Five Fingers, Five Toes

Fayne · 06-11-2012, 10:39 PM

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OOC: Placed right after the Broken Halo thread. / +1027

The attack on Palaydrian had left Fayne in a panic. There was blood still on her paws from when she helped Jiva with Siamese wolf. At the end of it all, she was stable and in good hands. But, the sight of the helpless wolf with cuts and bruises covering her body left an impression on Fayne. She needed a breath fresh air. Slender legs carried her with ease over the landscape, hackles raised. She felt like she was being suffocated by the scent of blood on her fur. She needed to clean it off, and now. Fayne was running as fast as her body would let her through Glen Eyrie making her way to Deer Lake. The small wolf was distressed, in an panic, as she ran feeling as though she wouldn't make it. Her heart would pound right out of her chest if she didn't get there fast enough. Her veins would burst from the massive flow of Luperci blood that rushed through them.

Once the lake was in sight she picked up her speed not stopping or slowing down as she came upon it. Without a thought she launched herself of of the shore and plunged into the cold water. The chilling temperature stunned her as she hit the lake's surface. She froze for a moment floating under the water's surface. Her mind went blank, stripped of every thought. Eventually, her instincts took over and her legs started kicking desperately to carry her too the surface. She emerged taking a large gasping breath almost not making it to the surface on the one breath she'd taken before jumping in. The scent of blood was gone and her mind was definitely cleared. The panic that had taken hold of her was fading and she could finally breath easier.

She waded to the shore and shook her coat off, the stinging coldness of the water had numbed her limbs a bit. The silver fae rolled around on the grassy floor tying to soak up some of the water before curling up into a tiny shivering grey and black mess. Her heart was still beating so loud it was all she heard, but it was slowing down with each calm breath she took. Eyes closed, exhausted from the fight for Palaydrian's life. She let the heaviness of her eyelids weigh them shut like anchors and sleep took hold.

The next morning she was still by the lake, fur was dry now as the sun was shining down on her calling her to awake. She sat up and looked around, confused as to what had happened. Finally she remembered and sat herself down. Last night's shift had her thinking about whether being a Luperci was all so bad. In Optime form, she'd help with Palaydrian wounds even if she'd been a bit clumsy. Yes, she knew Luperci could be vile and bloodthirsty creatures, but she was one. The Luperci blood flowed through her veins, however hard she tried to deny it, it was there constantly coursing. Most of her pack mates were Luperci including her Alpha and Alphess who used their ability to shift regularly and it led her to think. Emerald eyes gazed down at her paws, tail twitching in thought behind her. Paws. She was used to paws and rather liked them, all four of them. It was much sturdier than two feet and two hands. She also liked her full coat which gave her a sense of security. In Optime form she felt naked and open to the world, but there was so many things she could use those hands for. She could use them to help her family and fight. How useful was she in this form, with four paws, claws, and teeth? Well, she'd already proven that she was useless against Luperci in this form as Amy had been able to hold her down with one hand effortlessly.

The thought sent a shiver down her spine, hackles raising at the name. Amy. A snarl formed on her lip, a growl escaping her chest in dislike. She had to be able to fight and was thinking Lupus form just wasn't going to cut it. She took a deep breath letting the Luperci blood take hold of her and allowed herself to shift. An extremely rare, and intimate occurrence for the silver woman. Bones began to shift and crackle under her skin while the emotions welled up within her. Her small wolfish body twisted and stretched into a woman's form. All her features were feminine and slender. Her tail was still bushy and her chest full. The shift took about three minutes, in that time her eyes filled with the tears of her past. Once finished, they were flowing down her cheeks wetting her long ashy locks. "No, go away."

This was the one part she hated about this. It brought up so many awful memories and they would always be there to haunt her. If only she knew her family was safe and sound living happy lives, untouched by Drosnav. But, she wouldn't know unless she went to seek them out and right now she wasn't willing to leave the safety of her home. She was unskilled and probably wouldn't last very long on her own, unable to hunt very well and unable to fight. Fayne sighed, thinking of it all while she sat there with her knees held up to her chest. She gazed at her hands, front to back. Five fingers on each hand. She picked up some dirt and crumbled it with one hand. Even such a small act wasn't possible in Lupus form. A small smile shone through the tears and sniffles marking the end of them. She raised an arm to wipe them away and continued to fiddle with the twigs and leaves on the forest floor. Maybe this wasn't so bad. Maybe, if she gave this form a chance, she'd be able to get used to it. The petite female sniffled, trying to rid herself of evidence of the tears.

