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I'm naughty and posting in class  set at Riunione Beach 300+
The sky was slightly overcast, but the bright shadow of the sun was easily visible through the misty clouds. The sun couldn't reach her though. Not even its warmth could penetrate her raven coat. She felt cold from the inside out and nothing could bring her warmth. Problems complicated problems. First Ehno and all the pain he had caused her. Could she ever forgive him for this? The woman really wasn't sure. If he stayed then she probably could, but if he left... If he left it would tear her apart and she felt as if their connection would be severed forever. That bond she had thought would never go away would disappear like mist on a lake. That thought made her choke down a sob. It was too painful to think about, to contemplate. What would she do without him? She would be less than herself. If her brother left, he would take a part of her with him that she would never be able to recover.
Then there was Ghita. She was pregnant again and Savina worried for her severely. Losing her first litter had nearly destroyed her, could she survive if this one was lost as well? She wanted Ghita to be happy. She wanted her sister to have what had been so long denied to her. Deep down she knew that Jazper would take good care of her, but still she worried. If these pups didn't make it, her sister would leave again. She wouldn't be able to stay here if that happened and Savina wouldn't try to stop her. Losing one of her siblings would hurt her beyond anything she could imagine, but losing both? She couldn't handle that. She just couldn't.
The slender fey sat in the surf on the beach, letting the cold water sweep around her and tug on her fur as it swept back out to sea. Dulled eyes looked out into the brilliance of the entity she so loved and yet could find so little comfort in it now. Not far from here she and her brother had been reunited after a year of separation. Now he might be moving away from her forever. Her eyes clamped shut, trying to hold back the tears that threatened her. The steady rhythm of the waves seemed to whisper to her, calling her name. They called for her to come and join them and be at peace. She found herself actually pulled by that call. It seemed appealing to her. If she walked out into the water and didn't turn back then she would be at peace. Nothing would be able to hurt her any more. There would be no more worry, no more betrayals. Only peace. Only quiet.
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bad erin... sidenote; MILF + cougar = AMAZING
What brought the woman to the shore was a mystery. At any given moment she was pulled in a million different directions. A second could tick away, and she wished she was not alone, another and she was grateful for the peace. She breathed, an inhale that made her hope for the love that had been hovering just beyond her grasp and as she exhaled she wanted nothing more then the peace that the conclusion of that question would bring her. The pack was growing, and the woman felt the pressure of the seams that she and Savina knitted. At yet the Manor did not call her. The home would not have her this day, and neither would the million other things that pulled at the fibers of her heart and soul. She walked beyond the foliage, and onto the sands.
She had never been here before, and she was taken aback by its beauty. The soft ground, the salt tinged airs that tasted as sweet as they were bitter. The white against the dark of the sea made Anu pause and wish to hold the sight forever in her mind. The slight fey walked lightly over the sand, and moved towards the growing tide with the hope of feeling the crisp water against her toes. Slowly, savoring the sight, Anu meandered over the shoreline, finding the peace that she sought while the rest of her world pounded at her door. The sea sent an eager wind across her face, and Anu closed her eyes against it as she felt the chilled air.
Blue eyes woke again to the world, and found a figure upon the beach. Midnight among the daybreak that stood around them. Anu did not stop her approach, a soft smile on her face. The scent of her Commander rode the next gust of ocean breeze, but as Anu came close she slowed she smile fading and replaced by concern. She was too close, among the tide that was almost violent as it crashed around her. It grew with each churn, and Anu had to speak above the call of the falling waves.
“Savina?”
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Hellz to the yeah! ;D 300+
It was a siren call and it filled her ears and clouded her thoughts. It choked out the good in her life and highlighted the bad. The pain of Ehno's betrayal washed over her and choked her, filled her nose and lungs with acidic bile. It burned her heart and tore at her soul. If felt like she were blind Oedipus, assaulted by the Furies. But what crime had she committed to offend the gods so? What had she done to deserve this agonizing wrath? The woman had only ever tried to do what was best for her family and her pack. She couldn't stand by and allow Naniko to wallow in her addiction and drag all of the rest of them down with her. She had betrayed them, not the other way around. She had taken advantage of their trust and Savina had nearly lost her daughter in the process. She had regained her child but now her brother was being torn from her. She couldn't do this, carry the weight of the world upon her shoulders. She was not strong enough.
