playing with the shadows

Saul Stormbringer · 08-01-2012, 12:26 PM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[502]
06.08.12 . 12pm . jordheim gardens . optime form

Now that things were beginning to set in motion with the building of the Village Hall, Saul found that he was relaxing slightly. There was a lot more to do and tomorrow was going to be an incredibly busy day. The majority of the wooden walls needed to be erected and there was certainly going to be a few mistakes made. He was confident that they had enough wood, but it was a matter of getting it all in the right places, knocking it deep into the ground so that it wouldn't move and making sure it was straight and level. The stress of having to organise such a big project had driven the Stormbringer from his home and away from Lilin. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around her, it was more the fact that he couldn't keep his paws off her when they were alone together for any length of time, and the thoughts racing around in Saul's mind were a little too heavy and serious to get rid of by having a good romp with his mate.

Fritz's return, a week or so before, had been a little disappointing in the fact that he had not been able to find the black dog. He refused to let this lie however and his overactive brain was already trying to formulate another plan to track the man down. There was also the matter of his wayward son, who seemed to take every opportunity to sneak out of Vinátta. It wasn't that Saul really had a serious problem with his son exploring outside of the pack lands. It was more the fact that his son knew little about how to defend himself and his insistence that he refuse to let anyone know where he was going was exasperating at best. He knew it would be easy to track the boy down- he'd visited his sons new dwellings a few times and had managed to catch up with the boy often enough. But there was a small part of him that didn't want to be the overbearing, overprotective father that forbid his son from doing anything he found interest in.

The weight of these thoughts drove him out to pursue something that he found relaxing. Usually, he would head for the borders and run it out, but there were other interests he wanted to follow up on. He and Coli had planted various herbs intermittently- he would sometimes arrive to find a new flower in bloom and know that Coli was still okay. He worried about her mental health after the attack and knew she was at least okay by the care the flowers got. He arrived today, a trowel in hand to remove weeds and stones from their little project. He was glad he'd propositioned Colibri into helping him out with this and settled down on the ground to start hunting through the soil, removing stones and weeds alike in his mission to keep the plants healthy.

Colibri Haki · 08-01-2012, 04:31 PM

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WC: 822

Colibri had stubbornly refused to alter her daily routine, although it was becoming more difficult as the summer wore on. She spent her days tending to the flowers around her Jordheim home, then the communal herb garden, and lastly the apple seedlings she planted near the vineyard. All of the walking around, carrying water from the lake, and stooping down to pull weeds was exhausting her. Logic told her that she should not be so fatigued from such passive exertion, but she was anyway. Shifting was out of the question -- she knew instinctively that she would pass out if she attempted it, since she had already collapsed on several occasions merely from standing too quickly, or being on her feet for too long. She was barely eating, which was surely part of her problem, but it wasn't exactly easy to capture lemmings and rabbits with her bare hands... Logic again reminded her that she could ask for help from her packmates, or at least learn how to set snares and traps, but admitting there was something wrong with her would make her the object of their pity. And somehow, instead of losing weight, she was getting heavier, much to the protest of her sore ankles and feet. She was becoming reclusive again, avoiding contact with those who might notice how ill she really was. She was scared.

Today she slept in, aching limbs adamantly refusing to rise with the sun as they normally did. When Coli finally woke, she did not feel well rested; if anything, she felt openly queasy and ill. She rose stiffly from her pallet and stumbled out the door, leaning heavily against the wall of her house. The sunlight was warm against her fur, reminding her that morning had already come and gone. She coughed and retched, stomach forcibly heaving, though nothing came out. It took several moments before she could breathe again, panting shallowly as she tried to regain her balance. What was wrong with her?! Her mind raced, trying to determine what all these symptoms had to do with each other, but came up blank. She hadn't slept soundly since the afternoon by the lake when she was attacked, and it seemed the prolonged fatigue was making her emotionally unstable. Even now she was frustrated at her weakness, frightened for the future, depressed that her packmates had seen her at her worst, and paranoid that everyone already knew what the black dog had done. Coli snarled aloud, shaking her mane vigorously. She needed a break from her own thoughts, something to calm her. The garden, that always worked; it was the only place where she could silence the clamoring voices in her head. She would take care of her own flowers later, when she could bear to look at her empty house again.

She set off at a brisk pace, forcing her stiff joints to comply. She did not have her wineskin with her this time, so the watering would have to wait. It did not take long for the frail Optime to feel dizzy and faint, panting in the heat in an attempt to catch her breath. She pressed onward, though, knowing she would feel better once she could kneel in the soil and feel the gentle leaves against her fingertips. A light breeze teased the strands of her long mane, carrying to her a familiar scent. Saul? The Stormbringer's scent traced all throughout Vinátta, marking their borders, escorting newcomers to Jordheim, organizing the construction of the new hall. But she had not expected to stumble into him at the herb garden, not now with all of his duties in full swing.

Coli faltered, pressing her fingers against her chest to feel the racing of her heartbeat as she slowed. It was as though she had been at a dead run, though her pace was barely a quick walk. She needed to rest already, and she did want to see Saul, even if she feared he would see right through her, his skill as a healer picking out every little imperfection in her body. Setting her ears back, she cautiously approached the garden, smiling at the sight of the tall Virding bent over by the myriad plants. He must had noticed all of the new cuttings she had cultivated, the plants she had traded with Amy Sunders to receive, or otherwise relocated from the forests and fields of their pack territory. She had carried water to the garden nearly every day to keep the flowers from wilting under the summer sun. This small duty was hardly as important as border patrol, hunting, construction, or any of the other duties Saul had assigned them, but... she meekly hoped that he would appreciate the amount of effort she was putting in, even now that her body seemed to be failing her. She cleared her throat, a small sound to alert him to her quiet presence.

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-06-2012, 11:29 AM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[348]
<3333

Sifting through the soil, Saul was pleased to see that the weeds he encountered with new growths, the stones were only small and it was clear to him that their little herb garden was well tended by the female who he'd made it with. He was also very impressed by the variety of plants that they'd managed to plant, even if they'd completed these tasks separately. His own little whitchhazel plant, that had been up and moved at least three times, was beginning to branch out and grow and there was a pleasant realisation that he wasn't going to be moving his little plant anymore. He could nourish it, help it grow into a big and useful plant. An odd sense of pride welled up in him, just before he heart the quiet, tentative clearing of a throat behind him.