Titania Moonsong · 06-22-2012, 12:46 PM

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OOC I wish I had seen your thread sooner, that was a great post! Hope you’re still interested in this thread.

Word Count → 600+

The family had worked all night to save Palaydrian’s life, with Jiva acting as the conductor of the healing session while Fayne took orders and helped with anything that she could. Titania had been there, too, cradling Palaydrian and using the power that the Alpha held over the pack to calm Palaydrian’s restless, wounded spirit. Not only did she work to keep Palaydrian calm but she soothed Fayne, Jiva, and the others when needed. When chaos was present the wolfs’ natural instinct was to look to their leader, and when it was needed Titania would put an end to any trouble so Jiva could tend to Drin’s injuries.

The night had stretched on, breaths melting into minutes that melted into hours, but finally her cousin had announced that he had done everything that he could for Palaydrian’s wounds and that she needed to rest. Titania knew her work here was done, and by now Zalen and most of the pack knew that one of their kindred needed protection within the den and a guard had been arranged. Fayne had left the den not long before Titania, though the alphess stopped at the meeting mound outside of the cave to stand vigil for the rest of the night.

Morning came and the guard had shifted, but Titania did not leave the denning grounds. Instead, she had curled up – still in her Optime form – and slumbered in the small clearing, welcoming anyone of the pack who wanted to join her out there that night. When she awoke she sat up and looked at the den to see a new sentry at the front. All was quiet and still, all must have been as well as she could hope. She reached out her arms, stretching, and felt her spine crackle ad pop as her body limbered up. Standing, she brushed the leaves from her fur and entered the woods.

Palaydrian had a dauntless watch and a good healer, and the night was over, there was little more that she could do for her now. But there was someone who she was not sure was ok.

She found Fayne’s path with little effort. The woman had left the den perimeter at breakneck speed and the foliage showed it, and it was easy for her to follow her trail to Deer Lake. Here the morning sunlight filtered through the canopy wherever it could, its tendrils reaching down to kiss the ground in splotches for just seconds before the swaying limbs blocked it again. It was a mystical feeling.

It wasn’t long before she could see the blue lake through the trees, and her keen ears could hear someone in distress. A voice uttered something… Fayne’s voice. Go away? Titania knew at once that the words weren’t directed toward her, so the shock that jolted her heart was not out of rage toward her comrade. Was someone here? Was someone hurting Fayne? Had whoever attacked Palaydrian come into New Dawn to finish the job?

Titania surged forward, running out of the trees not far from Fayne, but stopped when she saw no one else there. The silver wolfess’s features twisted, worry and sadness reflected from her mien as she looked at her pack sister folded on the ground, trying to stop her crying. She walked toward her slowly, silently, although not trying to veil herself from Fayne, the woman could easily know she was there.

“Fayne,” she said softly as she knelt down next to her, placing a gentle hand between her shoulder blades. “Are you okay? What’s the matter? Is it Palaydrian? She’s going to be ok. You did a good job last night.”

Fayne · 06-23-2012, 12:10 AM

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OOC: Thank you! I've been waiting for someone to join. Big Grin

/ +575

Her face was still wet from her crying bout and her eyes were puffy, but the tears had finally stopped flowing. Stupid things. Why do Luperci cry? What is the need other than to waste the body's precious water? Crying wasn't something full blooded wolves did, she'd definitely never done it before getting infected by this virus. The thought caused a tiny smile to crack on her lips before it retreated beneath her somber and thoughtful expression. The crackling of dry leaves and twigs behind her caused a dark ear to twitch and her head to raise sniffing out the source. Her Alphess was approaching. In a hurried fashion, the silver raised a hand to wipe away the last of the evidence hoping Titania hadn't heard or seen the shameful act of crying. Her silver and russet alphess approached quietly but not undetected for the wolf's senses were keen.