The slender fey stood up in the constantly moving water, her eyes diving into its depths. For a moment she submerged her head beneath the surface. Sounds became muffled, though she could feel the rhythm of the sea more acutely; it pounded in her skull. She stayed this way until her lungs screamed for air and her head was thrown back and she gasped, allowing the oxygen to fill her again. The cold, salty water dripped from her face and ears, though she didn't shake it off. The waves continued to pull at her and she looked back out towards the horizon. Towards eternity. Would things be better there? She thought of her homeland. Of its warm air and waters. Perhaps she never should have left. All the blessings of this land seemed to turn against her now. She was alien, and they wanted to take from her all she held dear.
Just as she was about to take a step further into the tide a voice called out her name. Her body froze. Slowly and almost mechanically her head turned to look at the wolfess on the beach. The one who had stood by her side in this ordeal. She knew. She knew that they had done what had needed to be done. Was Anu suffering as she was? She hoped not. She would not wish this turmoil upon her. "Even now I can't escape her. Even now she tries to hurt me. She struck at me in a place I never thought anyone could..." The Commander's voice was as hollow as her eyes and she looked up to her Lt. General.
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Where would she be? Anu understood the stepping stones that had brought her to where she stood at this moment in her life’s road. She understood that it was each decision that she had made that created the woman she was, that dubbed her as a second in command when she had never though she could leave the omega rank. If she had not followed her heart then she would have never left to be in Crimson Dreams, she would never have become the friend of Savina and she would have never been able to over come the hardships that her heart had placed on her. Such things would never change, Anu would always been a fool to her emotions and it was Savina that steadied her in that rocking tide. She could not imagine what had driven her friend to wish to stand in the waters of their coastline.
Her voice, broken in tone and cut by the crash of the waves. Anu looked on, worried that she would be lost in the ocean. Unable to reach her the lean fey moved into the waters, feeling the shock of the cold and the pull of the tide. It was intriguing, calling her with its undertow. Her fragile form could have been swept away by the waters, yet Anu moved through them with determination. Her heat pounded, awoken by the adrenalin that rushed though her system. It filled her ears and battled the voice of the sea.
“Savina!” She called, fighting the current slowly. It was not hard to know whom she spoke of, but Anu knew not how she had hurt Savina once again.
Pale hands reached for her friend, hoping to pull her from the water without invitation. The trial, the confusion brought an anger to Anu that was uncharacteristic. It was the same that she felt when confronted by a chosen few, it was bitter and hateful and yet sweet to release the emotion that was too easily bottled inside. Willfully Anu pulled her arm in hopes of uprooting the raven fey’s own determination from it’s hiding place. The waters clung to her fur, and for an instant she wondered if they would both drown at this moment. Blue eyes, a storm of unknowing caught the jade that her leader held. As hard as she seemed to try again and again, she would not kill them both this night.
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300+
She hadn't expected anyone to come by the beach, few often did. Perhaps that is why she had come here to escape. To try and find solace in the one entity that would always be. Always changing and yet unchanging. The tide the one thing in the world that was ever constant. Savina had hoped to draw some strength from it, to try and gain some of that calm. Perhaps she had, but it was not a peaceful calm. Standing in the surf, buffeted by the waves she was in a trance. Just as lost in her head and her heart as she was in the water. There was no emotion upon her features, nothing was given aside from the feeling that something was broken. Something wasn't as it should be. The sea continued to tug at her, calling her into its open and welcoming arms. She was of the sea, and to the sea she would return. Had that time already come?
