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Private
Avsnitt
Rage was still left in his heart, but it was slowly dwindling away, because unexpected emotions had entered his body. He had been thrown out of his own home, but right now was not the time for being childish. He still slightly hoped that there were no puppies, but of course, there was a good portion of curiosity as well, swelling in his chest. He had met little Willow, and it had even made him feel kind of light. He still somewhat cared about his mate, when he really paid attention to the black and beating organ. Besides; it was his cottage! It was his rightful home! If she was in it, then too bad, he wanted the cold meat in the fridge. The male trotted in circles outside the cottage for a while before he finally went to the entrance and walked inside. It was quiet, and though he knew Dahlia members trotted around nearby, the house was empty.
AvsnittHe followed the strong scent of blood and Firefly, and found her in the same room as the day before. She was not alone. There were two babies with her, snuggled tight up against her body. He lowered his frame and tilted his head slightly, his stomach turning uncomfortably. ”Firefly..” His voice sounded vulnerable, and he hated it. He was afraid she would snap and try to make him go away again, but if she did, she would be unsuccessful. ”Have you given them names yet?” The bodies were alive, and two additional chains had been tightened around his throat. Whatever had just happened, he would just have to face it. Nothing else to do. The pack knew they were alive, and Haku was powerless.
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Firefly had heard the sounds of another moving in the house, she'd lifted her head to the sounds, half awake as the scent of her mate seemed to appear out of nowhere, then following said scent was the male himself. Her hazy eyes seemed to clear instantly as she couldn't help it as her heckles began to rise. Those jade jewels followed the frame of her mate as he stood in the doorway watching her. When he spoke her name she rose up slowly, her forelegs moving over the small forms of their children as she silently studied him.
There was something different in the male, something she had rarely seen and yet there didn't seem to be any trickery to the way he was acting. She herself was unsure of how she could even possibly be a mother to these puppies, be a mother they deserved but she was going to try. She had no clue if he was willing to try and be a father to them or if he was just there to take away the life she'd brought forth into the world.
When he asked if they had been given names yet she watched him quietly still for a moment before sighing and answering. "No.. I wasn't for certain if they'd live." She had already lost one of the puppies and she had no clue how to tell if a puppy was strong and healthy, all they did was squeak and whimper and eat and sleep. She'd spent hours studying the tiny tails and stubby noses and yet she still had no clue if they would live to see tomorrow. She lowered her body back down again as she curled up around the two crying babies as she waited, wondering if Haku was here to attempt end their lives. Would the question Coli had presented her with come into play over their own children. She was loyal to her mate but she would not watch him end the lives of her children without a fight.. though she was a little baffled on how that came to be at this moment.
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Avsnitt
Her eyes were alert, and he gritted his teeth silently. The female got up, and the things started with an annoying choir of disapproval having their mother’s warm body taken away. The Lilium’s ears instantly flattened, determined to try to shut the pathetic cries out. The copper and gold female said she was not for certain if they’d live, but they seemed alive enough. The child she had thrown at him had been quite the opposite, cold and dead as a rock. He believed he knew what she was thinking. Why was he here? Was it to get done with the dirty work?
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He watched her as the woman went back down again and curled around the two naked rats (they looked like small critter infants in his opinion). ”I am not here to take them away, Firefly.” With that sentence, he quietly admitted the defeat. If they survived their first months, then he would help take care of them. He did not like it, but there was little else he could do, so it was just to accept it now rather than later. He took a few steps into the room, but dreaded coming closer to the female, because trust was frail between them at the moment.
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He stretched his neck as he tried to get a better look at the two babies, seemingly pinkish white with the promise of their parents’ coat colour mixed in, but it was too early to say really. Why would it matter! ”Can I lie down with you?” This was a broken home, but things could get better. Once again he was willing to try to change. The pack was blooming and his cottage (which he always had had for himself) had been filled up with kids. If you can’t fix it, you have to live with it.
