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Thoughts of Ruri had plagued him ever since he had left her to Firefly and that other female that day. It was so unlike him to do something like that. Just another sign at how much he had changed, and not for the better. Firefly's harsh words rang through his head, but he still believed he was right. What could he do? The boy honestly didn't know if he was strong enough to rise above what he had become. Some weak, pathetic little wretch who was no good to anyone not even himself. Still, he didn't know if he had inherited the bad blood of his father. He didn't know if he was capable of hurting someone so badly. That was why he locked himself away. To protect everyone else from what he could become.
Even that urge though hadn't been enough from making him leave the city this evening. He needed to go see that shipwrecked girl. He needed to tell her that he hadn't left because of her. It had been because of that bitch and his own weakness. For the first time in weeks he was in his natural form and more sober than he usually was. He had had a few drinks before he had taken off, but he had not brought anything with him. This was the first time he had left the city since confining himself there without a bottle to accompany him.
The burnt orange youth caught sight of the house in the distance. He lowered himself to the ground, not wanting to be seen. Even though Firefly had said that he could come visit Ruri, he didn't want to attract the attention of any other of the inhabitants. Especially not that scarred girl. Too chicken to make his presence known he laid down, hoping that the wind would make his scent known to the blind girl. Her sense of smell seemed to be better than most and that might work in his favor. Bi-colored ears drooped as his eyes stared at the small building.
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It was not too dark that evening, not that it mattered to Ruri. The only way she could distinguish between day and night was the difference in temperature produced by either the presence or absence of the sun. That, however, was not a very reliable system as some evenings were just as warm as the day and vice versa. Still, she had been sleeping for a moment before being awoken by yet another bad dream. The only thing that showed her lack of sleep were the darkened rings around her useless, pale blue eyes. Other than that, her face was still as bright and happy as ever. She didn't want the others to worry about her. After all they had all done so much for her already. She didn't want to add another problem by revealing how upset she was. Standing up from her spot on the floor, the girl stretched her stiff limbs carefully, not wanting to tweak any of her sore muscles. She found that trying to sleep in her lupus form was more comfortable than her optime form, especially while sleeping on the cushionless floor. Not that she cared, mind you, she was glad for a place to stay, but it was a lot easier for her to curl up into a comfortable position in her four legged form than in her bipedal form. So, now that she was awake, she took a moment to shift forms, figuring she'd go outside and try to sort out her thoughts. The fragile femme's body lurched slightly as she focused on her shift. Several muffled cracks signaled her bones rearranging, and her sore muscles protested uncomfortably as they too rearranged themselves to suit her shift. Her mane changed into the long, straight hair that flowed down to just above her tail. She brushed her long bangs out of her face out of habit before feeling her way towards the door. As quietly as possible, she opened it and slipped out into the night. Standing on the porch, Ruri paused to analyze the environment outside. Her half-folded ears perked and tuned to any sounds nearby and her nostrils flared as she inhaled the numerous scents that the cool evening breeze carried to her. One scent that reached her was quite familiar, and it made a smile crawl onto her white furred muzzle. "Haven..." she whispered to herself, before carefully stepping off the porch. Her dainty form moved along silently and carefully across the terrain until she believed she was far enough away from the house to speak normally without rousing any of her roommates. "Haven, is that you? Where are you?" She called, her white tiped tail wagging back and forth expectantly. The strength of his scent told the blind girl that he was out in front of her somewhere, but where she could not tell without hearing him speak. So, she waited, one hand keeping her bangs from blowing into her face and the other hanging limp at her side. Her ears were focused straight ahead, hoping to detect where the male was as soon as he uttered a reply.
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As the moments ticked by he grew more and more nervous that Ruri would not be the first person to find him here. The tip of his tail twitched and his eyes were glued to the house. The last thing he wanted was to face anymore rude or taunting words from that girl. He didn't know what her problem was, but she needed an attitude adjustment. His life was shit too, but you didn't see him taking it out on other people. Yeah, you just internalize everything and try to drink yourself into an early gave. That's much better, he thought with a frown. He missed who he was. He missed being happy and content and thinking that he could be whatever he wanted to be. He wanted that life back so badly but he didn't even know how to strive for it anymore.
Haven heard the door open and he crouched down even further. Though relief washed over him as he saw the slight form of the slate and ivory female. She looked better than she had when he had first met her, so that made him happy. At least one of them was improving. As she came in his direction and called for him he stood up, though his ears were still dipped. "Yeah, it's me. I'm right here." The Aatte kid had to admit he was surprised to see a smile on her face and her tail wagging in his presence. He had thought for sure that she would have been hurt by his leaving that day.
