[html] http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g210/ ... ntable.png); background-position: bottom center; background-repeat: no-repeat;"> Backdated to May 16. Thinking we can make this kind of quick and then have a thread with Anu telling him he's not coming back to CD?
The Aatte male had shacked himself up in the dirty dive bar again. While he had become more adventurous and actually left the place from time to time now, he always returned. It was where his belongings were and it was where he had an endless supply of his opiate. Besides, if no one had found him here yet he doubted that anyone would. Well, at least no one he knew had found him here. Besides Heath, but he knew the hybrid with a similar background wasn't going around yapping about his location. Strangers he could handle, it was his family and friends that he didn't want to find him.
Haven had drank fairly heavily that day and was currently passed out on his cot, empty bottles scattered around on the floor. As usual his sleep was haunted by nightmares. The devilish face of his father plagued his mind. The boy was running from the man but with each step he thought he took away it seemed that it somehow brought him closer to the beast. His sire's maniacal laughter filled his head. It surrounded him and there was no escape. Suddenly his path was blocked by flame and when he turned to retreat Conri was staring him right the face. No escape. No escape, no escape, no escape. He whined in his sleep and his body twitched involuntarily, imprisoned by his nightmare.
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quickies!!
Mati had always thought she was an simple, easy creature. Easy to get along with and with a simple personality that held no secrets. But it was impossible to see what others did, and at time she wasn’t. And she hadn’t realized it until she was forced into the place that held her every nightmare. Words with her sister had made her think of their brother, and his absence made the Church girl uneasy. So much so that when she could not find in him Crimson Dreams and it's surrounding she turned to the very place that held all her monsters. And for the first time in her life, she was mad at the boy.
Her tall figure held her ever bit of rage, erasing the soft easy going posture and replacing it with a side of Mati no one had ever seen. Any beast in her path would have run for cover as the tall young wolfess caught his scent and trailed it. His smell was a ghost among the stale and dead air that filled the streets, telling her that he was close and had been settled here for some time. Her form held every bit of attitude that she so suddenly possessed, and as two hand pushed the heavy door open she had to quickly hold it for it not to crack against the wall.
Standing in the dark she moved silently closer, hunting her brother with a misplaced rage. Finding him asleep she smelled the alcohol that filtered out of every pore and hung over him as if he belonged to the scent more then it did him. She didn’t understand, and in her confusion and anger the large round shaped girl shook his arm. Hoping to rattle the answers from him she spoke. Haven, get up. Her voice was weaker then she had planed, as if her heart knew the pain the he felt and exactly why he was lost among the grime of the bar.
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The fires raged around him and he felt the heat scorching his skin. The one armed man grabbed his wrist, twisting Haven's arm. He closed his eyes and tried to pull himself away from the madman's grasp but each time he pulled back flames licked at his heels. Follow me, my son, there's no use fighting it. The words echoed through his ears, seeping into his mind and wrapping around it like a deadly python. No. No, no, no, no, no. His hands balled into fists and he continued to try and yank himself from the man's hand. Suddenly he succeeded but he fell back and was engulfed by the fire.
That's when he felt the shaking and heard an all too familiar voice. No, it couldn't be her. But his jade eyes snapped open and he saw his brown sister kneeling there before him. A frightened look entered his gaze. No, no how did she find him? He didn't want her to see him this way. He didn't want her to know. That knowledge had ruined him, put him where he was. The color seemed to drain from his face. "M-Mati..." he said in a hushed voice. He didn't know what to say or do, he was frozen with shame and fear.
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Violet eyes looked down to him, watching the internal battle rage as he fought something that his mind had created for him. Mati could clearly see the anguish in his body, even his closed eyes showed her. She didn't understand, couldn't think of what would bring him to this low he had so obviously hit. Her head rose as she roused him from the unsettling sleep, giving him room to breathe. Blinking he looked to her, speaking her name with more fear that she had ever seen expressed by her brother. It made her feel uneasy, and it only grew and grew in her stomach.
There was something sharp and unpleasant on his breath, matching the scent that filled the bar. Her anger was quieted as she looked at him, her voice softer and far more concerned. Haven... Saying his name, it was like she was asking every question that filled her mind. She paused, purple eyes looking into the dull green orbs she questioned him, Whats going on? She asked, placing hand softly on his arm.
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As he looked at his dear sister every feeling of guilt at leaving his family behind without a word rose up in his chest. He had only done it to try and protect them but still it hadn't been right. He knew how worried they must have been about him, especially Mati. He had been trying to spare them any pain but maybe he had only made things worse. Tears welled up unbidden in his eyes. As she placed her hand on his arm the hot tears ran freely down his face. "Mati...I'm so sorry..." I never meant to hurt you. Once again he had failed at being her protector. Once again he had let her down.