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Firefly was slightly confused at the emotions that were surging through her body as she watched her mate with cold eyes. She had no clue why he was there besides the fact that he lived in the house but the room she was hiding in was in no way close to any room he normally occupied. She lowered her head down next to the children as she tried to hush their cries and nudge them closer to her belly where food and shelter were both available. Her eyes turned back to him as he spoke, she wasn't for certain if she believed him or not.
"Can I trust you on that.." she asked as she watched the male, not moving from her position as the puppies were beating their little heads against her body before finally quieting down for the time. She looked down to them, the confusion showing in her eyes as she tried to understand how she'd wanted them dead when she realized they were to come and now that they were here she'd protect them with her own life. The way of things was strange. She just sighed softly and let it be at that.
The sudden movement from Haku made her shift her gaze back towards the male as he seemed to be trying to look past her at the small figures she was protecting. She watched him until he finally broke down and spoke. She wasn't sure of what to say at first but after a moment she just nodded, she was tired of all the fighting and arguing. She was young and didn't want to feel alone in this. They would never be a perfect family or a happy home but she didn't want to be alone and if he wanted to try again she wasn't going to stop him. The two needed al lthe help they could get(from eachother) to make it through this.
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For most fathers, watching their children’s mother attend to their children would have been a heavenly sight. Haku simply stood and stared with an aura of confusion oozing off him. Firefly was not a caring wolf, and she had a dark core just like himself, which was why he always had felt drawn to her. Children belonged to happy couples and families that welcomed the new members into their lives. These two puppies were not welcome, and growing up would not be a dance on roses like it should be. Haku was determined to fill up the pack with puppy-sitter ranks, because he would not run around and watch the snots day in and day out. Right now he was able to grasp a small thread of attachment and curiosity, because he knew it was his and Firefly’s offspring, but he also knew that his interest was most likely to fade before long.
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He only gave a shrug when the female asked if he could be trusted, but his face acknowledged that fact. He waited until he got a ‘go’ from the male, and slowly trotted closer to the trio, his family. She had curled around the two cubs, and Haku laid down opposite of her, but took care to not settle too close to the small ones that already was protected by the mother that did not fully trust the father. He made sure he was close enough to feel the warmth radiating from the woman’s body, but that was all. He gave a blank sigh and peered at the little he could see of the small things that too soon would grow up to become small brats. He did not even know their genders.
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She had said that she was not certain that they would live, but Haku on the other hand was quite sure they would. Coli had been much frailer and weaker when she had been born, and she had not even had her mother’s warm body to cling to. Haku had come the day after the birth and found the dead woman with two other stillborns. Maybe they had lived when they were born, but they were dead when he had come, and only Coli had been alive, and he had taken her to Milla’s pack. These were stronger, seemed much healthier and squealed louder. It was almost like listening to small baby kittens. "They seem healthy enough to me." After all, this was not his first litter.. He did not say more, but hoped that Firefly would let him in and share more about the two babies with him.
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Her eyes flicked back and forth between the curious male and the small puppies at her side. She was unsure of her own emotions and now adding Haku's unreadable eyes and still figure to the mix wasn't helping the lady at all. She was tense and nerve wrecked as she waited to see just what her mate would do. She'd had slight hopes that after the children were brought into this world that perhaps once more they'd find some sort of forgiveness but she'd known that slight hope was far fetched and she'd probably do better to find a replacement father for the two budding lives at her side. Too bad she'd picked the biggest baddest bastard to be her mate and he'd probably take offence to that notion.
She forgot about the children for a moment while her eyes moved to the male as he moved to settle in the room with her and their offspring. While he was arranging himself she felt her tail nervously flitting back and forth as she watched his every move. Once he'd found himself the perfect position she lowered her head, the sigh on her ears made her shift as she realized she was causing him more irritation at not showing him the small rats he so wanted to see. She kept herself close to their forms but let him get a closer glance while she stretched out her long limbs, her toes brushing his form before she relaxed again.