"Ruri...I'm sorry about leaving that day. It didn't have anything to do with you. I've...got a lot of problems and I just couldn't take that girl's abuse. I know it's a pathetic excuse..." It was all he could offer though. Hopefully she would understand. He swallowed past the uncomfortable lump in his throat. "How're you doing? You look better." Hopefully she was being treated better by this lot than he had been that day. Though even if she weren't, what could he do? It's not like he had any place to take her that would be better.
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The fragile optime turned her head in the direction of the male's voice. Now she knew where he was. Taking a few steps closer, she listened to the troubled young man explain his actions from the other day. She shook her head and smiled reassuringly, even going so far as to let loose a light-hearted laugh at the mention of Svara's rough words. "You don't need to be sorry, Haven," she began, her soprano voice chiming with an understanding tone. "She was mean to you the other day. I was too shaken by the situation to say anything, but normally I wouldn't just stand idly by while someone verbally abused another individual, especially someone who didn't deserve it." She nodded, her blue eyes wandering aimlessly. "I hope you don't mind if I sit down," she stated before slowly lowering herself to the ground, her hands feeling the earth beneath her to make sure she didn't land on a rock. "I'm a bit tired," she confessed, her warm tone of voice taking a downturn to one of embarrassment. Haven had asked how she was doing and she smiled once more. It was nice to have someone ask, even if she was not feeling particularly well at the moment. "I..." the slate and white girl hesitated momentarily, wondering if she should tell Haven about her nightmares, "I've been unable to sleep very much since I came here." The mongrel femme gave a deep, sad sigh before continuing. "I don't mean to put a damper on this conversation. I like having someone to talk to," she apologized, before continuing with her reply to his question, "I've been having nightmares, about the shipwreck. It's like the entire thing replays in my head, but differently. Sometimes, I feel Jac trying to pull me back up to the surface of the water, but he can't. Then I wake up. Other times, I'm above water and Jac's calling for my help, but I can't do anything because I can't tell where he is in the water." The slender adolescent had begun to cry about half way through her description of her dreams. Her odd ears folded back against her head as she wiped her tears and tried to speak. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought that up," she sniffed. "Let's talk about you...how have you been lately?" She tried to change the subject in order to calm herself. The less she had to dwell on her bad dreams the better of she would be.
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sorry for the wait! D: 300+
Her understanding and forgiveness were unexpected. He had become such a pessimist and so self deprecating that he had come to expect that from those that encountered him. Which honestly was a little odd. Really the only person that had been unduly hard on him had been that red female. Everyone else had been pretty understanding and empathetic to his situation. He couldn't understand why though. The youth probably just thought that he was not deserving of such sympathy. "Yes I do..." he muttered softly. He should have stood up for himself and put her well being before his own comfort. The words they hybrid girl spoke were comforting, but they hit him with a tinge of guilt. He shouldn't need her to fight his battles for him. He never used to be so craven. "It's okay, I shouldn't need anyone else to stand up for me. I never used to..." His head nodded, though she couldn't see it. "Of course." He heard the change in her voice and his concern for her increased again.
Haven knew about nightmares. He had been plagued with them ever since the truth about his father had become known to him. They often involved the man, taunting him, telling him that there was no escaping his heritage, that becoming like him was inevitable. But as she spoke all of his problems seemed to melt away from his mind. The Aatte youth saw tears falling from her sightless eyes and his ears folded back against his head. He scooted closer to where she was seated and reassuringly nudged her arm. "There's nothing you could have done Ruri, and none of that was your fault. If your friend is as strong as he sounds, I'm sure he's fine. You'll find each other." The burnt orange boy shook his head. "You don't have to be sorry, it's better to talk about it."
The sad frown on his mouth deepened as she asked how he was. "I'm..." a wreck? Worthless? Depressed? He didn't want to say anything like that. Ruri had enough on her mind and she seemed like the type that would worry about him if he went into his whole sob story. "I'm...about the same. Hanging in there, I guess..."
