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She had long feared that something was wrong with her, and now she knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Some nights were harder than others, but this was the worst she'd ever been, and the sad irony was that things had been going better for her recently, and she had no reason to feel this way, to this crushing degree.
She felt the icy sadness clawing through her chest, a tightness that closed her throat and stung her eyes, a weariness that cast a pall on all her heavy heavy limbs. It was too much, oh, the stress of it all was too much to bear any longer. Stumbling through the doorway of her empty house, she ran and ran and ran through the night, numb as the shadows closed around her. She could take no more of this constant anxiety, the feeling that she was suffering when no wrongs had been dealt to her in some time. Why did she feel so achingly lonely, when she knew full well that people cared about her? Why didn't it matter? What was broken, so that it did not register within her? Something was wrong, wrong with her, it could not be fixed, it was too hard to deal with!
Stopping to gasp for breath, the earthy-brown werewolf bent over double, feathery mane drifting to obscure her view. She had crossed over the Dahlian border some time ago; her packmates would not know to look for her here. The salty scent of the ocean filled her wet nostrils; it was writhing below the cliff she stood atop, moonlight glinting on its turbulent waters and the black sands of the beach. She wanted to change, but it was impossible. She had cut her mane, she had left the packlands to seek new faces, she had even tried to mend her relationship with Cercelee, but nothing made it go away, nothing made the pain in her chest stop. It was driving her mad. Was this what Haku Soul dealt with, the reason he lashed out and inflicted pain and felt nothing in return? Had he corrupted her mind from the start, leaving her to deteriorate into a shell of numbness? She could take it no longer. And the cool silver rays of moonlight glinted on nature's answer for her: there was a flower for everything.
The slender werewolf dropped to her knees at the cliff's edge, cradling the delicate violet flowers between her claws. They were small and many to a stalk, star-shaped, with a promising dash of yellow at their centers. "...Nightshade," she whispered lovingly. She had wanted it in her garden for so long, but it had eluded her... and now, it had come to her as if in a dream. Something to quell the throbbing ache, to lend a merciful end to the illness of her mind. Gently, so as not to harm the generous plant, Colibri Haki nipped a single stalk with one purple flower, letting it fall into her palm. Closing her eyes, calling to mind the images of her handsome brothers, Conor and Emwe; her caring relatives, Mew and Cercelee; and her first love, Anu... A silent apology for having burdened them...
...she swallowed the nightshade.
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504 words. Sorry for the wait!
Vigilante had never been here before, but it was an interesting view, and the sound of the crashing water below was eerie in the back drop. What he had wanted was a change of scenery, a place to spend a few lonely moments lamenting his past actions. Though he chose not to regret what he had done before, he had the tendency to spend some nights mourning his sister and her orphaned children. The situation afterwards was unknown to him, and he chose not to seek an answer to what had happened after he had left that early morning. instead, he chose to mourn his sister in peace, and to think back on their last moments together. She had been beautiful, and so peaceful in death. She had accepted him and what he had to do with the utmost grace and serenity. Because of this, he chose to miss her in his own solitude.
Instead, however, a bent figure ahead caught his attention. Though it was not strange to see others alone, the way she was sitting worried him, for her posture suggested something less than happy. it was entirely possibly that she was doing as he had come here to do, but from all he had learned, he knew that some acted rashly when sad or frightened. With her close proximity to the cliff's edge, Vigilante was not willing to turn the other way and leave her to be alone. There was too much that could happen, and though he had taken lives, he had saved them as well. He knew what could happen more than many others did. Approaching her slowly, Vigilante tried to make sure his feet made some noise so as to not startle her, although this was very strange for him. He usually kept his body and himself silent when moving, but he had seen bad things happen too often.
When he was close enough to her, Vigilante bent down between her and the edge, crouching there and holding himself still. He reached out his hand to touch her arm gently as he asked, "What is it that you're holding, or eating?" The smell of it was peculiar, and it was a plant of some sort, though he did not know the name of it or what it was used for. What he did know of the situation was that the woman looked terrible, and if he turned his back on her now. . . It would be almost like that day, months ago. Six months and a few days, actually. Vigilante could not believe that it had been more than half a year since he had lost his beloved sister, but she seemed so close to him still. This woman, bent in her apparent pain, was like a living memory, and he could see the pained look in Martyr's eyes when she had realized what was required of her. Not sorrow for her own emminent death, but sorrow for her children, and pain for him. The image was very strong.
