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The vigilante's life had been rather uneventful ever since he had returned Cwmfen back to Dahlia. He had actually found himself haunting the borders of the pack much more often then he had intended. Since she had left, his little apartment in the city had not seemed as welcoming, knowing that when he went to bed at night she would no be there beside him. While his life had been somewhat mundane, his mind had been far from that. He constantly mulled over the conversation he had had with Anu and thought about what things would be like once her litter was born. Onus found himself dearly hoping that whatever grew within her would not end up like the crow wolf. Hardened a man as he was, he did not look forward to the idea of having to kill children, especially not children that belonged to the woman he loved.
Could he really be any kind of father? That was the question that he thought of most often. It was something, that until this point in his life, had never been pondered upon. The man had expected the entirety of his life to be carried out as it always had been. Him fighting criminals and ridding the world of them, alone. The notion of finding a lover had never occurred to him and so neither had the notion of raising children. True, the litter that Cwmfen carried did not belong to him, but he had promised to be there for her. And maybe Anu was right. Maybe he did have it inside him to be a father. The coyote still doubted himself, but he would try. He would try for her.
Onus had been making regular visits to her den to spend time with her and make sure she was doing alright. Today was another of those visits. He had confidently, though not at all pompously, traversed into Dahlian lands to the den that belonged to his beloved. Silently he once again thanked the pale Rosea for granting him this boon. Once he had arrived and greeted her he had taken off his clothing, save the cloth, and walked to the river that ran near her home. The man had become quite proficient at fishing and within a matter of minutes had already caught them a couple fish. He stood in the water gaze cast down into its clear depths, waiting for the next prey to swim close enough for him to grab it.
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His arrival was like a beacon for the warrior. His light seemed to lift her out of silence. Although she did not speak much, she felt as if she had spoken a great deal. The black female had greeted him with that subtle smile, and yet she retained a tentative distance as if suddenly she could not remember. But, as she had said to Anu, he did make her remember what the Light felt like. Perhaps that was why her soul was so content. As he undressed, the woman had followed him slowly. The wounds had healed enough to allow her a greater range of movement, but her womb had grown heavy and made her slow. She sat upon the river’s edge, her legs allowed to feel the cool waters that greeted her.
The white orbs watched the coyote with that quiet gaze, observing the particular stance he had chosen and his careful and steady, patient. The fish swam by, fooled by his unmoving body, too late realizing the danger of its position. He snatched them out of the water with a precision and speed. The black female was silent as she watched, pleased by his aptitude and by the fish that he caught. Her woad tipped tail moved once behind her. He caught another before standing over the water once more. She watched the surface grow still, and she watched the fish grow forgetful and swim near. The black fae could not keep her hunger at bay, and she reached for one of the fish that he had caught and took a bite. The warrior did not often eat fish and ate only what he caught for her. On her own, she hunted by Spear, her left shoulder not yet able to endure the time needed to draw back and hold a bow. Most of the time, she simply caught rabbit, a diet she had grown familiar with on her travels alone. And so the fish that she ate was a new taste upon her diet. The sound of her teeth sinking into the raw flesh and crushing the bones seemed to shatter the silence. She preferred her food fresh and uncooked.
The curiosity that had once moved the female stirred within her. "How do you know when the time is right?" the quiet voice asked, her gaze lifting to find the face of the coyote. Her face was quiet and unmoved save for by a brightness within her eyes and by a softness upon her lips. Her legs that were dipped in the water moved comfortably with the pool’s soft flow. Her muscles were quieted and did not itch with healing wounds. It was only her mind that itched, troubled by her idleness. Her patient and careful eyes had observed his technique, but she could not discern from that point what made him decide to strike. Perhaps, if she watched him now, she would be able to duplicate it later. She did not feel fast, and had not felt speed within her for a great long time. She wondered if her muscles remembered how to sing the songs of war, or even the songs of the hunt. She could only hear the sound of the laughing river and of the distant hum of her lover’s soul.
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Despite the fact he was getting used to it, every time he saw her swelled abdomen it was a little intimidating. Not for the fact that it changed how he felt, but simply because instinctively he knew that the time until the litter was born was becoming shorter and shorter. It meant his time to prepare for what was to come was running out and he felt he had done so little to prepare. How could one such as him prepare to be any sort of paternal figure? With normal people it was easier, they were around other litters that were not their own. They had more time to warm up to the idea and know how to handle it. But he didn't. It had come like a punch in the gut and he had to scramble to try and figure things out. And of course there was that ever lurking fear that he would be forced to take the young lives if they showed too strong signs of their sire. Little turned the man's stomach, but that did.