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The slender girl smiled when Haven nudged her. He really seemed to understand what she was going through. That was nice. Having someone to talk to who actually understood her was comforting. "Thanks Haven, that helps a lot," she replied, wiping the tears from her face with her white furred hand. He was completely right. She shouldn't worry so much about Jac. After all, her friend had always come out on top before. He was a king after all. A small smile crawled across her white furred muzzle before she spoke once more. "You don't sound to convincing when you talk about yourself Haven. Perhaps you should talk about it. It does seem to help," she replied, turning to face the orange hued boy. Talking about her problems had helped her. It was only right that she ask him to talk about his problems. Maybe he would feel better if he spoke about whatever was troubling him. She could tell that his predicament was probably the same, if not worse than it had been the other day when she had first met him. His words had told her that. The slender young woman reached around and moved her long, straight hair until it was hanging over her shoulder in front of her. She then proceeded to run her fingers through it as she quietly waited for Haven's response. If he was ready to talk she would certainly listen. Her pupil less eyes wandered aimlessly in the general direction of the Aatte boy. Would he accept her invitation to talk about his problems, or simply divert her attention with a counter question? That she did not know, but she figured he would do whatever he felt necessary. She would not press him to reveal things that he was not ready for. That was not her place.
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A somewhat crooked smile formed his lips as she seemed to feel better. He was glad to be able to help her, even in the smallest way. At least he could still help others even though he couldn't help himself. "You're welcome, I'm glad I could be there for you." He had always been a tender heart, especially around girls. He had been raised by two very loving mothers and had always fancied himself the protector of his sister Mati. Thinking about them stung though. He missed them so much and he wondered if they thought about him. It had been about a month that he had been away. Were they looking for him? While the thought that they might not be hurt he also didn't want to be found. He didn't want to hurt them, that's what this had all been about after all.
Haven swallowed, she had easily seen through his words. It was no surprise, even he wasn't convinced by what had come out of his mouth. It was hard if not impossible for him to fake being okay. The boy heaved a sigh, his eyes tracing over his front paws. He didn't want to burden her with his problems, but if she wanted to know then he didn't want to be secretive. "The truth is I'm pretty horrible. A month ago I found out...my father he..." It never got any easier to say. Each time he thought he was going to get sick again. "He...raped my mother. And he's a murderer. And I..." He bit his lip. "I look just like him. I've been hiding away in the city. I'm worried that I'm capable of those things too. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone..." Even if he never physically harmed anyone he was convinced that his presence harmed his mother Naniko. He looked almost exactly like the man that had done that to her. How could she look at her son and she anything else?
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Still waters run deep
Ruri listened quietly to Haven's explanation of his predicament. How horrible, to learn that one's father was a rapist and a murderer. That seemed like a just reason to be upset. However, Haven's continued reasons for his current state did not make sense to the mongrel girl. She turned away for a second, her brow furrowed in deep thought. She had to say something. Haven was destroying himself for no good reason, at least not one that she could think of. Just because he looked like his father and shared his bloodline didn't mean that he was going to grow up and become a murdering rapist just like him. To think that was just silly. "Haven...I'm sorry about your father. I understand being upset about finding out what he did...but you're not him. Pardon my saying so, but so what if you look like him?" The usually happy and joyful girl was being deliberately direct in her manner of speaking. "You are not your father, nor will you ever be. You saved me, and you're a compassionate, caring, friendly person. That is not the character of a rapist or a murderer," she continued, doing her best to keep her voice low so as not to wake up the trio of sleeping individuals in the cabin a couple hundred feet away. "To hide away and destroy yourself with rum over the simple fear of becoming your father is the least proactive thing you could be doing to prevent such an outcome in your life. Life is about choices! Good or bad, we decide what we want to be and what we don't want to be. You don't want to be like your father! Then don't be like your father," she exclaimed, her soprano voice carrying a serious tone. "Be Haven...the gallant, compassionate individual you are!" She finished, slowly reaching her hand over and placing it on his shoulder encouragingly. "You should meet my friend Jac, when he gets here. He'll show you that looks have nothing to do with who you can be. He only has one arm, and he's a king!" The blind girl smiled reassuringly. She hoped Haven wouldn't be put off by her words. She hadn't meant them to upset him or drive him away. The ivory and slate girl only wanted to help him.
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The boy continued to stare at his feet, so ashamed of his heritage. What use was he to anyone? Who would want the company or help of someone like him. He had sensed something from Firefly that day, some sort of uneasy recognition. He knew that he had never met the woman before, but maybe she had had a run in with his father. No doubt she wouldn't want his son lurking around, despite what she had said. Though when Ruri began to speak he lifted his head to look at her. She didn't seem to understand his fear of becoming his father. While that was comforting, he still wasn't convinced that it wasn't something inherit in his blood. Plus, he didn't feel like he had saved her. He hadn't actually done much for her, he had just been the first to find her. "I know, but what if it's just in my blood? What if it's something I can't stop? That's what worries me. That no matter what I do, what choices I make, one day it will all be undone..."