He turned and couldn't help the wide smile as he spotted Colibri. His tail thumped eagerly against the ground, before concern welled up in his eyes. She looked frail, like she might break, her chest lifting rapidly. Cocking his head to the side slightly, he expected her to be thin. He was surprised however, to see that she had gained a little weight, despite the frailty of her appearance overall. Coli! Are you okay? He exclaimed, before realising his intensity might be a little too much for the female. Allowing himself to sit back on his heels, he flashed her a grin before chucking another small stone out of the way.

This place looks amazing, you've done an incredible job. He complimented her, reaching across to rub the leaves of a marigold plant between his fingers. There were a few he didn't recognise and he pointed to it before asking; I don't think I've seen that before, where did you get it? He questioned, green eyes showing the absorption he held with the flowers that surrounded them. Looking back up at her, he patted the floor in a gesture that said 'join me' before plucking another weed from the soil and patting the disturbed loam back into place.

Colibri Haki · 08-06-2012, 11:35 AM

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I still feel incredibly lucky for having this tab open... xD;; WC: 712

Coli took her place beside him, breathing a faint sigh of relief to be off her feet. She was still breathing quickly, though her fluttering heartbeat was beginning to even out. "I'm f-fine, Saul, and it's good to see you here," she said meekly, self conscious that he already noticed something was off in her demeanor. She swallowed, hoping it was not too alarming. She had been rather reclusive lately, so she was not sure if her fatigue was something others would notice. She didn't want to be a burden. Saul flashed her a friendly grin, and she smiled weakly in return, watching as he busied his hands with small chores. At least he had not seen the garden when little Sura wrecked it; thankfully the plants had all recovered since then. The energetic puppy had evidently learned from her mistake and was now protecting the garden rather than attacking it.

There was a rare sense of pride creeping into her voice as she gestured to the different plants, describing each one in turn. "I met with a trader at our borders, named Amy Sunders. We worked out a deal, and these are some of the plants she traded me. They're all wonderful, and they've taken to the earth quickly. Meadowsweet has the lacy white flowers -- you can chew on the roots to relieve headaches or upset stomachs. The leaves are good for flavoring wine or jams. And that is common sage, with the furry leaves -- it wards off infection -- oh, and there is a catnip! Ciaran already found it," she added with a smile. She and Niernan had been quite amused to see the effects in action; Coli had never known why the plant had that name before, but cats seemed to love it. Those were most of the newest additions, the interesting ones anyway. Saul probably recognized the chamomile, marigold, and other common wildflowers. She hoped he would like the little raspberry bush she was growing towards the back; she thought it might be fun for the Aeska to pick berries at the end of the season, and maybe the adults would like teas and jams if they had a large crop.

Coli had her own simple knowledge of herbal remedies, mostly how to use these local plants in teas that eased small aches or mild illnesses. Brewing tea was something she learned from the shaman Deuce Rhiannon in Dahlia de Mai; prior to that, her knowledge only extended to poultices applied directly to the afflicted area. Either way, she was hardly a medic. She could not stomach the sight and scent of grave injuries, nor did she have any expertise when it came to diseases. It had never been much of a problem before, but now there was something wrong with her and she could not figure out how to treat it on her own. Saul had been the one to bandage her when she had stumbled home, battered and broken from the assault; he had a better idea of what had happened than anyone else in the pack, and if her symptoms now were some sort of lingering side effect from the trauma, perhaps he knew how to fix it. She had confided in him before, when she told him about her one true love and how it had fallen apart because of her. Saul could be trusted with this sensitive information as well.

She gazed down at the soil, rubbing it between her fingers absentmindedly as she tried to find the right words to say. Saul was a good listener, but he didn't deserve to get all of Coli's issues dumped on him at once. "Actually... I have been feeling a little under the weather," she mumbled, unwilling to meet his perceptive gaze. It was embarrassing, after all. She was so weak, all of the time. "Tired, really, I get worn out so easily... could it have to do with recovering from the... erm, when I got hurt?" She was trying to rest more frequently, but every time she drifted off to sleep, something in her dreams would frighten her awake. She could not clearly remember what it was, just... a sense of fear. Everything was so disjointed and confusing. She was losing herself.

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-06-2012, 12:11 PM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[714]
<3333 tell me about it!

The small smile settled onto the Stormbringers lips as Colibri settled down on the floor. He could almost see the sigh of relief as he body sagged slightly and for a moment, Saul thought he could see a slight pouch to her lean body. It must have been the light, or the way she was sat, because when he took another look she appeared perfectly normal. Her usually stuttered words aimed to soothe him, but he could see that there certainly was something wrong. He wouldn't push her- they were both here to seek solace and there was no point in trying to force the 'right' answer from her. So he nodded his head instead, a pleasant half smile on his face as he returned the sentiment. Its a pleasure as always to see you Coli. And it was the truth- he enjoyed the females company, especially out in the garden they'd made together.

There appeared to be a bit more light in the females eyes at Saul's question and he couldn't quite suppress the grin as she began to point out the plants. His grin dipped slightly as she mentioned Amy- he'd heard from Lilin and Niernan about the blonde dogs insistence that Vinátta trade with her. He wasn't too pleased that she'd turned up again, but decided against telling Colibri. There was little point in warning her away from something she'd already done. Instead, he tuned in to the Soul's words and was happy to get a lesson from her. He'd heard of Meadowsweet but he'd never been able to find any and Sage was a good plant to have to keep away most infections. He laughed accordingly when Coli mentioned Catnip and Ciaran's response to it, although he'd never seen a cat respond to it.

I think our little herb garden is coming along nicely. I'm glad you managed to find a few plants that I haven't used before... its good experience. He chuckled, reaching over to touch the furry leaves of the Sage leaves. He was glad Coli had mentioned how they should be taken, mentally noting it in case he needed it. He knew he'd come to rely on his Witchhazel and Marigold to stop infection and as an anti-septic and it would be good to have a few more options under his belt. A comfortable silence fell over them, one that had often fell between the pair when gardening together. There was no need to fill it and Saul busied himself pulling the sparse brown leaves from a chamomile plant that had perhaps a touch too much sun.

