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OoC: Set April 20th! =) 
Coli didn't want to return home just yet, although it was foolish of her to still linger in the abandoned city. It wasn't as though her remaining nearby meant that the mysterious stranger she met would also tread in her footsteps, shadow her pleasant memories. Still, she couldn't evade the blurry images of that night, the first time she had tasted alcohol. She had so little tolerance, and after a bottle of wine, couldn't make it back home to Dahlia de Mai... she spent the night curled up in the old university building where she had once met Laurent, and awoke to a throbbing headache. Now the confused young lady was left trying to sort out what actually happened at the lakefront, and whether or not she should take a trip to Crimson Dreams and ask the stranger herself.
The slender werewolf tread lightly through the city, her bright blue eyes gazing curiously at the looming buildings in their state of disrepair. It was an eerie place, filled with broken dreams and dead promises, mirrored by the broken windows and cracked sidewalks overgrown with plants. The sky was overcast, as though it might rain later... if so, she might be stuck spending another lonely night away from what she called home. It wasn't such a bad prospect, since her adoptive mother had been in such a bad mood lately, and Coli didn't want to deal with family right now. It was hard enough, catching glimpses of her reflection in every puddle and having to glance over her shoulder, to make sure it wasn't her father behind her. She never could adjust to living in a pack where he had such control over affairs. Sighing heavily, Coli brushed her silky mane from her eyes and entered a building, looking for a place to sit down and rest her legs. She was pretty lost anyway.
"..."
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[html] http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g210/ ... ntable.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> The building she walks into is Haven's bar. I've decided. XD
It was just another day in inebriated stupor for the Aatte youth. Surprisingly he had had two visitors already in his self-imposed exile. The first male he hadn't known. What was his name again? Started with a V...bah, it was gone. Little surprise. If the alcohol could make him forget all his pains then surely it made you forget other things as well. Then Heath had come into the decrepit bar as well. He had been surprised to learn that the older hybrid's father was the same as his own. Rapist and a murderer. How fuckin' lovely.
Haven was presently passed out on his cot, fingers loosely held a bottle of vodka. This time he wasn't dreaming about his father (which was somewhat of a blessing). It wasn't much better though. The beautiful white coyote, his friend, plagued his mind. He shouldn't have done what he did to her. He should have asked before he had just gone and kissed her. The way she had ran away from him without a single word. What if he really was like his father. What if that was just the first step? The kid whimpered in his sleep. He didn't want to hurt her, never meant to hurt her...
At the sound of someone entering the building he shot up, his hand clenching the bottle. Jade eyes were wide, a kind of panicked light in them. "W-Who's there...?" he stammered. He was becoming paranoid, especially when he was sobering up. Though he was usually quick to remedy that condition.
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OoC: That does make things convenient! =D
Words: 300+
The door creaked slowly inwards, daylight leaking into the shadowy interior. Coli flinched as she heard the unfamiliar voice, as young and panicky as it was. Blue eyes bright with fear, she froze in the doorway, the overcast light rendering her a silhouette to whomever was inside the dim building. When no one rushed to attack her, when no objects where thrown or obscenities shrieked, Coli took a hesitant step indoors, the dilapidated floor of the former bar creaking beneath her footpaws.
"I m-mean no harm," she stammered aloud, holding her hands before her as a show of good faith. "I'm j-just looking for a place to rest..." As her eyes adjusted to the gloom, she saw empty and broken bottles scattered about the floor, and a figure slumped over a cot in the corner. Was this building occupied? She hadn't meant to intrude in a dwelling - she would turn right around and leave, if that were the case! Still, there was such a pervading sense of depression, of anguish; surely no one in their right mind would choose to call this a 'home'.
The slim young woman knelt, touching one of the empty bottles with her delicate fingers. It felt blockier than the wine bottles she had 'liberated' recently; this must be a different sort of drink, if the container was any indicator. These had faded labels on them, yellowed at the edges and crumbly to the touch. Very old, then. Something manufactured in the human era... It still appeared to be some sort of alcohol, though. The scent was overpowering. She didn't approach the groggy stranger any further, but curiosity held her in place. If he, whoever 'he' was, felt unwanted, then she could certainly relate. It wasn't like anyone had missed having her around these past few days...