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Twas nothing! I hope I didn't bug you with my overeagerness. ;P Poor Vigi...
A sudden touch on her arm caused her to flinch, meeting the stranger's earthy-green eyes. She swallowed guiltily, staring wide-eyed at the strangely-marked wolf (or was it dog?) who seemed to apparate from nowhere. How long had he been watching? "It's... belladonna," she whispered softly, moonlight washing her face pale. "You know, nightshade... you should probably go."
She could already feel her heart fluttering rapidly, irregularly, leaping and thundering in her chest. At first she thought it was because this unfamiliar canine was close, too close, but she quickly realized that the toxins were already setting in. She didn't want an audience. She didn't want to burden this fellow too, like she burdened everyone else. She could no longer hear the crashing of the ocean below the cliff, only the roaring of her own pulse. Shakily, she reached out to brush his face with her trembling fingers, unafraid for the first time in far too long. "You... should..." She licked her lips, trying to finish her sentence, but she could no longer remember what it was she was trying to tell him. Her pupils were dilating, blackness swallowing the sky-blue of her irises. It was too late.
The slender werewolf slumped onto her back, her hind legs twitching and shaking uncontrollably. A sharp pain lanced in her abdomen, a fierce stabbing sensation that burst again and again, writhing in her insides. This was no peaceful way to go, her mind admonished her from a detached distance. Poison was one of the most violent deaths she could have chosen. She panted shallowly, struggling to breathe as her heart sped on ahead, faster and faster. It felt like everything was spinning out of control, her dizzied mind unable to process what was happening. A cold numbness began to leach from her fingertips, paralyzing her trembling body as the neurotoxins wreaked havoc on her fragile frame. Discharge spattered from her flared nostrils, leaking down her frozen face. She was unaware, however, as the hallucinations had taken over her unseeing eyes.
"Ah... Anu... Anu, you came for me...? Th... n... no, it's Haku... no... b-blue eyes, both of you..." Her voice slurred as she mumbled, body falling still into numbness, limp on the grassy clifftop. Only her legs continued to tremble and weakly flail, like a cruel satire of a dreaming puppy trying to run. Her stomach continued to burn and throb, unable to reject its volatile contents. Why had she swallowed that devil's bloom? Temptation had gotten the better of her again...
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611 words. To anyone reading, I had permission to do as much GMing as needed. ^^;
She spoke as if his presence was not necessary, a strange tone to her voice that worried him. Vigilante did not know much of plants or their uses, but he did know that nightshade was not something that should be consumed, and the strange way her body was beginning to act was enough for confirmation. Though his pack had strayed from the human aspects of life, the elders had taught them the effects of many plants and poisons, and he knew a little of how to treat them. Placing his hand on her shoulder, Vigilante searched the area for an answer, trying to remember just how he was meant to treat such a thing. The purpose behind her ingesting the nightshade was obvious, since one only took poison for one reason, and she had done so knowingly. However, if he had believed in fate, he would have called this situation a prime example, since he was not willing to let her die.
Vigilante did not know her from the next person, and he doubted she would appreciate his help once she was feeling better, but he had taken too many lives. Now, it was time to save one. The woman's body was lying rigid on the ground, small convulsions passing through it. Straightening his legs some, he slipped one arm underneath her knees and one underneath her shoulders, gripping her body tightly to his chest as he stood easily. It seemed as if she weighed nothing, but he knew that she was actually dead weight, since she had no control over her own body right then. Since he had already decided on what he needed to do to try and save this strange woman's life, Vigilante held her tightly to his chest and walked quickly in the direction of the water.
Laying her down so that she was very close to the water, but away from the waves, Vigilante searched the area quickly until he came across what seemed like it could hold water, shiny and rusted as it was. Filling it with salt water, Vigilante lifted the woman's head up, placing the cup-like object to her lips. It took some prying, but he was able to pour the water past them. Water was good to use, since it could flush out the poison, he hoped, and the salt water might be even more helpful than expected, since it could easily make her sick and cause her to vomit everything she had previously eaten, including the nightshade. If he could get the poison out of the woman's system before the tendrils of death began to snake around her body and heart, then he could save her; he was more certain of that, and he wanted - no, needed - that.