He knew it wouldn't be long before she confessed and in a few short moments, her timid words interrupted him. He glanced back as she admitted that something might be wrong. Concern for his Hollr overtook his green eyes as he looked at her again, visually trying to pick out what could be wrong with her. He stopped and listened to her, mentally taking note of the symptoms she'd described. Fatigue was a symptom of a myriad of illnesses. Of course, Saul couldn't quite help the clench of his stomach, the twist of his heart. The thought popped into his head so swiftly that he thought it unrelated, before he really considered it.

His conversation with Fritz flashed before him, in perfect clarity. Apparently Fang is his personality that rapes women.. Though they had no solid proof that it had been Toby or Fang that had attacked Coli, Saul was suddenly sure it had been him. And with that realisation came the gut wrenching certainty that his subconscious had thrown him his answer. He coughed, his throat tight around the words he was finding difficult to say. Coli... He coughed again, trying to clear his throat. Coli... Fritz thought he recognises your attacker as the black dog by the name of Toby... and his alternative personality called Fang... Fritz... well.. Fang is known for raping females. He managed, before he could look up to her. Did he... did he just attack you, Coli... or were you raped too? He questioned, the dread tightening his stomach into painful knots, his muscles tensing automatically as he looked across at the female, an odd mix of horror and concern in his emerald gaze.

Colibri Haki · 08-06-2012, 12:16 PM

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:> WC: 597

When the pair had started this garden, they had toiled equally, each happy to get soil on their hands and be involved. This time, though, Coli merely sat and watched; the surest sign that something was weighing on her, because normally she could not wait to lose herself among the leaves and stems. The delicate perfumes of the flowers in bloom were soothing, and she was content to chatter on about everything she had added to their collection, relaxing in the safe haven they had created. Saul didn't seem to mind. But she was afraid to turn the attention on herself, to voice the concerns she had been doing her best to conceal. She needed to know if Saul had the answers, but... she was afraid to hear them.

Coli sat still, quietly listening as the Stormbringer labored to speak. It was unlike him, he was not one to flinch from the truth no matter how harsh it might be. But instead of medical advice or questions about her other symptoms, he spoke of a much darker matter. There was a tension between them, a growing sense of dread as they both drew closer to something neither of them wanted to broach. Coli's brow furrowed; she knew of Fritz, but had only spoken face-to-face with him recently, finding him a very serious and matter-of-fact male, and more than a little intimidating. But the other names Saul offered her... Toby, Fang? She didn't recognize them at all. She rubbed her arms uncomfortably, thinking back on the encounter -- there had been no introduction, not even a false pretense of one. Alternative personality, was that even possible? There had been a strange contradiction to the dog's actions, as though his mind was abruptly changed... it had reminded her eerily of her father, the way his moods would shift imperceptibly at the slightest trigger. Like the day she lost her tail, because she had misread his sincerity as being genuine. Her encounter with the dog had been almost the opposite, because in the end he had mercy on her and let her go, something Haku Soul had never shown her. And then...

Her head snapped up, frightened blue eyes meeting Saul's intense emerald. He knew her secret without her saying anything. Her lower lip trembled as though she were trying to form the words, but the only sound she could form was a tortured whine. She couldn't deny it, she had no excuse to hide behind. She dropped her face into her hands, shuddering as the memories resurfaced. "I, I didn't want anyone to know... th-that's why I washed myself at the lake, I was all... w-wet, so I wouldn't smell like th-that, like him, and... and... guh... I didn't, I couldn't... it happened again, couldn't believe it happened to me... again," she babbled, rocking back and forth as she hid her face from view. It seemed like everything was crashing down around her ears, and she had finally snapped under the pressure. The sickness and fatigue must be psychosomatic after all, why else would he be asking her about it? Poor Saul always seemed to stumble upon her at her worst; he must have the lowest opinion of her out of everyone in Vinátta. She would have fled in shame if she was not so very tired; instead she slumped down, letting her mane fall loosely over her face and shoulders as she shivered uncontrollably. She felt so exposed. She couldn't bear it if he told anyone else -- he wouldn't, would he? She had to trust him...

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-06-2012, 12:24 PM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[546]
<3333

Their unexpected meeting had been a pleasant affair and Saul had been glad that he'd made his way out to the garden today. Though there was clearly something weighing heavier on Colibri's mind than his own, he wasn't going to pry into what it was. And then she'd told him anyway, and in some kind of weird, twisted way he'd managed to link this to Fang. Perhaps it was his natural paranoia, or the persistent worry that had plagued him since Fritz' revelation about the rapist personality of a seemingly nice male. He didn't want to jump to conclusions and just for a moment, he willed Coli to deny it, to admit that she'd just been attacked. Like a swan on the water, there was a certain sense of serenity over this meeting, the undercurrent of frantic paddling that neither party wanted to really acknowledge.

There was no going back from this however as Coli's head snapped up, her own blue eyes wide with fear as they met his own. There was no denying it now, her actions had been confirmation enough. His stomach felt so tense it might burst and he moved, slowly up into a kneeling position instead of sat casually on the floor. Resting his elbows on his thighs, Saul couldn't help but feeling nauseous as the words tumbled from her frightened lips. Fear for his friend razed through him and he shuffled forward a step or two as her final words hit home. She'd been raped... but it wasn't the first time. These words had floored the male- he had no idea what to say, how to comfort her. But there was another thought niggling its way to the surface. He tried to push it down and offer his words of comfort.

I am so sorry this happened to you Colibri... again. Nobody deserves to be... violated in such a way, but especially you... especially you. His words were soft- he could see she was falling apart. He understood about her aversion to touch and so refrained himself from scooping up the Soul female and holding her tight. Instead, the only comfort he could perhaps give was the soft touch of her foot with his hand, a physical reminder that he was here for her. A soft, wordless whine escaped his lips as she slumped further, appearing to him as though she were really trying to curl up and disappear. Coli, it's going to be okay. He knew these words were considered lame to most, but he didn't know what else to say to her because his next words were certainly going to shatter the poor female.

