, tilting her head from side to side as she studied it again, as if in a new light. I thought I, er, wasn’t supposed to have it or something… she added sheepishly, tossing in a tiny, nervous laugh for good measure. She smiled up at him timidly, watching as he lowered himself to seat before her, some odd paces away. She felt as if he had given the space on her behalf, so to show that she was neither afraid of him, nor ashamed of closeness, she edged forward a bit, re-adjusting her legs slightly so that she sat cross-legged a foot or so away as opposed to the many that had been between them a moment ago.
Conri, that’s a nice name. She observed aloud, perhaps mistakenly so. I’m new around here, namely to Esper Hollow, she added quickly, absently twirling the newly named “conch/snail-butt” in her hands. Her eyes remained calmly on Conri, a kind of sweet glimmer or wonder and grace held within both her mis-matched gaze and thinly-set face. She smiled again, rather toothily, albeit a bit awkwardly due to her naturally curious sensitivity.
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[html] She reminded him something of a child, Conri decided then. They expressions on her face when he had first taken notice of her, her unsure voice and quiet demeanor. Childlike yet not a child at all. He wondered, for a very brief moment, what made her like that. "I used to come collect them for my mother as presents, when I was young." The voice cackled at him again, at the mention of his mother, who had certainly yet to find out what her son had done. He shut his eyes tightly at the sounds, willingly it away, only to open them just in time to see her move. It struck the smallest bit of fear in his heart, wanting her to move away, to scream at her to run before something horrible happened, but the company that she brought him was something he didn't want to give up yet.
"I don't have a family.." He told her quietly, moving his eyes away from her to stare down the beach for a moment. He had a mate, a whole pack, he was going to be a father, but that had all gone away now. He didn't even know if his children would survive after the beating that he had given Naniko. "I've never heard of Esper Hollow though, but if they're good to you that's all that matters."
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His words struck her as something sweet, something she couldn’t exactly see due to his disheveled appearance. But his kindness, and the tender moments of his past revealed, gave her the impression that there was a lot more worth to Conri than his current exterior allotted. Asanotohl smiled absently down at the conch held delicately within her fingers, imagining a small red boy running to the shadowy figure of a mother, presenting the smiling figure with a gift similar to the item in her own hands. It was enough to warm her heart well enough to keep it from completely icing over at his next words.
I don’t really remember anything aside from when I woke up in the Hollow a couple days back… so I’m not sure I have a family either, she said, in a sad attempt to relate. This perhaps explained her child-like behavior; yet most un-childlike, she felt the need to take his clawed hand in her own, comfort him, and provide a sense of safety, just as Laurel had provided to her. She refrained though, merely leaving a soft, gentle grin upon her muzzle as she watched him plaintively. Laurel had told her that Esper Hollow was new, and the small number they held was slight proof of this; all the same, Conri’s vague concern for her well-being was flattering, to say the least. A gentle blush reddened the skin beneath her tawny fur. It’s really new… there are fewer than ten of us, I’m sure… I’m honestly just trying to get used to my surroundings, she added, looking away to the angry bay suddenly. A trip to the beach had sounded nice earlier… but it’s been storming on an off all day… kinda gloomy, really.
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[html] I forgot to ask if there was anything specific you wanted to happen. XD
"Amnesia.." He mused quietly, turning his eyes back to her after a moment. Naniko's mother, Iskata, had been stricken with amnesia at one point, something that had proven to be very hard on all of them. "If you give it time it is possible to get some of your memories back." He'd seen it himself and, while he couldn't say so for sure, he was almost certain that they would come back if she really wanted them to. Conri knew that it wasn't as easy as just wanting them back, though he truly believed that there was something in ones mind that would allow them back if they were honestly wanted. If there was some horrible memory lingering there, something that she might have tried for a long time to forget about, it was possible they would never return.
"But you do have a family." He said in a quiet voice, some feeble attempt to reassure her of this. "Packs, at least from what I have known, can be your family if you let them." Twilight Vale had been his family. He'd loved each and every one of them, but that was in the past now. "Most of the packs here have been around for less than a half a year. The lands east of here burned to the ground in April, forcing everyone this way." What he would give to return to the times before these, before the mistakes that he had made.
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I hadn't had anything in mind; random, unplanned things tend to be more fun ;] So feel free to do some devious plotting of your own... Asa is pretty innocent, so I can't really think of her doing anything sinister xD
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Amnesia. She’d read that in the medical book she had taken from the bookstore that day with Laurel. The definition was not at all vague to her, but then again it hadn’t exactly clicked as her own sickness-case until now. Asanotohl lowered her eyes, staring at her hands idly as she thought about his words. She could have some of her memories back… it was possible. She closed her eyes, her mauled ear twitching slightly as Conri continued. So not only could she get her memories back, but she could have a family as well. A smile spread gently across her muzzle, and she silently wished for none of this to be false hopes.