"It's our father...it's so much worse than I thought..." The fear of becoming his sire had crippled him. He was terrified of resembling the man in more than just looks. Haven didn't know if he could bring himself to say anymore. He didn't want what had happened to him to happen to her. All he wanted was for her to be safe and happy and if he told her the truth then it could ruin her world just as it had his. "He did horrible things Mati, horrible. You saw...you saw how I look like him...what if I could do those things too." He could feel his hands shaking and his pulse increase.
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The girl didn't know what to do. Her brother, the one soul she had been closest to, was a shell of the wolf he had been. It seemed like just days ago that he spoke of the little girl he loved, liked, she corrected herself. But it hadn't just been days, that was the very reason she was here, stalking him. The large girl looked down at him, confused and scared. His fragility was frightening, he was always the stronger of the two. Now he was nothing as she remembered, and she almost couldn't wait for him to explain. His apology, Mati didn't quite understand. Its ok. Haven you haven't done anything. It was the truth, aside from his absence and his obvious problem with this bar she could find no faults. She would never find any, not in Haven. Not in her protector.
It was all too much for her take in so suddenly, his tears were eye widening. And Mati needed to take a few moments to process what was happening. She sat beside him on the cot, unsure of what to say or what to do. The silence was deafening, but Mati let it engulf them before finding the words she wanted. Her tongue returned to her as she held his arm. Her hand moved to his shoulder and her voice broke the lock on her throat. I don't know what you mean. Horrible things? The question wasn't one she wanted answered, and it was odd that she didn't even find it surprising. She had always known he was someone to avoid, and that he had done horrid things. Before he could speak Mati continued. You can't do those things. You never would. She spoke the words as if there was nothing more true in the world.
It doesn't matter what you look like... Her voice trailed, and her own tears swelled in her eyes. Still they were spoken with conviction. No one would say that he brother was anything like the male who sired then, what ever he might be. Murder, rapist, insane, a monster. Haven was nothing like the beast that he looked like. Your still you. The truest statement of all, because if he hoped to be anything righteous, anything noble and brave he need only look in a mirror. Though in a moment of faithlessness he might not be able to look past the ragged fur and sullen eyes, he was still every bit of good he had grown to become. It was hard to comprehend, and she didn't know what he was going through. But Mati was sure and understanding. For her it was easy to look past the details and find the center of it all, find the heart and revive it to a new life.
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He could see her confusion and fear clear as day in her lavender orbs. He wasn't the brother she had known, not anymore. He had been broken and he hated for her to see him this way. Haven had always wanted to be strong for her. Now he couldn't even be strong for himself. Her saying that he didn't need to be sorry almost made things worse. He did need to be sorry. "It's not okay. I s-shouldn't have done that to you all...I shouldn't have just disappeared..." It was then that a startling revelation hit him. He needed to leave Crimson Dreams. The boy didn't want to, but he had to. He was a mess and he needed to figure things out. He wasn't the boy that they remembered anymore.
Though he didn't say that to her. Not yet. That would come later. His heart was breaking, knowing what he had to do. Staying in his beloved home was no longer an option for him. The Aatte male shook his head, looking away from her. "You don't want to know Mati. I wish I didn't..." Maybe living in ignorance was wrong, but he was happier before he had known. While his mother's no longer being mates had been a rough blow, it had been something he could get over. It was the knowledge of what their sire had done that had made everything come tumbling down about him. "How do I know though? I can make all the good choices in the world, but what if it's in my blood? One if I could just snap one day and hurt someone? I couldn't live with that..." If he had known that his father had been a perfectly normal wolf before he had attacked his mother those fears would have been even further cemented into his mind.
At seeing her own eyes fill with tears he pressed his hands to his face. "Mati...I don't want to live like this!" he said sobbing. "I just wish I knew! I can't risk hurting your or our moms or Brooklyn. I can't!" Yet being separated from them had been suffocating his heart. He was staying away to protect them but it had been hurting himself the whole time. Though he would always put their safety before his own. He couldn't live any other way.
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Mati looked away, blinking gently and letting the tears fall. They wet the fur around her eyes, but did not pour the way they did from Haven. Maybe it was because she didn’t understand fully, though she was capable of moving past that, but Mati could fight the rolling emotions that threatened to take over. The girl moved closer, hugging her brother’s should in hopes of comforting him. She hated to see him so upset, so broken. Something had so obviously settled in his heart and had broken it. His confusion was overwhelming, but it was nothing like the self-doubt that he expressed.