The silver and black wolf straightened her back to gain some composure as Titania came to kneel at her side. She was still curled with her legs to her chest, arms wrapped around then tightly. She looked over her shoulder at the beautiful woman and gave her best smile. She felt awkward and ironically little in this form, naked to the world around her so she stayed curled up. Titania had obviously heard or seen her crying, she could tell by the tenderness in her voice and the hand that came to rest on her back. I'm okay. These tears weren't for Palaydrian, but for the loss of her old pack members and family. She wouldn't burden her alphess with that knowledge. The overwhelming emotions that accompanied her shift were silly and most Luperci probably wouldn't understand it. Fayne shuffled on the grass so she could look Titania in the eyes without having to crane her neck over her shoulder. A short chuckle broke her silence but the weakness in her voice from crying wavered the laugh and caused her to sniffle again, another short laugh followed in response to the pathetic first laugh. She found it funny and also flattering that her Alphess thought she did good when the whole time she was holding back her own tears, barely able to keep it together. Thank you, I tried to help all I could. Though without you there I probably would have fallen apart at the scene.

The smile faded. Not only did she have her own memories from her attack but now she had the image of Palaydrian's tattered body in her head on top of it. It tore her up. So now, she sat her in this foreign form thinking about all the things she could do with these hands and opposable thumbs. Fayne picked a blade of grass and fiddled with it, it was strange how she could pick up such a small object now. Ignore my tears. I know Palaydrian will be fine. She's strong, stronger than I was. Her eyes shifted to the ground as she stared down at her feet wiggling her toes. Her expression was austere as she thought about it again, her hackles slightly rising as she recalled the overwhelming scent of blood in her nostrils. The silver fae turned her head to look at the lake which had been her savior last night. Without the cool rush of the water she surely would have gone insane.

Titania Moonsong · 06-23-2012, 12:56 PM

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OOC Loving this thread.

Word Count → 600+

The concern never melted out of Titania's features, and all of her attention was given to Fayne as she spoke. Though while she did, Titania moved so instead of crouching she was sitting next to her, the hand on her shoulder blades gently rubbing her back to comfort her. The alphess was in tune with her pack, and now that she was here with Fayne listening to her words and watching the way she fidgeted in her Optime form she was starting to suspect that there was more to this than she originally thought. Sure, much of this was probably about Palaydrian, but she wouldn't be surprised if there was a fear that ran deeper that was causing all of Fayne's inner turmoil.

She leaned forward a bit and looked into the woman's face, searching her eyes with that penetrating yellow gaze of her own. If she could get her to meet her eyes there would be no posturing, no power struggle there, and Titania would not take offense for sometimes eye contact was necessary. It was only in formal times and around strangers that she expected her pack to keep up rank posturing. Right now, they were one, and Titania was not about to assert her dominance over Fayne for no reason.

No, now Titania searched Fayne's eyes because they were the window into her soul, and there she could tell if the woman was hiding something or not. Or at least, she hoped she could tell. After a moment her eyes followed the view of Fayne's, and she looked down at the woman's toes as she wiggled them.

Titania crossed her legs, sitting indian-style next to Fayne with her shoulder butting up against hers – wolfish affection was still possible even in this form. “It's okay, that's what I'm here for. You can always look to me for strength when you are feeling weak, for courage when you're frightened, and for love when you're feeling lost.” She let that thought hang in the air for a moment. “And I will always look to my pack for the same, because no one can be perfectly strong all the time.” She hoped Fayne understood that whatever she was feeling was okay.

Her eyes turned to her hands, and she reached out for Fayne's restless fingers. Touching her forearm she let her hand trace down Fayne's arm until their fingers met, and then she laced them together, taking Fayne's hand and joining for strength, then rested their interlocked fingers on Fayne's lap. Fayne could easily pull away or deny the gesture if she wanted to, but Titania was growing fond of some of the different ways they could express their affection in Optime form.