You don’t have a pack-family, then? she asked suddenly, though the answer was quite clear. He’d said earlier that he had no one, and even though she’d considered this to be strictly of bloodline, he had suddenly given it new meaning; this also meant that he didn’t have a pack-family either. You can be in my new family, Conri. You can come to Esper Hollow… with me. She tilted her head vaguely, kind eyes watching him carefully, on baited breath.
Though a thought occurred to her; he seemed to have been around for a while. Why was he not in a pack himself? Perhaps he didn’t like packs? But Conri was so friendly… Ya know, if something bad happened to you in a pack, you’ll be okay. The past is the past, this is now, ya know. I won’t care about whatever may have happened… you’re here now. Strong, confient words for an amnesiac.
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[html] He only offered a faint shake of his head to her question, frowning at himself. As she spoke though, her words struck something more inside of him. He wanted to badly to return home as if nothing had ever happened, to pretend like everything that had gone wrong had only happened in his head. That was impossible though. It hadn't been him that had done those things to Naniko, at least that was what he told himself, but Naniko didn't know that. He couldn't take back the things that he had done. He wanted to smile at her, to show how the words that she spoke made him feel, but he wouldn't let himself. As much as he wanted to believe that he could be normal again, he knew that it wasn't true.
The silence settled between them then, her words fading off into the rushing ocean, and Conri could only watch her. His eyes, once dry and cracked, brimmed with tears now. "I hurt people Asa.." He admitted suddenly, quiet and grim. He wasn't sure if she would understand, if she might rise and flee from him, but it would be better for her in the end, he was afraid. "I hurt someone that loved and depended on me.." And in one of the worst ways possible. A murderer first, he had killed his own father, but now he had beaten and raped the woman he was supposed to love, the very thing that he had condemned his own father for.
"I don't want to hurt people.." His voice cracked and shook, arm trembling as he brought his hand to his face to wipe slowly at his eyes.
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She watched his face for a long moment before he spoke, trying to figure his answer before he actually spoke. The tears that brimmed his wild, jade eyes told her the just of it before he did; he only offered details, an insight. Her gentle smile faded to somewhat of a lost appearance, her expression saddening and brows lowering slightly. As he reached to wipe his own tears, Asa reach with both her hands, using one to gently grasp his arm and the other to wipe gently at his face, brushing the wetness that threatened to strain his red-furred cheeks. She put her hands down again, staring into the emptiness of her palms, quiet for a long moment.
Ya know… for the past couple nights I’ve been thinking that I did something bad, or something happened to me to make me forget… it’s never good to forget, I realize… because then you can never learn. She looked back up at him, her eyes sad. It’s probably easier said than done… but it’ll be time to start fresh again soon… all time doesn’t end because you fucked up. Her voice, quiet and tender dropped into nothingness as her muzzle lowered and her hands began to awkwardly fiddle with the conch again.
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[html] The gentle touch was sudden, unexpected, and his eyes widened at it, almost stricken with fear. It was tender though, welcome. Conri couldn't help but think what happened the last time someone had touched him though. She had been a stranger with promises of making him forget the deeds that he had done, even if only for a short time. It hadn't been that simple though and Conri hadn't seen it until the whole thing was almost over. She just wanted a fling for a night, something to pass the time, he suspected. It had ended badly though, he'd beaten her and left her there on the beach. What of this quiet one here? She touched him and he wanted to grab her and throw her away from him but, instead, fingers sought out to touch her fur, just a small graze, and eyes fell closed long enough for her to wipe the tears away.
He could imagine himself in her arms, the warmth and comfort that they were likely to bring, because the words that she had spoken had warmed him also. "I can't control it though.." He said finally, jade eyes staring down at his lap, watching the hand that rested there. "I'd rather just forget it all.." Blissfully unaware would have been the perfect term. "I hurt anyone who touches me, stranger or not, and I don't know why.." It was quiet warning, he supposed, but his admittance before had been the very same thing and yet she stayed. "I shouldn't be allowed to live." And it hurt to truly, honestly think that.
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Her head shook slowly back and forth at his words, growing in firmness as he talked down upon himself, stole away his own life with his very words. Asa swept her hand across her face, pushing back the wild, black tendrils of hair that were blown by the wind into her eyes. She stared into the dejected face of Conri, saw his sorrow, felt his pain; even if she knew not whether she could relate or not, or even if she could possibly understand. Sometimes the easiest thing isn’t always right… Forgetting seemed like such the simple way out, the best way. I’m not afraid of you, Conri. Even though we’ve just met… I have faith in you. I know you can overcome whatever is trying to control you. You’re loveliness is only being tested by something evil… you can control it. Whatever “it” was.
Asanotohl smiled hopefully, willing herself to reach for him, to touch him again, but she felt as if it were forbidden… as if he would somehow disapprove. Yet somehow, nothing seemed to matter more now than what Conri thought, what Conri wanted. I can be here for you, ya know. I’ll help you… Just as fearless as she was kind… it seemed that each day something newfound about Asa was showing up.