Keeping quiet as he spoke she let him fall into her. She knew there was nothing else that she could say, nothing that would make him right again. The girl didn’t even know what he was so scared of becoming, but he wasn’t one for false fear. He had told her that the fictional monsters hadn’t existed, she knew that he wasn’t becoming anything but a monster true and real. You wont Haven. It was all she could whisper, her voice feeling defeated by his grief. It was hard to stay strong when he couldn’t show her how.
Mati didn’t know what to do for him, but extended out the only help she could offer. Maybe it would be easier, to share the truth and the burden. Tell me. You don’t have to be the only one who carries this. Your not the only one who has him in them.
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He let his sister put her arms around him and he instinctively returned the gesture. He had missed her so much. Even though he had only done it keep her safe being without her was awful. They had always been there for one another. All he had ever wanted to be was her shining knight, the one to drive away the monsters and the nightmares. Now he was consumed by the very things he had tried to protect her from. You won't Haven. Those words had come from others, but he was more able to believe them coming from her lips. She was his sister, his best friend. If anyone knew him, it was Mati. Still...she didn't know what he knew.
When she asked for him to tell her he hesitated. Look what that knowledge had done to him. He didn't want the same fate to befall her. Even if he couldn't go on living his life didn't mean she couldn't. Ignorance had been bliss. But at the same time, didn't she have a right to know? That blood flowed in her veins as much as his'. Would telling her better prepare her against things? Haven didn't know the best road to take, but she was holding out a hand for him to grasp and he needed that desperately. "He raped her...he raped mom..." It was out now, there was no taking it back.
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Mati knew one thing. He can only be so much. It was impossible to be everything that everyone needed form him. Haven would always be her brother. But by being that for her she was asking so much. She needed a protector, she needed a best friend, and she needed the one who always understood. She needed her rock and her stability when the world was threatening to crumble. Haven would always be her brother, but he couldn’t always act like it. And as hard as it was to live without it, Mati could understand and wanted to help.
Patiently the girl waited, preparing herself for what he was to tell her. The possibilities ran through her mind, but what he said had been missed. It had never been an option, because Mati had never let her thoughts venture to such a thing. The girl took in the truth with each short sharp breath her body inhaled. She felt the tightness of her chest, and fought it. Calm she spoke to her mind that threatened to spin out of control, sending her body into a full panic attack. No, she wouldn't allow that.
She was strong enough to look at him, not allowing the truth to sink too deep. She didn’t allow it to settle in her heart and grow into something that would blossom as Haven had. No, Mati would let it rest on the surface and use it to understand why Haven hated himself. The tears were flowing easily now, and she hugged him closer. You would never Haven. The truth expressed in a whisper, knowing now what he feared. In her mind she pledged that she wouldn’t let it happen, she would be there for him and keep such evil from entering his heart. If she could stop it, she would.
It was impossible to think about the pain that their mother felt, and how the truth changed everything. All Mati could do was think of her brother, and wanted to make him right again. We can figure this out, all of us. A secret plea to come home Mati wanted him to be open with their mothers, let them know his fear and help to calm it. He couldn’t do it alone, and the girl didn’t know of anyone better then his family to help him.
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He was amazed at how well she took the news. He sensed some panic in her for a moment, but it was nothing compared to what had happened to him. The world had started to spin around him and he couldn't focus on anything. Hell, he had actually gotten physically sick. How could she take it so calmly? Was it because she was a girl? Because she looked nothing like their father? Or was it because she had his broken being clinging to her like a life raft? Admittedly he was glad that she had handled it all better than he had. He just wished he knew what the difference was. The boy knew better than to ask though. That wouldn't help either of them any. At her words he only held her tighter. Haven hoped she was right. With every fiber of his being he hoped that were true. He would never do it willingly or in his right mind, that was certain. He just hoped he would never fully slip out of his right mind.
The image of their snowy mother flashed before his eyes and he had to concentrate on keeping his stomach from lurching. Even though some part of him knew that she loved him, he knew how hard it must be for her to look at him. Her son that resembled her attacker almost to a T. That was one of the reasons he knew he couldn't go back. He didn't want to cause her anymore unnecessary pain. "I can't go back Mati..." The words came out as a whisper, and even that took all the effort he could muster. She wouldn't understand, he knew she wouldn't, how could she? Even he didn't understand fully. "It's not that I don't need your help, I do...I just...can't..." His life was a royal mess and he needed to sort that out. He couldn't do it on his own, no, but he couldn't do it in Crimson Dreams either.
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She just wouldn’t let it take over her. She would't think about it. She would ignore it. Later it would sink in, and change her forever, but now she needed to be who she was, for Haven. She needed to be the soft girl that could hold him and emotionally be there for her brother. She had to be understanding and caring. When the truth set it, falling deeply into her mind and heart, she wouldn’t be that way for some time. But now she could be his rock, his stable place while his world crumbled.