“I will never ignore your tears. They are there for a reason, and they tell me that there is something I can do to help you.” Especially if Fayne really believed Palaydrian was ok, then that was just one more clue that her sorrow had more to it than just Palaydrian's attack. “What else troubles you?” She never looked away from Fayne, searching the woman's face, her eyes and body telling her that it was okay to let go. It would be ok to tell her alphess. “I know there was something else wrong in the den. There is something else wrong now too, and I know whatever it is that you can come to terms with it if you can face it. Your pack can help. You don't have to tell everyone, I am pack and you can entrust your worries in me. I will never use them against you, and I will never tell anyone if you don't want them to know.”

Fayne · 06-25-2012, 07:59 PM

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OOC: Long post sorry and sorry I took so long. >.< / +1000

Titania's touch was doing it's job and soothing the distraught wolfess as they sat near the beautiful lake, side by side. Fayne could feel her company's gaze burning onto her as she looked down at her hands, the blade of grass becoming increasingly smaller as she ripped and folded it with human-like fingers. She really had never talked to anyone about the origins of these tears, or her lost family. Noah was the only one who knew of her brother and sisters who were somewhere here in 'Souls making their own life. He also knew about Ezreal and how she'd left them at a young age, the very reason why the silver wolf had below average hunting skills. Even so, she looked up to her sister, only a small amount of distaste lingering for being left behind.

The thoughts continued and eventually the blades of grass she'd been working between her fingers were nearly gone. Her eyes had nowhere else to look other than to Titania who still gazed in her direction yearning for their eyes to meet. Their shoulders bumped together, a small smile breaking through the sadness on her feminine features. With a sigh, Fayne turned to meet the full moon gaze of her Alphess. Her eyes were subtle and soothing, all she wanted was to comfort her pack sister and Fayne saw that. She gave another sigh. This was difficult for her. She knew Titania was curious to know where those tears came from and the silver fae would end up telling her. She could trust anyone in this pack, the Alpha and Alphess were on the top of that list. They were here to protect and guide the ones they lead. There was something that Fayne had just realized. She found herself hesitating in trusting the silver and russet female even though she knew she could. Because of Drosnav and his malicious ways, turning on his family. No, she had to ignore this feeling. It was only a remnant of the past she wished to forget, and she should just forget it.

Tender words followed their eyes locking and Fayne didn't look away as much as she wanted to. Weakness and fright were the staples of her emotional make-up these days. It was nice knowing she has such loving leaders. Another smile cracked on her dark lips and she nodded, her plush tail thumping slightly behind her. Things have been very tough lately. My way of thinking has been changing each day and it confuses me. This world confuses me. Her eyes shifted back to her hands as she turned them over to stare at her palms. There were creases where her hands and fingers bent, much like scars. She meshed her hands together before placing them at her side not wanting to think to hard about their uses. She turned back to Titania as she spoke once more, her advice was true. Even though we try to be...I try to be. I'm not sure where I would be right now if I hadn't found New Dawn. Even with the overwhelming feeling of uselessness, her family had kept her strong and moving forward. She was a lucky wolf.

Her Alphess's optime arm was lifted from her back and placed on her arm. Curious eyes watched as she traced the length of her own arm and down to her hand which she took hold of. She could feel the warmth of Titania's hand when they came together. She didn't hesitate, but simply twitched in ear not quit understanding what the meaning of holding hands was, but she didn't mind it. Emerald eyes gazed down at the two wolfish hands in her lap before looking over at Titania with a smile, her head tilting slightly as the wolfess spoke up once more. Titania had noticed something else was wrong, there was no escaping it now. Her eyes darted away as she listened, knowing she'd have to spill the beans to her leader and friend. Fayne gave a small huff of a laugh and stared at the ground again with a smile. Can't hide anything from you, you're keen. The smile retreated as she continued. I've never really talked about it to anyone. It's just always been there, lingering, torturing me. It's the reason why I've grown afraid of this strange form and of others that use this form for vile reasons. Like Amy. A small snarl formed on her lips, she hated that bitch. She turned back to her company, ready to confess.