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[html] http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g210/ ... ntable.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> Hehe, yeah. Poor sad pandas, looking like their rapist dads XD 300+
It was hard to see at first. All there was was a shadow in the doorway. The light burned his eyes. He hadn't left the bar since he had found it and decided it was his refuge. Jade eyes closed and he rubbed them. Bi-colored ears twitched as he heard whoever was there take a few steps further inside. He opened his eyes again, blinking rapidly to adjust and be able to see the other. From the voice it was clearly a female. Whoever she was, she sounded as nervous as he just had. Finally he was able to distinguish her and he saw her outstretched hands. His ears flicked back against his head. It was the first time he had been around a girl since the news had shattered his world. While he had the ability to be angry at the males that had invaded his space, he couldn't be angry at a female. Especially not one as timid as her.
"It's...it's okay. You can rest here." His gaze took on that far away look it got often times these days. "Though I don't know why you'd want to..." He was the son of a monster and this place was a shit hole. No place or company for a lady. To calm his nerves Haven brought the vodka bottle to his lips and took a long drink. He coughed a little afterwords, wiping off his mouth. As used to it as he was, sometimes the burn still made him cough. The boy watched her kneel and feel one of the empty bottles on the floor. Hopefully she saw where the broken ones were and wouldn't cut herself. When he got himself really intoxicated he tended to get incredibly angry and would smash the bottles having nothing else to do with his rage.
"Do you...want some?" he said, motioning to his bottle. If she did he would go get her something from behind the bar. It was only polite to offer. Even in his broken state of being he still remembered at least some of his manners.
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OoC: Aww... pandas are cute... :>
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As her eyes grew accustomed to the gloom, still kneeling on the floor, she saw him stirring. His fur was a beautiful shade of orangey-red, like a deep sunset; offset by the ghostly-pale white of his mane and his one ear. He was a handsome youth, some months younger than she was. What held her transfixed, though, was the bare pain in his brilliant jade eyes, a look she was uncomfortably familiar with. Her own haunted blue eyes had held that same look for many moons, recuperating alone in the cabin in the middle of nowhere. Had there been alcohol, she surely would have been in the same state as this poor stranger, trying desperately to drown whatever terrible sorrow had befallen him.
Coli rose slowly, offering him a small smile. Despite his depression, the young man was trying hard to be hospitable. Someone had taught him well. "Thank you," she murmured softly, settling gracefully onto a rickety stool left at the bar. It held her weight admirably, but still creaked in protest whenever she moved. Self-consciously, Coli brushed her silky bangs from her delicate muzzle, patted dust from her fur. She looked rather unkempt, she knew, after wandering around this place for such a time. Not that it should matter.
"My name's Colibri Haki," she added as a polite afterthought. Names shouldn't matter - they'd both forget, most likely - but if he was being well-mannered, she too should be proper. Not that she was any sort of "lady". "I... think I would like a little something to drink, if you d-don't mind, sir..." Old habits were hard to break. It was always safer to assume that strangers were of a higher rank than oneself, rather than risk the inverse. At least on neutral grounds, though, it was no big deal whether someone was above or below you in status. Not like in the pack, ugh, of which she would need to return soon. Fate must truly hate her, to make her best friend and her worst enemy the two leaders of her pack...
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As he looked at her there was something he noticed. The same kind of pain that he felt echoed through her as well. It was like what he had seen in Heath. Except where the anger and hate and rang true with the male, all his pain and isolation is what he saw in this lady. He felt all of those emotions and was constantly teetering between them. When he wasn't numb he was furious. Usually it had something to do with the amount of alcohol in his system, but not always. Sometimes he would sob into his bottle instead of smashing it. There was no rhyme or reason to it. Just like there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to his life anymore.
"It's no problem." If she thought she looked unkempt then he was a trainwreck. Well, he was a trainwreck. He certainly looked the part as well, though. He already lean body had grown even thinner. He had barely eaten and was almost turning into a skeleton. He had to fasten a belt around his jean shorts just to keep them up. His luscious white mane lacked all of its shine. His entire coat was lacking the luster it had once held. With a grunt he got to his feet, his one hand still clutching the vodka bottle. "I'm Haven Aatte." Or at least his ghost. "Nice to meet you Colibri."