He knew that his approach to his problems was one of the worst things he could be doing, but he didn't know how else to cope. He felt alone in the world, like he had lost all purpose he had once felt like he had. When he was little he had had grand dreams of his future. Now they all seemed so impossible. "I just...don't know what to do..." He was having to hold back the tears that were collecting in his eyes and he was thankful that she couldn't see them. "That's who I want to be...I've just lost my way and I don't know how to get back..." He knew he sounded like such a defeatist, but the pessimism had been drilled into him pretty hard over the past month.
At her words about her friend his ears perked slightly. At first the image of a man with only one arm scared him, his father only had one arm. But his father was Conri, not Jac. He lived here, he hadn't been sailing around on some ship. It was the word "king" that really caught the boy's attention. "A king?" he questioned. Haven had had dreams of being a knight once, though he hadn't heard of any kings that were alive. It seemed like it couldn't be real.
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ooc: Ack, writer's block. My senioritis is now influencing my roleplaying. Noooo!! Oh well, I hope this post still reads okay
The fragile girl was still not sure how to make Haven see the irrationality of his fear. She had never heard of someone having been born a murderer. Such things weren't hereditary were they? In perfect honesty, she did not know, but she was fairly certain that genetic murder disorder was only the product of Haven's fear-driven imaginings. Still, it was not her place to try and force him to do anything. She wouldn't want to be scolded if she was feeling as upset as he was. Her thoughts turned to her fears of never seeing Jacquez again. She would feel awful if anyone scolded her for that. This realization caused her ears to droop sadly. She had been doing the exact thing Haven didn't need. He needed someone to help him get through this, not someone to tell him how foolish it was that he was in this situation in the first place. The questioning tone of his voice regarding Jac's royalty led her to smile. That was a common reaction when she mentioned that her best friend was indeed a king. "Yes, he's a king. His physical appearance doesn't dictate what he is in the least. People respect him for who he is. When I find him again, I'll see if I can get him to find you. He likes rum too, so you both will probably have loads of fun," she laughed, trying to lighten the mood of their conversation a bit, although she still kept her voice fairly low. It was hard for her not to forget that it was still night time, and the rest of her friends were asleep. Reaching her hand over she felt around for Haven's shoulder before giving him a reassuring pat. "Don't be afraid to come talk whenever you need it, okay? I'll always be glad to listen." She smiled reassuringly in the direction of the Aatte boy. The ivory and slate female gave an unexpected yawn, leading her to bring her hand to her mouth to cover it. It appeared her drowsiness was beginning to get the better of her. However, she was not ready to end her conversation with Haven just yet. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" Her soprano voice questioned, her usual, warm, happy disposition returning once more.
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lol! and it's all good!
He knew now that his fears must sound ludicrous to anyone outside of such a situation as his. But to anyone who had a parent with such tendencies it wasn't so hard to believe. Colibri had the same fears that he did. Like her, he wanted to believe that it didn't matter where his blood came from, that he could be a good person and make good choices and that would be enough. The logical side of him clung to that, knowing it had to be true. But there was still that part of him that feared that it was in his genes to become a monster. Unbeknownst to him, his paternal grandfather had also been a rapist and murderer. It was a good thing he didn't, otherwise he might have been making more serious efforts to off himself before he could turn into his predecessors.
The idea of meeting a real life king excited the small little boy inside of him. For a second he actually allowed himself to hope that his dream of being a knight wasn't so foolish after all. If he did meet Jac, every king needed his loyal knights, right? Who was to say Haven couldn't be one of them? Though at Ruri's comment about rum his ears fell back again. She thought he was just some raging drunk that could entertain her royal friend. He knew she had every reason to think that way, but it stung him nonetheless. "Yeah...sure..." Though as she patted his shoulder and told him he could come talk to her whenever he managed to muster a weak smile again. "Thanks Ruri, that's really nice of you."
Haven saw her yawn and knew she was still probably very tired from her ordeal. Though when she asked him that question it seemed she wasn't ready to turn in for the night quite yet. "Well, I don't want to keep you up. You need your rest." He chewed on his lip for a moment. "But...if your friend is a king, what are you?" he asked with genuine interest. There was no possibility for her to think he was trying to mock her or her friend.
