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indent A long time ago, a young man had been found by his daughter after a long stint of alcoholism and drug use. They had talked, then fought. He had told her that he never wanted her to be born. He had admitted she was a mistake. That had been over two years ago. Less then five minutes ago, though, he had seen history repeat itself. While it had been his fault, when he had done the same to Corona, he had been younger and less aware of what he was doing. Now, though, he recognized things. Even if he would never admit he was still an addict, and never admit he was missing her less and less with each passing day.
indent He smoked as he walked, but the cigarette was nearly done and he dropped it in the snow after the next breath. Her scent was thick and all around him, and then, quite suddenly, her sandy colored coat was in front of him and she was there. “Rachias?” It was more to alert her to his presence then anything else.
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[html]  The tears were hot and stung at her eyes as she ran, not quite something that she had really ever experienced before. The only times that she'd ever had such bursts of emotion were when she and Andre fought and, perhaps, whenever she was around Arkham. The feelings that came along with her brothers were different though, Andre just made her angry and Arkham made her happy. This, though, this one hurt. Rachias ran and ran, as far away as she could until she finally crumbled to the ground. She was at the base of a tree when he came, curled up into a ball and just laying in the snow.
His words came and immediately the caramel and cream swirled hybrid rose, turning herself away from him to face the tree. "What do you want?" Her voice was loud, straining to hold back the sadness that was so obviously there. As with most young girls, though, Rachias wasn't all that well at holding back her emotions when around another creature, especially when it was the first time that she'd ever felt such a thing. "Just go away.." This time it was more quiet, defeated almost. They'd all heard it, every one of them, and perhaps he had just come to poke fun at her. |
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indent Even though he was not the best father, even though he had far too often alienated his own children, there was an instinct in him that required this. She looked like his daughter, upset and angry, and he understood all too well what she was going through. He had never gotten the chance to cry so openly, though. No, he had cried and bled in the dark, unaware of his actions, unaware of the ground beneath him. After all, orphans and rejected, unwanted children, they find solace in those quiet, dark places.
indent He advanced slowly, let one hand drop and find her shoulder. Then, gently, he embraced her. “I’m sorry he said that to you. I know what it feels like.” Damian’s face, laughing. Damian striking him, cutting him down, tearing him apart. One of those blows had made him partially colorblind. He couldn’t see blue or yellow. Just red and varying shades of gray. Even this, no one had ever learned. He could remember blue. He could remember the color of the sun.
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[html] It almost made sense now, why he often nagged her to go back to Inferni and live. It wasn't because, like other people thought would happen, that he was going to hurt her. It was because he didn't want her in the first place, this side of him, at least. The other side of him had gladly let her stay, was fine with sharing his den with her and, for whatever reason, Rachias at least thought the other side was halfway alright with it. She'd been wrong though and now it was obvious. Maybe the reason that this side of him was sad all the time was because of her.
She could hear him moving toward her again, crunching in the snow, and she honestly wasn't surprised. Rachias hadn't expected him to listen. When she felt the warmth of touch her head lifted, turning to stare up at him through glassed over blue eyes. Her ears fall back and at that moment he hugged her. This was the end of all things, of course, because Rachias immediately buried her head into his fur. "I don't think I ever did anything wrong." It was quiet, slightly muffled, and cracking as she spoke. "Why doesn't he want me?" And she sobbed then, mostly because she had to face the fact that he didn't, but also because she already knew he couldn't answer that question. |
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indent Her eyes were blue. He knew that because they were nearly the same shade as Corona’s eyes. Perhaps that was the underlying reason for his concern. As if it would make up for everything he had done (even though he knew it would not). He stroked her hair, just listening. This was his daughter, this was him, this was Laruku. They were all rejected, unwanted. That was why they had to find something to hold onto—otherwise they just faded. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he reassured her.
indent “He doesn’t want the responsibility,” Ahren heard himself say, no longer aware if he was talking about Laruku or himself. “It’s a lot to have pushed on you, especially when it’s not expected. Your dad isn’t completely together. He probably doesn’t realize what he means half the time.”
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[html] She'd wracked her brain from the moment that she'd turned and run until the very moment that Ahren had shown up and there was nothing that she could think of that she'd done. Perhaps it was because she almost drowned, he hadn't seemed to happy to hear that, but even then it had only been an accident. There was simply just nothing. His words should have proven that to her, that she hadn't done anything wrong, but there was still doubt lingering there. The only real wrong thing was the fact that she'd ever been born in the first place.
"I shouldn't be here." She said quietly, pained. "But I can't go back to Inferni either." Why should she stay if her father didn't want her? But then where would she go? A den of her own, far away from his maybe. No pack meetings, no visiting him, she'd just stay there by herself and keep away from everyone. "Why did he make me if he doesn't want me?" Wouldn't it have been that simple? Of course, Rachias didn't yet understand the whole process, but it made sense to her when she said it. |
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indent And then she became him; mother’s gone, father doesn’t want you, there’s nowhere to go. Inferni barred its doors, the wolves were all traitors, no one would ever be friendly again. Time changed things, as is its way. Time always changed things. “I don’t know,” he said quietly, aware that there was never an answer for that. Because you’re a mistake, he heard Damian’s voice whisper, you’re all mistakes. His right arm twitched suddenly, his hand tightened for a moment, and he let go. It was a miraculous thing that no one could smell the heroine running through his veins. It had been a few days, but it was still there. It would always be there.
indent “You just need to do what you think is right.” It was faulty advice. It had nearly killed him.
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[html] Rachias was smart enough to know that it would be almost impossible for him to answer all the questions that she had, only her father could do that, and the girl doubted that would ever happen. Her mother hadn't cared enough to stick around, she'd decided that some time ago, and the rest of her family was just as detached as their mother, they just decided to stick around. All she had was Arkham now, who she knew wouldn't ever turn his back on her and, now, perhaps she had one other person that at least cared a little. It was the first time she'd ever been close to someone, hugged, aside from cuddling up next to Arkham on the cold night in Inferni.
The question now was, what was right for her? She didn't want to leave, honestly didn't want to be by herself, though that was how things were already turning out. Going back to Inferni was not a choice, not with Andre out for her blood. "Could I stay with you a while?" It was sudden, something that only just came to her mind, and she asked just as he let go. "I won't bother nothin' and I'm quiet." It was true, she often didn't stay inside for very long except to sleep and as long as Ahren didn't nag her about going to Inferni, then it should be perfect. "And I got my own stuff, too." Which meant he wouldn't have to give up anything for her, except maybe a small space to sleep. |
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indent With Misery as scarce as she was, there was an open area in the run-down shack they called home. Ahren smiled a little at her request, wondering if someone had perhaps given him shelter he might not have turned out the way he did. Of course there were more factors, more unknown results, and everything was in the past and nothing mattered.
“Of course,” he said quietly, drawing back so she could have a moment of composure.
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[html] Things were often much more simple to her than they actually were. Her mind was still young though, but she was now learning the harsh realities of life and the pain that could often come with them. Unwanted by her mother, by Inferni, and now by her father. What would Laruku have thought if he understood what Rachias had always thought of him? She'd come because she was curious, she'd held him on a pedestal and defended words against him. She wanted to be with him. When he spoke Rachias nodded, blinking away the faint hint of tears. "I'll get my bed stuff and come." She said quietly, nodding again, just to reassure herself that it was the right thing to do. She could find the shack on her own, she was certain. |
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