Haven almost laughed as she addressed him as sir. Almost. A small half grin, half grimace was formed by his lips though. "You don't need to call me sir. I don't deserve it." Once upon a time maybe, he had, but not now. He had always hoped to be a sir with a capital s, but knights didn't have rapist fathers. Knights came from good families. The youth stumbled behind the bar and set his own bottle on top of it. He leaned down searching for something a female would want to drink. All the hard liquor would surely not be to her taste. Luckily he found one bottle that was more elegant than the rest. He stood back up and handed it to her. "If you don't like that I'll try and find something else."
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Haven Atte was his name. It didn't ring any bells, so she stopped scrutinizing him so closely. It was no one she knew. Still, this Haven seemed to be in pretty bad shape, malnourished and exhausted-looking. It was a painful reminder of a time she'd hoped to forget about, but never seemed able to escape. "Nice to meet you too, Haven," she replied softly, folding her hands politely on her lap as he rummaged through his clinking bottles, seeking a drink for her. As he moved about near her, she tested his scent - the acrid smell of alcohol clung to his fur in waves, and she tried not to crinkle her nose in distaste. There was something underlying it though - a pack scent, perhaps - that tickled against her memory. Perhaps she had some connection to him after all.
"Everyone deserves good manners," she said, offering him a small, bitter smile as he denied her formality. "But don't feel bad. Out here, nobody knows who we really are... we can be as kind or as cruel as we like, and it won't disappoint anyone. It's not like I know who you used to be, or as though you know me as I was once, either..." She had always appreciated the anonymity of the neutral lands, and had been known to slip away here from time to time to sort her feelings, and take a break. There was only so much that scent trails could expose, so other than what pack you call home, you could be as invisible as you please.
Coli gingerly accepted the fancy bottle Haven offered her, and chuckled, seeing that he had chosen one that looked so special. If he didn't deserve to be called 'sir', then surely she didn't deserve a rare drink. But to prove the truth to her statement, she delicately unscrewed the top with her claws, whiffing at the powerful contents within. It had been mere days since her first bout with wine; this was something stronger, and she had only just shed her hangover. That didn't matter, though. She'd need the help to spill her guts, if she wanted to talk about anything at all... "I've... been there too, y'know. It sucks."
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He doubted that it was nice to meet him. He was a mess and he reeked of alcohol. He didn't have the energy or the will to take care of himself anymore though. Even if he didn't have the guts or the will to end his life he was drinking and starving himself into a coward's grave. Maybe that was all he deserved in the end. Still, he offered her a weak smile. She was nice. Even if he felt she was better company than the likes of him deserved he wasn't going to turn her away. Haven had always been social and even though he wanted to protect people from what could be lurking inside of him he missed the contact. Missed being around others. That might have been killing him quicker than anything.
"Not everyone." Even if he did indeed fall into the category of those that deserved it, there were definitely those who did not. Like his father. He was a monster. The only thing that man deserved were a pair of fangs ripping his throat out. If only he had the guts to do so himself. Still, would that make him the same? A killer? It made the boy's stomach turn. The last thing he wanted to be was his father but he felt it was something he would be unable to ever run away from. Though her next words rang true. That was one of the reasons he had locked himself up in here. Then people wouldn't know what he had become.
Colibri seemed to be satisfied with what he had picked out for her. At least he hadn't failed at that. The Aatte youth pulled up a barstool and sat down. Once he had a few more drinks in him he wouldn't be able to trust his legs to keep him upright anymore. He swilled down some more of the vodka and inhaled sharply. He felt his muscles relax and the all familiar burn take residence in his stomach. "Yeah? How'd you end up in a place like this?" It was obvious that he didn't mean the bar.
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Haven smiled weakly, and Coli tried to smile sadly in return. It was a hard thing, to carry pain without letting it consume you. "All right, maybe not everyone deserves politeness, but I still think you do," she amended, watching the slender Atte take a seat nearby. Sure, she could think of a few folks she wouldn't mind being rude to. This orangey fellow wasn't one of them, though. She dug a claw idly into the surface of the bar, scratching a little flower into the weathered wood. Right now, she was glad to have any company at all, and she had been lucky to find a gentle soul like his. They had much in common.
She smiled bitterly at the undercurrent beneath his words. Oh, she had just tasted her first glimmer of hope in such a long time, and her subsequent withdrawal was harsher than losing any buzz alcohol could offer. If she could find someone to love her, wouldn't her broken soul mend then? Wouldn't she be able to shed some, any, of her wild anxieties and nightmares? Now she would never know, because she wasn't even sure if it had really happened. Maybe she had finally snapped under all the pressure, and her mind had hallucinated a romantic encounter to appease her bottomless loneliness.