Firefly stared down at the small children as Haku spoke of their health as she growled softly. "Did the third look heathy enough to you too?" She knew in the views of the pack that she was lucky enough to have had the two survive, but in her own eyes she'd failed. She had made the choice to place one life above another and in the end she had lost the gamble. She glanced back to Haku as she answered sharply. "Two boys, the girl died, lucky enough for you." she snapped as she stared at him. She hadn't brought up the subject of his oldest daughter but she would let him know that she knew the little dark secret he'd tried to hide for so long.
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Avsnitt
She seemed to grant him allowance to see their children. After all, he was only their own father, so it seemed he wouldn’t have many rights unless she felt particularly nice. Even though he had not wanted the children, now they were here and he would deal with that dreadful fact. The thought of Deuce’s litter had not been worthy of anything at all, but when he had seen the blue eyed child called Willow Soul, he had felt okay knowing she existed. He would probably get used to these two boys as well. Boys just like him, and he wondered if they too one day would wake up with a voice in their head, screaming for blood and misery.
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They looked even uglier closer up, but Haku kept his mask and refused to let it falter to deliver a frown directed to the little.. things. His ears flickered uneasy as the growl rose so close to his ear. He heard the words and realized that she still was not finished. He had tried, he tried. His fighter spirit was empty. He did not want to go through this any longer. He knew things were his fault, but they had children and those things needed to be taken care of. Also, she was in his cottage, and he would not leave. He gritted his teeth silently and got up on all four again. He was tired. The male left the room and padded towards the kitchen, determined to find a piece of deer. Comfort eating was cool.
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Firefly felt a flash of guilt when She'd once more driven Haku away. She sat there a moment staring down at the two children as she could hear his paws carrying him away and into the kitchen. She swallowed and closed her eyes a moment before removing herself from around the puppies before carfully pulling the deerskin over their small forms to keep them warm. The emerald eyed woman looked back at them a moment before following her mate into the kitchen.
She sat there watching him from the doorway before she spoke up softly. "What are we doing Haku?" she asked. All they ever seemed to do was fight and bicker anymore. There was reason of course but it just seemed to be cascading into a waterfall that they would never be able to get out from unless they started swimming for shore soon. Her eyes glanced away as she seemed to have found herself uncomfortable for once in the presence of the male. She couldn't deny him access to his children and they did need to be named but she just felt so out of place at the moment.
Once he was there, he realized that there was no way he would be able to keep anything down if he tried to eat something. This was not only about Firefly either. He knew that all in all, they had all had their reasons to doubt him. Yet, it had shook the male to the core those days ago when he had entered the birth scene and seen the Dahlia members' reactions to his presence. He was so fucking disappointed that he could not shake it away like he did with most things. More and more often he got the fact that he was unwanted confirmed straight in his face. If he had not begun to create ties and friendships in the pack, it would have been much easier to handle, but Haku had grown roots all over Souls, especially in Dahlia. The fact that the pack still disapproved of him and saw him as a threat to the pack's own members, that stung more than anything. When had he ever let Dahlia de Mai down? Maybe he had done some things to certain pack members, but in the majority of the cases it had been mental pain. All in all, he had not intended to hurt Firefly. It had just happened, and now it was all lost. He could understand it, but he did not want to.
The male turned around as the female's voice sounded from the kitchen entrance. He suppressed a sigh before it could announce its own existence. He did not know what they were doing. Firefly had been loyal to him as far as he was aware of, and he knew too well that this was the result of his fuck ups. He had never wanted it to be this way, had never intended anything. Haku was a simple animal, and he had never trained himself up to resist natural urges as they came up, because he had never needed to do such a thing as a loner. I know I have done so much wrong, but I honestly don't know how to fix it. Could their mateship ever become even close to normal again? There was no point in keeping the title as one half of a whole if they kept going like this. The thought itself should have been able to fill Haku up with the incoming taste of delicious freedom again, but it was not as sweet as he had imagined all these months. The two boys were his as well, and even though they were still unwanted in his heart, it did not mean that he would discard them in any way. Haku was not a purebred monster. He too had been small and filled with innocence. It was age and corruption that had made him choose the path and in the end made him into what he was today.