But for now Onus tried to ignore all his apprehensions and fears, focusing on the task at hand of catching a meal. Cwmfen sat near, her legs dangling into the cool water. He gave her a sideways glance and a soft smile. Having her so close calmed his heart and made the man feel at peace. When he was apart from her these days he couldn't escape from all his thoughts, but around her their volume was dulled and he was given a reprieve. She had that kind of power over him. He had never been a creature that could easily find peace in anything. The coyote wasn't particularly restless, but he had never found any true peace, not like that he found with her. He wished he could be with her and feel that way all the time.
Large ears swiveled towards the sound of crunching into one of the catches he had already made and then also caught her question. "Hmmm, hard to say. Part practice and part instinct. Eventually you just sort of-" Hand and arm sliced into the water again, coming up with another fish. "know." Onus smiled at her as he set the new fish down with the other she had yet to eat. "How many do you want? I will only eat one or two." The coyote was an incredibly light eater. Only enough to sustain him and keep his appetites content. There was no room for indulgences in food in his life. Something like that would take away his stealth and his agility, two things he relied on. His gaze fell back to the water beneath him but he continued to speak with her. "You've been doing well? Healing alright?"
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The white orbs watched with great interest as Onus caught another fish. It seemed like a very practical way to fish, a way that seemed to make sense to the warrior. The method described may have been vague for another creature, but for the woad marked fae, it made perfect sense. A placid smile graced her maw in silent reply. Cwmfen liked to watch him, but, at the same time, her own idleness disturbed the warrior. She wondered what it would be like to move again, to truly move as she had once been able to do. And such a time seemed so long ago, her worries much different than the worries of today. Today, her worries were foreign and in an arena with which she was unfamiliar. She hoped, however, that the females of her pack would find time enough to give her a few mentoring words when she needed them.
"I will have one or two," the soft voice replied automatically. She paused then, and thought about it. Sometimes she still forgot how hungry the litter actually made her, and sometimes she still forgot that she needed to eat more than she was accustom to eating. "Maybe three...or four, even," the melody corrected herself. She gave the coyote an almost timid smile and a single, soft laughter that still rang with silver, not with gold. Although she had only just finished eating the first fish, the woad bound fingers reached for another. "Maybe five." The white orbs were fixed upon the fish that she held as she admitted to the number she might want to eat—not that she might want to eat, but that she felt that she needed to eat. The soft smile faded from her lips. All at once, five seemed like enough and a lot. Slowly and shyly, the woman began to devour her second fish.
"Yes," the soft alto replied quietly, answering both questions with that single word. There was a brief silence as her gaze dropped to the waters absently. "They make hunting difficult," the soft melody continued at length, the ambiguous ‘they’ assumed to be referring to the wounds, though she could have referred to the litter as well. "I don’t usually hunt weaponless in this form." The next meal was always upon the black fae’s mind these days, and her appetite continued to grow. Without the ability to properly practice the arts of war, she concentrated on boarder patrol and hunting. It seemed that she was always hungry in a way that was inconvenient. Where once she could have lived off of a single meal for several days—a thing acquired upon those barren fields of ice—she ate multiple times a day. There were often times in which she craved something particular, like fish, but could not obtain it on her own, which, surprisingly, darkened her mood considerably. But she did not trouble Onus with such cravings. However, the delight that she experienced from having such a craving satisfied was to an extent that she would not have believed possible. It was almost troubling to the warrior how her life now revolved not about war but about her meals. "Thank you," she said at length, her voice a quiet susurrus.
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Her returned smile was geniune, but he could sense the restlessness within her. He could easily understand how much it must frustrate her to be so inactive. It would have been bad enough if she had only been injured, but with her pregnancy on top of that. There really wasn't much that she could do. She was used to training, to running, to being able to take care of herself and do whatever it was that she wished. But now she was stuck. Her movements so limited. It was one reason Onus did these sorts of things for her without asking. Admitting to oneself that you needed help could be a very difficult thing, much less actually asking someone for the help. So he did it without her needing to ask him. In fact he was glad to be able to help her. He feared he might be somewhat useless once the litter was born, but at least he could do this for her. He could hunt and get food. He could provide for her and them, at least in that way.
At her response to his question the man simply continued to watch the water and wait for her to remember that it was not simply herself that she was feeding. It was probably a hard transition for any female to make, eating much more than they were used to, but Cwmfen was like him. She did not require much to get by, so needing to eat at least double what she was used to hard to be a bit hard for her mind to wrap itself around. As expected, when she spoke again she amended her number. The soft smile was still on his face, watching a fish swim close and closer. It was good to hear her laugh, even if it was not exactly the same yet as it had been before. At the final number she determined the male gave a silent sort of chuckle. "Five it is then." Now. Once again his hand darted into the water and came out with a fish. He laid it next to the other one. One more for her and then he would catch his'.