Anu began to move towards her, battling the water instead of being embraced by it. The Commander watched her with that same empty face, unable to go forward or back. What was Anu doing? Why come out here with her? Did she think she was going to walk out into the ocean? But weren't you? an airy voice in her head called. Her thoughts swept her up again and her eyes became unfocused, no longer seeing her friend or anything else. She remained that way, a statue standing in the surf until she felt that warm touch. Optics shocked back into focus and her skin shivered at the unexpected contact. Something like confusion flashed across her face as she looked to Anu. What was happening? Why was her friend so anxious?
The crashing waves echoed inside her skull and she looked around, seeing the dark water surrounding them both. Anu tugged at her with more strength than the waves. Images filtered behind her eyes. Kansas. Her children. Suddenly she gasped as if she had been deprived of that life-giving air. Without actually making eye contact with the Lt. General she nodded her head slowly and began to walk back up towards the shore. As she reached the sand the salt water clung to her and chilled her in the cool wind. Savina sunk to her belly and curled her wet tail around her a soft sob shaking her. Her mind was torn in every direction and she could not, for the moment, form words. All she could do was lay there, shivering on the sand.
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nice post, <3 300
Anu tried to think of all the things she hated. She tried to center herself and grow strength from that hate. The tree spirit was passive, calm and a toy to her emotions. Yet she gained strength from the bitterness that clung to her heart, fuel that came from a place she had thought was healed and purged from her system. No, maybe it would be there forever, but the pain that Savina showed brought it back. the hurt that Anu had once suffered would always be there, never forgotten. Ready to be called upon, and she searched for it now. Her friend, the most solid and best she knew she ever had in all her years was being called by the tide, and Anu would not allow her to be swept away.
Hand pulled at the dark soaked fur, and if it possible Anu would have dragged the woman she was so loyal to by the nape of her neck. Together they fought the sea, and found the beach once more. Anu knew not what had come to the midnight wolfess, the vision that took her from the brink and brought her back from the edge. But she was grateful that her green eyes lit with life and they could be released by the ocean’s grasp. The Optime wolfess fell to the sands with the Commander. She felt the solid form on the beach at her back, the cold air catching the water on her fur and chilling it. Blue eyes looked at the form of Savina crumbled against the sand.
“What happened? What did she do?” Anu questioned with a serious and concerned tone. Her breath was ragged. The Lt. General sat up, and tentatively she placed a hand on her shoulder. There was a hesitation there, for she had never seen Savina so fragile. Only the moment she had feared Cambria dead compared to this, but the mother had recovered and returned to the strength that created her. Anu waited, waiting for that moment to happen, and yet… nothing.
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<333 300+
Everything was fractured. Her heart was fractured, her mind, he soul. Everything. Sometimes she felt selfish feeling the way that she did, wanting what she did, but she couldn't find the will to feel any other way. It wasn't her fault that he had gone and slept with her and gotten her pregnant. He shouldn't have done that. He knew better. It was the very reason that their lives had been the way they were. That was how they had been created. Why had he done it? A poisonous anger began to leak through her veins. Her. It had to have been her. She must have tricked him, playing against his weaknesses and good heart. It hadn't been because she wanted him, all she wanted to do was to hurt Savina. To get back at her. It wasn't like this was the first time that the D'Angelo whore had done something to hurt her and that time they had been friends. Friend no more, not ever, and now she was trying to cut out her heart. The dagger was already there, numbing her life-giving organ while trying to kill it.
Tears were falling from her eyes again already though one couldn't tell with her seawater soaked coat. Her fur was plastered to her body showing how truly small she was underneath. She hadn't been eating well and it was beginning to show. The very thought of food nauseated her at times. Her world had been thrown into chaos and the littlest things didn't make sense any more or matter. Anu touched her shoulder lightly and spoke but for the moment she only sobbed harder. The fey tried to breath deeply in shuddering breaths, trying to get herself to a place where she could at least speak. Still, it took quite a few minutes and the only sounds were the howl of the wind and the crash of the ocean at her back.
