He knew damned well he had no reason to be sitting upon their doorstep but so long he'd waited for Ryan to appear again like out of a dream and yet she hadn't shown since the day she'd come to Phoenix Valley. Things had changed in his pack and now there was little to no reason why she wouldn't be welcome in the lands. He knew his mother had been upset by the very name of the woman and he wondered just why but he hadn't questioned her further after the explosion she'd had. Atleast she hadn't flat out told her to leave the lands. Iskata might not hold any real rank in the pack anymore but they all still held her world and requestin high regards, atleast those that knew who she really was. He doubted that the new packmates even know that once she'd been the leader of their pack, not some elder grouchy muttering fool like she'd turned into lately.
His stormy orbs flickered towards the edge of the lands, he'd been worried lately since Zana had disappeared but the pack had seen hide nor hair of her, nothing to say that she was alive or dead. He still had hope that the girl had found refuge in one of the other packs and they just hadn't learned where she was yet. He wished that he knew what had happened to the girl but nothing had been learned just yet. DaVinci could remember when he'd sent her out of the cottage with fresh ribbons round her tail, that determined mischievious look in those lavender eyes as she scampered across the snow and towards the barnyard. She hadn't come back since and he'd lost her trail just outside the packlands as the snow had begun to fall thick that night.
He closed his eyes as a sigh fluttered in his chest before opening them once more and staring at the clanlands that began on the edge of the dampwoods. He wondered just who Zana's father was as she stared into the lands that warned away everything that may even smell of wolf. Iskata wouldn't have chosen a male from Inferni but there was little else they could figure out. She never spoke of Zana's father to them but it was obvious by her name that she'd so relations to the clan. That wasn't the reason for his journey now but he could try and find out if Ryan was around.
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Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone;
I'll be waiting.
She couldn’t do much more then waddle her way through Inferni. She was bound to burst any day now, but Ryan didn’t know what to expect. With Siobhan’s help, she now had a den dug for her and her children. She supposed the rest was just a matter of waiting. Her days now didn’t consist of too much. She barely saw many faces around Inferni. She wandered the borders for a bit, then returned to her den for some rest. She hoped the pregnancy would end soon, however, because she didn’t think she could handle any of this anymore. The thought of caring for the children terrified her, but still she was trying not to think of it.
She had wrapped the olive colored cloak around her (since it was now the only thing that remotely fit her) and had set out on her daily trek. She didn’t go very far anymore, but she was still determined to get out. She trailed along the borders, following the scent marked ground until her paws got sore. When that was the case, she would turn and trail home. She was almost to that point when something caught her eye just beyond Inferni’s doorstep. "Davinci?" Her stomach instantly fell and she was suddenly terrified beyond belief.
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DaVinci's mind had been hooked on two girls and yet when the figure of Ryan had came into view his mind wasn't actually been thinking on her. His brows furrowed as he wondered if Zana was warm, if she was being taken care of.. or if she'd been stolen, kidnapped or even worst. He wished that he could find her and end this torment to his mind and soul. He stopped dead in his tracks as that voice cut through his thoughts and his stormy orbs turned to take in the sight of his love.
At first DaVinci couldn't figure out why she'd said his name so but as he took in the sight of the woman his mind forgot all about Zana for a moment as he felt short of breath, a tightness clinching at his heart as he just stared. His mouth was dry and if he could speak he didn't even know what to say, he didn't even know if he should even try and open his mouth, afraid of the words that might come out. He swollowed against the lump in his throat but was silent as his eyes said it all, the betrayal of the one he loved hurt worse than anything he'd ever known.
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Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone;
I'll be waiting.
He didn’t say a word to her. Nothing. He just remained there, staring at her in the silence that hurt more than the deepest cut. Why wouldn’t he say anything? Why wouldn’t he acknowledge her? "DaVinci," she breathed again, aware of her own voice as it wavered in the air. She took a few steps forward, a hand reaching out for him, before she stopped. She could see it now. Could see it all in his eyes. He didn’t love her anymore. How could anyone possibly love her after what she had done?
The moisture stained her cheeks as she looked towards the steel boy with blurred vision. She had gone to meet his family and was prepared to share her life with him, but she had thrown it all away. She had thrown it away months before, while DaVinci still trusted her. And now she had let this go on long enough, hoping to deceive him, hoping that he wouldn’t notice, and here he was at Inferni’s doorstep. Everything had fallen apart. What had she done?