Repeating the process of filling the can and pouring the water down her throat a few more times, Vigilante focused on her completely. "You will not die," he muttered fiercly. When she came to (and he was so determined to save her that he knew she just had to, and there was no question about it), she would probably question his actions, trying so desperately to save a complete stranger. "It is not your time to die. Whatever happened to make you eat that flower wasn't worth it." He was speaking in vain, hoping she might hear him through her imminent haze. She would not die, because he wouldn't come even remotely close to letting her. For whatever reason, she reminded him so much of his sister. This seemed to be his chance to make up for what he had needed to do with Martyr. This one, she would be saved.
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She barely registered the movement, her rigid body shaking and convulsing beyond her knowledge. The powerful flower was playing with her mind, playing memories before her hallucinating eyes, twisting reality far beyond anything she would remember later.
Hard fingers prised her unresponsive lips open. Delirious as she was, she tried to snap at the forceful hands, but her numb jaws barely parted. Coldness, wetness, splashed on her face, trickling down her gullet. The scent, the taste of salt was everywhere, pervading her every senses. She was in the ocean, below the waves that pounded on her head and gave her such a dreadful ache in her stomach... Why did everything hurt? Dizziness washed over her, more water being forced into her limp jaws, swilling down her esophagus. And again, and again. She would drown soon in this saltwater, if she couldn't raise her head above the waves to breathe. Her hands flopped on their wrists, trying to push away the rusted cup. They were too heavy to lift, though, try as she might. And finally, the wretched salt everywhere, everywhere, had the desired effect... she had to reject it, get out of it, get away!
Her stomach lurched, and she automatically turned to the side, dry-heaving. The deep burning agony in her belly lanced one last time before she retched, rejecting the contents of her stomach onto the damp sand. She could barely feel the acid searing her sore throat, but her stomach heaved again and again, until her hazy conscience thought her very organs would spill out next. Sensations were beginning to return to her extremities, but painfully slowly, the pins-and-needles prickling in her splayed fingers and toes. Her pulse was still dangerously rapid, but it too was gradually calming. Vigilante's quick actions had pushed her out of the danger zone.
Weakened and exhausted, the prone werewolf struggled to open her eyes, vision bleary and unfocused, eyelashes crusted from discharge. She could barely make out the presence of someone there, dark and unrecognized. Guilt curled in her chest, flooding over any feelings of relief or despair she felt. She had almost died in front of this stranger, and as such, he had done everything he could to save her. If he knew she had eaten the deadly flower on purpose, why had he tried so hard...? A strange mixture of appreciation and resentment stirred behind her dilated blue eyes, her overclocked mind trying to piece together a semblance of coherent thought. Still panting shallowly, Coli tasted the salt on her cracked lips and croaked, "...Why?"
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365 words.
He was glad to see that his choice of salt water was working, and though it pained him to see her having to throw up everything, while her physical pain was obvious to him, Vigilante was thankful when she finally gave up the contents of her body. Poison was a dreadful way to die, and even he, who had taken more lives than he could count, would never have used poison to rid someone of their life. His usual weapon of choice was a dagger, because he had found that to be a quick way to end someone's presumed suffering. At the very least, he was ending the suffering of those his victims were harming. He had used suffocation with Martyr, but that was too peaceful for most that he had killed. Still, he had never used poison.
For a moment, Vigilante did not know what to say in response to her strained question. It had been a heat-of-the-moment situation when he had decided to save her, but he still stood by what he had done. "I've taken many lives," he admitted, looking away from her. "Far more than you could imagine. But I've found that those who try to take their own lives, deserve life the most." Probably his message would be considered cryptic, and maybe she would become angry with him for what he had done. There was no way he could have left her there to die, not with the thoughts of his sister sloshing through the murky depths of his brain as a constant reminder of the innocent lives he could have the chance to save.
"What happened to make you want to end your life?" he asked quietly, focusing on her with an intense gaze. Vigilante could not understand why she would have eaten that flower, knowing what it would have done to her body. Those that gave their own lives confused him, for whatever reason they had. His sister had voluntarily given hers up for the supposed good of their pack, and though he did not believe it had done much, he knew the reason and why she had done so. Why had this woman swallowed that damned flower?