"S-she...she..." The dagger twisted inside her chest and her face contorted in pain. It was too much...too much. "She seduced him! My brother!" Her agony pervaded every word, every syllable. The sentences had been cried out as if they had been ripped from her throat and ended in a high pitched whine. The femme tried her best to curl even further into herself, unable to even look at her friend. Her breathing was shallow and sharp, the emotional pain of it all translating into physical realm for her. "She's having his children and refuses to return." The bitch. The rotten bitch. Surely she had no heart. No heart at all.
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<3333 300
Anu could only wait for the words to come. She understood. Moments such as this could either lock a voice away, or unleash words and thoughts and feelings like a tidal wave. Blue eyes looked at the unshifted wolfess, her hand a constant presence on her shoulder. The ocean fall beyond the world that was theirs, crashing as the door and in the Dreamer’s ears a dull and fading sound. She focused on Savina, and felt the pain that radiated from the wolfess. For the moment she was no longer her Commander, or the one that stood above her. She was her friend, and Anu felt a deep love for the female and needed to know what it was that pained her. For it pained her too, before she could even understand it.
When her voice came, Anu heard nothing else. And the words that followed shocked Anu so much that it played with her features. What? She eyes and face asked. Yet she would not question Savina. The scene played in her mind, and Anu pushed it far from her thoughts. How such a thing happened was not a mystery. Such things happened to those that were far more stable then her brother and their fallen Commander, it was not uncommon. But, that does not mean that it should hurt any less. Anu kept quiet, trying to center the confusion and anger that raged inside. The incident was still fresh, no matter how many wanted to forgive and forget. They hoped to ignore it. Anu would not. The two wolfesses had been there, seen the damage and even Anu had seen the woman after the drugs. Anu knew that she likely not coming back, and she knew that she was pregnant.
“I had no idea, that it was your brother.” It was all that would come. Naniko had not told her who the father was, and for good reason. Was this one more thing that she could have done to Savina, to the pack that she had created? She briefly though of what she had done, or could have to make or persuade the alabaster wolfess to come back. But she didn’t know what else to do. It was beyond her control, it was beyond either of them. They were only victims to their lost leader’s decisions.
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300+
She continued to breath and yet she felt as if she received no air. She felt suffocated, like a boulder was sitting on her chest and crushing her slowly. The woman could have never imagined things taking this turn. She had never imagined that her brother would do anything of this nature. Yet as much as she was hurt by what he had done, the threat of him leaving was a far worse thing. Savina had thought their bond would last until their last days. She had thought it was indestructible and that nothing could come between them. But now that had all changed. Now there was a large fissure in that bond and it seemed to increase more everyday. She could learn to forgive him and to move beyond all this if he stayed, but if he chose to leave then she didn't know if she could. She honestly didn't think that they could survive that. That was the last thing that she wanted, but she knew that her heart couldn't take any more than it already had.
The fey clung to the sand beneath her claws as if afraid it would all disintegrate beneath her. "I never thought he could do anything like this..." she whispered, no longer having the strength to project her voice. The last encounter with her beloved sibling played through her mind. It had hurt so much. It had broken her and all that had been left behind was what she was now. Little more than a shell on the sand. "I'm loosing him..." The question of whether he would stay or go hung over her like a guillotine. She was willing to make so many concessions. Of course she didn't want to keep him from his children. They would be welcomed here, she would even let her come. He could still be a good father even if he wasn't in the same pack, right? She believed so. She had to.
"I don't know what to do Anu..." Finally she mustered the courage to look at her friend. Her eyes were dark and haunted and her face was drawn. There was no mask now, no pretense of being okay. She was as far from being okay as she could be and she couldn't hide it anymore.