She tried so hard to hide her bitter, poisonous side, but sometimes disappointment hurt too much. "How does anyone end up like this? Everything's perfect when you're a kid, and then one sucky day it all crashes down around you. How are you expected to pick up the pieces, when you barely understand what happened?" She took a gulp of her drink, and tried not to cough as the liquid burned down her throat. This was way stronger than the Dahlian wine. She'd have to be careful not to swig this stuff.
The bottle clanked back down on the counter as she continued. "I wish I knew who my mother was, what she was like, but she died so long ago... I just want to know that I have some of her in me, that I'm not completely spawn of my father." She spat the last word, bright eyes glittering. Her father wasn't shy, not at all, but it was his fault that she had become this way. He was so shifty, inscrutable, unpredictable, two-faced... She tried her best to be a good person by hiding her anger, but sometimes it had to come out, and didn't that make her two-faced as well? What if one day she ruined someone's life like he did? What if she grew angry enough to maim, or kill; or cold enough that she could abandon every attachment at the drop of a hat? And why did she have to look exactly like him, too...? Sometimes that was worst of all, the constant reminder that she could never change herself, no matter how hard she tried.
"And... you? Is it anything like that for you?" Coli's cool voice grew soft again, regretful for having begun their conversation with such a venomous tone. It was true that as strangers, they could be anyone they wanted, but... in the off-chance that they might meet again, she did not want to be remembered as such a pitiful, hateful creature.
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"Well, thanks." At least he wasn't as bad of a wretch as he often thought himself nowadays. Or maybe it was that he was still at least part of himself in the presence of women. Maybe it was just men that brought out his angry and mistrust. He supposed that made sense. It was his father that had caused him to feel this way. His father that had done those awful things to his mother. Males could be such bastards. That also could have been the root of some of his self loathing. He himself was a male. He had done horrible things like his father had, but he didn't know how much was stopping him from crossing that line. That was what scared him.
His eyes focused on her as she began to speak in bitter tones. It was all he could do from keep his jaw from falling to hit the bar. If he hadn't known better (or hadn't been as sober) he would have thought he was talking to himself. The things she were saying sounded like the exact things that he said and that ran through his mind. As she continued and said that about her father it was unbelievable. His whole reality had crashed around him that one day. All of it had to do with his father. What the man had done, how Haven had inherited his looks, how sick the boy felt to his stomach whenever he thought about it, the nightmares, everything.
Coughing he tried to distract from the look of disbelief on his face. "Actually yeah...it's a lot like that." He took another swallow of vodka to help steel his nerves before going off about his shit. "I found out the other day that my dad raped my mom. Everyone had always told me something was wrong with him, but that didn't prepare me for when I finally found out what. It's bad enough finding out that I'm the son of a rapist and murderer, but top it off I got his looks. I mean, look at me! Not exactly many wolves running around who look like this! There's no mistaking who I belong to." The boy's eyes bore into the bar. "I hate it. I hate him. I hate myself. I bet every time my mom sees me she thinks of him and what he did to her. I've been hurting her all these months and I didn't even know it..."
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Coli exhaled slowly, not realizing she had been holding her breath while Haven spoke. They certainly did have a lot in common. Maybe it wasn't all that rare in these dark ages, to be sired by some criminal asshole who never wanted children, and certainly didn't deserve to procreate. Maybe there were a lot of wolves like Haven and herself, lamenting that their fur, their eyes, belonged to someone else. Or maybe they were the unluckiest wolves of all. "There's no mistaking who I belong to, either," she whispered sadly, her blue eyes haunted. "I've never hurt anyone in my life, but my father's started wars, murdered children, raped woman all across the land... including myself."
Oh, her dirty little secret had snuck out again - rum was loosening her lips already. That sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, the sudden tightness in her throat, it was all his fault. Finding out the monster that lived within the twisted depths of Haku Soul's mind, well, that had been the loss of her innocence. She used to love her daddy with all her heart, as only a single daughter could. Even now she wondered if the "old" Haku was still inside of him, or if it had all been an act from the start.