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He stared at her with a storm of emotions brewing across his face as he swollowed, not sure of what to say to what stood before him. She'd been able to love him even after she'd learned of his past before her.. but what he saw before him wasn't part of her past coming back to haunt him, it was her present life that had seemed to betray him so harshly. He turned his gaze away when her voice wavered, trying to find himself before answering. His bejewled ears pinned against his skull as he could feel the blood boiling in his veins. He had never betrayed her, was it because he hadn't joined her in Inferni. He wasn't sure, he didn't know but the pain that cut through his heart and soul was too strong to ignore.
He closed his eyes and growled softly. "Gabriel thought I wasn't good enough for you because though I loved you I had children with another before I'd ever found you." He turned his face away from the one that hurt him so much as he finished. "Perhaps he was wrong." Perhaps it had been Ryan who had never been good enough for DaVinci. He doubted the leader of Inferni would ever see it thatway but that's how he was beginning to feel. He opened his stormy hued orbs to meet those crimson ones once again.
Drama foh yo momma[html]
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone;
I'll be waiting.
The hot tears came unhindered and she dared to take a few steps closer towards DaVinci and the invisible line that separated them. Maybe that line should have been abided earlier. Maybe none of this was meant to be. Yet, she was afraid the line would become permanent. She didn’t care about their families or anything. "Fuck Inferni. Fuck what Gabriel thinks, DaVinci! He doesn’t matter right now." She inhaled deeply, her frame shaking. That wasn’t the right thing to say. Not yet. She needed to explain, to apologize, but she was terrified of the rejection she thought she saw in his eyes. Or the broken trust. She didn’t want to face this, which is why she had avoided it as long as she could.
"DaVinci, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen! I love you. So much. I really do. I know this might change your mind or make you think otherwise, but I swear on my mother that I really do love you. And I would never ever hurt you on purpose. This," she motioned to her own stomach, "this was a horrible accident. There’s no one to blame but myself, and I wish I could take it back." The words spilled out so fast, she felt as if she couldn’t catch her breath. "Please, DaVinci. Please, please say you won’t leave me."
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DaVinci stared helplessly at the woman as the tears began to stain her cheeks. He wasn't even sure what had happened, he'd spent the past moon working hard, tending to his pack and family and she'd been doing what, fooling around and finding her own form of happiness in the passions of another. His ears pinned back against his skull as she spat out about Gabriel and Inferni. He knew she was upset but he couldn't understand, she had betrayed him. He raised his eyes to meet hers as he spoke bitterly. "How could we even be together Ryan!" They'd tried, he in his pack and she in her clan and yet look what had happened. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep.
While his eyes were closed it seemed that the girl had exploded into some sort of answer or excuse. He opened his stormy orbs as her words flowed over him. He stared silently as he thought on the words, wondering just why everything came down to him, what he had done to deserve this and just where would their lives even go from here on out. "I was a horrible accident.." he said softly as he watched the tears flowing, though not raising his arms to collect the woman where they belonged. He wanted to hold her close yet the appearance of the child(ren) growing within made him wonder and doubt just what remained of them.
He shook his head and just swollowed against the flood of emotions that were threatening to tear him apart. "Was it worth it at the time?" he asked. He didn't mean to sound so cruel but the male was upset and he wanted her still but he needed to know if there was anything left of them. "How can I leave you when we've hardly ever been close enough to touch." The angry tears touched the edge of his own stormy orbs as he waited.
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Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone;
I'll be waiting.
'How could we even be together Ryan!' The words stung and her brows pulled in towards each other as her frame folded in reclusion, trying to escape the hurt. Maybe he was right, after all. She didn’t want to believe it, but maybe they weren’t strong enough to overcome their backgrounds. And how could she ever expect him to accept what she had done? She couldn’t. She hadn’t meant for it to happen, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to push the blame solely onto the alcohol. And even more, she didn’t want to admit that she had been foolish enough to succumb to the drug. She wanted so badly for him to comfort her, but she knew it wouldn’t happen. Not anymore. She had ruined any chance she had had with him.