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It was so hard to hold the tears. The urge to join her friend in her sorrow was overpowering, and to think that she had known of the pregnancy. Anu should have spoken to her the moment she knew, perhaps they would have been able to answer the question of the sire earlier. It mattered little when the knowledge was gained, the pain would be the same. It was a betrayal, and Anu knew all to well the pain that had first come about by the Commander’s actions. This was acid to a gaping wound, over kill of a woman already on the verge of emotional death. It was not her way to believe in a male’s instinct, and yet her brother was genuine and loved Savina. It was near unbelievable that he would do such a thing.
Her eyes looked out onto the ocean, glazed by the tears that threatened to grace her cheeks. Her voice was lost, the words of Savina calling to her mind and heart. When had it happened? Anu wished she knew the moment Ehno had been swept away from the Dreaming lands and into Naniko’s grasp. Would he go? The question, and the possible answer would go unsaid. It lingered in the air, haunting the two women and slowly destroying one. Anu felt the pain as well. He was not her brother, but the hurt that Savina felt filtered into her own heart. The anger was hers as well. At times when all else drifted away, they always had each other. And Anu felt that connection deeply now.
There was nothing that she could do. “I know Savi.” She spoke in comfort, for the truth was lingering in the air around them. There was nothing, the choice was his. At her name Anu looked to find the green eyes Savi owned, and yet there were mere shadows of the emerald orbs she was accustomed to. No smile could come to her, hope a shadow as well. It would have been easier if none of this had ever happened. Why couldn’t they just go back and change what had happened?
Softly, “We can only loose what we let go.” Anu wished the words to be true. She wished that there was a way to will the past to be changed and to make the future one under their control.
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Her body twitched and shivered, a futile attempt to keep itself warm. The woman was soaked and the wind was cold and biting on her wet body. There was no warmth within her either. Her insides felt cold and dead. A small spark still flickered in her chest. Her love for her mate and her children. It was really the only thing keeping her going at this point. If not for them she probably would have drowned herself. Not probably, she knew she would have, and that was a terrifying notion. How close she was to the edge. How close she was to snuffing out her own life. Her chest tightened and her jaws clamped together, teeth inadvertently slicing open her lip. Blood filtered into her mouth, but she didn't even feel the pain, just the dull realization that she had hurt herself. The fey couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever feel anything again, aside from the constant and painful ache.
Savina wished that she could believe the words that Anu spoke, but she couldn't. At least not when it came to this. Her head shook slowly from side to side. "I wish it were that simple, but it's not," she stated hollowly. No matter how much she wished that whatever happened she and Ehno would still be close, she knew that it wasn't true. The last thing that she wanted was for her bond with her brother to be broken, but just not wanting it wasn't enough. Things had already changed so drastically. If he left it would be more than she could take. It would be him leaving behind their entire family to be with the woman that had torn them apart in the first place.
Resentment and anger came to her, slowly inflating her fragile form. He hadn't listened to her. Twice she had tried to start and tell him the other things Naniko had done to hurt her and he hadn't listened. Ehno had never ignored her in that way before and it cut her deep and only heightened her strong feelings against the ex-Commander. "I hate her." Those three words were spoken with more conviction than she thought herself possible of. "She's done so much to me. No one knows. I don't think she was ever really my friend. She never wanted me to be happy." Ehno hadn't listened to her, maybe Anu would. She needed someone to know. She had kept it inside to protect Kansas but it was destroying her now. She couldn't bear the burden by herself any longer.
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She was only strong in two ways. Hate and love. Anu could bring no strength from the ordinary, the placid feelings that came with every day. She felt so much else; great passion, desire, determination and hope. But there was no true strength in any of that. With the sadness that she felt the strength was torn from her, and it was what she needed at this moment. Savina was falling, and if there was nothing left for her to live for, or if she had forgotten those things Anu needed to be strong enough to remind her. But Anu searched for the love, sought out the great power that would come from that. She could see it, clear as the grand Sun’s light. But it was fragile, weak as she thought to cling it.