She glanced up from her bottle, meeting Haven's angry jade-green eyes. He had such indignant rage for what the fates had thrown his way. "You must really love your mom, huh? That's... lucky. She has a knight to fight for her..." That sad smile curled on her lips again, and she brushed her feathery bangs from her eyes, self-conscious again. A loving parent. What would that be like? It must have taken a great sacrifice on his mother's part, to raise the children she had not wanted. If only there were more women like her out there, to impart some goodness into this cold, unfriendly world. "I suppose the best you and I can do," Coli said quietly, taking another sip of her fiery drink, "is to be good to our future children... so they never have to know where they came from."
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Sad eyes looked to her as she revealed that she also looked like her awful sire. What had they done to deserve such a fate? Haven had never hurt anyone either. Didn't have a mean or cruel bone anywhere in his body. Now he wasn't so sure though. Was that kind of trait passed on through one's children? Was the ability to do those kinds of things some latent trait laying inside him, waiting for the chance to show itself? How much of his mother was in him compared to how much he had of his father? If his looks were any indication then he worried about those odds. That's why had had run away, locked himself up in this sorry excuse for a place to live. He couldn't risk hurting them. Or anyone.
At her admission his bi-colored ears flattened against his skull and he stared at her, wide-eyed and jaw dropped. "To you? He did that to you?" Oh gods... "Colibri I...I'm so sorry. I mean, I just...I'm so sorry..." He had done those horrible things to his own daughter? What kind of sick perverted fuck was this guy? In comparison his situation didn't seem quite as bad. He almost felt guilty for wallowing in such a way compared to what she had had to endure. Quickly he averted his eyes, realizing he had been staring at her. Oh great job Haven, I'm sure that being stared at makes her feel real good. What was wrong with males? He had never heard of a female ever being so cruel. Maybe it was a defect in their sex. Maybe they were all depraved pieces of garbage.
"Yeah...she gave me everything. She and my other mom. They were mates but...they broke up..." That still stung too. Suddenly he wondered if that were somehow his fault as well. He wouldn't be surprised. Those last words made him frown sadly. "I dreamed of being a knight once. Not anymore though..." Knights were better people than he was. He was weak and pathetic and tainted. Haven didn't know that he and his siblings had actually been conceived before his mother had been raped. Thought whether that fact would have made him feel better or worse was hard to say. "Yeah, but who would want children with me? I mean, you deserve to have someone that treats you right, you did nothing wrong. But me? What if I'm capable of those things too? I can't risk hurting someone that way..." As much as it hurt, he had basically resigned himself to a life of solitude to protect everyone else from what he could become.
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Haven was floored by her unpleasant secret, and she kept her gaze firmly down at her hands, unwilling to meet his no doubt shocked and pitying - or disgusted - eyes. Everyone reacted differently when she explained that side to her, the part that had broken her confidence, but she did not want to be pitied or treated any differently. While it was something that still brought her night terrors and had crippled her potential for maturity, it was still a topic she'd rather not dwell on. "D-don't worry about it," she whispered, waving her hand dismissively. Maybe someday she would get over it. Maybe.
Haven's next words tickled at the back of her mind, and she glanced up, hesitant blue eyes finally meeting those brilliant green. Haven had two moms? His valiant mother loved a female, but their mateship collapsed...? The faint scent of a pack that drifted about the troubled male finally registered with her memory - Crimson Dreams. He was from the same pack as the woman she had met days ago, the one with the pale fur who... who... "Do you know... Anu?" she asked breathlessly, fingers brushing against the burnt-orange fur of his arm. Could it be? That would be a strangely kind act of fate, for once, to let her find a connection to her enigmatic first crush. She let her momentary hopefulness fade, though, seeing the dull pain behind Haven's eyes flare up again. His parents fell out of love, his father was revealed to be scum, he had lost sight of his dreams... It was little wonder the poor guy was trying to drink himself six feet under. That was a lot for one wolf to handle.
"Forgive me for being so bold," she began slowly, swallowing her nervous stutter as best she could, "but... isn't knowing half the battle? N-now that you know your sire, you can strive to be more like your dam... you kn-now what not to do, what's wrong and what's right... I think the very quality in you that m-makes you worry is the quality that makes you a good person..." She bowed her head shyly, letting her long silken mane fall to obscure her expression. It was uncomfortable for her to make such observations face-to-face, but it was true... and she felt a little glow of pleasure, hearing him say that she deserved to have someone. It may not be true, but it was something she hoped for every day. And surely someone as good-hearted as Haven deserved to have someone, too... more so than she did.