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[html] Conri wanted so badly to be able to explain to her what was wrong with him, whatever it was inside of him that was making him the way that he was, but he didn't even understand it himself. He had been betrayed by the one person that he had devoted his whole life hurt and, in those few moments in that bedroom, he had only wanted to make her suffer. He had, too. Once he realized what the voice was, the quiet whisperings of his serial killer father, it would be easy for Conri to blame his actions on the long dead man. The sad fact was, though, that the voice hadn't come until after he had violated Naniko in such a way. It had all been him.
"It's not right to knowingly put others in danger." Even though it was her choice to stay near him he still felt like her safety was on his shoulders. All the while the laughter kept up in his head, drowned out slowly be the argument that he was having with himself. She seemed so understanding and willing to help and Conri wanted so badly to reach out to her, despite the fact that he feared hurting her. The warmth of her words and her emotions, it was all so inviting to a soul that felt as cold as the dead. Finally, hesitating, Conri scooted forward in the sands, closer. "I don't think anyone can help me.." He whispered quietly.
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The fact that you know it’s not right, makes me all the more safer, she mused, grinning a bit broader now. She had come to the realization that his issue was no easy fix; her kind words wouldn’t be enough. But maybe for now, since it seemed all she could do, it would be enough. Her different eyes watched as he edged a bit closer, and a calm warmth, foreign to her, began to spread through her body. Don’t be in such denial, she scolded softly, laughing a bit. I’m still here aren’t I? You may not think I can help you… but I feel that I can, or at the very least I can try. Her fingers ached to reach for him, and it wasn’t too long before the dull feeling became nonsensically unbearable. She lifted her hand slowly and gently cradled the side of his face, smiling tenderly.
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[html] "But you don't even know what I've done.." He tried to reason with her, tried so very hard to make her see exactly how dangerous he was, even if he couldn't be sure that he would do it again. Her eyes though, the way she spoke and seemed to blissfully unaware and uncaring to what he had done, they pulled him in. In a million years he wouldn't have believed anyone would offer to help him, to even look at him without disgust in their eyes, especially knowing that he had done something horrible. Then she touched him, tender and warm, and Conri was suddenly lost. He followed the length of her arm, his hand moving to touch the hand that she touched him with, drifting ever closer to her, to the point that he curled his head in and could rest it against her shoulder.
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Her smile remained calm, even as his words stuck a chord of truth within her. He was right; she didn’t know what he had done. It doesn’t matter. You could have an uncontrollable killing addiction, I wouldn’t want to be no less helpful to you, she murmured into his ear, only then becoming aware of his head on her thin shoulder and his muzzle against her neck. Something familiar struck her about this position, but it had been with someone distant… someone loved… someone she had left. The memory faded and she was left only with Conri, whom she was now carefully snaking her arms around his neck, pulling him gently closer into a careful embrace of tender compassion.
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[html] But what if I did it to you? The thought echoed in his mind, wanting so badly to be said, and yet they wouldn't come out. The warmth that she filled him with and the fear of it suddenly being taken away were to much for him to allow the words to come. His breath was shaky and hot, his body suddenly trembling from fear and nervousness and a million other things that filled him. After a moment of silence his hand slid down from hers, following down her arm and to her shoulder before snaking off down her side, wrapping very gently around her. Just one more moment, one more, he kept telling himself, until finally he pulled his head away, tipped his muzzle to look away from her, and spoke again. "I raped someone Asa. You shouldn't be near me.." He whispered the words that were so hard to speak in the first place. "I don't want it to..to.." But he couldn't finish and he was almost certain she would know anyways. He didn't want to do it to her.
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She closed her eyes, feeling him tremble beneath her sensitive fingers, hearing his rough breathing against her unmarked ear. His hand, traveling smoothly through the fur of her arm, sliding along her shoulder then down her side; shivers of warmth snaked throughout her small body. And just as quickly as the feeling had come, Conri had taken it away, murmuring his horrid deeds and expecting Asa to feel any different. She closed her eyes slowly, shaking her head slightly so that her muzzle brushed gently back and forth against his shoulder. You won’t do that to me, Conri, she said firmly, her voice dropping suddenly to nothing but a mere whisper. I have faith in you.
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[html] "But how can you know?" He didn't understand. How could she put so much trust in a stranger who had admitted his foul deeds so openly? How could she not be suspicious that he was setting her up for it here and now? It would have been easy, he knew that even though he didn't want to think about it, and she certainly must have known it also. The thought crossed his mind to act like he just might do it, to frighten her enough so that she might run away, but in his heart he knew that he couldn't even pretend to do such. It would hurt him to much. He turned his head back in then, ears cupped toward her awaiting some kind of speech, some declaration that she wanted to leave, and he nuzzled her much like a child might nuzzle their mother while seeking comfort and protection from some sort of invisible monster. The one difference was, Conri was the monster that he was hiding from.
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