No, Anu thought in silence. It was not that easy, it never would be. There were too many variables that made it impossible for such simplicity. Savina lay against the sand, holding onto the granules as if they would not shift beneath her. The woman needed the solidity of the soil, needed the structure of their manor, and needed the safety of the guardian trees. Anu thought to move her, even to carry her. The beach was wild around them; it’s pounding call like the tired and yet violently loud beat of the midnight wolfess’ heart. Slow in fatigue and yet protesting the attack brought upon it.
Savina Marino spoke works Anu had never heard form her lips. Blue eyes looked at the raven hued female’s face. Her own features were stagnant, unsure if she had heard them right. Hate, it was so unlike her friend and yet so justified. Anu wished her love away, and the hate that would make her strong shadowed it. Yes, that forbidden thing that she wished did not exist; it would empower her now. No, Anu did not know all the secrets of the past and would listen if Savina wished to speak them. But it might be too hard to reopen those wounds by bringing them back to life through her voice.
The tawny female, mane wind-tattered and form feeling the shifting and uneasy sands beneath her, took a single breath.
“I hate that she has hurt you, and threatens to hurt you again.” It was all she knew to say, her eyes pouring the feeling, the connection their friendship had created down into the green orbs and told her silently to say whatever may come. Anu would always listen.
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300+
The anger gave her strength, strength drawn upon from that dark force inside of her. It was not something she was particularly proud of, but if it gave her the necessary force to continue than she would not reject it. Savina's anger was a force to be reckoned with. It took a lot to provoke it, but once it was it did not die easily. She knew that the D'Angelo woman would never be forgiven. Not now. Not after everything. She didn't care if she were the mother of her future nieces and nephews, she was no family of her's. She had nearly taken her child from her and now she was taking her brother. The hate burned in her chest hotly and a growl threatened to erupt from her throat. If the wolf was here now Savina knew that she would attack. She would chase her from the lands, just as she had chased Conri.
She looked back to Anu and softened a bit, reigning in some of those wild negative emotions. Sighing heavily and she decided whether or not to tell her dear friend. If she were to tell anyone outside of her blood family it would be Anu. She trusted the older fey with her life. Still, she needed to make sure that the delicacy of this information was understood. "What I am about to say does not go beyond the two of us. You have to promise." Her face was serious and yet still pleading that the woman would be willing to accept the terms so she could get it all off her chest. As much as she needed to get it all out, she did not want any of this coming back around to hurt Kansas. She knew he regretted what had happened that night, probably more than anything else he had ever done. He wasn't the one she wanted judged in this story.
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short-alicious
“I promise.” The words were automatic.
Yet Anu meant them as she meant all the words she spoke. Nothing was more important then honesty, to the slight female. Lies bred too many bad things, things she could list until the end of time. She would rather say nothing at all then spout a lie for any reason. Anu had her moments where the truth was danced around, avoided but she would never lie to Savina. If there was any beast Anu would be faithful to, or honest with, it was the Marino woman.
Blue eyes stayed with the onyx color female, unsure what would be spoken next. She feared that the secret would be crushing, that the release of it would bury both of them. She wasn’t strong, and too many times she crumbled below the weight of simple truths. It was at times such as these that Anu wondered if she was the right beast to sit beside the Commander. Again and again Savina allowed her to lead at her heel, no matter how many times Anu broke at the common whims of her heart.
Silent, Anu waited. She would keep this secret, and never utter it again.
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300+
The promise came without her having to wait for it and the fey sighed with both relief and the sheer magnitude of the information she was about to impart on her friend. It would be odd, speaking aloud the thoughts that had plagued her for so long. It needed to be done though, for her sanity's sake. She knew that Anu's promise was airtight and that not a word of this would be breathed to anyone else. If she hadn't had that assurance, she probably would not have been able to divulge all this. Her Lt. General was as good as her word though, and if she couldn't trust her then she couldn't trust anyone. "Do you remember, when Kansas and I were first seeing one another, that night that I told you I didn't think that Naniko was happy about it? I know that she wasn't, and I think I know why." Of course she could never be certain, but Savina found it hard to find any other explanation that made sense.