She didn't want to be the one to say I told you so but he'd created this whole mess, he'd dug his grave and now that he was being forced to lay in it he ddin't seem to like the feeling. Her emerald eyes watched him as he just stood there. She wasn't exactly certain what was going through his head but she'd seen the look slapped across his maw earlier that week when the puppies had arrived into the world. Perhaps in some small way he hadn't deserved the attitude the women of the pack had met him with but there were things in this world that males would never understand.. what he'd walked into was just one of those many scenes in life. She wasn't going to be the one to try and explain the workings of the woman's ways to the disappointed Lillium.
When his words hit her she couldn't help the flare of emotions that sparked in her heart as she took a step back from her mate. She was silent a moment longer before she spoke frankly. "You can stop while you're ahead, before you lose everything.." she felt like spatting the words in his face but she only spoke the truth, not nasty overture or anger added this time. "Unless you feel there's nothing left to lose." The words she spoke hurt but she wasn't going to let the man she called her mate see that. She wouldn't let him see how he hurt her so, though he already knew he'd repeatedly burned her.
Her eyes turned away from Haku as she just shook her head and walked back through the door and to where their children waited helplessly for her return. She didn't even want to start to think about the male she'd left behind to seemed to be having trouble figuring out just what he was going to do or not do with everything he'd already screwed up. She just shook her head and curled up around the two nameless boys before she laid her head down, her normally walled up heart heavy. She was through fighting for him, if this was what their lives were going to be like she would make it easier for him if he wasn't going to fight his own battle for once.
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He did not know what to make out of her words. Firefly had seemed lost to him for several months now, and he was not sure if he even wanted to try anymore. He missed the fading memories of whatever the two of them once had had in the past. They had connected so well and sinned wonderfully together. What did she mean with nothing left to lose? His eyes stayed on her as she left the kitchen and returned to the ugly rats. He very slowly padded after the invisible footsteps of his mate. Mate, were they still mates or not? They had children and they were in his house. Maybe he had not wanted them, but it was not so incredibly bad now when they were here. Probably because they were so small and only ate slept and pooped. He remembered Coli when she was a couple of months old, and it was a horrible little pile of energy.
He poked his head around the corner to the room where Firefly and the children were. ”I like the sound of Conor.” He tried to ease whatever was left of her fury. For some reason he wanted them to have his last name, but he knew better than that. The problem was that he was sick of the endless Sadira names all over the place. Conor had the sound of the land Firefly had come from, before she had come to Souls. From Europe. He did not know, it was a pathetic shot in the dark, but an evidence that perhaps he was going to give the daddy thing a shot.
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She was weary in more ways than one. The male who was so much every part of her, every passion and dark spark had torn her to bits emotionally and mentally, if he meant it or not she wasn't for certain on some parts. She didn't turn back again to look to see what might be lurking in those orbs as she turned circles around the two tiny forms before settling down next to them. Almost as soon as she'd dropped down beside them the small boys had woken and snuggled up close to her belly for another feeding. Her emerald eyes studied the two figures as finally the paws of her mate sounded on the floor.
She lifted her head as his voice called out, a name was given to her, for one of the boys it seemed. She flicked an ear to the side as she thought about the name. She'd known a fellow named Conor when she'd lived among the clan in Eire, he'd been a bard and a grand singer. She'd liked him well enough when he sang and spoke of the tales of the dark ones. She had never been sure if the stories were real or not but that was the secrets of legends. She smiled slightly, knowing the male was trying to wiggle back into her good graces but she didn't care, it was easier with him there than the friction and anger that ran between them lately. "I like that.." She glanced at him a moment before turning to look back to the boys.
Firefly was quiet a moment before finally deciding. "What about Emwe.." She wasn't even certain where she'd heard the name before but it had stuck in her mind. She ran her nose over the backs of the boys before looking back to Haku "Which one do you want to be named Conor.." she asked quietly. She didn't want either of them to hold the Sadira name, she was being selfish but she'd wanted the small girl who'd never made it to be the only Sadira, even when Haku hadn't wanted the puppies the boys still would have held his surname.. Now though it was painful that she'd lost the little girl she still didn't want the boys to have the name.