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[html] http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g210/ ... ntable.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> Haha, thanks for adding the M tag. I'm not used to my threads having so much cussing (though considering how much I curse IRL, I think is funny) XD
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Haven took Colibri's clues and dropped the subject of what her father had done to her. He could understand. If something like that had happened to him he wouldn't want to talk about it either. The boy couldn't even imagine what that had done to her. How much that must have broken her. Parents were the ones you were supposed to be able to trust no matter what and her dad had violated that beyond any hope of reconciliation. Suddenly the images of his two sisters flashed before his mind and he thought of their father doing such things to them. He had to push that out of his head quickly though as his stomach had begun to reel at the idea.
He looked back up at her, and a different sort of look was on her face. Her eyes searched him, almost hopefully. What had brought on this change? His eyes glanced down at her hand as it laid against one of his arms. Bi-colored ears perked at the name of his non-biological mother. "She's my mom. Not by blood, but she helped raise me. She's as much my mom as my true mother as far as I'm concerned. Why?" Obviously Coli knew Anu, or had at least heard of her. He wondered what the connection between them was.
The Aatte youth looked back to the brown and cream girl, listening as she spoke and made her feelings on the situation known. Her words were comforting, but still he worried. Yes, he knew what was wrong and what was right and he would always do his best not to be like his father, but would that be enough? Could he control himself all through his actions? Or was there some latent quality in his genes that could come on and turn him into a monster as well? Was he just some ticking bomb waiting to go off? That was what worried him and made him lock himself away. He didn't know if this was something he could control and overcome just by force of will or if it was inescapable. "I hope you're right. I hope that's the case. I just worried that it's something that I can't control. Something that he gave to me, something that will just come up out of nowhere and no matter how good a person I've tried to be it will all be undone at some point. I want to think that I can avoid it by my own actions, but I don't know if that's the case or not..."
The hybrid gripped his bottle hard, but he didn't take another drink. At least not yet. His mind was a torrent of all the questions that had been running through his head since he had found out the truth. The sound of them all was almost maddening.
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OoC: Ah! almost every thread I read has mature language, so it's hardly necessary to tag them anymore... I just thought I'd play by the rules. ;P
WC: 446
So she was right; Anu was one of Haven's mothers. As he studied her curiously, Coli swallowed nervously, realizing how awkward that suddenly made her feel. She and Haven were closer in age than she and Anu; she knew that before, of course, but it was a strange perspective to be drinking with the woman's son. At least that explained why Anu had been so unhappy that night, when they first met - she must have been thinking about losing her mate, for whatever reason it happened. "I... I need her. I mean, I need to talk to her," she stammered, letting her hand drop to her side. Curse her treacherous tongue! She couldn't even straighten out whether or not she was attracted to females as Anu clearly was, or if it had been the wine talking for her, making her even more pathetic for toying with the notion. Her ears drooped in a crestfallen expression; she couldn't ask Haven about his own mother. That would be impolite.
Colibri couldn't resist shuddering at Haven's words, so eerily similar to her own inner thoughts. Her bottle clanked against the counter, slipping free from her trembling fingers. There was nothing she could say in response to that same internal fear that she cringed from, the thought that no matter what she tried to do with her life, something could snap and she would hurt the people around her. She had no littermates to compare herself to, no mother to cling to. Her father had sired other children later in life, children she had met, and all of them looked so strangely similar... She did not know why his genes were so dominant, why they all sported dirt-brown fur like he did, but it truly frightened her to think that all of them were doomed to repeat his mistakes, to inherit his psychosis.
"I hope... I'm right... too," she whispered shakily, wiping her sweaty palms against her side.
"Haven, is there someone you like?" she asked suddenly, blue eyes earnest. There was something about the way he had so vehemently denied the possibility of someone wanting to start a family with him. Had he been turned down...? Had some silly girl rejected him on account of his heritage? Coli had never met Conri Church, and apparently Haven had never met Haku Soul, because neither of them had recognized each other. Still, she would believe the infamy, that others might know what she did not... "I won't tell anyone," she added childishly, her naivety still present despite it all. Her guilty mind kept straying to thoughts of Anu - perhaps if Haven had a crush of his own, he'd understand...