Onus was glad to hear that her healing was coming along well. At least he hadn't botched that up. Though when she spoke of the "they" he wasn't certain whether she talked about her injuries or the lives that grew inside of her. Perhaps she even spoke of both. "It's okay. That's why I'm here." Well, one of the many reasons why he was here. The only weapon that the coyote ever hunted with was a simple knife. Though he supposed catching things aside from fish would be easier with weapons, in this form anyway, which was the form he never left. "Perhaps you can teach me to hunt with other weapons. So you do not tire of fish." He didn't worry about his palate desired, whatever was easiest to find was fine with him. But it might not be so with her. Another fish was caught and set next to the other two that she had yet to get to. As she thanked him his gaze locked onto her own. "Whatever you need you know I will do." His wet hand gently brushed against her calf in a loving manner.
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^=^~
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It took several moments for the black fae to realize that she had laughed at all, for, with her brooding silence, laughter came so rarely these days. But such a thing seemed to come easily in his presence. As he agreed to her final number, a quiet smile graced her maw. Her tentative gaze moved from the man she loved to the fish once more, and she quietly continued to eat. She was glad that he was here today not only because she appreciated his help, and sometimes it was difficult for the woman, but because she simply loved him, and she found that his presence calmed her in a way that not even silent nature could do. As the last of her second fish was consumed, a hand went to her large stomach. Often, she did such a thing now, as if that were somehow a way to communicate with the unborn life within her. Sometimes she could feel them moving inside her, and that was the strangest feeling. But right now they were still as if also enjoying the presence of her lover. She reached for the third.
"I do not tire of it," the alto countered quietly. "I haven’t really eaten fish before." The meat of fish had a unique taste that was unlike any deer or hare. On the fields of ice, she didn’t really fish or go near the waters that were so cold. If she could find the remains of a polar bear’s meal, she would eat that, although she did not personally have a liking for the meat of seal. She had eaten hares, sometimes even the carcasses of unlucky foxes, which had a particularly bad flavor. But strangely, she had never eaten fish. Occasionally, as she descended into unfrozen lands, she had tried what the bears did without much success. Perhaps it was because there had been no one to teach her otherwise, but fishing in the shallower river waters had not occurred to the younger Cwmfen. But then, impatience had been a familiar thing, and she had needed the next meal to survive. And once in unfrozen land once more, she did not have to eat the meat of canines that she had killed to survive, though she had refrained from eating other wolves.
"I usually hunt with a bow, but these days my Spear is more...ideal," she finished. The woad warrior did not necessarily think of a spear as a hunting weapon, but it was easier on her body to use it than to push it to endure the time of drawing back the bow. The first time she had tried, she was sure that she had nearly undone what had been healed and so she had not used it again since then. "I can teach you if you want to know," the soft alto continued, the white eyes watching the male. It made sense to her that he did not know the uses of weapons. Unlike her, he did not require the use of weapons. The warrior was not so arrogant as to believe that she could defeat all enemies unarmed, for she understood that she was that biologically lesser gender. "But you must teach me to fish." That was what she wanted to know in return. She usually didn’t hunt while in her optime shape, but when healing, fishing seemed ideal. And since she had watched him, it had caught her interested. Unlike reading, it seemed like a practical thing to learn. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind teaching her such a thing.
Her white gaze was locked in his, and it was love that was held within those pale eyes. A gentle smile was given to those words. But as his hand brushed against her, she flinched involuntarily. It was a sudden movement, but slight and practically indiscernible. She knew, however, that he would have felt it. Her lowered gaze found that the water had felt it too and moved with small ripples against the solidarity of her legs. She did not like to think that what had happened had rendered her in such a way, but the black soot had settled within her, covering the brightest of places. Her hand reached out to catch his before he could move away, and with a soft murmur, she said, "I’m sorry."
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In the side of his vision he noticed her one hand rest upon her enlarged stomach. He found himself wondering what it was like to carry another life inside of you. As a male he would never know and he had never worried about such questions before. It had held no value to him before now. But now that the woman he loved was experiencing it, he did wonder what it was like. "Does it...hurt?" To Onus it certainly didn't look comfortable. Indeed, he had found the idea that any creatures body could stretch to such an extent impossible. If something tried to stretch his abdomen in such a way no doubt his skin would rip. It was somewhat fascinating, how new lives were brought into the world. Until now the only thing he had ever concerned himself with was taking lives out of this world.
He was glad to hear that she was not sick of fish. For her to be in such a state of immobility must wear on her nerves and he wouldn't blame her for being annoyed with having to eat the same thing over and over again. But there was something about fish that was different than the animals that were their prey on land. A different taste and texture to their muscles. If she hadn't really eaten them before then hopefully it would take some time before she tired of them. Though learning how to better hunt other prey would still be beneficial. The coyote known that primitive humans had hunted with bows, perhaps he would be able to learn that fairly easily. "I would like that. It will be good for me to be able to hunt more efficiently." Soon there would be more mouths to feed. "Of course," he said with an uncharacteristic light in his tone.