I think I know whats wrong... I think, uhm... I think you might be pregnant Coli. He delivered his news with dread in his voice, powerless to keep it in. He wasn't completely certain, but it was the most logical explanation. Will you let me examine you, just to make sure? He asked, though it perhaps sounded worse than it was. He remained where he was, knowing that his touch would not be welcomed. It would be up to her if she wanted confirmation- he'd be able to at least feel a hardening of her abdomen to testify that there was life in her womb.

Colibri Haki · 08-06-2012, 12:30 PM

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WC: 758

Coli's facade had crumbled, and now she was babbling, the words tumbling unbidden from her lips. When she got scared, sometimes she could not stop talking, even if she would regret the things she admitted to. When she could finally stem the nervous stammering, she dimly perceived that Saul had edged closer to her, and was trying to comfort her. She wanted to assure him that she was fine, it was just a momentary lapse of control. But she couldn't, and it would have been a lie. This breakdown was a long time coming. She needed someone to know. Coli felt his hand gently touch her foot, and she flinched -- not because she feared him or his touch, but because she felt so dirty, so contaminated, that he could be corrupted by her. She had been obsessively washing her hands every time she visited the lake shore, trying to cleanse herself as the paranoia progressed. But now... someone knew her secret. It was not her burden to bear alone anymore. As much as it humiliated her, there was a sense of relief seeping through the haze of fear. "It's going to be okay," she exhaled softly, repeating his words to herself. There was no need for panic, the worst was behind her.

...Pregnant?

She froze. Her fingers strayed subconsciously to trace the scar on her chest, the rune, as she tried to process the thought. When she was younger, motherhood was the only thing she had really wanted out of life. Her own childhood had been fractured, tarnished, but she felt like she could improve upon her own experiences, offer a better life to the next generation. But as time went on, she grew lonelier, more bitter, and she forced herself to give up on that dream. What did she have to offer children, anyway? The Soul bloodline had dark potential, and without a mate to help her, to balance out her weaknesses... well, it wasn't worth the risk. She didn't even know if it was possible for her to conceive; a part of her suspected all along she might be infertile, since her weak and irregular estrus had all but stopped in recent seasons. And now... she might be carrying pups after all? The rune Miskunn had given her, it meant a great many things, but the one word that she could not forget was... fertility. She gazed down at her stomach, noticing for the first time how it had filled out in the weeks since the assault. The weight she had gained despite not eating... It filled her with wildly conflicting emotions: it was a miracle, she would be a mother after all, even though she was nearly six years old and never had a mate, never loved a male; it was terrifying, she was bearing the children of a monster, who could very well be little monsters themselves, and no one could save her from them.

Hesitantly, Coli reached out, deliberately touching Saul's hand with her trembling fingers. "P... please tell me," she whispered, consenting to his examination. There was no way she could escape this, she had to know. Her mind flashed on a remedy Deuce had taught her, one she never thought she would have a use for. Tansy, the golden flowers or the leaves, could make a tea that was toxic in large doses -- but in small doses, it could be used to... to safely end a pregnancy. She bit her lip, discordant thoughts clamoring so violently she could barely think straight. Did she want to be pregnant? What if Saul told her he was wrong after all, it was something else making her ill...? Would she be relieved, or heartbroken? This could be her only chance to be a mother -- scratch that, it was her only chance. She was too afraid of men to ever choose to lay with one, and even if she could stomach it, there was no guarantee she could conceive. But if there was a litter growing inside her, the black dog had promised to return for them... She took a shuddering breath, trying to calm herself as she clasped the Stormbringer's hand, awaiting his verdict. "I... I've been so queasy, especially when I first wake up... and dizzy whenever I stand up, or walk... and m-my joints, they ache, especially my ankles... does that all...?" she trailed off, unsure what she was even asking. She couldn't really be pregnant, could she? Wouldn't she have known already? Wasn't it supposed to be feminine instinct?

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-06-2012, 12:33 PM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[525]
<3333

The flinch of Coli's foot was enough to make Saul withdraw his hand away from her. He had no idea if she was scared of him, but he fervently hoped that she wasn't. Despite being the leader of the pack, Saul would rather have died than rule with others fearing him. Even if it was just one member, it hit him hard. He told himself that he shouldn't think the worst- he'd just rooted out perhaps her greatest secret. Her soft repetition of his own words were little comfort to him, because his mind was already whirring, telling him things he didn't want to know, that Coli might not want to know either. Green eyes were torn, the anguish of these revelations was something he wasn't likely to ever forget. He hated to be the one to do this to her, it seemed like all he ever had was bad news when it came to the dark woman, but he had to tell her. Her body seemed to jerk to a stop and she remained painfully still, though she reached up to touch the scarred rune on her chest.

There was nothing he could do now, but wait for her consent or denial. He remembered when the Cour des Miracles woman, Ever, had some to him back in Dahlia de Mai. She'd thought she was ill too, and Saul had been the one to drop the bomb on her. He'd read about pregnancy, though mostly human pregnancy he'd seen a few passages about dog pregnancy which he could only assume was the closest he was going to get to their own species. By now, he remembered, there would be no bump, but her stomach would likely have hardened and she would have been putting on weight. It was also likely that her breasts were fuller and he'd read somewhere that the hair around the nipple stripped back for easier access when the pups were born. He couldn't however, imagine asking Colibri if her nipples were showing more than usual- he didn't think he could handle her embarrassment let alone his own. He was lost his his thoughts when Colibri grabbed his hand. Shocked to say the least but the male covered it quickly at her pleading words.

He nodded softly, his eyes telling her silently that he wouldn't hurt her. Shifting forward, he indicated for her to lean back slightly to bare her stomach. With careful motions, Saul ran his hand over her lower abdomen once, before he began to roll his palm over small sections of her stomach, feeling the hardness there was bile rising in his throat. She wasn't showing yet, but there was definitely a change there. Using one hand to hold her stomach still, he rolled the other over this one last time as Coli began to babble once more. He listened, still concentrating on her stomach before he released her. I'm sorry Coli... but you are pregnant. He whispered softly, his hand moving to gently cup her knee before he retreated once more. He had no idea what to say to her, or what to do about this whole situation.

