Losing My Religion

Colibri Haki · 07-08-2012, 10:48 PM

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tl;dr: Coli converts to Norse religion and gets a "tattoo".
WC: 1627

Colibri remained withdrawn and quiet since the attack, after warning her packmates about the danger beyond their border. She did not want to talk or even think about what had happened to her; she was not ready to deal with the indignity and frustration invoked by being a victim of the same depravity for the second time. It was too much of a burden for one lifetime, and with a heavy heart, she had allowed Saul to bandage her wounds and begin on the long slow recovery.

She slept on and off that night and the next day, remaining with Lilin. She hated to handicap her younger sister this way, knowing how much the Soulstorm female would worry, but she wasn't ready to return to her empty house just yet. She felt unsettled, ill at ease. She knew she was safe now, but something was still bothering her. Something was wrong internally. Her dreams were an empty void, but she always awoke with an icy fear coiling in her stomach, so intense she would immediately retch from the nausea. Her chest kept throbbing beneath its bandage, and she frequently clutched at it, so sure that it was still bleeding even though the gauze remained pure white. She was starting to feel trapped within her own frail body. Her mind was playing tricks on her.

Night fell at last, cloaking the Vináttan territory in shadows. Colibri hobbled outside alone, unsure of where she was going, just that she couldn't stand being in bed any longer. Her head was aching, her legs weak and trembling, her hands pressed against the bandages above her breast. She faltered through the quiet village of Jordheim, slowly stumbling around the hillocks and trees, frequently stopping to rest. She was so weak. She could not tell how long it took her to get there, but eventually she found herself before the great tree in their Sacred Grove.

Colibri found herself holding her breath, awed by the sight of the towering white walnut tree illuminated by moonlight. She had purposely not visited the Sacred Grove at all since the pack's foundation. Religion, and their Godja spiritual leader Miskunn, made her uncomfortable in a way she could not easily describe. She had been born into a religious pack, one that preached of a heaven and a hell after death, angels and demons, things meant to scare her away from a path of wickedness and the sin she was born from. She could not honestly say she believed any of it anymore, because no matter what she did or how hard she tried, misfortune always found her. She clutched at the wound on her chest, convinced it had reopened despite the pristine bandages. Her twisted soul could not be saved after the evil it had endured. This place was too holy for her. Her presence would only taint it.

She was about to slink away when she felt the light touch of a hand on her shoulder. She bristled, whirling with fangs bared instinctively. She was met by the sterling silver gaze of Miskunn Stormbringer. Coli shrank back, ducking her head apologetically. She had not expected the Godja to be awake at this time of night. "S-sorry," she stammered, feeling those eyes boring right through her. "I don't know why I c-came here..." Miskunn had been one of the first to arrive on the scene yesterday, there to support and protect her. She did not know why the wolf was so disconcerting to her, but it was probably due to the unwavering strength of her faith; it was intimidating to Coli, who could not believe in anything anymore.

Miskunn's unflinching gaze flicked to Coli's bandage, the way she was clenching it with white-knuckled fingers. "It is a shallow wound, Colibri. Does it pain you this greatly?" Coli huffed, furrowing her brow. It felt as though her assailant's red-hot claws were still buried in her flesh, digging into her to elicit her pained cries. Her voice left her as the sick memory resurfaced, and she merely gave a curt nod.

"You have given it power over you. It will curse you. You must reclaim your body as your own." Miskunn seemed to float away as she stepped lightly into the night. Coli remained rooted in place. She did not want to enter the grove. It would reject her, she was just a vessel for darkness now. She could not change herself, or overcome the weakness consuming her.

"M... Miskunn, wait. I don't... I'm not a part of this," she tried to protest, her voice faint. She was trying to say that the Godja could not help her because she did not believe in the gods. She wore Thor's Hammer around her neck because she was proud to have a home, not because she believed in the Æsir pantheon like the Stormbringer clan did.