Onus had not thought about the possible consequences of that one, loving action, and as she flinched his muscles tensed. Damn him. He should have been more careful, more thoughtful of her other, nonphysical wounds that needed to heal. That is if they ever would. He had read of cases where rape victims never really recovered from their trauma and he wondered if such a thing would happen to his love. But before he was able to withdraw she grasped his hand. "It's okay. I should have been more...careful..." He squeezed her hand. Would he ever be able to touch her without bringing back the nightmares? He would stay with her no matter what, but the thought that his hands could no longer bring her pleasure and security constricted the man's heart.
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The woad bound ears pressed forward, her gaze lifting at that question. There was a brief silence in which she considered the answer. But in the end, she knew that it was only the wound that Brennt had given her that caused her physical pain. "No," the soft alto replied slowly. "Just...cumbersome." That was the best word that she could think of to describe it. She had to mind where she was going in a different way than she was accustom, and she had a constant worry that she would somehow damage the life inside. That was one reason why she did not push herself as she would normally do. It was instinct that stilled her, and she obeyed. She could not deny that strange contentment that she felt from bearing life within her, that strange...feeling that was another’s heartbeat. It made that unfamiliar twinge of guilt sound quietly in her soul when she looked at him, when she thought of her own selfish discontent. She should have overcome such inferior emotions, but it seemed that she still had much to learn, even in an arena with which she was familiar.
A simple nod was the reply she gave to him, but there was an unfamiliar excitement within her. Every moment he spent with her seemed to brush away the intangible darkness within her. If she would be able to teach him, then it would be more time she could spend with him, more chances in which she could say ‘I love you’ in the silence. His agreeable reply sounded through the air like a bright, golden leaf carried on the wind. The imperceptible smile brightened, becoming more visible, a shade of what had once graced her maw.
The woad marked female found that she had been holding her breath, as if she had gasped, and the black fae released it slowly, quietly. She listened to that gruff voice, the white orbs lingering upon her grip upon his hand, that gentle squeeze. "No," she countered quietly. No, it was not his fault. "I should be—" Stronger. "—better," she finished instead, her voice so very quiet. She had healed and endured such a thing before, and she was determined to do it again. She could and would overcome this. Slowly, the woman released his hand so that he might continue. The woad marked female could admit to herself that a frustration existed within her. She was frustrated that a simple touch had made her flinch, for that flinch was a loss of control and an irretraceable smudge upon her thoughts. It was a smudge that should not be there, but every day she could see it fading. It was simply not fading fast enough, and already it was affecting another.
Cwmfen reached for the fourth fish and ate in silence, eating with the speed with which all lone wolves had learned to eat. And she had learned it quickly: if one could not eat fast enough, the meal would be taken by another. She continued to watch the coyote with tentative eyes as if there were much to say and yet no words with which to say it. "What do you think of them?" the soft melody asked suddenly at length, referring to the unborm pups within her womb. She wondered how he truly thought of the matter because she herself could not answer that query. The black wolf thought of her conversation with Anu, and she knew that a part of her cherished the life that grew within her, that she found this pregnant state to be wonderful. And yet, there was a part of her that did not want that life, that was not sure whether she could raise them, or whether she even wanted to, although she knew that she would. There was a part of her that wanted only to walk the warrior's path. And she wondered what kind of woman such thinking created, for surely such thoughts were unacceptable, even in her culture.
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Well, he was glad that it didn't cause her any pain. At least any physical pain. "Hm. Yes, looks cumbersome," he said with another sideways glance at her round belly. "I'm glad it doesn't hurt." That would be awful if it did. Though one thing he did know that the actual birthing process was quite painful. He had heard the screams of labored mothers in the city from time to time. The man hoped that when that time came, it would not be too bad for her. Perhaps her training as a warrior would help to ease the pain like pain was eased or forgotten in battle. Would she want him there for that? To be by her side when the time came? Though even if she didn't want him right there, he would lurk somewhere close in the shadows. He refused to be completely absent from her, not in that critical moment. "Will you want me there? When they come?" He better ask now while it was on his mind instead of putting it off until it was too late to ask her wishes.
That moment seemed to stretch on for a long while and his large ears picked up that slow release of breath. But she countered his statement and offered her justification. Though he did not believe it was her fault either. It was neither of their faults, but the faults of a dead man. A dead man who's shadow still lingered over the pair and the unborn litter in her womb. Almost imperceptibly Onus shook his head. "No. Your body and mind will recover when they are ready to recover." She had been through so much and it had not been that long. She was still healing from it all. Some perhaps may have foolishly expected her to be better by now, but not him. He understood and he would be mindful of her condition and tread with care.