"DaVinci," she breathed again, raising a hand to her chin as her fingers slowly curled into her palm. She needed to tell him how she felt, and then let him decide. It’s all she could do now. "You are the only person I have ever felt so content around. Just your presence has always put me at ease. Before I even knew you. The first day I met you. I didn’t care that I didn’t know about your past or who you really were, I was willing to learn. All that mattered to me was that I could be so fortunate to be near you, DaVinci. You talked about how you were never treated well and I wanted to be the one person who did. But I failed. I know that. I let myself loose all self control and I drank too much. And now, I’ve ended up like this. With a cruel man, nonetheless. One who would never love me. Not like I know you could. And I know, you probably won’t want to be with me now. I can understand that. I messed up beyond belief. But just know, please just know, DaVinci, that I loved you. You are the first and only person in my life that I have ever loved like this." As the tears fell, she hugged her arms around her frame and turned to the side. She was afraid to hear what he might say in response. She was afraid of the rejection she knew would come. And so she turned to flee from the borders and her love, to find the security of her den. She hesitated, waiting for him to reply, while his gaze seemed to burn into her side. Though the impulse to run away now was overwhelming, something kept her grounded there. At least, for a moment longer.
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The silver blue boy never meant to hurt her but he was hurt just the same and he knew nothing better than to lash out when in pain. She kept going on with words he didn't want to hear and yet the halfbreed Sadira couldn't find it in him to turn and walk away. His stormy eyes were lashed with pain as the words sank in. He was breathing hard as he stared at her, the pain in his eyes had to be reflecting from her own as he asked, his words sad and weary, "I could deal with the distance, I could take our family's history.. everything that was outside our control.." he turned away from her a moment as he tried to gain control over his emotions, knowing it was a pointless thing to do, he was hurt beyond what he ever thought she could do to him. "This was not though.." he said softly as he ran a hand through his hair and just shook his head.
He brought both hands up to his faces as he rubbed his eyes, his ears pinned back to his head as he tried to get a grip. This was all too much too soon. He couldn't help it as he explaimed. "Damn it Ryan! Why did you wait, why didn't you tell me sooner!" Not that he could have done anything about it, but seeing her like this had been too much of a shock. If he'd had the time for the idea, and the condition to grow on him perhaps it wouldn't have turned into such a scene. He grew quiet a moment as he took a breath and tried to gain what little control and dignity he might be able to. "Just give me time Ryan.." he said suddenly, refusing to meet her gaze as he spoke.
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They don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to hell.
She couldn’t bear to face him and his words only made her want to cry harder. She fought her hardest to keep the tears from falling to her cheeks, but some managed to escape. By keeping her frame slightly turned from him, she felt almost as if she could hide – as if his words couldn’t hurt her as much. "I.." she began, but couldn’t bring herself to speak anymore. She hadn’t told him sooner because she was afraid to face the rejection. She had hoped that if she could avoid him ‘til after the pregnancy, somehow she could sort things out. She knew that it wasn’t a possibility. She had known that all along. Ryan just wasn’t strong enough to admit that one day she was going to have to face the disappointment and hurt from her love.
"Alright, DaVinci," she responded in a whisper. She turned so that she could let her crimson gaze fall on him for a moment. "As much as you need," she told him, before she turned away. She needed to be alone now. The dam threatened to burst and already the tears were rolling thicker. Ryan just needed to let out all of the hurt and guilt she held inside, and the cavern near her den was the only place she felt that she would be able to do that. She left him there, and began the slow walk back towards the caves. She would give him all the time he needed, even if that meant eternity. She realized she couldn’t take back what she had done, and could only hope now that DaVinci would find it in his heart to forgive her.
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He hadn't wanted her to just turn away but when she did and those words were his only comfort there was nothing he could do. His shoulders sagged as the ice seemed to settle in his veins and cool the burning blood that had minutes before been boiling away. He felt horrible for the things he'd said and the way he'd spoken but there was nothing left now but to turn away. He didn't understand why he felt guilty, he hadn't been the one who had done wrong. He felt the hot tears pricking at his eyes as he walked away, his reason for appearing on the borders long forgotten as his heart seemed to grow heavier with every step he took.
There was nothing left to say and nothing left to do, he allowed himself one brief glance back towards the woman who'd stolen his heart and crushed it just the same. What exactly had just happened, he wouldn't have been able to tell you if you asked him but he knew there was no way he could turn around now. How they kept getting into these situations he couldn't say but their lives seemed to intertwine too well with the emotions of love and pain.. how they kept hurting eachother so much he couldn't even begin to understand.. or why they kept returning back for more. Too much pain right now but he would give her the time and give his heart the time as well.. perhaps he would find it in his heart to forgive her and himself.
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