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She did not kick nor bite. He treated it as a good sign. He let a pale smile enter his features when his copper and gold female approved. He would have to start working hard on his amends. He watched the two boys as they fed from their mother. Their coats were much fluffier already since the first time he had seen them, but that day he had only gotten a glimpse before the annoying Rosea and her Alexey Koios blocked out the view. He wondered just how much they would resemble their parents when they got older. It was a bit hard to determine, but He believed they would become a perfect mix of both parents, so all that remained was their eyecolour, which he assumed would either be blue or green. Emwe was a new for him, but he accepted it easily. To be completely honest, he did not put much meaning into names. Colibri Haki had been named after his own mother when he still loved her, and himself for some idiotic reason. He had done a lot of things without thinking them through.
Emwe and Conor it would be then, and it sounded strangely nice in his mind as he repeated the names for himself. When she asked him which one should be named Conor, he stood clueless on the spot for a moment before he slowly forced himself closer to the mother and her children. He lowered his face and looked up at the feeding babies more closely. He could not really tell them apart, because their colour was the exact same, it seemed. He poked the left one softly with his nose, and the little thing gave a small squeak in confusion before it continued to feed. Odd things, babies were. He lifted his face again, looking at his young mate. ”That would be Conor, and the other one Emwe.” He suddenly grinned when his gaze went back to the children, a feeling of pride flushed over him for no apparent reason and then went away. Their children. ”I think I could enjoy being a father.” Sons. He had only had daughters, but now he had two sons. Two sons and two daughters.
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Firefly stared down at the small forms as Haku seemed to come to accept the small bodies laying beside her. She studied their markings, so similar and yet so different all to her. When Haku came over to decide which would bare the names she kept her eyes half closed until the small form he touched with his nose squeaked. Her eyes flashed open a moment but quickly it was resolved as the childen went back to feeding and this time it seemed with a name all his own. Conor, his father had decided to call him as Firefly smiled down at the two boys who were hogging away at the constant supply of food they had right before their noses. She shook her head down at the two little piglets and made a face at their feeding. "Ok you carefree little piggies. One day you'll have to live up to your names now that you belong to this pack.. and to our clan." She glanced at Haku as she smiled slightly before leaning her head on her paws.
When the words of her mate met her ears she couldn't help but flick one back in doubt. She wasn't for certain yet if she could believe her mate, knowing now that he'd had a chance to be a father before, even if she didn't know the whole story she would hold judgement for another time. Her eyes looked to his again as he grinned in such a silly manner down at the two boys. It entered her mind that perhaps he was excited for the fact of having sons, males seemed to always want their own miniture shadows, but she hoped for a second that the two figures weren't to be miniture anythings of any blood relative. She nodded quietly as she admitted. "I hope you can.." She still wasn't sure of her own thoughts of motherhood but it seemed that a lot of them didn't require thinking so she didn't have to worry as much, instead it seemed that she was gifted with the joys of worrying twice as much over how her mate would feel and act around the small new bundles.
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Eyes shot to his mate's face to get a confirmation that she did not believe he had hurt the little thing when he had poked it and make it squeak. Instead her mate turned to the two furry potato sacks and talked to them, making a face as she did so. A brief grin appeared at his face. Piggies, a very good description if he could say so himself. As she lay her head down on her paws, the Lilium took a chance and laid down beside her as he had done earlier, leaving a little gab of space for the child. Firefly was a strong and independent woman, always had been, and despite this fact it seemed she was willing to grant him another chance. He would work on this. The children were unwanted (at least on Haku's behalf), but he wanted to try, wanted to prove to the pack, his mate, and his children that he could do this, that he would deal with what had happened and and make this work.
Her next words reached him, and he kept his gaze on her, aware of the fact that she was not completely trusting of him still. It was no surprise, and he deserved it. He deserved worse, but Firefly was kind and willing to give it all another go. Once they both had believed that things could change, that they both could find happiness and devotion in each other. He wanted the same thing. "Firefly, give me a chance. I want us to be good again. I want us to work." He braced himself, expecting stinging words to be returned. "I want us to be a family." He had expressed everything else but this wish in the past, but his words were as sincere as they could get. His point of view had widened to not only act according to his own selfishness. This was something he now wanted. These two boys were his, and he would protect them with his life both as the Lilium and their father.