With his hand released Onus looked back to the river. One fish would suffice for him. Suddenly he was becoming tired of standing in the water and his appetite had been slashed. Though he did everything he could to hide that slight darkening of his mood. It was no one's fault, simply the situation affecting him. There were a few more silent moments, filled only with the sound of her eating and the trickle of the water and then another splash and he retrieved the last fish that he would catch this time around. Though as her question sliced through the air it unsettled him, though he gave no outward sign of this. What did he think of them? Slowly he walked out of the water with his fish and settled down on the grass beside her. His gaze looked over his meal, trying to find the right words to answer with. "I...don't know what to expect. And that makes me nervous." It was the truth, he had no idea what would come when those pups were born. "And I do not know how to care for a child. That makes me more nervous." He then realized that they had never discussed what his role was to be in the lives that she bore. "That is if you want me involved with them at all." He could understand if she didn't.
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The woman made a soft sound of agreement, that indiscernible smile moving like soft light across her lips. But when he asked that question, her mind grew still. She remained silent, her gaze straying to the water’s surface, the light of day playing off the gentle ripples that came to greet her with gentle strokes. She watched the light play across the darkness of her fur, watched the light illuminate the woad of her fur. His question echoed in her mind, playing across her thoughts as the water across her body. The black female wanted to respond, to nod yes, but she did not and was still. How could she ask him to stay, to help her raise the litter that did not belong to him? Her quiet mind turned that question in the waters of her soul, a small rock that needed to be polished and smoothed, to be held as a cool weight in her hand. But time slowed and resisted her efforts.
She was ready to discard that shroud of blackness. But like soot it had settled within her, and like tar it stuck to everything that was touched. The blackness was stuck on her hands and blackened her fingers, and the purging waters of her own soul were not enough to rid her fingers of that blackness. With her other hand emptied, she briefly looked at it, those white orbs contemplative. It was as if she could see the tar on her, but there was nothing there. The black fae nodded and lifted her eyes as her hands lowered. "They will be ready soon," the soft melody replied with a strange certainty as if some wakeful Dream had whispered in her ear. The white orbs held his gaze reassuringly before she looked away and released him. She would not be stuck within the darkness that pulled her down. The warrior did not want such a thing to hinder her. But for now, she concentrated only on keeping that darkness from tainting the growing lives within her.
And upon the asking of her own question, a question that seemed to be the response of his own query, he was silent. As Onus caught the last fish, Cwmfen finished her last and was content. The woman was acutely aware of the silence and wondered what it was that kept him so. He rose from the water and sat beside her, his voice finally rising over the silence. The woad bound ears flickered as if straining to hear his words. She reached down to the water in silence, cleaning her hands before bringing a cupped hand, filled with water, to her lips. Strange, she thought, how the water was never the same. And then he was silent. "I...I’m nervous too," the woman admitted at length, straightening her posture as she continued to look out upon the quiet waters of the pool. Or perhaps she was afraid, a fear that was unlike any fear with which she was familiar. It was not a paralyzing fear, but a fear that was slow and steady, that caused the mind to worry, to be anxious and nervous. "I don’t know how either," she continued, "but I know that I must and that I will." But that did not seem to be enough.
"I cannot ask you to care for these lives," the soft melody said, addressing at last the question that he had spoken before and now, her hand moving across the woad marked belly, "that do not belong to you." There was a hardness in that melody as if suddenly she had thrown up defenses about her, although it seemed as if the hardness was meant not for Onus but for herself. The black fae had failed to protect her own body, and this was the consequence. But a gift, the Morrigan had called it. A gift. Slowly, almost tentatively, she moved to lean against him, a soft sigh breathed and the defenses allowed to fall. But she was silent as her head leaned against his shoulder, her eyes closing as she sorted through the many thoughts that confused her mind. "But," the warrior said suddenly, her voice nearly inaudible for the silence, "I would wish for you to be there." Was it selfish of her to ask? None of them were equipped for such a thing, but he had a choice. The litter within her had already been determined to be in her care. Onus did not have to burden himself with such a thing.
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After asking that question the silence hung in the air, though for once that silence unnerved the man. Usually silence wasn't something he minded, in fact he had lived the majority of his life in silence. But right now silence was the last thing he wanted. Perhaps it was still something she needed to think over and he could understand that, but he wished she would say so. Though he couldn't fine the will to say anything more to her at the moment. His tongue was tied and as anxious as this quiet made him he didn't dare break it. Things seemed so fragile now. As if the slightest breath might break one or both of them. The man didn't know why, because he knew his love for her was just as strong as ever and he trusted her's was as well. Yet still, that threatening delicacy was heavy in his mind.