Colibri Haki · 08-06-2012, 12:38 PM

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New avatar activate~ >D WC: 1054

Coli passively allowed Saul access to examine her, his gentle white hands exploring her bare stomach the same way they had explored the leaves of their garden, seeking palpable signals to respond to. The sunlight had felt so warm on her shoulders mere moments before, but now there was cold dread coiling within her, anticipation rising like bile in her throat with each probe from his fingers. What did she want him to say? Both possibilities could crush her. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, her window of opportunity had been two summers ago when she was in love and happy. She could have been a mother then, and it would have been a peaceful and wonderful experience. But everything kept unraveling since those halcyon days. The one consolation she could cling to was that now she had Vinátta, so she did not have to suffer as a lone wolf any more. But if she wasn't with child, then what was poisoning her body? It kept getting worse, as though she could be dying from the inside out. Was that really a better alternative? She was so very tired. Perhaps it would be tranquil, falling asleep and never waking up. She might not be capable of creating life at all, only death. She found herself gripping the wooden pendant around her neck, the little carved hammer that Saul had given her when they settled here. Whatever the verdict was, she needed the support of something greater than herself.

I'm sorry Coli... but you are pregnant.

A soft whine escaped her lips as all doubt was expelled. She nodded once in resignation, swallowing audibly as a shudder chased down her spine. She had been close to tears before she knew, but now that the truth was exposed, there was a hollow quality to her defeated expression. She was officially, and undeniably, pregnant. Before the summer's end, she would give birth to the black dog's offspring. "You can't tell anyone." It was both a command and a plea, though she knew how foolish it was to be prideful now. How long could she keep this hidden? Even if she concealed her body, hormones were already changing her scent, and eventually the puppies would be born for all to see... "There... there might be a threat... the dog, the... father... said he would return if I was knocked up. He might take them." They were his harsh words, and he had spoken more cruel taunts to goad her, but she could only repeat them in that dull, broken voice. The only hint of an inflection was the ironic twist to her lips when she struggled to spit the word 'father'. Whatever had splintered the recesses of the black dog's mind made him revel in the suffering of others. The thought of seeing him return, his dark soulless eyes filled with amusement when he learned he had utterly dominated her body after all, it made her feel nauseated. If there was truth to the rumor about his mirrored personality, perhaps it was the only reason he had not returned already to stalk her. She did not want to think about why he wanted their pups.

Coli warily touched her abdomen, feeling for the first time that there could be new lives hidden within it. It was good she had not had the energy to shift forms, recognizing now that it would have endangered them. Did that mean she wanted to risk keeping them? "Can you tell... how many? Wh... what gender...?" she asked faintly, uncertain if that was possible even for a healer. There would be so much responsibility. She could barely keep herself fed, and now there would be little mouths relying on her-! She was starting to panic, digging her claws into the plush fur of her thighs. It was surreal. Suddenly there was something looming in her near future, and every little moment that slipped by brought her closer to that inevitable conclusion. She was not of sound mind, not fit enough to be a parent, let alone a single parent. Saul and Ezra had done it, but they were so much stronger than her. She ruined everything she touched -- she could ruin their lives, these unborn children. Maybe their tainted blood would not affect them at all, until she corrupted them with her anxieties and phobias and depression and everything else wrong with her. Maybe they would be better off with the dog that sired them, at least half of his mind was good.

Coli released the grip she had on her thighs, noticing how numb she felt all over. It was an oddly detached sensation, some sort of shock, she supposed. Her voice was a whisper when she finally settled on a personal question for the Stormbringer leader. "How did you do it...? Raising Temeraire... you told me your heart was broken before he was born... how did he turn out so well?" And the unspoken followup: Can I do it too? Coli sought out Saul's green eyes, searching desperately for any kind of hope for her. Did he believe this was the right thing to do, to have the pups despite their origin? Did he think Colibri was even capable of being a decent mother? Saul was always honest with her. And he knew that she had already failed at past responsibilities, drowning under the expectations of others. He could give her advice, not just medical advice but some sort of moral guidance. She trusted him as a friend as well as a leader, though she could not even voice exactly why his presence was so calming. It could very well be the simple hobby they both shared, their green thumb. But his time was valuable, and all of the pack needed him to guide them, not just her. She couldn't beg him and Lilin to help her raise the bastard litter... only if she should even attempt to do it by herself. Maybe the humane choice would be to terminate the pregnancy now... then the little souls could never suffer at the hands of their father, or unwittingly at the hands of their unstable mother. Oh, she was such a coward, and this was a whole new kind of fear to face. What was she supposed to do?

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-07-2012, 10:19 AM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[953]
why you make her so saaaaad? DX

His probing hands were taken with a passiveness that could perhaps be described as numb. He knew Colibri, but perhaps not as well as he would have liked to even begin to guess what was running through her head. He was aware, or had guessed, of her submissiveness, her likely depression and general lack of self confidence that really mixed to make a nervous, frail female. He couldn't blame her either- from her words earlier it was clear she'd been raped before, their previous conversation about love rose to the front of his mind. He recalled how she'd spoken of her crippling battle with expectations, how she'd avoided Anu so that she wouldn't disappoint. He thought that perhaps what might be going through her mind right now was whether anyone would be disappointed in her again. He could be wrong, but the utter lack of response as he rolled his hands across her stomach was something Saul couldn't ignore and green eyes searched the ground quickly, his mind trying desperately to think of something, some words or action that could ease the females pain.

The softest of whines was the only verbal response he received as he'd confirmed her pregnancy, before her head bowed in a resigned nod. He didn't think he'd ever seen such a broken response and it was all he could do to withdraw his hands and settle back on his heels. He remained in front of her though, his own knees just barely brushing her own. He understood about her aversion to touch and didn't want to push her into anything. But the desire to scoop up her frail and practically shaking form and hold her tight to him was overpowering. He thought he was perhaps grateful when she spoke, her almost sharp words causing his ears to flash once against his head, before nodding. I won't tell anyone, its your right to do as you wish. He spoke softly, sincerity clear in his voice.