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Firefly was quiet as the children beat their tiny heads against her belly in a race to get to their dinner. She tried to keep from smiling at the stubborn energetic forms next to her as Haku's body joined her once more next to the puppies. She wouldn't admit to him that once when she'd wanted the children gone just like he had over time her view had changed and with the arrival of the welps she could never go back to feeling the same, or atleast for the moment. She flicked her eyes back to Haku's form as she studied his face for a moment but was quiet.
She hasn't meant her words to sound as sharp as they had but still she had been wronged way too many times by her mate and she was short tempered and short of patience with him. When he turned those words to her she could keep a firm gaze on Haku without growing angry. She just lowered her gaze and shook her head softly. "How long til you change your mind.." she asked, the bitterness in her voice as she turned her face away from her mate, not wanting him to see just how much his words hurt her. She wanted this to work, but there was little faith left for the Lilium.
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The new sound of muffled mewls from the small cubs itched in his ears. He hoped he would be able to get used to it so that it easily could be filtered away as background noise. Right now it just wanted to flatten his ears and shove the things outside. Not really, but he was aware that it would take a while before he managed to be in the house without a heavy feeling in his middle floor. He was still oblivious to the reason why his iron willed female had decided to have the children in his cabin when she had avoided ever since it started to go really wrong between them. He believed it had been a conscious thing, a choice the Sadira woman had made. He did not know it had been the only available option because she had been closest to his home when the birth had been close. She was not happy with him, but his house had been blessedly empty for other members these last days, and that was the main reason why he had decided to show his face again around here. Svara was at least still on his side, despite the fact that his whole pack seemed to believe he would be a danger to the puppies. Did they not know he was sworn to protect Dahlia? Then why would he run around and kill the newest life born of the glorious flower? They weren’t wanted in his life, but they were fresh members of Dahlia, and at some point they would grow up and help strengthen the flower power pack.
Her words stung a bit, and he gritted his teeth silently. He did not remove his gaze from her. Usually, Haku had no issues with confrontations, but Firefly made it ten times harder than with any other wolf. Perhaps it was because she was his mate, and once he believed they actually had loved each other. He doubted his own ability to love, but there had definitely been something between them. Even he could notice that, and that fact alone had caused him to ask for her hand. It had been a mistake, but what else could he do than to try to fix it as best he could? He was tired of the conflicts he had made for himself, but he could not fix it alone. He had gotten into it alone, but he needed help to escape it. Her question was a hard one. Haku did not lie, and he would not change his mind. That was not the issue. The real problem was that he strayed from his own beliefs. He had always been a ladies’ man. His core was rotten, but the outside was an uncommonly attractive colour accompanied by clean features and a gaze one easily could drown in. It did not help that he seemed to quickly get attracted to exceptionally beautiful and/or special females. Firefly was a rare flower in many ways, but her personality could be foul just like his. The rest of them were moon and stars and galaxies. Beautiful.
”I will not change my mind.” He would do his best to stay on the righteous path. For her.
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She knew she'd set him on edge and her emerald eyes met his full force when the answer was granted. There was no sharp reply she could give him without turning this into a fight again, all she could do was truth him and hope that she would not prove him wrong. She hated to admit it but she wanted him to prove her wrong for once and actually do what was right. The golden goddess knew that there was little chance of that so she just sighed softly and lay beside her mate, there two small boys, strong and spirited, already showing the world that they would be a force to be reckoned with.
She turned her eyes to the two and just watched the silently, unaware of the small smile that had begun t play across her lips as she thought of the future the two might etch across the stars in making the world theres. She had big hopes and plans for two so small but as she'd learned over the seasons, size didn't matter. She was small of frame but quick and her fierce spirit was enough for two grown wolves. She just hoped that the world was ready for the two Souls that had been brought into this strange universe. She knew she hadn't been.. but she was trying.
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