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His words filtered slowly into the buzzing haze of her mind. Even drunk, it was easier to understand people than this. Sluggishly, her cracked lips pursed, trying to croak out her answer. "Worthless," she whispered simply. "Mother dead. Father tried to kill me. No skills. Burden to my pack. Thought it would be easier for them all." Her limbs were like lead, too heavy to move despite the random stinging sensations that chased up and down her nerves. She tried to focus again on the strange canine's face, moonlight shining in his vivid green eyes, glinting on the earthen-hued strands of his muddy fur. Was he a nature spirit? Was she in limbo, and that was why she could not move her own body? Was this a test?
Come to think of it, this was the third time she should have died. The first was during her birth, when all her littermates passed on, along with her poor mother. She was the only survivor, and a sickly one at that. It was a cruel miracle. Then, a year later, after she had been shuttled back and forth between relatives and packmates who did not want to keep her, she ended up back with her violently unpredictable father, who snapped one day. That was the second time she should have died, left bleeding and raped and broken on the floor of their home, no one to rescue her, no one to heal her. But she pulled through. Again. She did not know why. And now, when she decided to tempt fate and poison herself in a half-hearted attempt to remove herself from everyone's lives... this man showed up out of nowhere and saved her life. Three times. Death had abandoned her three times already. Was she unwanted in Hell as well?
She was too weak to feel anger or resentment towards the savior for thwarting her spur-of-the-moment plan. It wasn't his fault. It was hers, for being so obvious and stupid... It was guilt she felt, more strongly than anything. "And I fell in love," she blurted suddenly, face crumpling. She was too dehydrated to cry for real, so her shoulders shook limply with silent sobs. All she ever wanted was for someone to love her back. "But, but, it's all wrong... I fell in love with a woman. And not just any female, but a pack leader! I can't drag her down into my mess. But I'm too selfish to turn her awayyy..."
Her dilated blue eyes welled with sadness, peering shamelessly into the face of the man she decided was some sort of angel. If he was a real living and breathing wolf creature, she would never be able to admit these things. She had yet to tell anyone about Anu. No one knew. Oh, she had come close to telling Haven, and Brooklyn, and even Deuce, but always at the last minute, anxiety clamped her lips shut. And she could take the secret to her grave, if need be... and that was almost what she just did tonight.
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I'm sorry for the failwait! 500+ words.
The reasons she had given, though sad, were nothing to try and end your own life over. Mothers died eventually, and some fathers were completely inept and generally, when he was involved, they did not last particularly long. Regardless, they were simply things that happened in life. To feel like a worthless being, a potential burden on your pack, was something that was completely mental. Vigilante felt that feelings such as those were things someone could completely control. It took a lot of learning to do it, and confidence was completely necessary, but it was no reason to try and kill yourself. Those were reasons to push forward in life to feel important and accomplished, to make one's self better than ever imagined before. It was entirely possible.
Falling in love, however, was a much more delicate subject. Though it would possibly shock some, the malamute mix was not at all alarmed when she mentioned falling in love. His nieces and nephew had been very young when he had last seen them, but not young enough to not show their futures. One of his nieces had always seemed partial to other women, never interested in the young males in the pack. The shaking woman did not specify whether the woman she had fallen in love with was a leader of her pack or the leader of another pack, and unfortunately, he could not even try to make an educated guess. He did not know this woman's name, nor what pack she was from, and he was far from educated on the happenings and leaders of packs other than his own.
"I cannot claim to be an expert on the art of love," he began, trying to decide how he wanted to word his argument against what the woman had done to herself. Vigilante did not believe she had really wanted to die. If she had, she would have done it in a different way, likely a faster way. A painful death was not something anyone ever wanted for themselves, and this woman had obviously been in an incredible amount of pain before he had forced the salty water down her throat. "But if you feel that you love her, then is that not enough to live for?" It sounded decent enough, but he did not know if she would understand his meaning. Life was too short not to give all the love you could once you found it. He could never do that, he suspected, because he would always be tied to his sister's death and the guilt behind it, even if he did find someone to love him, and for him to love in return.
His muddied green eyes settled on her face, so pained as it seemed, studying her features intently. His grip on her shoulders stayed firm as he lifted her up a little more so that his face was closer to hers. "Death is not a pretty thing, and it is not something to take lightly. Your life is too precious to give up, whether you see that right now or not. Find something to do to channel your feelings of being a burden. Make peace with your mother's death; it is important. Your father deserves nothing more than a painful end for trying to kill his own daughter." The last bit was said in the same calm, quiet tone he had begun to use, but there was an anger there, obvious in his words. "Live your life. It is worth it."
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