I know I can trust you, even if my heart wants to say otherwise, my instincts know best. A deep inhale and exhale started her confession. Before I came here, I lived up north with my blood family, the pack I was born in. We lived there for a long time, untouched by this virus. It was paradise. She couldn't help but grin in memory of her true home. Things went bad though, the virus finally reached us and for some of us, it was too much to handle. Our Alpha was among these wolves. The silver fae shook her head, recalling his harsh reaction. The virus drove him to insanity and he turned on his family. Fayne froze, all the memories of the battles they had flashing through her mind. A shiver ran down her spine, tail raising. After that, he tore us into two halves and waged war against us driving us to run. I can remember that night. Seeing my family dying in front of me and being useless to stop it. The sadness grew intense on her face, brow furrowing and eyes becoming moist. So we ran and I came here. It was a short version, Titania could ask question and fill in gaps if she wanted.

So now when I shift. All I can remember is Drosnav's face, lips curled back in hate for his own family and I remember the losses. So many lives gone. Her free hand was clenched into a fist, a human action that was appropriate for the emotion. This form is a reminder of what I detest and until now I've kept it locked away...except for those strong urges that I couldn't ignore. That was only half of what was causing all these emotions. Now, she was coming to terms with the feelings that accompany the shift in order to become an asset to her family. It had to be done. Lupus form was only good for so many things.

Titania Moonsong · 07-06-2012, 11:58 PM

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Word Count → 600+

Sitting close, side by side and hand in hand with Fayne, she listened to the short but painful recount of the woman's story. She listened in silence, letting her pack sister get it all out without any interruptions. Telling it would be hard enough, and she respected her strength enough not to break her resolve. When she was done she squeezed her hand a little tighter, and let the silence stretch for a moment as she digested everything that was told to her.

After a short time, but before the silence grew awkward, she began to speak solemnly. “Fayne... I had no idea. I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. I don't even know what it's like to not be a Luperci. I was born like this, and it's natural to me even if the life that most Luperci live isn't.” She glanced down at her hands. Both Orin and Shawchert were shifters, and so she was by birth.

“The virus may have brought on a madness in your alpha, and in some others of your pack, too, but it doesn't mean you have to deny that part of yourself. The shock... the shock of things can be so much to bear sometimes,” her voice was low and grave. “It can change you. Maybe it was the virus, or maybe it was all just because he could not deal with the trauma of such a drastic change.” She stopped for a minute. Her speculating on it couldn't possibly be helping Fayne. She wasn't trying to defend the virus, but it sure sounded like it. She started over.

“This is nothing like what you went through, but when I was too young to remember a man broke into our home and killed my baby brother. It changed my mother. She became... someone else entirely. She was so different that she even changed her name. That is why I am called Moonsong, not Takekuro like my cousin Jiva, or like my mother herself. She was able to come back to herself after a while, but there was a long time where it did not seem like she would. It was evil that made this happen to her. Just as it was evil that made this happen to you. Something terrible was stirred within your alpha, something that was probably already there to begin with. People aren't bad because they are Luperci or not, they are bad because of evil. You... you're not. You can't torture yourself for who you are, for being like you are, because of somebody else.”

“When you change, it's beautiful. I've seen it,” she remembered seeing Fayne perform a rare shift in the den, during Palaydrian's rescue. She raised a hand and set it on the other side of Fayne's face, gently nudging Fayne so she would turn her head and look to her straight on. “You are beautiful. Optime, lupus, halfling. There is a light that shines inside of you, and it shows no matter what form you are. Do you think the family you lost would want you to live in grief and loathing? Or would they want you to make the happiest life you could for yourself? I think the very answer lies in the fact that you have found a home. Something led you here, Fayne, and whatever it is it wants you to be happy.”

Was she getting through? Sure, she couldn't just take Fayne's pain away in an instant but maybe she could help her see that she did not have to hate herself because of the crimes of someone else. “You were not afflicted by the madness. That is a blessing in itself. But a different madness threatens you now, and it's up to you whether it will take you or not.” She let that thought linger for a moment.

When it felt right, she asked gently, “What about between then and now? What did you do after you escaped, but before you found New Dawn? Was it long?” She wanted to know her adventures, good or bad, she wanted to know everything that made her pack sister into her pack sister.