Her next words caused an automatic growl to rumble deep in the Stormbringers belly as he thought of the black dog. In a way, Saul wanted to see him try. He wanted to see the dog try and get past them, so they could catch him once and for all. Of course, he would never admit that to Coli and settled down before trying to reassure her. You have nothing to worry about on that part, Coli. He will not get past us. He couldn't help the steel in his voice however and took a deep breath to expel the tension he felt when he thought of the rapist. Green eyes widened slightly as her creamy paw washed over her abdomen slightly and he wondered what she could be thinking. They were perhaps vocalised a few seconds later as she enquired after the lives developing in her womb. His first response was the short shake of his head before he spoke. No, I'm sorry. In a couple of weeks when they've developed a bit more, I can tell you how many there are, but we won't know the genders or the survival rate until they're born. He spoke gently, a soothing tone as if he were trying not to scare her.

He'd noticed the grip on her thighs and considered trying to loosen her hold, but refrained once again. If it had been Lilin, he would have pulled her into his lap, the physical contact a comfort for both of them. That wasn't possible for Coli and he supposed the only peace he could offer her was peace of mind, if that were at all possible. Her mind seemed to be working hard for a moment, the concentration on her face a better expression than he'd seen just a few moments before. The grip on her thighs loosened perceptibly, before more words came from her. He was shocked when the question was aimed at himself, even more shocked that she remembered his words of their first meeting in the garden. It had been a strange one, though nothing compared to this. He didn't have to think much before the words came, just above a whisper from his mouth.

He gave me strength... I was terrified when Imari found me and just handed over this tiny little bundle of black. I didn't have any time, before his birth, to accept the fact that I would be a father and I was so scared. But it didn't take long for him grow and when he looked up at me, properly, for the first time... he knew nothing other than me. I've since told him about who his mother was and what happened... but that very first time, when he looked at me and knew I was his father who loved him unconditionally, there was nothing else. It didn't matter to him who I was or what I'd done, or that his mother didn't want him... because I was there and I would always be there for him. Thats all you can ever do...

He finished on a soft whisper, green eyes had spent his speech studying his lap and twisted fingers. He looked up now, green eyes shining softly as he snorted once at his own sentimentality. In his own mind, he had every faith that Coli would step up to the job of being a mother. She would never be truly alone, even if it was just Saul himself making sure she was okay, bringing her food, checking on her and talking if she needed it. He tried to convey this promise as he looked at her, green gaze intent on the broken female whom he'd managed to mangle yet further by his own words.

Colibri Haki · 08-09-2012, 01:37 AM

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She's the woobie, she's always sad. <333 WC: 843

Saul promised he would not tell her secret. Coli nodded in quiet acknowledgment, appreciating his confidentiality. She would have to face this sooner or later, but if she could control when and how she told her packmates, perhaps she could feel slightly less helpless about the whole situation. She flinched as a deep rumbling growl filled the sunny air around them, then ducked her head in embarrassment when she realized she had reacted to Saul that way. She had done the same thing to Ezra. "S-sorry," she quickly apologized. "And... I'm sorry if I've b-brought trouble to our borders... I don't want anyone to get hurt on my account." She felt guilty already for relying so heavily on their protection without providing any useful service in return. The garden was as much Saul's as it was hers, and soon she would be unfit to tend to it anyway.

It was just so hard to grasp. It didn't feel real, or she was simply in denial and could not accept it. Saul explained that he could not tell her anything now, but later he could at least figure out how many children were within her. Then she could think of names... If she had a son, she could name him after Conor... no, no, this was all too much, happening too fast. "I know so little about all this... How long do I have?" she asked in a hushed voice. "What are the odds of... my survival?" She swallowed audibly, grateful that Saul was still so close to her so that she did not have to raise her voice. She was so unprepared for all this. It was too late for her to change forms, but she remembered hearing it was easier for wolves to birth in their natural four-legged form. She could have doomed herself by her ignorance. "Saul, my... my mother died giving birth to me..." she added weakly, clasping both hands over her belly. It was a chilling possibility that she could have inherited the same genetic weakness, whatever had caused the fatal complications. Coli was a small wolf, and the dog had been much larger than her -- what if the hybrid pups were too big for her body? She was trying to calm herself and fight off the rising panic, but it was obvious by her shallow breaths and the rapid rising and falling of her chest that she was losing the struggle. Saul's voice was soothing, but his words were not. There was no easy answer to all these problems piling up around her.

He grew thoughtful as he seriously considered her question, then delved into his touching narrative. Coli listened raptly, letting his gentle story transport her away from the distress and chaos within her mind. Saul loved his son so much, even if Teme's conception had been an accident. Her heart ached, longing to feel that way about another being who could love her back. There was an interesting parallel between Temeraire and Colibri; as pups, both had been without a mother for one reason or another, and thrust upon their father unexpectedly as a last resort. The results could not have been more different, though. Teme grew up loved and cherished, and now as he matured into adulthood he was finding confidence and self-reliance as an emotionally healthy wolf. Coli, of course, fell down a less fortunate path and still found herself desperate for any kind of acceptance, with no self esteem to speak of. She was afraid the little ones growing inside her would already be tainted by her negativity. It hadn't occurred to her that she could make them feel wanted and loved, despite their heritage, and it could save them from the same fate she suffered. It was the reason she used to dream about being a mommy, wasn't it? To create a family she could love, and give them a better start than she had? Back then, of course, she imagined having a mate, but she could try the first act of bravery in her otherwise cowardly life, and be a good parent all on her own.

"You were scared?" she asked, managing to summon a dry chuckle of amusement. "That's hard to imagine... I mean, you must have done everything right... y-you'll give them advice, right? When... they come?" As leader, Saul had taken on the role of father figure to everyone in the pack. If his pure and noble values could be passed down to the next generation, he could help them remain good even if their mother failed them. He was gazing at her with a strange light in his green eyes, some mixture of heartfelt support and pity, as best she could interpret. "I, I'm very scared," she admitted meekly, though it was obvious from her body language. "So much could go wrong..." Could she even love them if they looked and acted like their sire? Or even worse, if they were like her sire? Could she be selfless enough to raise them if they scared her?