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Even through his drunken haze he could sense he sudden nervousness. It was different from the other nerves she had displayed though. He wondered what it was. While he was able to sense them he didn't have the capacity to think through why. If he had been sober it would have been easy for him to see, but not now. Though his ears did twitch when she said that she needed Anu. Coli had quickly corrected her statement so he was willing to overlook it. It might have just been the drinks. "She's not hard to find. Just go to Crimson Dreams and call for her, I'm sure she'd come." She was one of the leaders now beside Savina and his other mother. Though suddenly a panic shot through him. "B-but don't...don't tell her I'm here. She...I d-don't want her to know." He didn't want her to know how far he had fallen. She would be so disappointed in him.
It appeared that she had the same fears as he did about herself. It was an easy thing to worry about for people like them. People in these circumstances. While he had no idea who Haku Soul was he couldn't imagine she would ever rape or murder anyone. She seemed so sweet and delicate. Like she could break like glass if she fell over too hard. Plus she was female. She was blessed to be one of the gentler sex. He was doomed with being the same sex as his bastard father. The thought of him snapping and trying to do those horrible things to anyone made his stomach lurch. He would rather kill himself before letting that happen.
When she asked if he liked anyone, if possible, his jade eyes became even more shadowed. His fingers clenched his bottle. While he had been feeling better about what had occurred between him and Siobhan, when he had found out what his father had done he had felt lower than low about it all. "Yes..." he said sadly. He had kissed her. Kissed her without her permission and she had ran away from him. Was that the first step to doing what Conri had done to his mother? "I did something I shouldn't have. I...I k-kissed her, but I didn't ask. And she ran away." He was somehow glad she had though. What if he hadn't been able to stop himself? What if he had tried to force himself on her in other ways? He buried his face against his arm in shame.
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Call for her. She'll come.
Coli's bright eyes shone with hope, fragile and flickering. Was it really that easy? Oh, she hoped so. When would it be appropriate to come calling, she wondered, fiddling anxiously with her claws. How many days was it natural to wait, to not seem desperate? She tried to picture herself sauntering casually to the foreign borders, pretending to have arrived by happy accident, but the fantasy quickly fell apart. Even her imagination couldn't believe that. Haven's panicked voice cut through her reverie, upset by the thought of Anu kissing Coli, no doubt. "Of c-course not," she stammered, trying to reassure the drunken hybrid. "I would n-never tell. You're safe h-here... I mean, your secret," she amended, still stumbling over her words. She was not so intoxicated that she could not speak, but the curious buzzing in her mind had intensified, making it harder to hear herself think. She felt thirstier than before, too... Where had that bottle gotten to?
It was interesting to note that Coli was also jealous of Haven, for being born male. Females were the weaker sex, looked down upon by many, pushed around. Had she been bigger, stronger, she could have fended him off... Had she been a son in the first place, her father might have been more fond of her. As it was, stuck as a silly frightened girl, she envied that Haven could look after himself no matter the situation, and that he really could be a knight who protects others. She was bad luck to the people around her. She brought discord and unhappiness. She was probably just upsetting Haven by being here, her inebriated mind told her sluggishly as she lifted her bottle to her lips for another gulp.
Her orange-furred friend spoke again, his voice low with depression. There was a girl in his life after all... Was that what all of this really led to? She was the one he worried about hurting? Had she known the long history between Conri and Naniko, she too might have come to the same conclusion as Haven. That if he wanted her badly enough, he would do anything to have her... Colibri hesitated to touch Haven again, as the wolf was slumped miserably against the fetid bar. He looked like he could use a hug, but she really wasn't capable of offering that. There were many things she was not comfortable with, so she settled for hesitantly running her fingers through his mane, something a mother might do to comfort a crying child. "She ran away... after you kissed her? Is she a shy girl, Haven? I don't know... that she meant to hurt your feelings," she murmured, trying to put herself in the mysterious female's place. Well, it wasn't too hard to imagine, since the same thing had basically happened to her. Although Anu did ask permission.
"Do you... love... her?"
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[html] http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g210/ ... ntable.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> Sorry for the wait D: crazy weekend 300+
He could tell that his words had somehow put her deep in thought. He wondered what was going on behind those sorrowful blue eyes, but he didn't ask. Not long ago he might have, always curious and asking questions. But now he knew that there were some things that were best left unsaid. Thoughts and memories that were best left in the dark. Places where people didn't want others prying. If she wanted to talk about it, then she would, but he would not ask. This whole thing had been a strong lesson in privacy to the boy. Before he had barely understood the concept, but now he understood it well. Perhaps too well. After all, that was what he was clinging to now. Privacy in his self-imposed exile. "Thank you..." He couldn't stand the thought of his family knowing what had become of him.