Fayne · 07-09-2012, 04:58 AM

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OOC: Omg! I couldn't stop writing. I'm so sorry. D: Most of it is nonsense. / +962

Her Alphess had given her her undivided attention and that had meant a lot to the silver Delta. Having her hand intertwined with the woman somehow had given her the strength to push through her story without breaking down. Forest green eyes glanced down at their hands and eyed them curiously. Fayne turned to face Titania finally, her eyes watering a little. Her life had been tough and she'd never given this information to anyone. Oddly enough, it wasn't because she didn't want to tell anyone, it was because they hadn't asked. Now that she'd told someone she knew she could trust, she felt a world lighter.

Fayne was given enough to time to regather herself before Titania started speaking and her eyes remained glued to her Alphess. She just realized that not everyone was changed after birth and couldn't imagine how different her life would have been if she'd been born this way. A whole lot easier. When the woman's golden eyes shifted to their hands, so did hers. Her own hand tightened grip on Titania's, glad she was here.

The small silver female had never thought about herself in all of this. When she thought about the virus, her Alpha, Rowan, and her whole pack, she included herself in them as a whole. Whatever happened to them seemed like what would happen to her if she let the virus become a part of her life. But, coming from Titania all of this seemed silly. But, what if she was one of the ones that the virus changed, turned into a monster. Like Amy, or the one that had attacked Palaydrian. What if she was too weak to ignore it? Fayne turned away unable to think about that outcome. It was much to hard for her to deal with. Her brother and sisters were all counting on her, still. Even though they'd parted way she was still the eldest and if she became like Drosnav then she was no better than him.

A stern expression rested on her face as she tried to hold back the panic she was feeling. Titania stopped for a moment but when she started up again, Fayne raised her head once more to look at the Alphess as she spoke. Her eyes never drew away when Titania was speaking, the story captivated the young female. Even though the situations were completely different, Fayne could relate Titania's story to her own. Drosnav had been driven to insanity and had become a completely different person because of the virus, while Titania's mother had been changed by another reason and still the same outcome. Then she pinpointed the reason being because of the person. This thought caused the silver wolf's head to tilt in though. Never had she thought of it that way before. Fayne couldn't help it when her eyes welled up with tears, which she tried desperately to hold back. But, she was right. Everyone is different. The word 'beautiful' caused the tears to break the threshold she had created and she was forced to look away. She hated these tears.

She wasn't looking away for long. A hand moved to her face and gently motioned her head to turn, she didn't resist. Watering emerald eyes turned to face Titania once more even though all she wanted to do was bury her face in her hands and hide herself. Light sniffles continued as Titania spoke and her head shook along with what she was saying. It was all true. She knew, her mother and father would want her happy, so would her siblings and Rowan. She wanted the same for them and thought about it every day. Through the tears, she smiled happy that Titania had come and spoken to her giving her a different light to the situation.

Eyes continued to focus on her beautiful Alphess, sure she wasn't finished. Her smile faded. Now she certainly was inflicted by a different madness. It was a madness that she had caused, she was at fault. A hand rose to wipe away the tears as she inhaled a deep breath. Fayne didn't want to be afraid anymore. She was who she was, virus and all. Recently, she'd seen that it could help others. Maybe that what she should focus on now.

Finally she looked away absorbing all Titania had said. She felt a world better now that she'd finally told someone about herself. The tears stopped, puffy eyes remaining and Titania spoke again. Now she smiled whens he talked, happy to share everything. When Drosnav went mad, my mother and father took us and a few others to leave the land and escape his madness. But, to ensure our escape my mother and father went on their own path with the others sending me and my siblings, with my sister Ezreal watching us, on another path. We lived on our own, my sister teaching us everything we know now. Her brow furrowed a bit remembering every detail. Then, Ezreal left us and we had to fend for ourselves for a while. We weren't ready for that. I did my best to hunt and provide for them, but it wasn't enough. So, I proposed we split up and find homes and that's what we did. That's how I got here. She still wondered where her sister had gone and if she'd ever see her again. If she did, Ezreal would definitely have to deal with all of Fayne's frustrations. Fayne took a deep breath, glad everything was out. Titania was still welcomed to ask questions, she'd be happy to answer anything now.

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