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-10-2012, 11:55 AM

[html]

If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[592]
hahaha

There seemed to be a sliver of relief in the chocolate woman's posture for just a moment as he agreed to keep the information to himself. He was going to find it difficult not telling Lilin, though there was no worry about revealing anything to the rest of the pack. Lilin was his closest confidant, his best friend besides being his mate. Keeping something as big as this, especially as Colibri was actually related to his mate, was going to be a challenge. He would do it though, no matter how hard it was. The low, rumbling growl that echoed around him caused him to frown softly, glancing around to see where it had come from before Colibri's hurried and stuttered apology informed him that it had in fact come from her. He shook his head softly, silently letting he know that it was okay. Her next words caused another frown, before confidence in his pack caused a bittersweet smile to lighten his features. Believe me, I think Niernan and Bran at least would relish the chance to actually defend the borders, instead of simply patrolling. I don't think he'll be back... but if he does, we'll be waiting for him.

His voice lowered subtly at these last words even as he tried to lighten it. Coli seemed to slip once more into her thoughts and Saul watched her carefully. He was acutely aware that he had dropped a great deal of shock onto the already fragile female. He was expecting her to break, to crack in half or cease to function. Questions instead came from her and he was perhaps relieved she was still talking and had not yet retreated and surrendered to darker thoughts. He almost smiled at her choice of words, until her revelation that her own mother had died giving birth to her. And then they seemed to fit very well in the circumstance. Thinking about it, he tried for a reassuring smile. For your chances, I'd say pretty high. I will be doing everything I can to help you... and when they come I'll be there. You need to keep your strength up, give them the best chance at being healthy. They should be here in about six or seven weeks, perhaps a little more or less. You'll learn what to do, every new mother does.

He really did try for reassuring and hoped he'd nailed it. His words were listened to, though he didn't look up to see if she had any physical reaction to what he was saying. When he'd finished, he looked up quietly and offered a weak twitch of his lips. Her next words made him chuckle softly along with her, nodding quickly. Terrified... He confirmed, before she continued and he automatically shook his head. I don't think I got everything right. Teme hasn't turned out bad, he's a great kid... but I don't have a real close bond with him that I'd like to. Sometimes, he does things, or says things, that I think must only come from his mother... He snorted, though this was short lived and he quieted when her admission caused a sad frown to tug his lips.

I'm sorry you're scared Coli... you won't be on your own though. And you're right, a lot could go wrong. But then more could go right. They are yours to do with as you wish, raise them how you want to... He was trying hard to put a positive on this situation despite the despair that was clear on her face.

Colibri Haki · 08-16-2012, 12:49 AM

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sorry for the delay~ <3 WC: 618

"Um... th-thank you, Saul..."

Coli's voice was meek, but appreciative. "For all this, I mean. Answering my questions, and... offering me protection... it's really more than I deserve, and I know you're always busy, so... it's, um, important to me," she mumbled, trying to express her gratitude for his patience. Saul was trying so hard to be positive for her. Coli still felt strangely detached from her emotions, as though watching them rise and fall from afar instead of properly experiencing them. It was too monumental to grasp all at once; she needed to deal with the news on her own time, try to sort out the strands of positive from all the tangled negativity. She still couldn't believe she was going to be a mother, especially not by a man whose name she didn't learn until today. If she could help it, the black dog would never know he was a father. Coli grimaced, staring down at her belly. She couldn't even picture actual pups with faces and names and personalities. Right now it was still a malady, the condition making her ill and achy and making it impossible to sleep throughout the night. She certainly wasn't going to sleep tonight, not with this to think about.

She took a deep breath, and tried to reiterate what she had been told. "So... I have six or seven weeks, and you'll help me when their time comes... and you really think I can learn what to do with them after that...? Nngh, I don't feel anything like a parent, right now I just feel... sick," she admitted dully, rubbing the space between her eyes as a headache began to settle there. Wrestling with all of these insecurities and waves of anxiety was exhausting her. Honestly, Coli wanted to curl into a ball and lay in the warm dirt, and never have to move or think about this again. She envied the flowers around them. Saul had more to say about his son, and Coli listened to him chuckle with a faint smile on her lips, content to let him talk as long as he wanted about Teme. It was better than facing her own problems, wallowing in pity and terror. But Saul had more advice for her, bringing her back to the present.

They are yours to do with as you wish, raise them how you want to.

"...Are they really mine, though?" she asked in a hollow whisper, looking to Saul's kindly gaze for his unflinching opinion. That was, perhaps, the hardest concept for her to come to terms with -- she had not asked for motherhood, but instead had it forced upon her. It wasn't her choice, and now her very body was no longer her own, but host to other lives that leached her strength. She thought vaguely of Miskunn's words regarding the scar above her breast, how she had given it power over her and needed to reclaim her own body. This was the same feeling, only far magnified because now there were apparently living things inside of her. Coli knew better than anyone how bitter and pessimistic she could be, dwelling on the unpleasant memories of mistakes she had committed. Could she ever look past the circumstances of their birth, and simply appreciate the miracle that she had been blessed with? "I just... right now, I... I don't feel anything toward them. I... I don't love them. Am I... supposed to by now? I don't know if I can..." she whispered, hugging her arms tightly around her torso. Was it brave of her to try anyway, or was it cowardly to let things fall as they may and wait to see the outcome?

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-21-2012, 08:24 AM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[543]
likewise sweety! i wondered if we could wrap this up shortly?

The chocolate females stuttered thanks was received with the droop of his ears, though a gentle smile tugged his lips upward. He listened as she explained her thanks and felt himself melt a little more. He perhaps wasn't the best person to talk about things- he was sure Colibri would feel a little more comfortable talking to Lilin or Miskunn about her fears, but he was grateful that Coli had felt at least comfortable enough to tell him bits. The automatic shake of his head was given when Coli proclaimed that she didn't deserve their protection and Saul felt the subtle roll of his eyes before he could stop it. One day, Coli, you'll learn how much you mean to us, that you are valued and treasured. You are important to us. He used her own words back at her, sincerity clear in his voice. He knew she had a very low opinion of herself, but there was never any doubt in Saul's mind of their love for the older Soul woman. The despondent way that she looked down at her own belly caused a soft frown on his lips, though he left her to gather her thoughts.

Once she had regained a little composure and control, she gathered the information she'd been given and asked him about it. He allowed his head to bob intermittently with each bit of information, glad she was able to at least retain these nuggets of knowledge. I do think you'll learn. And of course you don't feel like a parent yet- aside from the serious shock of it all, your pups are probably about the size of the tip of my finger right now. You have to accept the fact that you will be a mother, before you can grow into the role of parent. He spoke calmly in the face of her obvious frustration and fear, though he was really hoping she wouldn't allow these fears to rule her. He knew she was going to need a lot of support and he was willing to help in any way possible.