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Sorry for the wait
The blind girl's ears flattened in dismay when she did not detect the amusement she had tried to conjure with her comment about Jac and Haven having fun in their common delight in rum. Had he thought she was poking fun at him? She didn't have much time to dwell on her speculations as Haven asked her another question. What was she in the grand scheme of Jacquez's kingdom? She knit her brow as she tried to think of her answer. What exactly would her title have been in an established kingdom? "I don't know really," she responded with a bit of an embarrassed laugh. "We're hardly ever apart, and we're best friends. He keeps me out of trouble and I keep him from making bad decisions, in some cases. What would someone like that be called?" Now she had answered Haven's question with a question. This wasn't exactly the best way to keep a conversation going, but she honestly did not know the answer. Hopefully Haven would, although if he did not she would simply have to ask Jac when he came back...if he came back. No, she couldn't think like that! He was coming back and that was the end of it. He would find her any day now. She shook her head to scold herself for her worries. This had been the first time she had been able to relax since arriving on these shores and she didn't want to start worrying while she was enjoying her conversation. The slate and white girl was feeling drowsier by the second...but she did not want to sleep. She knew if she did she would have another nightmare and she'd be awake in a few minutes. No, she would force herself to stay awake. [/html]
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No worries!
Haven listened curiously as Ruri explained what she did with her kingly friend. He knew the most about the more prominent positions, like kings, queens, princes, princesses, and knights. But he knew a little about the other courtly positions. Though it seemed like they changed a lot from story to story, at least of the ones he had heard and knew. "It sounds like you're an adviser to the king maybe. Or a confidant." Those were the only things he could think of that fit Ruri's situation. Though either one would be important since she was clearly a favorite of the king. He didn't admit his old dream as freely as he used to (for he thought it somewhat impossible now), but with the sweet blind girl he felt like he should. Especially considering her connections. "I...used to dream of being a knight..." Even then it sounded silly.
She was fighting off her drowsiness valiantly, but Haven could sense how tired she was. She was probably afraid of having more nightmares though. He couldn't blame her for that. Still, she obviously needed rest. "Ruri, you should get some sleep. You're really tired." He thought for a second before saying more, he didn't want this to sound the wrong way. "If you want...I could stay with you until you fall asleep and make sure you don't have anymore bad dreams." He didn't want to go into the house, but if she didn't mind staying out here then he wouldn't mind doing that for her. The last thing she needed was to add sleep deprivation to her condition.
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Wanna fade to black here? Or you could post once more and then I could archive the thread. Whichever works for you
The fragile, slender female listened to Haven's analysis of her position in Jac's kingdom. An advisor or confidant? That sounded about right. She nodded and smiled in agreement with his conclusion. However, when he mentioned that he used to dream of being a knight, she saw it as another opportunity to encourage the troubled young male. "You would make a great knight, Haven. You're a very chivalrous individual. Yes...I think you'd make a great knight," her soprano voice was sincere, but exhausted which was the reason why she had repeated herself. When her friend mentioned that she really should be getting to sleep, she couldn't help but yawn. He was right, she did need to get some sleep, but she didn't want to just wake up again in a little while because of her nightmares. They were just too unpleasant. She'd rather be exhausted than have to relive the shipwreck all over again. However, when Haven offered to stay with her until she was asleep her half-folded ears perked in interest. He would be willing to do that for her? He was so sweet. "That's very nice of you, Haven. I don't want to trouble you, but if you don't mind, then I really would like you to stay. Maybe I'll be able to get a decent rest with your help," replied, smiling thankfully as she slowly turned around and stretched herself out on the cool, grass covered earth. The short optime laid on her stomach with her legs at length behind her. Her long, straight hair cascaded down over her shoulders and down her back and her arms were folded neatly beneath her head for support. With another yawn, the slate and white collie shut her useless eyes to make another attempt at sleeping this evening. Hopefully she would be able to with Haven's help.
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I'll get it taken care of ;D
At the compliment he could feel his face flush. He had always striven to be an upright and chivalrous person, but lately he felt he had lost sight of that along with everything else. To have Ruri tell him that he would be a good knight meant more to him than she probably knew. "Thanks Ruri. That...means a lot to me." Suddenly he felt better about himself than he had in what seemed like ages. There was a warmth in his chest that had been absent for weeks. She really thought he was knightly material? Did he really have a chance of obtaining the thing he had dreamed about as far back as he could remember? It seemed far too good to be true, especially considering the disrepair he had fallen into. Maybe there was hope though.
He smiled as his offer seemed to help her become calmer about the idea of going to sleep. "It's not trouble at all Ruri." She had done a lot for him this night. Such a gesture was the least he could do. Even if there hadn't been any sort of obligation he would have offered. As the hybrid girl stretched out on her stomach Haven got to his feet and walked to her side. He laid down, curling his tail around his hindquarters. Their bodies weren't touching, but he was close enough that she would be able to tell he was there. In all likelihood he would spend the whole night here, making sure the monsters stayed out of her head.
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