She swallowed past the large lump that had formed in her throat, the words not wanting to come out easy no matter how badly she wanted to say them. "She slept with him." Her eyes slammed shut and her face morphed into a wince as she said it. It made her sick, so much so for a moment she feared that she might actually empty her stomach on the beach. "Kansas. And another male, while she was still mated to Conri." Nothing could ever excuse what the Church male had done, but Savina now better understood how his mental collapse had happened. This didn't mean that she forgave him, but there was a part of her that pitied him for having his lover betray him in such a horrible way.
Savina looked back to her friend. "She wasn't happy I was with him because she didn't want anyone else to have him, even though he was like a brother to her." It was hard for her to even wrap her mind around how wrong it all was.
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The blue eyed woman looked to the ocean as the silence bleed between the two wolves. She did not find the pause odd, and waited for the woman to speak. Savina’s voice brought her face back to her green eyes. Anu nodded once at the question, taking in the story and remembering the night she spoke of. Her memory was not always keen and yet Anu could picture the two and the discussion. Anu hung on the Commander’s words, thinking of all the things and then remembering all the goodhearted words that had been spoken about their lost friend. They seemed hard to believe now.
Anu was unprepared for the words that were spoken. And if Savina had not explained the situation she would have had to ask for her to repeat it. But the words were out, the image in her mind and it made the wolfess slowly look back out to the ocean. It was hard to watch the pain contort her friends face. Her own features were sad, and there was something Anu could not describe that she held back. For so long she had felt a guilt for her heart’s betrayal, for the collapse of her relationship with the ex-leader. It did not seem like much of a falter at all. A past that Anu had never known of. It was sickening.
The things a beast was capable of. Anu shook her head softly, the words she wished to express hidden beyond her tongues reach. The woman she had loved was nothing but a distant memory, a hazy thought that Anu was unsure she had every really known and understood. Her past could remain dead, it was not so easy for the black coated female. “How do you know?” They were not words to challenge the truth, and her voice spoke of that. She only wished to know where this dark truth this came from.
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A part of her felt guilty for passing on some of her burden to Anu who had at one time loved the D'Angelo woman, who had helped raise the pups and loved them as her own. However Savina was fairly certain that any lingering love for her had diminished with all that had happened recently. Naniko had betrayed them all with her addiction and how she had hidden it from them. If she had come to any of them for help before they would have given it, but it had gone on too long and her problems had spread to hurt those it had nothing to do with. If it came to it again and she had to choose between helping a friend who didn't seem to want it and defending her child she would defend her child every time.
It was a shocking thing to hear and Savina could tell that her friend was taken aback by it. She had felt the same the first time the words had hit hear ears. They had pierced her heart and made her mad with a torrent of emotions for many days. She had feared that Kansas had been toying with her, that he actually wanted Naniko instead of her. When she had finally had the courage to confront him about it though he had assured her that none of her fears were founded and that that night had been a mistake. She knew that if he could go back and undo it he would. The woman had figured that the once Commander had felt the same way, but it had become clear to her that that was not the case. If Naniko had been the friend she had claimed to be she would have been happy over such an event as her friend and adopted brother wanting to be together, but she hadn't been. She had been everything but happy.
Her gaze scanned the sand in front of her, picking out every little particle as a means to try and distract herself from all this ugliness. It wasn't possible though, not in this moment and not with what she had just revealed. She looked back to Anu, her expression a mixture of pain, sadness, and disgust. "Conri told me. Kansas confirmed it." Though she hadn't really needed her lover to accept the story as truth. Despite what she had felt towards Conri, despite the fact that he was out of his mind, she had known that he wasn't lying when he had told her that.
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She didn’t want this. The weight of this truth and the fool she began to feel like. Anu looked out at the ocean, her breath slow and calm and yet inside she felt nothing like her exterior. An anger boiled in her chest, and her face began uglier by the frown she wore. All the moments she had attempted to comfort her past mate, all the hate that she had felt towards the male who had hurt her. They seemed wasted. There was nothing right about his actions, but there was nothing right about Naniko’s.