Finally her soft voice cut through the air again and he looked to her. It was a statement, though he wasn't certain if it were any kind of answer to his question. But he did not push for an answer still, only looked into her eyes. This was her life, her body that they were talking about. It was not his place to push her to let him in and it never would be. The love they shared did not give him any sort of dominion over her just as it gave her none over him. Despite being connected they still lead different lives. They did not spend every waking moment together. Although it almost felt like they did ever since that night. Onus did not mind though, even when he was not with her he worried over her. Being with her and seeing her were the only things that even slightly assuaged those fears.
He hoped that nothing he had said had upset her, but he was only being honest. In a situation like this there was only honesty (though the man couldn't recall a time he had ever lied). He looked down at his fish, still refraining from partaking of his meal, and then looked back to her. It both relieved him and scared him that she felt the same as he did. At least she would not blame him for his own nerves, but what a pair they were, both being forced to dive into this and neither knowing how to swim in such waters. A dark, inky river lay before them and they were being shoved closer and closer to making the plunge.
Onus' ears flicked as it seemed that finally and with a certainty his question was being answered, though the words she spoke made those same ears droop. While he had feared her not wanting his involvement he hadn't really believed that it would be the case. He understood her unwillingness to force such a responsibility upon him when the fruit that grew was not of his seed, but still...he could not see his life going any other direction now. For a moment it felt as if she might push him away, but then he felt her weight against him and it was perhaps the most welcome feeling he could have asked for in that moment. Then came the words that he had been wanting so badly to hear. His arm nearest her moved to wrap about her shoulders. "I told you I would be there for you," he spoke softly. "and I will keep that promise. We will face this together." For that is what you did when you loved someone.
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She wished that she knew the path that lay before her. It was dangerous for a warrior to progress without knowing what it was that was ahead, and the black fae had had been careful to act only when she knew surely what it was that would present itself, or perhaps she would act when it was requested of her and no opposing force could rise against such a command. But here, she knew nothing, and she did not wish to progress ahead, not yet. But there was no choice. Time did not wait. Nor did the Fates. These preordained events had simply occurred at the moment in which they were meant to occur, and that was all that she was permitted to know. She had accepted that fact with her usual tranquility. And yet, the nervousness remained. But she did not think that her uneasiness was due to her pregnancy so much as the births of the litter, the lives that would be of her blood.
The woad-banded ears swiveled back as his arm wrapped about her shoulders, an imperceptible smile upon her maw. How strange it was that she so suddenly needed another upon whom to rely. Even when her mother had been alive, she had been on her own, living while Graine simply existed, her soul already dead. And yet, this reliance was something that she wanted, and it was something that Onus could give her, and he did give it to her. The warrior’s only response was a hand that came up to grasp lightly his hand once more, feeling a warmth that went beyond the physical. It was that light about which she had told Anu. The black fae breathed deeply, almost able to hear the chords of the golden song. Only she could not quite reach it, and they were still forgotten.
"What is it that makes you stay?" she asked suddenly, pulling away from the male. She looked at him directly. Her movements were slow and deliberate, and yet they were not cold. She wanted to know, because she could not explain it herself. There was a curiosity, and yet she wondered if he loved someone who had heard the song of light or the song of war. These songs were all but forgotten, needing to be regained. Only their echoes replayed within her, leaking from the wounds that had yet to heal.
With a soft gasp, she sat up. Both of her hands went to her large abdomen, holding it gently, her woad-ringed fingers feeling it gently as if something were occurring. And surely something was, for the unborn within her, as they occasionally did, began to move, kicking up against her. It was a strange feeling, and it never ceased to catch her off guard. There was no way to tell when they would do such a thing, although their activity, as time progressed, seemed to increase. It must have been a good sign, a sign that they were alive and not stillborn. Her gaze turned fully to the woad-marked belly that belonged to her body and yet was not her own, for she shared it with those lives within. While she could not stand to have a seed so black growing within her while her lover watched, while she did not particularly enjoy a pup’s presence, she could not help but feel a quiet delight. That soft, imperceptible smile moved across her quiet lips as she looked back up to Onus, a quiet sadness in those white orbs. And then she looked away, watching the light upon the waters once more. "They move," came the simple explanation, her voice like a dragonfly’s touch upon the surface of a pond.
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This time when he touched her she did not flinch, her body did not reject his contact, and for that he was relieved. Though of course he knew that touching her shoulders was much different than touching her below her waist. For it was on her lower body that the trauma had been most acute, though he did not doubt that the crow wolf had abused her elsewhere. He still hated that he had not been able to save her from that awful fate. Unlike his love he did not believed that everything was preordained, he did not believe in destiny. There was no absolute fate. That was perhaps one of the reasons he felt responsible for what had happened and what continued to happen. If he had been able to protect her as he had promised, then she would not be pregnant now. It was at least partially his fault that this had happened, at least in his mind.