His words seemed to elicit more fear from her and the young Virding couldn't help but despairing at the circles Colibri managed to get herself in. The unwavering patience Saul always exuded rose to the occasion and he waited for a moment after her initial question. He knew there would be more and the stuttered admission was received with a soft nod from him. They are your children, no matter where they came from. Love is not immediate- it does not simply appear when it 'should' or you need it to. Love is something that grows, that you grow in to. I won't promise that you will love them- their conception is horrific enough. But you are safe from him- he will never get to your children and you can raise them how you want to raise them, take control of your own fate, Colibri. His words were kind, but firm. The crippling lack of confidence in the female was going to be her biggest downfall and he knew she needed to accept that this was happening to her, so that when the time came, she would be able to be strong for her children.

Colibri Haki · 08-23-2012, 06:40 PM

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of course, this is a perfect stopping point~ thank you for this most excellent thread!! WC: 725

Saul was wise beyond his years, staunchly patient through Coli's feeble inquiries and barely concealed devastation. She could see why her sister had fallen in love with him, or perhaps how persistent he must have been to court the stubborn Lilin in the first place. Saul and Lilin were a good match, regardless of their family tree. And Coli wanted to be worthy of their trust and devotion, not simply the object of their pity; she wanted to contribute to this pack and have a real reason to be valued and important. "I haven't earned that yet," she said frankly. Being accepted and loved was all she had ever wanted, but right now she could only feel like a burden to them all. There was no reason for her to feel any other way, not until she could pull herself together. I will earn it someday, she added silently. They had protected her and would continue to do so; she would repay them eventually.

Saul was gently pushing her to accept this, and she struggled to commit his words to memory even as she questioned them. The size of a fingertip? It was such an odd visual, trying to picture puppies small enough to fit on her paw pads. Did they already have fur, markings, personalities? Were their fates mapped out before them, their souls preparing for their life's journey? It was disappointing that she could not sense anything about them, as she had romantically assumed a mother would know such things. This was hollow, blank. There was nothing, and there would not be until she could meet them face to face.

Coli knew she would keep them, no matter how helpless it made her feel. She hoped she could love them when they came, as she desperately wanted to. She prayed if she could, that they would not break her heart someday. Maybe she was just afraid of trusting herself to do the right thing, because what was right? She was poison, she corrupted things without ever intending to, this could all be a horrible mistake that would ruin her home or even end her life.

But selfishly, she wanted to meet them anyway. She distantly remembered the Soul pups from Dahlia de Mai, and how she would secretly pretend they were not her half-siblings but rather her children, the same blood coursing through their veins. She had cradled a frightened Conor in her arms, had caught a mole for hungry Emwe, had defended brave Willow from a bully. Those faint memories of innocence still held a special place in her heart, something she had tried to lock away and repress after she left them all behind. She had been young then herself, hopeful and shy and always looking for the chance to have a real family. She came so close with Anu. And when it crumbled to pieces around her, that was when her hopes of ever being a mother died. It was strange to feel that stirring again, barely a glimmer, still so small but present for the first time in many seasons.

A wavering part of her resented it, was fighting the notion that she would give in so easily to something forced upon her. There would always be conflict. Saul was right, and Miskunn was right, she had to take control somehow. But in all her life, she let others make decisions for her, never trying to push things to go her way. The only choice she had ever made for herself was the night she attempted suicide. And even that hadn't gone her way, because here she stood now, facing this crisis. Perhaps this was the reason why her life had been spared so many times, every strand of the complex web leading her to this nexus, this turning point. It could be a new beginning, or it could be the end.

"I need some time to think." The soft words were listless. Her eyes fluttered shut, closing out the bright sunlight and the peaceful garden setting. She was worn out and did not stir, knowing that Saul would respect her need for privacy and leave her there to mull it over. She wished she could smile for him, tell him she was ready now and she could do it all by herself, but she wasn't a good liar.

Table by Alli!

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Saul Stormbringer · 08-24-2012, 10:16 AM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[448]
I dread to think how many points this thread is worth between us! XDD it was lovely, we should have another Saulibri thread soon <33

The answering words that came from the fragile entity that was Colibri Haki was surprisingly free of stuttering letters, it was direct. Saul couldn't help the tug of his lips, the softest of snorts. It was good to see her stick up for herself, even if it was to put herself down again. Perhaps one day, she would be able to apply this bluntness with which she defended her 'uselessness' to other aspects of her life. Thinking on it logically, there might never be a time when Colibri was confident and happy with what was happening around her. From what Saul knew of her, and he was learning more every time they came here, that the opinion of herself was worse than nothing, she didn't feel as if she deserved anything from anyone. Saul didn't exactly have the words to tell her that love was unconditional- familial love was there no matter how useless the other thought they were. Coli might not be blood related to him, and they'd only met half a year ago. But she was vital, an integral part of his life.

He remained quiet, not feeling the need to interrupt her thoughts or comment on her words. Instead, he allowed idle hands to tug at a small weed he'd missed. Soon, they would have to design some kind of cover for the plants they'd set up here- some of them weren't winter friendly and fall was creeping up surprisingly quick. No sooner had that thought entered his mind, another popped up just as quick. By the end of autumn, Colibri would have her children. There would be tiny mouths to feed, more than they were used to. Saul remembered Melee and Range back in Dahlia, small and helpless but with Gideon to look after them. Jace's pups had been born when he was gone, but he'd met Dalgina when she was still small. His own son was a great experience for him, but he hadn't had all too much exposure to newborns at the very least.

The chocolate womans soft, lifeless words caused him to look up, a fond ghost of a smile on his lips. He would give her anything she needed, anything she wanted and everything she was too stubborn or self-doubting to have. And right now, that was time. With a slowness, he reached over and squeezed the females hand once before clambering to his feet. I'm always here if you need me. He said, his voice almost too soft to hear, but he hoped she'd caught his promise. With one final look over her breakable form, he turned back towards Jordheim, a creamy paw rubbing over a tired face.

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