Anu blocked the thoughts that came next; too harmful and hateful they would poison her heart and bring a bitterness that would no doubt settle in her soul. She had already tried to uproot the grudge that had wrapped itself around her center, and she didn’t need anything nurture the remains of that anger. For a long moment Anu remained silent, building the wall that would separate her from this reality. Ehno being entangled in the woman’s web was one thing, Anu wanted to help resolve or simply comfort Savina. The past, it would need to be buried with the relationships that had been killed because of one beast’s actions.
The blue eyed woman looked back at the Commander, “We wont let him get hurt.” It seemed that there was a path of destruction behind the leader that had left them.
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The woman could see the change in her friend, the frown on her face the subtle feelings that were emanating from her. It made Savina's heart ache with guilt. She shouldn't have told Anu. Not because there wasn't trust, but because she loved the older fey and now she had brought this upon her. She had been blissfully ignorant as she herself had once been and with those few words she had stripped that all away. Perhaps it had been selfish of her to unload a fraction of that burden onto her friend. If Anu had never been with Naniko it might have been different, but she had, and that made things more complicated. The onyx wolf heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry Anu...I shouldn't have..." Part of her felt it was better to know the truth, better to know who was what they claimed to be and who was not, but that didn't make it any less painful. It didn't make you feel any less a fool for believing otherwise. Now she wished she could go and seal up her mouth and prevent those feelings from festering in her friend.
Outside of her own feelings of betrayal and pain for what her brother had done, she still loved him, and she did not trust Naniko not to harm him just as she had harmed nearly every other creature she had been close to. She had hurt Kansas, she had hurt Conri, she had hurt Anu, she had hurt her. It was only logical to believe that the same fate would befall her brother and she didn't want it to, even if it would prove her right. There was a problem though, at least she perceived one. "I don't know if he'll listen to me anymore." The tears threatened her eyes again. How had it come to this? She had always trusted her brother completely and he had returned that trust. Now it was so severely compromised. She couldn't understand how he could have done such a thing and he refused to believe or listen to anything she had to say to further prove her feelings of betrayal. This had never happened before and now she wasn't certain they could come back from it.
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“No.” Her voice broke with even the smallest of words. But there was strength behind it. Blue eyes looked at the raven female. They glistened, but as with her faltering voice there was hardness within them, a power that Anu found within the blossom of new hate and anger. It was retched and ugly flower, but it rooted and grew. “I need to know.” To be ignorant was bliss at times, but who ended up the fool? Anu wanted to know more then she loved her peaceful heart and mind. The world was a harsh place, they both knew that fact. It was most important that Savina know her as someone to trust and to rely on. She could be strong, an anchor in a vast swelling ocean that had become the Marino’s life. Anu wanted that more then any of the restful eves reflecting on a monotone life with little upset. If it did nothing else, it explained unanswered questioned and showed a continuous pattern of destruction.
A deep breath, and Anu closed her eyes as they watched the ocean’s tide. The past was dead, and she would not make the same mistakes again. In a moment’s time they opened to face the fact that her greatest task was on the beach right before her. Eyes fell to the Commander’s face. She was normally the figure of calm, strength and stability. It still rocked the fey to see her this way, and fueled the hate and anger. But she kept soft in her response, “He needs to. And he will.” She paused, eyes looking for her friends. There was so much that connected them, and this part of their bond was one that Anu could have lived without. But it existed, this shared pain, and she would let it forge them stronger. The questions were arduous and upsetting even for Anu, to think that they did not run through Savina’s mind was foolish. But, would he go? Would he leave them all for another home? Anu did not test them against the salt burdened air, not wanting to make them reality.
“You haven’t lost him yet. There’s still a chance.” She whispered, unknowing pouring through her words. There was nothing any of them could do, it was up to Ehno to make the right choice.
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