Her ear turned to take his words in, separating them from the sobs and harsh breaths. Soft and almost inaudible Mati had to turn them over in her mind many times in order to understand what he meant. Still she didn’t. What was he talking about? In her mind he said that he wasn’t coming home, ever... The taller girl moved away from her brother, and looked at his face. It was matted from tears and broken by the weight of his own realization. I can’t help you in you don’t come home. Her words wearing a strength that hadn’t been present between them since she found him here.
He would leave her? Leave her as if he didn’t help her as much as she wanted to help him. Mati couldn’t comprehend why he wanted to leave, there would be nothing more painful. No memory that he might stir in their mother would be a harmful as knowing that he was gone, and never coming back. Mati already felt abandoned, and he was still sitting beside her. How would it feel knowing that he wouldn’t be part of their pack, of their family? You would leave me? It was a selfish thing to say, but Mati couldn’t manage all the emotions she felt, plus the ones that she fought to hide and fought to ignore. Unable to look him in the eye, Mati let her vision flood with tears. It was an easier picture to look at.
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The wait after he had spoken was almost excruciating. He had no idea how she was going to react, but he doubted it would be good. She would have every reason to be upset, to not understand. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to hurt her. But there was no escaping it. This was the only way. He didn't know why, he just knew that it was. As she pulled away from him he almost whined, but was able to contain it. Immediately he missed her warmth and the comfort of her embrace. Her words hit him in the stomach like a mallet and he winced. "Mati..." What could he say? What could he possibly say? He didn't want to push her away, he needed her, but what could he do?
The thing was that he didn't want to leave. It was one of the last things he would ever or could ever want. But the boy knew that he had to. He was less than half of what he used to be and while he needed help, it was something he needed to do away from Crimson Dreams. He had to rebuild himself and for whatever reason he knew that that couldn't really be accomplished at home. He might end up leaning too much on his family, using them as a crutch. He wouldn't do that to them. That wouldn't help anyone. "I'm not...leaving you..." He was, but only in one sense. Just because he wasn't going home didn't mean he was leaving never to return. He would stay here, just not live there. "I'm not going away...I'll still be in these lands...I still want to see you..." Hesitantly one hand reached out for her weeping form. Haven wanted her to understand.
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Suddenly she couldn’t listen, and in an instant she was becoming selfish. And she was completely aware of the transformation. Mati tried to stop the crying, and she looked at him strongly knowing that he could say nothing that would curb her feelings. If he wasn’t leaving her, then why did it feel like he was already miles away? Mati couldn’t hate him for his decision, and tried repeatedly to understand. But each time she came up short.
Trying to compose herself Mati only managed to shake her head. The words would not come to her throat, and if she could find what she wanted to say they would have been nothing more then a jumbled mess of vowels. All she could manage to do was look into the green eyes he held, searching for a way to make him stay. She was met with the same unhappiness. The same sense of helplessness and insecurity. She nodded then, and touched the hand he extended. It was a soft brush of her fingers, instead of the tight cling that had previously held him, letting him go. Ok, Haven. Her voice was soft, almost lost in the empty room.
The girl rose, and without a second glance she left. She couldn’t face the idea, couldn’t face any of the truths that were right in front of her nose. No, she needed to get away. She needed to find a place to think, and let the emotion take over with no one watching. If he was going then she wouldn’t stop him, but she also couldn’t help. He would have to tell their mothers himself because she wasn’t going home either, not tonight anyways.
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It hurt. It hurt so much seeing her like this. Knowing that he had made her feel this way. He never wanted to be the source of her pain. Never. But he couldn't help this. Somehow he knew this was for the best. But if it was, why did it hurt so much? Why did it have to hurt her so much? The silence was almost worse than her cold, hard words. His sense of self loathing had once again descended heavily over him. He had made his sister cry. He had hurt her, he had exposed the awful truth of their father to her. He was supposed to protect her, not do these sorts of things. What the hell had he become?
For a split second, hope entered him. Hope that she understood and everything was going to be alright. But soon that left him like a shadow as she stood up and left the bar without another word. His face turned downward even further. What had he done? Where was she going? Unsteadily he got to his feet and went to follow her. "Mati?" he called out, his voice a whine. He burst through the door, but as soon as he had he stumbled and fell flat on his face. The pain of his fall was completely forgotten in his panic. "Mati!" Jade eyes looked around, worried. She was already gone.
Defeated he got back to his feet and went back inside the bar. The crippling self loathing quickly turned to anger and hatred towards himself. A fire flared in his eyes and with a roar he slammed his fist into the brick wall. Limply his fist pulled away, knuckles broken and bloody. What a bastard he was.
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