When she pulled away his torso turned to face her directly and his veiled gaze locked with her's. There was barely a moment of silence between her question and his answer, for it was not something he had to ponder. Not something that required any thought on the male's part. "Love." Was it not obvious? Yes, there was that feeling of responsibility, but even if that were not there, he would stay for love. His love for her transcended anything the coyote had ever felt. It was stronger than any power he had ever imagined. He was tied to her, spiritually. His heart beat with her's. As long as she lived, he would never stray far from her side. The vigilante had scorned connections his entire life, but this one he held onto willingly. He embraced it.
At her gasp a tension filled him and concerned grabbed at his chest. His eyes looked to her distended belly as her hands held it. What was wrong? Was she suddenly in pain for some reason? He wanted to ask these questions but it was if his voice had left him. Not being able to speak, Onus watched Cwmfen carefully, searching for any more signs of pain or discomfort. But none came. She only looked at her abdomen and then softly smiled, looking back up at him. But then it seemed the smile faded and she looked away. The large ears flicked at her explanation. She could feel them move within her? How strange. He could not even begin to imagine how such a thing felt.
Still unable to find his voice, the man's hand moved back out to her hesitantly. Lightly, as a leaf falls on the ground, his hand rested on her back. Would she recoil again? He hoped not. It seemed that progress had been made and then quickly pulled away again.
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500+
Love. The word fell like a heavy stone within the placid waters of her soul. The impact echoed in her mind, and she was silent as she listened. Love, she repeated when the ripples had grown still. And yet she carried the litter of another like some common whore. Even her culture would look poorly upon it, and more so because she could no longer do what she was purposed to do. It was strange how these preordained existences worked, strange how Nemain would wish this upon her. But she could question the gods no more than as she could question the wind and the water for singing. And yet, she understood. She, too, had felt the strength of love as surely as she had once felt his arms about her. How vulnerable it had rendered her, and yet how strong it was, like nothing she had ever known. Not even War.
The woad marked female wanted to reach out to him. How foolish her question seemed, and how greatly she wished to express her love for him in return. But she could not make her hand move. How could she show him? How could she let him know? Perhaps he simply knew, just as she had simply known the answer to her question as soon as the words had left her lips. Cwmfen could simply look upon him, and she hoped that her eyes and the soul beyond them was enough for him, for silence had bound her maw as did the woad.
The white orbs turned slowly to watch as he reached out, quietly surprised by the curiosity he had for the lives that did not belong to him. The black fae was still, quieted as if she did not know how she would react to his touch. But when that soft contact was made, her body did not push him away. Her heart beat with relief. Her own hands moved up to his, placing themselves upon his hand and wrist as she gently pressed his touch against her belly. And the lives within her moved again, and it was as if they knew, knew something that they did not. The warrior’s breath caught slightly with that movement, for it was both something sudden and something that she could not control. Her gaze lifted to find his, a measured gaze, quiet and wondering.
"I know that Darkness created them," her quiet melody sang, "but I cannot help but feel..." Her voice faltered as she sought the proper word with which to express her thoughts that moved like liquid song through her soul. "Content," she finished. But was content the right word? In her mind, it made the right colours, but words were different for her. The white orbs lifted to find his gaze once more. Would Love be strong enough to allow him to understand how the one he loved could accept a child planted by a creature of shadow, planted by incest, planted as a black seed that had infected her with more than just life.
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[html] http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee19 ... ppachi.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> I love them :3
She said nothing in response to his answer. Made no move. He wondered what went on behind those peerless eyes. What thoughts ran through her head. A distance had been placed between them that night of her attack. It was not a large distance, but it was sufficient enough. Because of what had befallen her she could not accept him as she had on those few occasions. Of course such things did not matter much. He still desired her, though as all desires were with him, they were easily silenced. On his side he was afraid of overstepping that boundary her mind had put up to protect her. He second guessed even the most innocent of touches. While he knew such a thing was normal, he couldn't help but worry things would never return to the way they had been. The two of them had shared a small taste of heaven, if there even were such a place, and thinking it might have been so fleeting sent a coldness through his veins.
Though when she did not reject his hand he was somewhat calmed. As her own hands took his and pressed his palm against her pregnant stomach and he felt that life within her move his eyes grew wide beneath the cloth. It was something wholly amazing and yet nerve-wracking to the coyote. Why had those lives moved at the feel of his hand? Had it simply been the pressure? Or had they known it was the same hand that had ended the life of the monster that had spawned them? Could unborn lives even know such a thing? There was so much he did not know. So much that he was unaware of. He felt like a novice and feeling that way was not something he enjoyed. Onus swallowed hard as his eyes were locked on that stomach, as if trying to see what lay inside of it.