Haven hadn't expected her to touch him, but as he felt her fingers in his snowy mane it was a comfort. It had been so long since he had felt such a gentle and reassuring touch. It made him miss his old life even more, if that were possible. The ache for it was so strong and yet he denied himself the thought of it vehemently. He wouldn't let himself return, the risk was too great. "Y-yes, I guess she is." It was strange, ever since that day he had barely given any thought to how her running away had hurt his feelings. The only thing he had been worried about were her feelings and if he had ruined their friendship. Sure, it had hurt to be rejected in that way, but that had only been at the back of his mind. "It's...not my feelings I was worried about, it's her's. I don't want to hurt her..." Siobhan had had enough pain in her life. He wanted to be the one to make it happy, not sad or scared.
"No...not yet at least. I...I think I could though." Haven had strong feelings for his coyote friend, but he knew they were not as strong as love. The youth knew that such an emotion took time to develop and grow. There was no doubt that with time he could love her, he just didn't know if she would give him the chance. Now he didn't even think he really deserved that chance.
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WC: 349
OoC: And I'm sorry I made you wait! ;_; Thinking we should wrap this one up, too...
He did not reject her hand, so she left it there, gently stroking the snowy-white hair of his mane. She did not attempt contact very often, and in some way it was just as comforting to her to be able to feel another's warmth. He seemed relieved that she had promised to keep their meeting place a secret - at least that was one thing she was good at, keeping secrets. Both her own, and other's. She was still lost in thought, trying to conceive of a way to seek out Anu, when he responded to her question. Her ears perked forward, listening to his melodic voice.
"Just because she fled doesn't mean you caused her pain," Coli explained softly. "I don't know her, so I can't say for sure, but... if she's shy like me, then she might have run off even if she liked it. It's just reflex; it's so easy to get flustered and nervous, especially when it comes to romance..." She wanted to reassure him, to make the pain leave his haunted eyes. She knew it was the drink that made her more talkative, bold enough to approach such a touchy topic - she just hoped she wouldn't say something regrettable, that worried him more.
Something about Haven's modest answer was touching - he knew the difference between infatuation and love, and did not boast of having the latter. But still, he looked hopeful, wanting the chance for their fragile relationship to grow. Coli's fingers brushed her sternum, suddenly wanting to feel the beating of her own heart, a heart her mind had promised to someone else. Was she ready for love? She always wished for it, but perhaps she should take a cue from poor Haven, and slow things down. She did not know what true love felt like; only the fluttering exhilaration of a crush, of a first kiss. "Th... that's good," she murmured, smiling helplessly. "I... hope you do. That both of you get the chance to." She wanted everyone to have that chance, to find the soul that completed their own.
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[html] http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g210/ ... ntable.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> That's ok! We had that Haven/Jac thread and pack stuff, I understand ^^ I can't fade to black :3
The way Colibri was explaining things made him feel better. The thought of having caused Siobhan any distress greatly upset him. He knew what a cruel life she had lead up to coming to live here and the last thing he wanted was to add to her bad experiences. Her mother had been cruel to her, hurt her, both emotionally and physically. She had never been shown any affection or love before coming here. He had been the first one to lick her when they were still both only pups. "Maybe that's it...I hope it is. She deserves to have someone love her and treat her right. That's all I've wanted to do..." While those months of her life that were so crucial to be cared for could never be made up, if he could show her kindness the rest of her life maybe it would help. She deserved to be happy. Even if she didn't want him in her life in that way, he would still do all he could to make her glad.
Haven managed to give the older girl a small, weak smile. "Thanks...I hope you do too. Find someone to be with that is." He wasn't holding out much hope for himself, but there was no reason that she need be pessimistic about her future. She was beautiful and kind hearted. Obviously intelligent. What else could a guy want. If someone didn't want her because of what her father had done then they were fools who didn't deserve someone like her in the first place. Colibri would find someone, she had to.
The two talked for a while longer about things but soon the need to sleep overtook them both. Haven let her sleep on the cot while he curled up on the floor.
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