Miskunn did not reply to her, returning instead with a ceremonial dagger in her dark oak fingers. There were runes carved into the stone blade, none of which Coli recognized. Miskunn knelt before her, using the dagger to scratch a symbol into the dirt while she whispered. "Þurs vældr kvinna kvillu, kátr værðr fár af illu."

Coli blinked in surprise at the foreign tongue, standing still before the female. Silver eyes rose to meet her face again, piercing in their intensity. She could feel her heart fluttering anxiously, anticipation rising. Nothing more was said for a long time, Miskunn clearly waiting for Colibri to speak. She was still holding her chest, feeling the wound throb with each beat of her heart. She began to tremble, and in a sudden fit clawed at the bandage with both hands until the gauze was shredded, drifting away on the night air. The brand was exposed, the ugly red letter "F" that had been gouged into her. "I can't live with this," she sobbed, hands balled into fists at her side. "I can't have this reminder for everyone to see, I can't... I just can't."

She sank to her knees, feeling too drained to stand on her feeble legs any longer. It was bad enough she was a wolf with no tail, but for that dog to add insult on top of injury, it had broken her spirit. Miskunn nodded gravely, accepting her breakdown without batting an eye.

"No one can remove the scar, for no one can change what happened to you. But... If you will accept my help, I can change your fortune." She gestured to the symbol she had drawn on the ground. Coli drew a shuddering breath, staring at the letter without comprehending what she meant. Then it dawned on her. The rune had a similar shape to the mark branded into her skin. She could not remove it, but...

"Please save me," she whispered. She had nowhere else to turn, nothing to believe in. If this could actually turn her fortunes around, it would be worth what she had to endure next. Miskunn nodded again, and guided Colibri to lay her head down in the Godja's lap. She was offered the leather scabbard from the dagger to put between her jaws, which she accepted with a shiver of fear.

"Just focus on my voice."

Miskunn quietly commanded her, steel in her tone. Coli shut her eyes tightly, digging her claws into the grass as she clamped her teeth into the leather. The dagger pierced her skin, crimson blood blossoming into her pale fur. She choked back a strangled yell, trying to keep her back from arching away from the blade.

"This is the rune Thurisaz. It is associated with the giants of lore, thorns, and the god Thor whose hammer Mjölnir is around your throat." Her chest was rising and falling with her rapid breaths, legs quaking uncontrollably. The dagger was driven down again, cutting into her as Miskunn spoke calmly over her muffled cries.

"It portends many things when used in fortunetelling. Reactive force, directed force of destruction and defense, conflict, instinctual will, vital eroticism, regenerative catalyst, tendency toward change, catharsis, purging, cleansing fire... male sexuality and fertilization."

The last line made Colibri's eyes flutter open, blue irises gazing fearfully up into the Godja's sterling silver. Did the Stormbringer know what had actually happened to her the day prior? It was eerily accurate, and that icy dread began to coil deep within her again, disturbed by the threatening possibility. The dagger was pulled free from her breast, blood shining in the moonlight. Miskunn had cut over the brand, shaping it into the rune that would bring her better fortune if she could believe in it.

Panting heavily, Coli pressed her palms against the bloody mark, feeling her pulse against her fingertips. She wrenched her teeth free from the scabbard they sank into, pulling herself into a hunched seated position as she trembled. Without another word, the Godja vanished back into the night from whence she came, leaving Coli alone with her thoughts.

Colibri Haki sat there all night, watching the sun rise over the branches of the sacred tree. The dull pain from the cuts faded as the bleeding ebbed, drying on her fingers and chest fur. She could finally ignore it. Something wrought a change in her that night. She was already more devoted to this pack than any other, but it was something more...

She wanted to share in the culture, to be a part of something greater than herself. Her gaze was drawn again to the great white tree, no longer feeling it resist her presence here in the grove. She finally had a place where she belonged. She would proudly bear its mark in her hide for the rest of her life.

Table by Alli!

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