When her words broke the silence his eyes traveled back to her face. Feeling content about it, he supposed, was better than feeling panicked or despaired. But unfortunately he could not feel the same as she did. He did not understand how she could so handle carrying the seed of her attacker, how any woman could. Though while he did not understand it, he also did not condemn it. Perhaps that only showed her strength, that such a thing did not disgust her. His mind flashed back to the fear of what he would have to do if they ended up showing signs of being too much like their sire. If that happened, would she hate him? Would she try to kill him? If that were the case, he probably would let her. Hardened creature that he was, taking the life of a child was no easy thing, not even for him. "I...hope you continue to feel...content." And I hope I am not forced to do what no man should.
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I love them too~ ^w^
500+
There seemed no apparent reaction within the male, but she could sense that subtle change within him that lay hidden beneath that cloth. She had wanted to share with him this strange happening when it had first occurred, but she had not known what it meant or what it would mean to Onus. It was only when he had reached out that she had found the will to let him know. And it was just as strange to her as it was to him. The woad-bound fae had never felt anything like it, and she did not know what invoked such movement. But it was like the evidence that life existed, and yet it was different from a seedling tree rising from the earth. It was stranger to feel these lives moving within her, as if she could both feel them and not.
The silver smile grew sad with his words. She knew what he must be thinking for such thoughts had crossed her mind as well. And so she had sought to keep the Darkness from them by the will of her mind, but would that be enough. She didn’t know. And for the warrior, there was only certainty and uncertainty, there was no hope. And so when the masked man said that he hoped she could continue to feel that way, she knew that there was uncertainty. And indeed there were so many factors that she would not have been able to control. When the crow wolf had raped her, he had gotten too close with that Darkness so thick that it could have been an emotion. Hollow. Cold. And the life within her had been conceived in such a moment in which the Darkness about her had been complete. And it was that moment of conception that truly mattered. So were her efforts in vain? Possibly. But, in this circumstance, trying would hurt no one.
Her hands held him for a moment longer before they slid away. The lives had grown quiet within her. The white orbs turned from his face, falling to gaze upon her hands. They were held open upon her knees, and she touched her thumbs across the fingers of each hand as if feeling something upon them. As if satisfied with what she had found, the woman looked back up at the man that she loved. "Do not worry with what may be," the quiet melody offered. She did not know of what he thought, but she knew that it was not of the present. Slowly, her hand lifted, reaching out to his face before she touched his cheek gently, the woad-bound fingers grazing over his fur as if remembering. Her gaze lingered there before she looked up to meet those hidden eyes. "Be content with what is had in the present." That imperceptible smile appeared again. They could do nothing to change what had already occurred. Perhaps the male simply could not accept these facts as the female had, though she did not know why she had. And perhaps she spoke the words to herself.
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[html] http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee19 ... ppachi.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> It took me forever to write that, it might be a slow posting day o.o
He saw that sadness slip across her features and he felt sorry. Perhaps he should have said nothing at all. But he could not lie to her and tell her that he was feeling the same as she about the life that grew within her. He wished he could. He wished he could feel that contentment, but it was not possible. Onus had to keep a distance. Despite the depth of his love for her, that love did not extend to the children in her womb. For he knew that if that darkness was too planted inside of them he must do that undesirable task. As Cwmfen knew, he was a vigilante first and foremost. A servant of Justice. And if it appeared that the children would cause others pain and wrongdoing then he would be forced to put an end to them. He could not compromise, not even for a mother's sake.
Again guilt hung heavy upon his shoulders. The coyote knew that she did not blame him for what had befallen her, but he was not so forgiving to himself. If he had only stayed in the city that night. Had only entertained the possibility of Corvus being there. But he hadn't. He had convinced himself that that was the last place that Corvus would wait for her. He had thought it was too much familiar territory for Onus for the crow wolf to pick that place. And he had been wrong, and that misjudgment had cost her so much. As far as he was concerned the life that grew inside her was as much his fault as the demon's.
As her hands slid away from his a chill ran up his arm and he removed his touch from her stomach. That hand flexed in the air, somewhat uncertain as to what it had just felt. Large ears twitched as she spoke again. It was not an easy thing for him to do though, not worry about the future. Not in this situation anyway. There were so many unknowns, so many unanswered questions. Onus wanted to be prepared and this was the least prepared he had ever felt for anything. It made the man on edge. Though at that gentle touch he looked back up to her face. He didn't know if he could be content. Didn't know if he had that ability inside of him. But he would try. His hand reached up to hold the back of her's as his head turned to plant a soft kiss upon her palm. He would try.
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